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41yo, no debt (mortgage paid off), decent savings, investments, good job, but i'm nowhere near fu money or retirement. family came during my mid-30's which has

41yo, no debt (mortgage paid off), decent savings, investments, good job, but i'm nowhere near fu money or retirement. family came during my mid-30's which has been a high point for certain, but i think from a health perspective, body's not like it used to be, gained a lot of weight, recovery from working out is taking longer, stamina is deteriorating, libido is weakening, deaths in family are becoming more commonplace. overall i think each decade has had good and bad moments, i dont necessarily think collectively any decade has been better or worse than any other, just different types of good (and bad) and different experiences. having a family has been a blessing for sure so perhaps that's one of the reasons why the results are such. one thing i do think about, more often than i'd like, is when i get to a certain age where health has declined significantly, teeth have all fallen out, cartilage in all joints have worn out or thinned to the point where it hurts to walk, taste buds have recessed, risk of a heart attack or stroke increases, aside from having grandkids, quality of life has gone down the drain, i wonder if it's still worth it, somewhat morbis, and probably wont know until you get there. i think the point is to enjoy the ride to eternity, every decade is a blessing so take the good with the bad

52-6F-62 7y ago
I’m not sure this aligns exactly with what you’re saying but it reminded me of a bit of wisdom I received from someone a fair bit older than myself who seemed quite relaxed, happy, had just bought a house in my small hometown to turn into a B&B—generally pleased with life and a pleasure to talk to. Me, being quite younger than I am now, and seeing most accomplishments in life as being quite uphill from where I was, asked: “Does it ever get any easier?” She said, “No, but it gets a lot better”
- JohnFen 7y ago
  I love her response, and I'll have to remember it for when people ask me the same sort of question. My experience is very much like hers.
  - benj111 7y ago
    You've just called into question the wisdom you're perceived to get from old age. Is it wisdom, or remembering pithy quotes? Is there a difference? I wonder if its a strapline from some advertising or something.
    - JohnFen 7y ago
      I don't see a problem with remembering particularly eloquent ways of expressing a thought I'd be expressing anyway.
      - benj111 7y ago
        Not saying its a problem. Just you mentioning remembering some one elses quote, they may have done the same from some where else. I went from thinking 'thats a realy wise lady' to 'I wonder if she borrowed that quote from somewhere'. Not insinuating anything negative, just you prompted me to view something in a different light.
    - 52-6F-62 7y ago
      I think your cynicism might be turned up a bit high. I was relating a paraphrased version of a rather sincere conversation I was having with the woman over drinks while visiting my port hometown one summer. I suppose my editing is for naught if it resulted in a tangled questioning of authenticity! ;P
      - benj111 7y ago
        Not cynicism. It was just my parents comment changed how I viewed the situation in your comment. I'm not saying the lady was disingenuous, she passed on wisdom that you got something from. That's good. I just realised it might not have been original, that's all. So I got something from this story too, which is also good :)
- CuriouslyC 7y ago
  It can get easier, if you learn to view challenges as an opportunity for growth rather than a burden.
  - JohnFen 7y ago
    I think that counts as "better", not "easier". Challenges, by definition, are not easy. I also think that challenges, and therefore difficulty, is an essential ingredient in being happy.
    - mikhailfranco 7y ago
      Lemond also said: "I have always struggled to achieve excellence. One thing that cycling has taught me is that if you can achieve something without a struggle, it's not going to be satisfying." https://www.azquotes.com/author/8602-Greg_LeMond https://www.azquotes.com/author/8602-Greg_LeMond
- mikhailfranco 7y ago
  Also quote from US pro cyclist Greg Lemond: "It never gets easier, you just go faster." https://www.commacomma.co.uk/it-never-gets-easier-you-just-go-faster/ https://www.commacomma.co.uk/it-never-gets-easier-you-just-g...
caprese 7y ago
This study is assuming that your children would have a greater degree of autonomy by the time you are in your 40s ....because you would have had them 10-15 years sooner. Just an observation of the study
isoprophlex 7y ago
> body's not like it used to be I'm 32 and my body is already sore all the time. already i miss my body at 21. not my mind, I'm a lot more mentally stable now. but body deteriorating is a big stressor to me...
- jackcosgrove 7y ago
  Do you work out regularly? Even if it does nothing for your physique it can make you feel better.
  - isoprophlex 7y ago
    not really, but then again it's also not hopeless. 15 minutes bike ride twice daily on weekdays, i run 4 km once weekly. my bmi is low but so is my stamina, i could definitely work out more. i suspect its mostly stress, strain from typing and cell phone use and lifting up my 2 year old all the time
- antisthenes 7y ago
  Same here. I'm in the best shape of my life at 31 (3.5 years of consistent gym routines), but there are still things I can't do that I could at 16-17 with almost no exercise (like running up a long escalator or 14 floors to my flat with no breaks) Aside from VO2, my vision is also notably worse and some of my teeth are now more filling than original tooth. And the joint flexibility from sedentary education and jobs is gone (yoga is downright painful for me) Youth is a hell of a drug and I get why people say it's wasted on the young. No regrets here, but getting older sucks.
  - isoprophlex 7y ago
    > Youth is a hell of a drug and I get why people say it's wasted on the young. I'm glad 32 year old me never talked to 21 year old me. I'd have convinced me to do even more stupid shit while I was still a youth.
    - DougN7 7y ago
cageface 7y ago
Consider switching to a plant based diet. One of the best decisions I ever made. Feels like I'm 10 years younger.
- devocracy 7y ago
  Not sure why you're being downvoted, the switch has done wonders for my cardio

