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I'm 25 and while I enjoy software engineering I would much rather just spend time with my wife and child. I work only for the well-being of my family. My first

I'm 25 and while I enjoy software engineering I would much rather just spend time with my wife and child. I work only for the well-being of my family. My first priorities are God and family, and it is here that I know my purpose in life.

3riverdev 8y ago
Well said. It's the means to an end, not the end itself.
etrautmann 8y ago
I appreciate how clearly you know your priorities. They're slightly different for me and having a larger set of uncertain priorities can be fatiguing.
burlesona 8y ago
I suspect you’ll get some scorn from this audience, but I appreciate you sharing this. In the end we all need to find meaning in life, and I’m glad to hear when anyone has found that.
crimsonalucard 8y ago
I'm older than you and still trying to find the purpose you have. For now I fill my emptiness/time with a "love" of software engineering.
potta_coffee 8y ago
This is true wisdom. It's a worn out saying, but no-one on their deathbed looks back and says, "I wish I'd worked more." Much better to be surrounded by the children you lovingly raised.
- agensaequivocum 8y ago
  Very true.
- nathan_f77 8y ago
  > no-one on their deathbed looks back and says, "I wish I'd worked more." This is a bit off-topic, but I've read a few stories that contradict this on the /r/financialindependence subreddit [1]. I can't find the link now, but there was a person who asked their Dad if they had any regrets. Their Dad said that they wished they hadn't retired so early, and that they had spend more time working. They enjoyed their job and they missed feeling useful and having a sense of purpose. I think it's common for people to quit their jobs too early and lose their sense of purpose, and it's even linked to a 20% higher mortality rate when you're 60+ [2]. Of course family is more important and you should spend as much time as possible with your children. But I was just surprised to learn that some people really do say "I wish I'd worked more" on their deathbed (or in their old age.) [1] https://www.reddit.com/r/financialindependence https://www.reddit.com/r/financialindependence [2] https://www.marketwatch.com/story/retiring-early-could-kill-you-2017-12-22 https://www.marketwatch.com/story/retiring-early-could-kill-...
  - notatcomputer68 8y ago
    Maybe they retire early because they are unable to work because they are dying.
  - antisthenes 8y ago
    Yeah, I mean that seems completely tangential to what the OP was referring to. It's one thing for people who regret stopping to work, because they put too much of their life's meaning into work. Or maybe because their work was truly meaningful (although that seems to be pretty rare). Sounds like their real regret is that they didn't learn how to find enough meaning outside of work during retirement, rather than the fact they stopped working.
  - buboard 8y ago
    i wonder if that urban myth originated from actual research. my wish would be to not be in a deathbed ;)
cma 8y ago
Putting a fictional "God" above family is what killed Delilah (in the fiction, though the killing might have been real).
sotojuan 8y ago
I've come to the same conclusion also by age 25, even though I have no children, am not married, or are religious. Building software is enjoyable and I do my best, but I work to support a lifestyle I enjoy and be financially secure.
dqpb 8y ago
I'm going to say this in the politest way I know how to - because I'm not trolling you, I sincerely care about the sanity of my fellow human beings. When you make God a priority, it is most likely that you're prioritizing a fictional lense on your worldview. Thats fine if it's a choice, but it's cruel to train that kind of thinking into children before they've had a chance to experience the world in it's raw form, and have learned how to discern fact from fiction.
- ecshafer 8y ago
  I think you read far too much into gp god and family comment. While it is possible that they meant living a religious orthodox life with proselytizing, and that is acceptable. I think more often "good" here is used as an abstraction of a simple, "good" life, with morals, no decadence, etc. Which is a perfectly fine goal I think. Whether the reasoning for that is experience, religion, philosophy or some other thing I think it's unfair to judge.
  - dqpb 8y ago
    > it's unfair to judge We are a social species. Judging each other is one of the most fundamental things we do.
- rement 8y ago
  Religious or not the last thing I want teaching my children anything is the world in its raw form.
  - dqpb 8y ago
    Why?
- JunkDNA 8y ago
  As a parent I have a strong desire to raise my children with the same values that I have. For people who practice organized religion, you can’t really have the “values” part without the religion part. It all fits together into a cohesive whole. Young children also have a strong desire to mimic their parents, while at the same time wanting to know “why?”. How does one explain to kids why you’re celebrating a religious holiday or headed off to church/synagogue/etc... without teaching them about God? Most organized religions also have imperatives for passing on the knowledge to children. It’s totally incompatible with a person’s own belief system to not raise their children in their faith. Many people for thousands of years have devoted their lives to the search for Truth. It is a journey that takes a lifetime. I don’t believe there is some moment in time where one is able to discern fact from fiction when it comes to the big questions of the meaning of life.
buboard 8y ago
Brave of you to come out of the closet as a deist, very brave indeed
- rement 8y ago
  We have come full circle. At one point not believing in a God was a reason to hide. Now, according to your comment, believing in a God is a reason to hide.
  - adwn 8y ago
    > We have come full circle. That's actually half a circle. Coming full circle would mean having to hide again because you're not believing in God.
    - Asooka 8y ago
      No, it's a full circle, because once upon a time believing in Christianity was a reason to hide. There was that whole cross ordeal and everything.
      - whytaka 8y ago
        Who said anything about Christianity?
        loco5niner 8y ago
        agensaequivocum, buboard, rement, adwn, Asooka, and you (ok... not buboard, I suppose)
  - Kiro 8y ago
    In my country the few religious people keep it to themselves.
    - buboard 8y ago
      I was making a joke out of the "silicon valley" tv series. To my surprise reality is no different.
tathougies 8y ago
26 year old here... same.
ggm 8y ago
I think it would sit better with me as an atheist if you'd said first priority was family and then God, but perhaps the athiest doesn't understand. Molotov put his adherence to communism ahead of his love of his wife. They got back together when she was released from the camps but I can't but wonder about that relationship.
- coleifer 8y ago
  How can you tell when someone is an atheist? > me as an atheist Oh wait...they'll tell you.
  - ggm 8y ago
    Unlike the person who I replied to, who is suffering in silence in the catacombs, carving fish logos? Please.. they said they were Christian, isn't admitting my bias point materially relevant and polite? It's not like I painted my tribal mark into a conversation about pavlova recipes
    - coleifer 8y ago
      Precious!
chrstphrknwtn 8y ago
I'm curious why your god comes before your family?
- coleifer 8y ago
  My own sense is that without a relationship with God, I'm going to miss the mark with my family.
- pbhjpbhj 8y ago
  Not OP: Logically, God only wouldn't if you weren't convinced about who God is? I applaud your curiosity (and am eager to here other's answers) but if someone believed in God and still put their family first wouldn't that be more curious still? Like, "sure you want me to fulfil your purposes for creation and be a co-worker with you, give this money to that needy person (say) but I was going to take the family out for a slap-up meal so God, I'm putting them first"?
muzani 8y ago
I think there's enough room to love God, family, and work. We spend over a third of our waking hours at work. Might as well love it.
screye 8y ago
I appreciate your candidness. I have met a good few people in tech who are smart and hard working, but are chasing the next shiny thing without any long term overarching direction to their life. I won't say that's necessarily a bad thing, but I can't imagine putting in insane hours every week when I can't answer the "to what end ?" question.

