4 ms·

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. Every t

by hasenj 16y ago

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. Every time I did that things got messed up and I ended up worse than I was before. If you're outside your comfort zone, you will act in non-authentic ways, and when you're not being authentic, you can't be the best possible you. Examples of stepping outside comfort zone: * Wear a suite and act professional for a job interview * Say hi to random strangers so you can make friends (even though you're introverted and doing this makes you look like a fool) * Go to social events where you don't know anyone there. EDIT: thanks for the down votes. Now let me explain why this is bad advice: - Act not like yourself for a job interview: This is bad because instead of showing them your strong points, you'll be busy trying to hide your weak points and seem like a "good, obedient" employee. Eventually you fail at both: your bad points will still show, while your good points won't get a chance. - Begging friendship from random strangers: Makes you look like a fool, insecure person that nobody wants to be friends with. EDIT2: I'm not talking about little steps. Venturing into new areas is fun. Throwing yourself into the middle of an extremely uncomfortable situation is completely different. One of the reasons I found "step outside your comfort zone" to be bad advice is that they never tell you how far to go and when you should stop. It seems consequential that you never know when you have gone too far, because you're outside the zone where you can use your intuition sensibly. If you were able to tell that you've gone too far, then by definition you're still inside your comfort zone. If something only makes you a little bit uncomfortable, it will feel like it's still inside your comfort zone, and if you're trying to follow the "step outside your comfort zone" advice, you'll be tempted to go even further.

