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I want to be careful with this decision, to avoid any future regrets Don't forget to consider that you may regret whatever you do - by human nature, the grass
by yesenadam 8y ago
I want to be careful with this decision, to avoid any future regrets
Don't forget to consider that you may regret whatever you do - by human nature, the grass is proverbially always greener on the other side. People who have kids may wish they hadn't, but if they hadn't, they may have regretted that - in both cases thinking they'd made the wrong choice. Socrates and Kierkegaard, among others, discussed this as a basic feature of life - how regret seems 'objective', but it's far from it.
"Marry or do not marry, you will regret it either way. ...Laugh at the stupidities of the world or weep over them, you will regret it either way. ...Trust a girl or do not trust her, you will regret it either way. ...Hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret it either way. ...This, gentlemen, is the quintessence of all the wisdom of life." - Kierkegaard, Either/Or
(The Preface of Either/Or even says about the book's chapters "Read them or do not read them, you will regret it either way."!)
- varrock 8y agoThank you so much for that quote from Kierkegaard. I've been trying to put it into words and haven't been able to. It's nice to read it as such.
- loco5niner 8y agoThis is also (arguably) the point of "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Road_Not_Taken https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Road_Not_Taken
- happppy 8y agoWow, a great poem.
- randcraw 8y agoIt is, but like all poetry, its interpretation is in the eye of the beholder. This 2015 article suggests the poem is actually NOT about boldly taking the path less traveled. " The poem isn’t a salute to can-do individualism; it’s a commentary on the self-deception we practice when constructing the story of our own lives. “The Road Not Taken” may be, as the critic Frank Lentricchia memorably put it, “the best example in all of American poetry of a wolf in sheep’s clothing.” But we could go further: It may be the best example in all of American culture of a wolf in sheep’s clothing. " https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2015/09/11/the-most-misread-poem-in-america/ https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2015/09/11/the-most-misr...
- lkrych 8y agoThanks for posting this randcraw. I was about to do the same before I saw your link. To add to your description: The author of this article suggests that The Road Less Traveled is not about the action of taking the riskier or more adventurous path. It is about how, in the future, we need to justify the decisions we made in the past. "According to this reading, then, the speaker will be claiming “ages and ages hence” that his decision made “all the difference” only because this is the kind of claim we make when we want to comfort or blame ourselves by assuming that our current position is the product of our own choices (as opposed to what was chosen for us or allotted to us by chance). The poem isn’t a salute to can-do individualism; it’s a commentary on the self-deception we practice when constructing the story of our own lives." There is a lot of advice on this thread, so I might have missed it, but perhaps what I can contribute to the OP is that they should reflect on what they have the ability to change, and what they can not. Be realistic about what you can contribute now, and what in the future you will be able to contribute with a concerted effort. Focus on your short-term ability and try to dovetail that with your long-term goals. I don't really like quoting Tech Barons, but here's a good one from Bill Gates. "We often overestimate what we can do in a year and underestimate what we can do in ten."
- jfroma 8y agoGood poem! I think is also the point in the movie “Mr Nobody”
- news_hacker 8y agoSome clarifying info on how the poem is the most misread & misunderstood poem in America, for those interested (it's actually an ironic poem about self-deception to avoid regret rather then a "triumphant self-assertion"): > Frost’s poem turns this expectation on its head. Most readers consider “The Road Not Taken” to be a paean to triumphant self-assertion (“I took the one less traveled by”), but the literal meaning of the poem’s own lines seems completely at odds with this interpretation. The poem’s speaker tells us he “shall be telling,” at some point in the future, of how he took the road less traveled by, yet he has already admitted that the two paths “equally lay / In leaves” and “the passing there / Had worn them really about the same.” So the road he will later call less traveled is actually the road equally traveled. The two roads are interchangeable. > According to this reading, then, the speaker will be claiming “ages and ages hence” that his decision made “all the difference” only because this is the kind of claim we make when we want to comfort or blame ourselves by assuming that our current position is the product of our own choices (as opposed to what was chosen for us or allotted to us by chance). The poem isn’t a salute to can-do individualism; it’s a commentary on the self-deception we practice when constructing the story of our own lives. “The Road Not Taken” may be, as the critic Frank Lentricchia memorably put it, “the best example in all of American poetry of a wolf in sheep’s clothing.” But we could go further: It may be the best example in all of American culture of a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Source: https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2015/09/11/the-most-misread-poem-in-america/ https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2015/09/11/the-most-misr... edit: whoops, someone beat me to it and already posted the link
- dehrmann 8y agoI wonder if Kierkegaard being Danish is at all related to Danes being the happiest people in the world.
