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This is very touching and openly raw post. I have lost people close to me, and have never been able to express what I was feeling in the way it's presented here

This is very touching and openly raw post. I have lost people close to me, and have never been able to express what I was feeling in the way it's presented here. However... This Alex sounds like she was Super-Human. It comes across that there was nothing she couldn't do, or hasn't done. As much as people like to think the best of those departed, I am sure that everyone has parts of them that are.. just not any good. When I die, I want people to be honest about who I was. Most of the time I am an opinionated grumpy shit, and hope that my eulogy shows me as I truly was, warts and all.

copperx 8y ago
She doesn't. In fact, I was wondering if I could ever write as sincerely as him, because he does talk about a few negative traits of her, especially regarding their relationship. Yes, he has a laundry list of all of the things she did, because she was a rugged woman, but also talks about how much her pride affected her enjoyment of things. Did we read the same thing?
kohanz 8y ago
The author does mention she had some pretty "sharp edges", but regardless I don't think one can expect an "objective" assessment in a situation like this nor is it preferred, in my opinion. We're talking about two soul mates. No one can possibly relate to Alex in the way the OP did. When you're with someone in that good of a relationship, for that long, you don't see that person the same way as anyone else possibly could. As I read the article, I could only think of my wife (thankfully still here with me), because that's my "Alex". My wife is not perfect, but I also don't see her as having truly negative qualities, more like strengths and weaknesses and I love the entire package. I guess what I'm doing a crappy job of saying is that eulogizing your SO isn't really possible to be understood as an "outsider". You can understand it in the context of your own relationships, but with regards to the person being remembered, thee whole picture is impossible for you to see and perhaps also those details are only meant for the closest relationships, in my humble opinion.
ghufran_syed 8y ago
Reminds me of orson Scott card’s “speaker for the dead” whose job it is to speak after someone dies, giving a full picture of who someone was, which of course, includes all the bad things that people don’t want to talk about after somebody dies
CryptoPunk 8y ago
I think most people are pretty amazing and we only fail to notice because we're so used to it. It's only when they die that we stop taking it for granted.

copperx 8y ago

She doesn't. In fact, I was wondering if I could ever write as sincerely as him, because he does talk about a few negative traits of her, especially regarding their relationship. Yes, he has a laundry list of all of the things she did, because she was a rugged woman, but also talks about how much her pride affected her enjoyment of things. Did we read the same thing?

kohanz 8y ago

The author does mention she had some pretty "sharp edges", but regardless I don't think one can expect an "objective" assessment in a situation like this nor is it preferred, in my opinion. We're talking about two soul mates. No one can possibly relate to Alex in the way the OP did. When you're with someone in that good of a relationship, for that long, you don't see that person the same way as anyone else possibly could. As I read the article, I could only think of my wife (thankfully still here with me), because that's my "Alex". My wife is not perfect, but I also don't see her as having truly negative qualities, more like strengths and weaknesses and I love the entire package. I guess what I'm doing a crappy job of saying is that eulogizing your SO isn't really possible to be understood as an "outsider". You can understand it in the context of your own relationships, but with regards to the person being remembered, thee whole picture is impossible for you to see and perhaps also those details are only meant for the closest relationships, in my humble opinion.

ghufran_syed 8y ago

Reminds me of orson Scott card’s “speaker for the dead” whose job it is to speak after someone dies, giving a full picture of who someone was, which of course, includes all the bad things that people don’t want to talk about after somebody dies

CryptoPunk 8y ago

I think most people are pretty amazing and we only fail to notice because we're so used to it. It's only when they die that we stop taking it for granted.