brendoncrawford 16y ago
As a musician doing non-mainstream music, I hear this a lot too. People will say something like, "just write somethin catchy and mainstream and you will make a million dollars!". What they don't understand is that you cannot force yourself to create something that is not in your head, no matter how "simple" it seems.
rbranson 16y ago
It seems like you didn't quite apply the idea of "step outside of your comfort zone" correctly. It's about little steps, and repeated trying of things until you get it right. It means stop being so worried about what other people think and start being the person you want to be, not someone who's fearful of trying and doing new things. How do you think you learned most of your social behavior up to this point?
zdw 16y ago
Just to add to this, it's good to do things outside of your comfort zone in low pressure/stress situations where the consequences of failure are minor. It's not a good idea to pick up skydiving when you're in a burning plane and it's the only option.
- thwarted 16y ago
  Is it better to pick up being a firefighter when you're in a burning plane and skydiving is the only option?
- il 16y ago
  What I learned is that, if you're an educated individual living in a first world country, the consequences of failure are _almost always_ minor. Act accordingly.
- drdo 16y ago
  "It's not a good idea to pick up skydiving when you're in a burning plane and it's the only option." Well, if it's the only option apart from dying in a plane crash, I'd argue it's a very good idea.
ericb 16y ago
As an opposing viewpoint, every major advance in my life has come from stepping outside of my comfort zone and tackling something in which I had no idea what I was doing. -public speaking -asking women out -learning to dance -socializing/making friends -lifting weights -starting a business -doing sales work -learning to program edit: The vast majority of these made me very uncomfortable and awkard, not "a little".
- ses 16y ago
  I couldn't agree more with the sentiment that - often - stepping outside your comfort zone can lead to good things. However there has to be some reason you want to do it, despite it making you uncomfortable. Otherwise the fact that you're not being yourself will overshadow whatever it is you're trying to achieve. I made myself go back to university when my first experience was not successful, I'm now on track for a great degree. I am in the process of chasing a few business opportunities, and I'm putting myself in the position of a marketing man. This has already lead to some promising leads. I also tried to be a bit more open minded and non-judgemental, and socialise in ways I didn't previously, and I made some great friends as a result. Your life is in many ways, very much in your own hands.
  - ericb 16y ago
    > Otherwise the fact that you're not being yourself will overshadow whatever it is you're trying to achieve. I view my "self" as fluid, and whatever I want me to be.
    - jeangenie 16y ago
      You bifurcate "I" and "me" implying the former can reliably create such a state in the latter; if this is the case, then what's actually at work in forming your "me"?
      - ericb 16y ago
        I used two different terms to aid the reader, but I and me are just pointers to self and like a ruby class running metaprogramming on self, one can rewrite oneself. The new code still comes from the self, though.
il 16y ago
If you're trolling this post with spectacularly bad advice about bad advice, well done. If you truly believe that, you have a very cynical worldview. I am quite introverted but whenever I force myself to go to a social event where I don't know anyone and make friends, I always have a great time and meet awesome people, and it invariably goes better than I thought it would. If you just assume the people there WANT to be your friend, you don't look needy and your extroverted side comes out, and you can still be yourself.
- silvestrov 16y ago
  It sounds more like you're a shy extrovert rather than an introvert.
  - rfrey 16y ago
    No, it doesn't. Introverts are perfectly capable of overcoming their personality tendencies. Introversion or extraversion refer to your natural inclination, but it determines nothing.
    - j_baker 16y ago
      Back up a minute... "Introverts are perfectly capable of overcoming their personality tendencies." The first thing you're assuming is that introverts either want or need to overcome their introversion. There isn't anything wrong with being an introvert. There is something wrong with being an extreme introvert.
      - rfrey 16y ago
        The first thing you're assuming is that introverts either want or need to overcome their introversion I certainly did not mean to say that. I don't believe it. What I said was that introverts are capable of overcoming their tendencies. They're tendencies, not fate. The commenter a few levels above said they had a great time at parties; the comment I responded to said that sounded like a shy extrovert. Not so, say I: introverts can have fun at parties too, even ones where they don't know anybody. No value judgement intended in any direction. I'm a strong introvert who does well at parties because I need to for my work; but it's difficult and I don't have fun.
withoutasound 16y ago
> Wear a suite (sic) and act professional for a job interview Worst advice I've ever received. For my first job interview in the tech field, I wore a jacket and tie. Every guy in the place had his sandals up on his desk. I also said 'no, thanks' when offered a beverage, and I think I came off as someone who was there to audit the place.
aaronbrethorst 16y ago
Wearing a suit != "[seeming] like a 'good, obedient' employee." I have always really appreciated it when job candidates dress up for their interviews. It makes it seem like they're saying to me 'I know this isn't your dress code, but I want to put my best foot forward and make sure you know I take this interaction seriously.' Say hi to random strangers so you can make friends (even though you're introverted and doing this makes you look like a fool) I wouldn't be with my girlfriend of a year and a half if I hadn't stuck my neck out and gotten outside my comfort zone when I was introduced to her. It doesn't make you look like a fool; it provides you with an aura of confidence. Go to social events where you don't know anyone there. As a corollary, I imagine you'd also suggest never moving to a new city where you don't know anyone, right?
- hasenj 16y ago
  > As a corollary, I imagine you'd also suggest never moving to a new city where you don't know anyone, right? I don't see that as a corollary (a city is not a social event). But for me personally, that's right, I wouldn't do that unless I had an extroverted friend or family moving with me, or I had something specific to do (job, study, etc). Although I wouldn't necessarily suggest that to other people; this is just me, and each to his own.
- nostrademons 16y ago
  I have heard that certain mid-size to large technology companies in Silicon Valley actually ding people on "culture fit" if they wear a suit to the interview. This was actually one of those pieces of advice my mom gave me that turned out to be bad advice. Instead, I'd suggest "Know the culture that you're entering, respect it, and do your best to adhere to it."
  - aaronbrethorst 16y ago
    Frankly, I think that dinging a person for wearing one is just as capricious as dinging a person for not wearing one. But, by and large, I agree with your suggestion. If that cultural fit is a bad one, it's best to skip it.
  - 16y ago
RyanMcGreal 16y ago
