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I know very few people who regret having kids, unless they're single parents. Most of my friends in fact say it's the best thing in their life ... on the contra

I know very few people who regret having kids, unless they're single parents. Most of my friends in fact say it's the best thing in their life ... on the contrary 100% of people who don't have kids and are over their prime to have any they regret it or give you an unconvincing, hesitant answer along the lines of "maybe it's better" ... Now having children too early that's a different story. This point of you'll regret it anyway is wrong in my opinion. I believe you are way more likely to regret things you've never done than thing you have done. And that's why it's wrong, you can make relatively sound decisions using degree of regret as a measure as opposed to assuming you will regret it equally ... when you look at your life and project yourself to your deathbed imagine how you'd feel.

postsantum 8y ago
Admitting you regret having children is a social suicide, nobody will be open about it in public. Moreover, saying this is the best thing in your life is the only acceptable answer and anything less would make people look down on you with pity and casual disdain. Still they exist, just look for them on parenting forums, reddit threads, facebook groups. But yes, a lot of them is about having chrildren too early
- Aeolun 8y ago
  It’s social suicide, but it’s just also really, really hard. I don’t really think humans are biologically built to regret their kids until they reach a certain level of independence. Take it with a grain of salt though, it’s purely anecdotal.
Retra 8y ago
100%? That sounds like a real statistic and not totally something you've made up. In any case, how you feel on your deathbed is about the least relevant feeling you will ever have in your life.
- yesenadam 8y ago
  Well, I think the point is that 'deathbed' scenarios can be useful - what one can imagine regretting - in remembering what's important in life. Proverbially, no-one wishes they'd spent more time at the office. It's just hard to imagine wishing that, given most office jobs. Regretting not spending more time with friends, family, loved ones seems not unlikely. ‘My only regret’, Keynes said, ‘is that I have not drunk more champagne in my life.’ https://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/07/11/more-champagne/ https://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/07/11/more-champagne/
  - postsantum 8y ago
    Importance is relative and your personality and values tend to change over the course of your life. The version of you that lies on a deathbed has no future, his mental state is probably not in the best condition and his final regrets aren't going to last for long. Regretting that you haven't done anything significant in your life is as probable as regretting you haven't had enough fun. Here is a nice article that made me think about this https://medium.com/@rikardhjort/the-deathbed-fallacy-5e54d9639167 https://medium.com/@rikardhjort/the-deathbed-fallacy-5e54d96...
  - Retra 8y ago
    >Proverbially, no-one wishes they'd spent more time at the office. Plenty of people who lost their jobs and opportunities because they shirked on work wish that. I've personally wished I'd spent more time at the office, so it is definitely not "no-one" who wishes that. The broader point here is not to confuse what we want to be -- either the stories we tell ourselves or chew-on from emotionally inspiring stories -- with what we actually are as animals trying to survive in this crazy world. It's not conventional wisdom that what you think now matters more than on your deathbed, but one shouldn't be a slave to conventional wisdom so severely that they can't conceive of non-conventional wisdom as true. You also don't need to worship someone's word just because they were famous. If Keynes wanted to contribute to my happiness, he needs to do more than produce trite quotes. Perhaps champagne would have lead to that, but it is doubtful. In any case, real people aren't playing a statistical game; whether or not I am likely to regret something is analogous to whether or not I am likely to live with a German Shepherd. Statistics say "no", but the truth doesn't need to confirm or support that, because the statistics are based on missing information that I actually possess. The information you possess about your own life is a tool you should leverage to ignore such silly quotes.

postsantum 8y ago

Admitting you regret having children is a social suicide, nobody will be open about it in public. Moreover, saying this is the best thing in your life is the only acceptable answer and anything less would make people look down on you with pity and casual disdain. Still they exist, just look for them on parenting forums, reddit threads, facebook groups. But yes, a lot of them is about having chrildren too early

Aeolun 8y ago
It’s social suicide, but it’s just also really, really hard. I don’t really think humans are biologically built to regret their kids until they reach a certain level of independence. Take it with a grain of salt though, it’s purely anecdotal.

Retra 8y ago

100%? That sounds like a real statistic and not totally something you've made up. In any case, how you feel on your deathbed is about the least relevant feeling you will ever have in your life.

yesenadam 8y ago
Well, I think the point is that 'deathbed' scenarios can be useful - what one can imagine regretting - in remembering what's important in life. Proverbially, no-one wishes they'd spent more time at the office. It's just hard to imagine wishing that, given most office jobs. Regretting not spending more time with friends, family, loved ones seems not unlikely. ‘My only regret’, Keynes said, ‘is that I have not drunk more champagne in my life.’ https://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/07/11/more-champagne/ https://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/07/11/more-champagne/
- postsantum 8y ago
  Importance is relative and your personality and values tend to change over the course of your life. The version of you that lies on a deathbed has no future, his mental state is probably not in the best condition and his final regrets aren't going to last for long. Regretting that you haven't done anything significant in your life is as probable as regretting you haven't had enough fun. Here is a nice article that made me think about this https://medium.com/@rikardhjort/the-deathbed-fallacy-5e54d9639167 https://medium.com/@rikardhjort/the-deathbed-fallacy-5e54d96...
- Retra 8y ago
  >Proverbially, no-one wishes they'd spent more time at the office. Plenty of people who lost their jobs and opportunities because they shirked on work wish that. I've personally wished I'd spent more time at the office, so it is definitely not "no-one" who wishes that. The broader point here is not to confuse what we want to be -- either the stories we tell ourselves or chew-on from emotionally inspiring stories -- with what we actually are as animals trying to survive in this crazy world. It's not conventional wisdom that what you think now matters more than on your deathbed, but one shouldn't be a slave to conventional wisdom so severely that they can't conceive of non-conventional wisdom as true. You also don't need to worship someone's word just because they were famous. If Keynes wanted to contribute to my happiness, he needs to do more than produce trite quotes. Perhaps champagne would have lead to that, but it is doubtful. In any case, real people aren't playing a statistical game; whether or not I am likely to regret something is analogous to whether or not I am likely to live with a German Shepherd. Statistics say "no", but the truth doesn't need to confirm or support that, because the statistics are based on missing information that I actually possess. The information you possess about your own life is a tool you should leverage to ignore such silly quotes.