3 ms·

I only have to congratulate you for having "close friends" who "jump in". That is a great part of my keeping my mood stable lately (I have also a couple of frie

I only have to congratulate you for having "close friends" who "jump in". That is a great part of my keeping my mood stable lately (I have also a couple of friends who are not afraid to "jump in" and help me out). Hope you keep them and keep safe!

amelius 8y ago
Speaking about friends, a great way to improve mood is to simply spend time with them. Sitting alone behind a computer screen every night and weekend is asking for problems.
- readingnews 8y ago
  It is quite difficult to "make friends". Real friends, who will "jump in", and not just mock you when you say one emotional thing like "I am sad". It is nearly impossible to make friends when you are starting to get older (like 40+)... I can not imagine what it is like if you are depressed and have no friends. How do those people get help?
  - n0tme 8y ago
    We go to bars and drink with strangers.
hazz99 8y ago
As someone who wants to be there for my friends, what does this mean? What does "jumping in" entail? I assume it means continuing to be social, helping out, and encouraging the person in question to "get out of their bubble", so to speak. I haven't had personal experience with the harsher side of depression, so I'm not sure what is effective (on my part).
- AlexTWithBeard 8y ago
  social, helping out, and encouraging the person in question to "get out of their bubble" Interestingly, it's often exactly the opposite that's needed: just be there and listen.
  - wiz21c 8y ago
    I second this. What I expect from someone to help is : just listen and show compassion. Compassion in its literal sense means : "suffer with". I don't ask people to suffer, but just to be with me inside my suffering, ie, recognize that I suffer, recognize that this suffering is true, and that staying in that suffering for a while is ok. By not acting, one comfort the other in its own view of the world, make him at peace with it. Once that bond has been made, then one can start to work on improving things. All of this requires time and a lot of energy.
- pfortuny 8y ago
  Make sure to be there, available and listening. Not judge -ever. Stay ready. Make them know that you are available.
- zolthrowaway 8y ago
  Please don't do that. Very often depressed people are incredibly aware that they aren't being social and they're stuck in a rut. Just be a friend. Just based off wanting to help, you already seem like a good one. Check in on them from time to time. Just a simple text occasionally can mean a lot. Ask them how they are. Be prepared to not get non-answers. Be prepared to be walled out sometimes. If they ever want to talk, be there to listen. That will help a ton. Just be there for them. Depression is a real bitch. It manifests itself differently in everyone. Perhaps coaxing someone to see a therapist, go out or whatever would actually help them. But that's not going to be true for everyone and the coaxing may do more damage than good if it's unprompted. If they express interest in anything (e:g; going to a movie, seeing a therapist, going to the gym), that can be a good time to give them a small nudge. I hope your friends find some light in their tunnels.
- smaddox 8y ago
  I've learned a tremendous amount about how to be a better friend by reading "Daring Greatly", "The Science of Trust", and "12 Rules for Life", as well as from how my friends and family have helped me when I'm down. Verbally expressing your love and support for your friend, and helping them see the positive aspects of their self, their situation, and the world around them can go a long way. If you can get them to talk about their views, and help them see when they're stuck in unproductive negative self-talk, that can be truly eye opening. Help them love themselves. Encourage them to come on a walk or run or other exercise with you; don't force them or over pressure them, but say that you promise they'll feel better.
GuB-42 8y ago
But what can "close friends" do? Real question. My understanding is that real clinical depression is not the kind of "feeling down" we all experience at some point or another. That's not something you fix by just having a drink, talk a bit, or go to a party. It is more like the absence of feelings. Depressive people are more likely to take the least resistance path to everything you try to do. Want them to go out, they will follow you. Want them to talk, they will answer your questions. Leave them alone, they will stay where they are. In fact I know someone with severe depression who didn't even have physical feelings (like hunger, pain, cold, sleepiness, etc...).

amelius 8y ago

Speaking about friends, a great way to improve mood is to simply spend time with them. Sitting alone behind a computer screen every night and weekend is asking for problems.

readingnews 8y ago
It is quite difficult to "make friends". Real friends, who will "jump in", and not just mock you when you say one emotional thing like "I am sad". It is nearly impossible to make friends when you are starting to get older (like 40+)... I can not imagine what it is like if you are depressed and have no friends. How do those people get help?
- n0tme 8y ago
  We go to bars and drink with strangers.

hazz99 8y ago

As someone who wants to be there for my friends, what does this mean? What does "jumping in" entail? I assume it means continuing to be social, helping out, and encouraging the person in question to "get out of their bubble", so to speak. I haven't had personal experience with the harsher side of depression, so I'm not sure what is effective (on my part).

AlexTWithBeard 8y ago
social, helping out, and encouraging the person in question to "get out of their bubble" Interestingly, it's often exactly the opposite that's needed: just be there and listen.
- wiz21c 8y ago
  I second this. What I expect from someone to help is : just listen and show compassion. Compassion in its literal sense means : "suffer with". I don't ask people to suffer, but just to be with me inside my suffering, ie, recognize that I suffer, recognize that this suffering is true, and that staying in that suffering for a while is ok. By not acting, one comfort the other in its own view of the world, make him at peace with it. Once that bond has been made, then one can start to work on improving things. All of this requires time and a lot of energy.
pfortuny 8y ago
Make sure to be there, available and listening. Not judge -ever. Stay ready. Make them know that you are available.
zolthrowaway 8y ago
Please don't do that. Very often depressed people are incredibly aware that they aren't being social and they're stuck in a rut. Just be a friend. Just based off wanting to help, you already seem like a good one. Check in on them from time to time. Just a simple text occasionally can mean a lot. Ask them how they are. Be prepared to not get non-answers. Be prepared to be walled out sometimes. If they ever want to talk, be there to listen. That will help a ton. Just be there for them. Depression is a real bitch. It manifests itself differently in everyone. Perhaps coaxing someone to see a therapist, go out or whatever would actually help them. But that's not going to be true for everyone and the coaxing may do more damage than good if it's unprompted. If they express interest in anything (e:g; going to a movie, seeing a therapist, going to the gym), that can be a good time to give them a small nudge. I hope your friends find some light in their tunnels.
smaddox 8y ago
I've learned a tremendous amount about how to be a better friend by reading "Daring Greatly", "The Science of Trust", and "12 Rules for Life", as well as from how my friends and family have helped me when I'm down. Verbally expressing your love and support for your friend, and helping them see the positive aspects of their self, their situation, and the world around them can go a long way. If you can get them to talk about their views, and help them see when they're stuck in unproductive negative self-talk, that can be truly eye opening. Help them love themselves. Encourage them to come on a walk or run or other exercise with you; don't force them or over pressure them, but say that you promise they'll feel better.

GuB-42 8y ago

But what can "close friends" do? Real question. My understanding is that real clinical depression is not the kind of "feeling down" we all experience at some point or another. That's not something you fix by just having a drink, talk a bit, or go to a party. It is more like the absence of feelings. Depressive people are more likely to take the least resistance path to everything you try to do. Want them to go out, they will follow you. Want them to talk, they will answer your questions. Leave them alone, they will stay where they are. In fact I know someone with severe depression who didn't even have physical feelings (like hunger, pain, cold, sleepiness, etc...).