Public speaking is way outside my comfort zone. I have absolutely dreaded it ever since I had to do presentations in school. At the same time, it's really important to me to able to do it, so I accept every opportunity for public speaking that I can. After several experiences delivering talks or sitting on panel discussions, I've gotten a lot more comfortable - and progressively better (I truly feel sorry for the people who had to sit through my first few times). I'm still not great at it, but the thought of speaking no longer grips me with panic. The last couple of times I even found myself enjoying it - and feeling a positive response from my audience. I'm reminded of an essay by Derek Sivers that was posted to HN last year: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1434064 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1434064 > After 15 years of practice, and about 1000 live shows, I was finally a very good singer, at least by my own standards. (You can judge for yourself at sivers.org/music. Old stuff at the bottom. New stuff at the top.) > Someone who heard me for the first time then said, “Singing is a gift you're either born with or you're not. You're lucky. You were born with it!”
run4yourlives 16y ago
I think you missed the point of this advice. Stepping out of your comfort zone is designed to allow you to grow as a person, not make you be something you are not. If you are so introverted that you can't possibly go to an event without making a complete fool out of yourself (a real fool, not just what you think is foolish) you've got a serious issue that is going to put you at a disadvantage in many areas of your life. There's a huge gap between having faults, recognizing them, accepting them and overcoming them when you choose to and being perfect in every way. I don't see how completely ignoring your weak points and pretending they aren't relevant to you makes you a better person, however.
zaidf 16y ago
Say hi to random strangers so you can make friends (even though you're introverted and doing this makes you look like a fool) Genuinely curious: are you saying this as a matter or philosophy or did you try this and come out of it feeling foolish and insecure? Or may be both? I won't down vote you because I think I can relate to both sides of this. There are things I was never into that I got into after a lot of struggles and looking foolish. And there are things that I was never into that I could never feel comfortable with no matter how much I tried. In either case, until I got out of my comfort zone I could never know what I can and cannot eventually be.
nostrademons 16y ago
The idea behind stepping outside of your comfort zone is that you keep doing it until it becomes your new comfort zone. If you're not ready to invest the effort needed to see it through, you shouldn't do it. Every time I've tried stepping out of my comfort zone "just for the hell of it", it usually ends up being pointless at best and embarrassing at worst. I'm not changed at all, I don't really accomplish anything besides making myself feel uncomfortable, and nothing much comes of it. But the really big, life-changing events in my life have all come from stepping outside my comfort zone, and staying outside my comfort zone until I became comfortable. Switching school districts for high school. Going away for college. Posting things on the Internet. Rocking the job interview process. Founding a company, and sticking with it until everyone except me had given up. Moving to Silicon Valley. I feel like this is often misunderstood, that a lot of people step outside their comfort zone simply because that's what they're told to do, and don't follow through with it enough to reap the rewards.
- j_baker 16y ago
  "The idea behind stepping outside of your comfort zone is that you keep doing it until it becomes your new comfort zone." No it isn't. The point of stepping outside your comfort zone is to see if it really does belong outside your comfort zone. Stepping outside your comfort zone and demanding that that be the new way, results be damned, is just as foolish as never stepping outside your comfort zone. Not everything outside your comfort zone is good and usually the only way to determine what is and isn't good is to jump in and try it out.
  - nostrademons 16y ago
    That's fair too. The point is that you do have to stick with it long enough that you can actually judge the results. If you've been outside your comfort zone for a long time and it's still not comfortable, maybe it's time to try stepping in a different direction. But if you just went to a meetup once and you felt terribly socially awkward and you never went back, how do you know whether it's because first meetings are always awkwards vs. you just don't click with those people?
- 16y ago
rbarooah 16y ago
I think the key point here is not about never expanding your comfort zone - it's about not doing it just because someone else advises it. There's a world of difference between choosing to step outside your limits because you've identified something that you aspire to, and doing so because someone else thinks they know what's good for you.
jeangenie 16y ago
good advice i actually got from a professor (via c.s. peirce): do nothing to stand in the way of enquiry. this forces you to confront the inadequacy of your knowledge (which you'll realize is intensely personal) and how much help you need. i should also mention that peirce died a penniless drunk, after leading a tumultuous (huge understatement) life, including a lecturing at harvard. it's interesting and a little sobering to see how fucked up the lives of many dedicated scholars end up being.
usaar333 16y ago
I agree with the advice that stepping out of your comfort zone is necessary for personal development. But I also agree that rest (getting back into the comfort zone) is absolutely necessary. Some of my best life experiences were going out of my comfort zone for an hour or so then returning more enlightened. Some of my worst were going out of it for an entire day or week without any time to rest and reflect. That being said, your points are valid depending on what you are used to. The social event where you know no one is a natural step after you learn to mingle with strangers alongside friends; if you haven't done that at least, the event will probably suck.
Mz 16y ago
Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. I've been reading some of the arguments and counterarguments. It seems like a lot of assumptions are being made on both sides. I raised two special needs kids and found that you can help someone grow into doing things they could not before without forcing them to step outside their comfort zone. I now have a job and I find that similar principles work with "normal" adults who need to do something new and aren't sure what they are supposed to be doing. At home with my oldest son, I had him watch me cook while I explained. Later, he began assisting -- getting out ingredients I needed, stirring things, etc. but only doing what he felt comfortable with. He gradually took over more parts of it as he became comfortable. He now does most of the cooking. At work, I have volunteered to walk someone to where they need to go for a special procedure and show them whom they needed to speak with. One young woman was very shy, so I did intros and did the initial talking until she was more comfortable with this new person. Just walking a new person through the procedure the first time really took the pressure off. It's a big building and everything looks alike and it's easy to get lost, plus my job has a lot of time pressure which adds to the psychological stress because getting lost and wandering around costs you time. If you don't have someone that can help walk you through something (or some other means to ramp up comfortably), it may be best to take some personal risks. But it is absolutely possible to grow as a person without doing stuff that makes you feel all stressed primarily because it is extremely unfamiliar. Some things may require taking a leap of faith but many things that are routinely handled that way do not inherently require that approach. (I could argue that Y-combinator does something similar to what I am suggesting here: They take you under their wing, introduce you to a lot of folks who already have experience founding a company, help you work out the kinks, etc. so you don't have to simply sink or swim/figure it out all on your own/grow from being burned so much.)

