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> you got married, now you're stressed. Yet you think you're happily married Well, yes. Lots of other things happened too - this has been at least a decade of

> you got married, now you're stressed. Yet you think you're happily married Well, yes. Lots of other things happened too - this has been at least a decade of gradual creeping anxiety. But being married has definitely tweaked my "I'm responsible" baggage. > Being afraid that a failed marriage would screw up your life Been there, done that - this is my second marriage. While I in no way want to undersell how bad getting divorced is - even when it's an amicable divorce like mine was - I'm in complete agreement that an unhappy marriage isn't worth it. In this case though, I'm not afraid of losing the marriage - I'm just afraid of failing at my responsibilities, and I'm not even sure if they're marriage related responsibilities, or just adulting. We've been together 12 years now, and she's awesome, including not putting responsibility or demands on me. We could live in a box behind a restaurant and I'm confident she'd love me and not be blaming me. Things have gotten worse for me as I've aged, but I can't say for certain the cause. Saving for retirement, health care, paying the mortgage, these are all things I associate with my marriage (and thus I mentioned it), but that may have been misleading. This could be being an adult, this could be my own success (I'm making almost 10x what I did 20 years ago, unadjusted) giving me more to lose, this could be my lack of friends as I outage many of my coworkers and the others focus on their families, this could be deteriorating health making me feel more vulnerable (I'm also 60 pounds heavier than 20 years ago), this could be the looming dementia on my father's side, this could be... ...a really unhealthy list of things to focus on. :) . Regardless, I appreciate the intent of your post, I can see how I made it seem like my marriage was responsible, but I don't see the line of causality. If it's that I AM in a happy marriage, but I'm afraid of losing the ability to enjoy that part of my life, but then the cause isn't an unhappy marriage.

nobodyandproud 8y ago
I think the quote, "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation" applies well to you. I never finished Walden but that quote hit me in the guts many years ago. I'm someone who lives in perpetual worry and it was something that I inherited from my parents. While I'm naturally lazy, a procrastinator, and completely unambitious; the sheer worry during my younger years forced me to try harder. As a head of household one thing I've come to accept is that it's a role that comes with perpetual worry. It can't be helped. The only way to mitigate it somewhat is to live well-beneath one's means. And the only ones who don't worry about disaster looming around a corner are like Aesop's grasshopper.
- nradov 8y ago
  “Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pound ought and six, result misery.” ― Charles Dickens, David Copperfield
- ergothus 8y ago
  > While I'm naturally lazy, a procrastinator, and completely unambitious; the sheer worry during my younger years forced me to try harder. This, so many times this. I tell people I'm lazy and they say "You have two jobs, GM a weekly RPG and a monthly LARP, how can you be lazy?" They don't look at how little I WANT to do, they don't see how perpetually behind I am because given 3 hours to catch up I'll waste 2.5 of them, they don't see how a lifetime of this has taught me to wing it really well, to hide and cover up how behind I am. They'll talk about taking hikes or wanting to travel, but I want to sit and read or play games. Their dream superpower is flying, while I dream of teleportation and telekinesis - anything that means I'll have to struggle with the act of "doing" less.
marktangotango 8y ago
I feel the same way as you but I don’t have the same baggage. I also am quite confused by the sitauation, being anxious and nervous all the time. I equate it to having a lot to lose; marriage, kids, house, career. When I was single it was just me and I had none of those things to worry about.

nobodyandproud 8y ago

I think the quote, "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation" applies well to you. I never finished Walden but that quote hit me in the guts many years ago. I'm someone who lives in perpetual worry and it was something that I inherited from my parents. While I'm naturally lazy, a procrastinator, and completely unambitious; the sheer worry during my younger years forced me to try harder. As a head of household one thing I've come to accept is that it's a role that comes with perpetual worry. It can't be helped. The only way to mitigate it somewhat is to live well-beneath one's means. And the only ones who don't worry about disaster looming around a corner are like Aesop's grasshopper.

nradov 8y ago
“Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pound ought and six, result misery.” ― Charles Dickens, David Copperfield
ergothus 8y ago
> While I'm naturally lazy, a procrastinator, and completely unambitious; the sheer worry during my younger years forced me to try harder. This, so many times this. I tell people I'm lazy and they say "You have two jobs, GM a weekly RPG and a monthly LARP, how can you be lazy?" They don't look at how little I WANT to do, they don't see how perpetually behind I am because given 3 hours to catch up I'll waste 2.5 of them, they don't see how a lifetime of this has taught me to wing it really well, to hide and cover up how behind I am. They'll talk about taking hikes or wanting to travel, but I want to sit and read or play games. Their dream superpower is flying, while I dream of teleportation and telekinesis - anything that means I'll have to struggle with the act of "doing" less.

marktangotango 8y ago

I feel the same way as you but I don’t have the same baggage. I also am quite confused by the sitauation, being anxious and nervous all the time. I equate it to having a lot to lose; marriage, kids, house, career. When I was single it was just me and I had none of those things to worry about.