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Many things make some people uncomfortable: touching, making eye contact, being spoken to by strangers, being spoken to in a raised voice, being in the presence
by Veen 8y ago
Many things make some people uncomfortable: touching, making eye contact, being spoken to by strangers, being spoken to in a raised voice, being in the presence of a person dressed in a way that might be considered sexually provacative, or of a member of the opposite sex, or of someone who signals particular religious or political affiliations, and so on.
Which of these are we to gain consent for in advance? No one is hurt by a casual touch to the hand or arm, any more than they are hurt by direct eye contact. But it can make some people just as uncomfortable.
- maxerickson 8y agoI like how you go on and on as if I hadn't written two paragraphs to begin with. I point out the costs of not touching being minimal exactly because I anticipated a tiresome argument whinging about all the other things we won't be able to do anymore.
- Veen 8y agoThe costs of avoiding direct eye contact are minimal. The cost of not wearing a crucifix are minimal. There are social benefits to touching, and most people are fine with casual touching. You have failed to demonstrate why touch is a special case. You can refer to my argument as whinging or tiresome if you like, but it that doesn't change its validity.
- frolig 8y agoI will testify that the cost of never leaving the house is exceedingly high.
- lmorchard 8y ago> most people are fine with casual touching That's a nice assumption. Are you sure about that? Have you asked most people? You might find that there are a lot of people who don't actually like it, but who find the consequences of making a fuss about it even worse.
- Veen 8y agoYou’re speculating that most people may dislike being touched, but be unable or unwilling to express their dislike? It’s certainly possible, but they would be indistinguishable from people who are fine with being touched, so there’s not much that can be done in that circumstance.
- lmorchard 8y agoWhat can be done in the circumstance is this: keep your hands to yourself unless you know for sure. It's not difficult.
- Veen 8y agoDifficulty has nothing to do with it. Your approach assumes that touching is somehow unusual and invasive, is not part of normal human interaction, and should always require upfront consent. I see no reason to assume that a pat on the arm or a light hug should be categorized in that way. If you don’t like being touched, then fine, that’s up to you. But you don’t get to dictate social norms for everyone else.
- lmorchard 8y agoIf you don't know a person, you don't know whether or not they find touch invasive. Don't touch them. You don't get to dictate boundaries for everyone else.
- Veen 8y agoYou appear to be making some unjustified assumptions. Namely that I’m defending my habit of touching strangers. In fact, I don’t touch people in social situations because I have a tendency to shyness. I do, however, find hugs and casual physical contact from other people pleasing and comforting. It’s a perfectly normal form of interaction. It would lessen the enjoyment I take in spontaneous social interactions, including physical contact, if it were codified and tabooed in the way you seem to prefer. Thankfully, the people I have asked about this in person seem to agree with me.
- manicdee 8y agoThere are benefits to touching in social environments, agreed. The workplace is not a social environment. It brings together people who otherwise would never have shared the same space, so you need to be super cautious about establishing new relationships.
- Veen 8y agoThe original article isn’t limited to the workplace. And any environment in which humans come together is by definition a social environment.
- manicdee 8y agoThen the broader rules apply: watch for cues that your chosen form of interpersonal interaction is not welcomed. The key is to look for cues, rather than blindly assuming everyone likes drunk men bear hugging them because you as a drunk man like bear hugging everyone.