by hasenj 16y ago

brendoncrawford 16y ago

As a musician doing non-mainstream music, I hear this a lot too. People will say something like, "just write somethin catchy and mainstream and you will make a million dollars!". What they don't understand is that you cannot force yourself to create something that is not in your head, no matter how "simple" it seems.

rbranson 16y ago

It seems like you didn't quite apply the idea of "step outside of your comfort zone" correctly. It's about little steps, and repeated trying of things until you get it right. It means stop being so worried about what other people think and start being the person you want to be, not someone who's fearful of trying and doing new things. How do you think you learned most of your social behavior up to this point?

zdw 16y ago

Just to add to this, it's good to do things outside of your comfort zone in low pressure/stress situations where the consequences of failure are minor. It's not a good idea to pick up skydiving when you're in a burning plane and it's the only option.

thwarted 16y ago
Is it better to pick up being a firefighter when you're in a burning plane and skydiving is the only option?
il 16y ago
What I learned is that, if you're an educated individual living in a first world country, the consequences of failure are _almost always_ minor. Act accordingly.
drdo 16y ago
"It's not a good idea to pick up skydiving when you're in a burning plane and it's the only option." Well, if it's the only option apart from dying in a plane crash, I'd argue it's a very good idea.

ericb 16y ago

As an opposing viewpoint, every major advance in my life has come from stepping outside of my comfort zone and tackling something in which I had no idea what I was doing. -public speaking -asking women out -learning to dance -socializing/making friends -lifting weights -starting a business -doing sales work -learning to program edit: The vast majority of these made me very uncomfortable and awkard, not "a little".

ses 16y ago
I couldn't agree more with the sentiment that - often - stepping outside your comfort zone can lead to good things. However there has to be some reason you want to do it, despite it making you uncomfortable. Otherwise the fact that you're not being yourself will overshadow whatever it is you're trying to achieve. I made myself go back to university when my first experience was not successful, I'm now on track for a great degree. I am in the process of chasing a few business opportunities, and I'm putting myself in the position of a marketing man. This has already lead to some promising leads. I also tried to be a bit more open minded and non-judgemental, and socialise in ways I didn't previously, and I made some great friends as a result. Your life is in many ways, very much in your own hands.
- ericb 16y ago
  > Otherwise the fact that you're not being yourself will overshadow whatever it is you're trying to achieve. I view my "self" as fluid, and whatever I want me to be.
  - jeangenie 16y ago
    You bifurcate "I" and "me" implying the former can reliably create such a state in the latter; if this is the case, then what's actually at work in forming your "me"?
    - ericb 16y ago
      I used two different terms to aid the reader, but I and me are just pointers to self and like a ruby class running metaprogramming on self, one can rewrite oneself. The new code still comes from the self, though.

il 16y ago

If you're trolling this post with spectacularly bad advice about bad advice, well done. If you truly believe that, you have a very cynical worldview. I am quite introverted but whenever I force myself to go to a social event where I don't know anyone and make friends, I always have a great time and meet awesome people, and it invariably goes better than I thought it would. If you just assume the people there WANT to be your friend, you don't look needy and your extroverted side comes out, and you can still be yourself.

silvestrov 16y ago
It sounds more like you're a shy extrovert rather than an introvert.
- rfrey 16y ago
  No, it doesn't. Introverts are perfectly capable of overcoming their personality tendencies. Introversion or extraversion refer to your natural inclination, but it determines nothing.
  - j_baker 16y ago
    Back up a minute... "Introverts are perfectly capable of overcoming their personality tendencies." The first thing you're assuming is that introverts either want or need to overcome their introversion. There isn't anything wrong with being an introvert. There is something wrong with being an extreme introvert.
    - rfrey 16y ago
      The first thing you're assuming is that introverts either want or need to overcome their introversion I certainly did not mean to say that. I don't believe it. What I said was that introverts are capable of overcoming their tendencies. They're tendencies, not fate. The commenter a few levels above said they had a great time at parties; the comment I responded to said that sounded like a shy extrovert. Not so, say I: introverts can have fun at parties too, even ones where they don't know anybody. No value judgement intended in any direction. I'm a strong introvert who does well at parties because I need to for my work; but it's difficult and I don't have fun.