- 393339 8y agoI'm Danish, I didn't really understand that for a long time. I would say that it doesn't mean Danes are super happy, it's just that the good economy, free education, free health care and strong social benefits makes it much harder to be very unhappy. So just happier on average.
- deleted 8y ago[deleted]
- yesenadam 8y agoHere's a Socrates reference: "When his advice was asked whether to marry or not, he said, 'Whichever you do, you will regret it!' " - Diogenes Laertius, Life of Socrates, from Lives of the Philosophers, ~200AD
- throwaway713 8y ago> Hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret it either way How does one regret hanging himself?
- diminoten 8y agoBy failing to do so successfully, or by being saved before the damage is irreversible.
- icantdrive55 8y agoI knew a guy whom tried to commit suicide by shotgun. He blew the part of his brain out that controlled most of his muscles. He spent 25 years in hospital bed. His depression cleared up after his failed suicide attempt.
- ClashTheBunny 8y agoThere is no such thing as a successful suicide. Just complete and incomplete.
- diminoten 8y agoSeems like a semantic argument to me.
- yesenadam 8y agoI took it as a joke. It's a very silly and funny book, in parts.
- nicky0 8y agoThere is a opportunity for regret in the short moments after kicking the stool away.
- vollmond 8y agoPossibly quite long moments, depending on how well you prepared everything.
- lukevdp 8y agoOr, you can understand this and not regret decisions when you look back
- atomicnumber1 8y agoSo I guess it depends upon what regrets are you happy to live with.
- andruby 8y agoThere's a great episode of the Stanford Entrepreneurial Thought Leaders by Dave Evans on "Designing the Life You Really Want" where he suggest applying design thinking to designing your life. Including how to use rapid prototyping for life choice questions such as this. https://ecorner.stanford.edu/podcast/designing-the-life-you-really-want/ https://ecorner.stanford.edu/podcast/designing-the-life-you-...
- insited 8y agoAmazing
- michalu 8y agoI know very few people who regret having kids, unless they're single parents. Most of my friends in fact say it's the best thing in their life ... on the contrary 100% of people who don't have kids and are over their prime to have any they regret it or give you an unconvincing, hesitant answer along the lines of "maybe it's better" ... Now having children too early that's a different story. This point of you'll regret it anyway is wrong in my opinion. I believe you are way more likely to regret things you've never done than thing you have done. And that's why it's wrong, you can make relatively sound decisions using degree of regret as a measure as opposed to assuming you will regret it equally ... when you look at your life and project yourself to your deathbed imagine how you'd feel.
- postsantum 8y agoAdmitting you regret having children is a social suicide, nobody will be open about it in public. Moreover, saying this is the best thing in your life is the only acceptable answer and anything less would make people look down on you with pity and casual disdain. Still they exist, just look for them on parenting forums, reddit threads, facebook groups. But yes, a lot of them is about having chrildren too early
- Aeolun 8y agoIt’s social suicide, but it’s just also really, really hard. I don’t really think humans are biologically built to regret their kids until they reach a certain level of independence. Take it with a grain of salt though, it’s purely anecdotal.
- Retra 8y ago100%? That sounds like a real statistic and not totally something you've made up. In any case, how you feel on your deathbed is about the least relevant feeling you will ever have in your life.
- yesenadam 8y agoWell, I think the point is that 'deathbed' scenarios can be useful - what one can imagine regretting - in remembering what's important in life. Proverbially, no-one wishes they'd spent more time at the office. It's just hard to imagine wishing that, given most office jobs. Regretting not spending more time with friends, family, loved ones seems not unlikely. ‘My only regret’, Keynes said, ‘is that I have not drunk more champagne in my life.’ https://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/07/11/more-champagne/ https://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/07/11/more-champagne/