3riverdev 8y ago

Well said. It's the means to an end, not the end itself.

etrautmann 8y ago

I appreciate how clearly you know your priorities. They're slightly different for me and having a larger set of uncertain priorities can be fatiguing.

burlesona 8y ago

I suspect you’ll get some scorn from this audience, but I appreciate you sharing this. In the end we all need to find meaning in life, and I’m glad to hear when anyone has found that.

crimsonalucard 8y ago

I'm older than you and still trying to find the purpose you have. For now I fill my emptiness/time with a "love" of software engineering.

potta_coffee 8y ago

This is true wisdom. It's a worn out saying, but no-one on their deathbed looks back and says, "I wish I'd worked more." Much better to be surrounded by the children you lovingly raised.

agensaequivocum 8y ago
Very true.
nathan_f77 8y ago
> no-one on their deathbed looks back and says, "I wish I'd worked more." This is a bit off-topic, but I've read a few stories that contradict this on the /r/financialindependence subreddit [1]. I can't find the link now, but there was a person who asked their Dad if they had any regrets. Their Dad said that they wished they hadn't retired so early, and that they had spend more time working. They enjoyed their job and they missed feeling useful and having a sense of purpose. I think it's common for people to quit their jobs too early and lose their sense of purpose, and it's even linked to a 20% higher mortality rate when you're 60+ [2]. Of course family is more important and you should spend as much time as possible with your children. But I was just surprised to learn that some people really do say "I wish I'd worked more" on their deathbed (or in their old age.) [1] https://www.reddit.com/r/financialindependence https://www.reddit.com/r/financialindependence [2] https://www.marketwatch.com/story/retiring-early-could-kill-you-2017-12-22 https://www.marketwatch.com/story/retiring-early-could-kill-...
- notatcomputer68 8y ago
  Maybe they retire early because they are unable to work because they are dying.
- antisthenes 8y ago
  Yeah, I mean that seems completely tangential to what the OP was referring to. It's one thing for people who regret stopping to work, because they put too much of their life's meaning into work. Or maybe because their work was truly meaningful (although that seems to be pretty rare). Sounds like their real regret is that they didn't learn how to find enough meaning outside of work during retirement, rather than the fact they stopped working.
- buboard 8y ago
  i wonder if that urban myth originated from actual research. my wish would be to not be in a deathbed ;)

cma 8y ago

Putting a fictional "God" above family is what killed Delilah (in the fiction, though the killing might have been real).