withoutasound 16y ago

> Wear a suite (sic) and act professional for a job interview Worst advice I've ever received. For my first job interview in the tech field, I wore a jacket and tie. Every guy in the place had his sandals up on his desk. I also said 'no, thanks' when offered a beverage, and I think I came off as someone who was there to audit the place.

aaronbrethorst 16y ago

Wearing a suit != "[seeming] like a 'good, obedient' employee." I have always really appreciated it when job candidates dress up for their interviews. It makes it seem like they're saying to me 'I know this isn't your dress code, but I want to put my best foot forward and make sure you know I take this interaction seriously.' Say hi to random strangers so you can make friends (even though you're introverted and doing this makes you look like a fool) I wouldn't be with my girlfriend of a year and a half if I hadn't stuck my neck out and gotten outside my comfort zone when I was introduced to her. It doesn't make you look like a fool; it provides you with an aura of confidence. Go to social events where you don't know anyone there. As a corollary, I imagine you'd also suggest never moving to a new city where you don't know anyone, right?

hasenj 16y ago
> As a corollary, I imagine you'd also suggest never moving to a new city where you don't know anyone, right? I don't see that as a corollary (a city is not a social event). But for me personally, that's right, I wouldn't do that unless I had an extroverted friend or family moving with me, or I had something specific to do (job, study, etc). Although I wouldn't necessarily suggest that to other people; this is just me, and each to his own.
nostrademons 16y ago
I have heard that certain mid-size to large technology companies in Silicon Valley actually ding people on "culture fit" if they wear a suit to the interview. This was actually one of those pieces of advice my mom gave me that turned out to be bad advice. Instead, I'd suggest "Know the culture that you're entering, respect it, and do your best to adhere to it."
- aaronbrethorst 16y ago
  Frankly, I think that dinging a person for wearing one is just as capricious as dinging a person for not wearing one. But, by and large, I agree with your suggestion. If that cultural fit is a bad one, it's best to skip it.
- 16y ago

RyanMcGreal 16y ago

Public speaking is way outside my comfort zone. I have absolutely dreaded it ever since I had to do presentations in school. At the same time, it's really important to me to able to do it, so I accept every opportunity for public speaking that I can. After several experiences delivering talks or sitting on panel discussions, I've gotten a lot more comfortable - and progressively better (I truly feel sorry for the people who had to sit through my first few times). I'm still not great at it, but the thought of speaking no longer grips me with panic. The last couple of times I even found myself enjoying it - and feeling a positive response from my audience. I'm reminded of an essay by Derek Sivers that was posted to HN last year: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1434064 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1434064 > After 15 years of practice, and about 1000 live shows, I was finally a very good singer, at least by my own standards. (You can judge for yourself at sivers.org/music. Old stuff at the bottom. New stuff at the top.) > Someone who heard me for the first time then said, “Singing is a gift you're either born with or you're not. You're lucky. You were born with it!”

run4yourlives 16y ago

I think you missed the point of this advice. Stepping out of your comfort zone is designed to allow you to grow as a person, not make you be something you are not. If you are so introverted that you can't possibly go to an event without making a complete fool out of yourself (a real fool, not just what you think is foolish) you've got a serious issue that is going to put you at a disadvantage in many areas of your life. There's a huge gap between having faults, recognizing them, accepting them and overcoming them when you choose to and being perfect in every way. I don't see how completely ignoring your weak points and pretending they aren't relevant to you makes you a better person, however.

zaidf 16y ago

Say hi to random strangers so you can make friends (even though you're introverted and doing this makes you look like a fool) Genuinely curious: are you saying this as a matter or philosophy or did you try this and come out of it feeling foolish and insecure? Or may be both? I won't down vote you because I think I can relate to both sides of this. There are things I was never into that I got into after a lot of struggles and looking foolish. And there are things that I was never into that I could never feel comfortable with no matter how much I tried. In either case, until I got out of my comfort zone I could never know what I can and cannot eventually be.

