4 ms·
Several years ago, I finally cut off relations with my own Mother. After several bouts of therapy it became very hard to ignore that she was and always had been
by Jaruzel 8y ago
Several years ago, I finally cut off relations with my own Mother. After several bouts of therapy it became very hard to ignore that she was and always had been a toxic influence in my life. As an adult through my 20s and 30s, I'd try to 'play-nice' and invite her over to visit (she lived in Spain, and may still do, I have no idea), from the moment she arrived to the moment she left, she tried to manipulate and emotionally blackmail not only me, but my partner and even my young daughter. When that stopped working she'd get her husband to do the same every time I was alone with him. She made me miserable even when she wasn't around, and I would be constantly stressed knowing that I'd have to interact with her, something I tried to do for the sake of my daughter. I feel no emotional bond with the woman; she has treated me awfully my entire life.
Since stripping her from my life, I no longer feel the guilt and burden of maintain a relationship that really wasn't good for me.
Blood is never thicker than water. It doesn't matter who the person is; if they are not a positive element in your life, then cut them out. Like you would a cancer.
...
Before someone thinks 'ah but I bet he carries some blame regarding the deterioration of the relationship' - nope. My sister, who is several years younger than me, has also cut my Mother out of her life. In fact she did it before I did.
- jbob2000 8y agoI’m in this phase right now where I’m trying to cut off my mother, for the same reasons you listed. The thing that kills me is she knows she’s hurting me and tries to change. She can make the changes for a few weeks but then reverts back to her “normal” self. It’s like watching an addict relapse, it’s so goddamn hard. I know there’s a human in there who loves me, but goddamn it, the demon who wants clean floors always wins.
- xapata 8y agoClean floors is all she wants? Doesn't seem terrible. I'm guessing that was a tip-of-the-iceberg kind of thing?
- jbob2000 8y agoShe has an idea in her head about how the world should work and she has a tome of rules and regulations that you must follow at all times. Lots of yelling and screaming when these rules are broken. There is no scale to her reactions. You walked on the floor with bare feet? Same reaction as if you broke a cherished heirloom.
- polotics 8y agoLooks like comorbid irritability, have her checked for thyroid dysfunctions. Hashimoto's a good candidate.
- jbob2000 8y agoThis would explain the harsh reactions, but doesn’t explain the need to create rules for everything. The more I think about it, the more I think that the rules are just an excuse to give into an anger addiction.
- tropo 8y agoIt sounds like some sort of obsession/compulsion thing. It can get weird: I once knew a guy who felt a need to balance left and right turns. He would count. After descending a normal multi-story staircase, he would spin in place to unwind the turns. The rules, no matter how weird, must be followed. Unfortunately in your case, you're expected to participate.
- TotempaaltJ 8y ago> Blood is never thicker than water. I've heard that the original version of this saying is "the blood of the covenant runs thicker than the water is the womb", which would mean pretty much the opposite of the original. Whether it's true or not, I prefer that version.