sotojuan 8y ago

I've come to the same conclusion also by age 25, even though I have no children, am not married, or are religious. Building software is enjoyable and I do my best, but I work to support a lifestyle I enjoy and be financially secure.

dqpb 8y ago

I'm going to say this in the politest way I know how to - because I'm not trolling you, I sincerely care about the sanity of my fellow human beings. When you make God a priority, it is most likely that you're prioritizing a fictional lense on your worldview. Thats fine if it's a choice, but it's cruel to train that kind of thinking into children before they've had a chance to experience the world in it's raw form, and have learned how to discern fact from fiction.

ecshafer 8y ago
I think you read far too much into gp god and family comment. While it is possible that they meant living a religious orthodox life with proselytizing, and that is acceptable. I think more often "good" here is used as an abstraction of a simple, "good" life, with morals, no decadence, etc. Which is a perfectly fine goal I think. Whether the reasoning for that is experience, religion, philosophy or some other thing I think it's unfair to judge.
- dqpb 8y ago
  > it's unfair to judge We are a social species. Judging each other is one of the most fundamental things we do.
rement 8y ago
Religious or not the last thing I want teaching my children anything is the world in its raw form.
- dqpb 8y ago
  Why?
JunkDNA 8y ago
As a parent I have a strong desire to raise my children with the same values that I have. For people who practice organized religion, you can’t really have the “values” part without the religion part. It all fits together into a cohesive whole. Young children also have a strong desire to mimic their parents, while at the same time wanting to know “why?”. How does one explain to kids why you’re celebrating a religious holiday or headed off to church/synagogue/etc... without teaching them about God? Most organized religions also have imperatives for passing on the knowledge to children. It’s totally incompatible with a person’s own belief system to not raise their children in their faith. Many people for thousands of years have devoted their lives to the search for Truth. It is a journey that takes a lifetime. I don’t believe there is some moment in time where one is able to discern fact from fiction when it comes to the big questions of the meaning of life.

buboard 8y ago

Brave of you to come out of the closet as a deist, very brave indeed

rement 8y ago
We have come full circle. At one point not believing in a God was a reason to hide. Now, according to your comment, believing in a God is a reason to hide.
- adwn 8y ago
  > We have come full circle. That's actually half a circle. Coming full circle would mean having to hide again because you're not believing in God.
  - Asooka 8y ago
    No, it's a full circle, because once upon a time believing in Christianity was a reason to hide. There was that whole cross ordeal and everything.
    - whytaka 8y ago
      Who said anything about Christianity?
      - loco5niner 8y ago
        agensaequivocum, buboard, rement, adwn, Asooka, and you (ok... not buboard, I suppose)
- Kiro 8y ago
  In my country the few religious people keep it to themselves.
  - buboard 8y ago
    I was making a joke out of the "silicon valley" tv series. To my surprise reality is no different.

tathougies 8y ago

26 year old here... same.

ggm 8y ago

I think it would sit better with me as an atheist if you'd said first priority was family and then God, but perhaps the athiest doesn't understand. Molotov put his adherence to communism ahead of his love of his wife. They got back together when she was released from the camps but I can't but wonder about that relationship.

coleifer 8y ago
How can you tell when someone is an atheist? > me as an atheist Oh wait...they'll tell you.
- ggm 8y ago
  Unlike the person who I replied to, who is suffering in silence in the catacombs, carving fish logos? Please.. they said they were Christian, isn't admitting my bias point materially relevant and polite? It's not like I painted my tribal mark into a conversation about pavlova recipes
  - coleifer 8y ago
    Precious!

chrstphrknwtn 8y ago

I'm curious why your god comes before your family?

coleifer 8y ago
My own sense is that without a relationship with God, I'm going to miss the mark with my family.
pbhjpbhj 8y ago
Not OP: Logically, God only wouldn't if you weren't convinced about who God is? I applaud your curiosity (and am eager to here other's answers) but if someone believed in God and still put their family first wouldn't that be more curious still? Like, "sure you want me to fulfil your purposes for creation and be a co-worker with you, give this money to that needy person (say) but I was going to take the family out for a slap-up meal so God, I'm putting them first"?

muzani 8y ago

I think there's enough room to love God, family, and work. We spend over a third of our waking hours at work. Might as well love it.

screye 8y ago

I appreciate your candidness. I have met a good few people in tech who are smart and hard working, but are chasing the next shiny thing without any long term overarching direction to their life. I won't say that's necessarily a bad thing, but I can't imagine putting in insane hours every week when I can't answer the "to what end ?" question.