nostrademons 16y ago

The idea behind stepping outside of your comfort zone is that you keep doing it until it becomes your new comfort zone. If you're not ready to invest the effort needed to see it through, you shouldn't do it. Every time I've tried stepping out of my comfort zone "just for the hell of it", it usually ends up being pointless at best and embarrassing at worst. I'm not changed at all, I don't really accomplish anything besides making myself feel uncomfortable, and nothing much comes of it. But the really big, life-changing events in my life have all come from stepping outside my comfort zone, and staying outside my comfort zone until I became comfortable. Switching school districts for high school. Going away for college. Posting things on the Internet. Rocking the job interview process. Founding a company, and sticking with it until everyone except me had given up. Moving to Silicon Valley. I feel like this is often misunderstood, that a lot of people step outside their comfort zone simply because that's what they're told to do, and don't follow through with it enough to reap the rewards.

j_baker 16y ago
"The idea behind stepping outside of your comfort zone is that you keep doing it until it becomes your new comfort zone." No it isn't. The point of stepping outside your comfort zone is to see if it really does belong outside your comfort zone. Stepping outside your comfort zone and demanding that that be the new way, results be damned, is just as foolish as never stepping outside your comfort zone. Not everything outside your comfort zone is good and usually the only way to determine what is and isn't good is to jump in and try it out.
- nostrademons 16y ago
  That's fair too. The point is that you do have to stick with it long enough that you can actually judge the results. If you've been outside your comfort zone for a long time and it's still not comfortable, maybe it's time to try stepping in a different direction. But if you just went to a meetup once and you felt terribly socially awkward and you never went back, how do you know whether it's because first meetings are always awkwards vs. you just don't click with those people?
16y ago

rbarooah 16y ago

I think the key point here is not about never expanding your comfort zone - it's about not doing it just because someone else advises it. There's a world of difference between choosing to step outside your limits because you've identified something that you aspire to, and doing so because someone else thinks they know what's good for you.

jeangenie 16y ago

good advice i actually got from a professor (via c.s. peirce): do nothing to stand in the way of enquiry. this forces you to confront the inadequacy of your knowledge (which you'll realize is intensely personal) and how much help you need. i should also mention that peirce died a penniless drunk, after leading a tumultuous (huge understatement) life, including a lecturing at harvard. it's interesting and a little sobering to see how fucked up the lives of many dedicated scholars end up being.

usaar333 16y ago

I agree with the advice that stepping out of your comfort zone is necessary for personal development. But I also agree that rest (getting back into the comfort zone) is absolutely necessary. Some of my best life experiences were going out of my comfort zone for an hour or so then returning more enlightened. Some of my worst were going out of it for an entire day or week without any time to rest and reflect. That being said, your points are valid depending on what you are used to. The social event where you know no one is a natural step after you learn to mingle with strangers alongside friends; if you haven't done that at least, the event will probably suck.

Mz 16y ago

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. I've been reading some of the arguments and counterarguments. It seems like a lot of assumptions are being made on both sides. I raised two special needs kids and found that you can help someone grow into doing things they could not before without forcing them to step outside their comfort zone. I now have a job and I find that similar principles work with "normal" adults who need to do something new and aren't sure what they are supposed to be doing. At home with my oldest son, I had him watch me cook while I explained. Later, he began assisting -- getting out ingredients I needed, stirring things, etc. but only doing what he felt comfortable with. He gradually took over more parts of it as he became comfortable. He now does most of the cooking. At work, I have volunteered to walk someone to where they need to go for a special procedure and show them whom they needed to speak with. One young woman was very shy, so I did intros and did the initial talking until she was more comfortable with this new person. Just walking a new person through the procedure the first time really took the pressure off. It's a big building and everything looks alike and it's easy to get lost, plus my job has a lot of time pressure which adds to the psychological stress because getting lost and wandering around costs you time. If you don't have someone that can help walk you through something (or some other means to ramp up comfortably), it may be best to take some personal risks. But it is absolutely possible to grow as a person without doing stuff that makes you feel all stressed primarily because it is extremely unfamiliar. Some things may require taking a leap of faith but many things that are routinely handled that way do not inherently require that approach. (I could argue that Y-combinator does something similar to what I am suggesting here: They take you under their wing, introduce you to a lot of folks who already have experience founding a company, help you work out the kinks, etc. so you don't have to simply sink or swim/figure it out all on your own/grow from being burned so much.)