52-6F-62 7y ago

I’m not sure this aligns exactly with what you’re saying but it reminded me of a bit of wisdom I received from someone a fair bit older than myself who seemed quite relaxed, happy, had just bought a house in my small hometown to turn into a B&B—generally pleased with life and a pleasure to talk to. Me, being quite younger than I am now, and seeing most accomplishments in life as being quite uphill from where I was, asked: “Does it ever get any easier?” She said, “No, but it gets a lot better”

JohnFen 7y ago
I love her response, and I'll have to remember it for when people ask me the same sort of question. My experience is very much like hers.
- benj111 7y ago
  You've just called into question the wisdom you're perceived to get from old age. Is it wisdom, or remembering pithy quotes? Is there a difference? I wonder if its a strapline from some advertising or something.
  - JohnFen 7y ago
    I don't see a problem with remembering particularly eloquent ways of expressing a thought I'd be expressing anyway.
    - benj111 7y ago
      Not saying its a problem. Just you mentioning remembering some one elses quote, they may have done the same from some where else. I went from thinking 'thats a realy wise lady' to 'I wonder if she borrowed that quote from somewhere'. Not insinuating anything negative, just you prompted me to view something in a different light.
  - 52-6F-62 7y ago
    I think your cynicism might be turned up a bit high. I was relating a paraphrased version of a rather sincere conversation I was having with the woman over drinks while visiting my port hometown one summer. I suppose my editing is for naught if it resulted in a tangled questioning of authenticity! ;P
    - benj111 7y ago
      Not cynicism. It was just my parents comment changed how I viewed the situation in your comment. I'm not saying the lady was disingenuous, she passed on wisdom that you got something from. That's good. I just realised it might not have been original, that's all. So I got something from this story too, which is also good :)
CuriouslyC 7y ago
It can get easier, if you learn to view challenges as an opportunity for growth rather than a burden.
- JohnFen 7y ago
  I think that counts as "better", not "easier". Challenges, by definition, are not easy. I also think that challenges, and therefore difficulty, is an essential ingredient in being happy.
  - mikhailfranco 7y ago
    Lemond also said: "I have always struggled to achieve excellence. One thing that cycling has taught me is that if you can achieve something without a struggle, it's not going to be satisfying." https://www.azquotes.com/author/8602-Greg_LeMond https://www.azquotes.com/author/8602-Greg_LeMond
mikhailfranco 7y ago
Also quote from US pro cyclist Greg Lemond: "It never gets easier, you just go faster." https://www.commacomma.co.uk/it-never-gets-easier-you-just-go-faster/ https://www.commacomma.co.uk/it-never-gets-easier-you-just-g...

caprese 7y ago

This study is assuming that your children would have a greater degree of autonomy by the time you are in your 40s ....because you would have had them 10-15 years sooner. Just an observation of the study

isoprophlex 7y ago

> body's not like it used to be I'm 32 and my body is already sore all the time. already i miss my body at 21. not my mind, I'm a lot more mentally stable now. but body deteriorating is a big stressor to me...

jackcosgrove 7y ago
Do you work out regularly? Even if it does nothing for your physique it can make you feel better.
- isoprophlex 7y ago
  not really, but then again it's also not hopeless. 15 minutes bike ride twice daily on weekdays, i run 4 km once weekly. my bmi is low but so is my stamina, i could definitely work out more. i suspect its mostly stress, strain from typing and cell phone use and lifting up my 2 year old all the time
antisthenes 7y ago
Same here. I'm in the best shape of my life at 31 (3.5 years of consistent gym routines), but there are still things I can't do that I could at 16-17 with almost no exercise (like running up a long escalator or 14 floors to my flat with no breaks) Aside from VO2, my vision is also notably worse and some of my teeth are now more filling than original tooth. And the joint flexibility from sedentary education and jobs is gone (yoga is downright painful for me) Youth is a hell of a drug and I get why people say it's wasted on the young. No regrets here, but getting older sucks.
- isoprophlex 7y ago
  > Youth is a hell of a drug and I get why people say it's wasted on the young. I'm glad 32 year old me never talked to 21 year old me. I'd have convinced me to do even more stupid shit while I was still a youth.
  - DougN7 7y ago

cageface 7y ago

Consider switching to a plant based diet. One of the best decisions I ever made. Feels like I'm 10 years younger.

devocracy 7y ago
Not sure why you're being downvoted, the switch has done wonders for my cardio