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This is a phenomenon I think a lot about -- how globalization and the sheer amount of information we have available requires you to either drastically increase

This is a phenomenon I think a lot about -- how globalization and the sheer amount of information we have available requires you to either drastically increase your expectations of yourself or drop them all together. Think about what being an alpha among a primitive group of humans (or apes) entails. It's part something that is internalized and demonstrated by that individual, and part reinforced socially by the rest of a small group of people who, within the context of the group, plainly recognize that individual as "best". This same dynamic exists for craftsmen among the group, for instance. Being at the top is always a function of where everyone else on your radar is at. It's just now you have to be your own cheerleader, because it's a much bigger pond. You have to make calculated decisions about how different things validate you (recreation vs greatness); being great at something in the 21st century really means putting your head down and having an unwavering faith in yourself. You have to keep lifting yourself back up, as the reward is always 10 steps out and always fleeting. At the same time, you now have an infinite amount of resources and inspiration for what you could become. You aren't limited by the nearest available expert, and you aren't limited by your imagination. It's all there for you to pick off the shelf.

curiousgal 8y ago
> ow globalization and the sheer amount of information we have available requires you to either drastically increase your expectations of yourself or drop them all together. As someone who grew up and studies in a third world country, seeing kids younger than me doing impressive things in Stanford for example is depressing as hell but compared to my peers, I am doing extremely well.
- rukittenme 8y ago
  If it makes you feel any better 90% of those achievements are crap and the other 10% depend heavily on older mentors who've spent their lives studying the topic.
  - 50 8y ago
    I completely agree. I would even go on to add that what is held at high regard in culture is often, may I say always, not that great. What makes something great, regardless of what it is, is the state of your inner self - which might sound like hogwash but to which I firmly hold to be true. And anyways, your life is so inexpressibly your own that to be mournful because someone has something you don't have, is on a path you would like to be, etc, is to render your life and your path not true and not fruitful to the greatest extent possible. As naive as all the above may sound.
- kbenson 8y ago
  As someone who grew up in Northern California an hour from San Francisco and works in the tech industry in that area, besides that difference I could have written your comment myself.
- TeMPOraL 8y ago
  Related: my university started supporting students in doing all the things I dreamed of (drones, rocketry, rovers) a few years after I graduated. Trying hard not to be, but I'm really jealous.
jackconnor 8y ago
Very well said, thank you.
joefourier 8y ago
Another option is to specialize to a very large degree. It's possible for almost anyone (assuming sufficient motivation) to become a leading expert in a field or the one of the best at some activity, as long as it's sufficiently niche. You may have to go in a subfield of a subfield of a subfield in many cases, but it's much more realistic to be in the top 10 of something with just a few hundred practitioners than something with a few million. Take music, becoming one of the top 100 pop musicians on the planet in terms of popularity is incredibly unlikely, but top 100 of some more obscure genre (such as synthwave) is more achievable. You can add more qualifiers - (e.g. Italo-disco inspired synthwave) until you feel comfortable with the pool of competitors, and you'll be far less at risk of feeling insignificant and overshadowed.
- postsantum 8y ago
  Or, instead of narrowing your niche, you can hone a combination of skills. Think of any of the multisport competitions (biathlon, triathlon, winter quadrathlon). The more exotic the combination, the more likely you are the best in the world.
- wink 8y ago
  Please tell me Italo-disco inspired synthwave is not something you made up on the spot. I need links :)
  - RichardCA 8y ago
    https://youtu.be/5ziInu6xglE https://youtu.be/5ziInu6xglE
    - wink 8y ago
      That's super cool, but in my amateur opinion that's just covering/redoing proper Italo Disco, it's not synthwave.
  - mattbierner 8y ago
    Try “Vincenzo Salvia”, “Andy Fox”, and “Evanton”. Each represents their own sub genre of italo-disco synthwave.
Balgair 8y ago
If you have kids, this kinda changes for a lot of people. You'll still have these feelings, but the little monsters change your view points a fair bit. Being on top, or really comparing yourself to others that are far far away, kinda drops away. I'm talking from a male perspective here, as I know the mommy-bloggers are demon spawn in the comparisons regard. But when something that REALLY is super important comes along and keeps bugging you to play monster trucks, that hierarchy urge transforms from 'me me me' to 'them them them'. Sure, parenthood is hectic as all get out, and providing for the puke machines is NOT easy. But there is a personal existential calmness that smooths out the ambitions of self towards an ambition of family (and 8 hours of sleep!).
- Invictus0 8y ago
  As a counterpoint, most US Presidents and also most billionaires have children. I don't see much historical evidence for children being a damper on ambition.
  - marnett 8y ago
    Outside of the privileged few, having children is about having family. For those privileged few who trade money for someone else to handle any and all steps that come along with child rearing it is largely about bloodlines and passing on the family name, typically to children whose mother had world class genetic makeup.
  - imgabe 8y ago
    The wealthy have always had children. They are able to afford to pay other people to raise their children for them.
- panic 8y ago
  > I'm talking from a male perspective here, as I know the mommy-bloggers are demon spawn in the comparisons regard. What do you mean by this? Can't men can be "demon spawn" too in this regard?
  - bitexploder 8y ago
tareqak 8y ago
A personal example for me is computer games. I used to play for a good amount of time during high school (my parents would argue too much), and I really did enjoy it. Losses would be annoying and sting a little, but it was easy to brush them off and play another round of the original DotA. Getting into university, I had a whole lot less time, but the people I came across were much better, and wins spread farther and farther apart. Still I had hope that after I graduated, I'd have more time to get back into it. I ended up switching to World of Warcraft after I graduated because there were things to do outside of competing all the time. A few years after I graduated, Twitch arrived on the radar, and the having all that knowledge of that many people that were better than me became obviously apparent. I still had a feeling of hope, but now it was coupled with the beginnings of what I would say is a realization that I'm not at all that good to the point that I avoid playing certain games to avoid being reminded of that within a game. It's not simply enough to avoid multiplayer for me: I try to look for things that I can both grok, but is more of a niche game / less popular to avoid being exposed to a constant source to compare myself against.
- jplayer01 8y ago
  Twitch is what made you realize you weren't good enough? VODs in the 90s for Starcraft or CS were more than enough to convince me that being competitive was nigh impossible.
  - tareqak 8y ago
    That's a fair point, which is why I avoided playing those games in the first place.

curiousgal 8y ago

> ow globalization and the sheer amount of information we have available requires you to either drastically increase your expectations of yourself or drop them all together. As someone who grew up and studies in a third world country, seeing kids younger than me doing impressive things in Stanford for example is depressing as hell but compared to my peers, I am doing extremely well.

rukittenme 8y ago
If it makes you feel any better 90% of those achievements are crap and the other 10% depend heavily on older mentors who've spent their lives studying the topic.
- 50 8y ago
  I completely agree. I would even go on to add that what is held at high regard in culture is often, may I say always, not that great. What makes something great, regardless of what it is, is the state of your inner self - which might sound like hogwash but to which I firmly hold to be true. And anyways, your life is so inexpressibly your own that to be mournful because someone has something you don't have, is on a path you would like to be, etc, is to render your life and your path not true and not fruitful to the greatest extent possible. As naive as all the above may sound.
kbenson 8y ago
As someone who grew up in Northern California an hour from San Francisco and works in the tech industry in that area, besides that difference I could have written your comment myself.
TeMPOraL 8y ago
Related: my university started supporting students in doing all the things I dreamed of (drones, rocketry, rovers) a few years after I graduated. Trying hard not to be, but I'm really jealous.

jackconnor 8y ago

Very well said, thank you.

joefourier 8y ago

Another option is to specialize to a very large degree. It's possible for almost anyone (assuming sufficient motivation) to become a leading expert in a field or the one of the best at some activity, as long as it's sufficiently niche. You may have to go in a subfield of a subfield of a subfield in many cases, but it's much more realistic to be in the top 10 of something with just a few hundred practitioners than something with a few million. Take music, becoming one of the top 100 pop musicians on the planet in terms of popularity is incredibly unlikely, but top 100 of some more obscure genre (such as synthwave) is more achievable. You can add more qualifiers - (e.g. Italo-disco inspired synthwave) until you feel comfortable with the pool of competitors, and you'll be far less at risk of feeling insignificant and overshadowed.

postsantum 8y ago
Or, instead of narrowing your niche, you can hone a combination of skills. Think of any of the multisport competitions (biathlon, triathlon, winter quadrathlon). The more exotic the combination, the more likely you are the best in the world.
wink 8y ago
Please tell me Italo-disco inspired synthwave is not something you made up on the spot. I need links :)
- RichardCA 8y ago
  https://youtu.be/5ziInu6xglE https://youtu.be/5ziInu6xglE
  - wink 8y ago
    That's super cool, but in my amateur opinion that's just covering/redoing proper Italo Disco, it's not synthwave.
- mattbierner 8y ago
  Try “Vincenzo Salvia”, “Andy Fox”, and “Evanton”. Each represents their own sub genre of italo-disco synthwave.

Balgair 8y ago

If you have kids, this kinda changes for a lot of people. You'll still have these feelings, but the little monsters change your view points a fair bit. Being on top, or really comparing yourself to others that are far far away, kinda drops away. I'm talking from a male perspective here, as I know the mommy-bloggers are demon spawn in the comparisons regard. But when something that REALLY is super important comes along and keeps bugging you to play monster trucks, that hierarchy urge transforms from 'me me me' to 'them them them'. Sure, parenthood is hectic as all get out, and providing for the puke machines is NOT easy. But there is a personal existential calmness that smooths out the ambitions of self towards an ambition of family (and 8 hours of sleep!).

Invictus0 8y ago
As a counterpoint, most US Presidents and also most billionaires have children. I don't see much historical evidence for children being a damper on ambition.
- marnett 8y ago
  Outside of the privileged few, having children is about having family. For those privileged few who trade money for someone else to handle any and all steps that come along with child rearing it is largely about bloodlines and passing on the family name, typically to children whose mother had world class genetic makeup.
- imgabe 8y ago
  The wealthy have always had children. They are able to afford to pay other people to raise their children for them.
panic 8y ago
> I'm talking from a male perspective here, as I know the mommy-bloggers are demon spawn in the comparisons regard. What do you mean by this? Can't men can be "demon spawn" too in this regard?
- bitexploder 8y ago

tareqak 8y ago

A personal example for me is computer games. I used to play for a good amount of time during high school (my parents would argue too much), and I really did enjoy it. Losses would be annoying and sting a little, but it was easy to brush them off and play another round of the original DotA. Getting into university, I had a whole lot less time, but the people I came across were much better, and wins spread farther and farther apart. Still I had hope that after I graduated, I'd have more time to get back into it. I ended up switching to World of Warcraft after I graduated because there were things to do outside of competing all the time. A few years after I graduated, Twitch arrived on the radar, and the having all that knowledge of that many people that were better than me became obviously apparent. I still had a feeling of hope, but now it was coupled with the beginnings of what I would say is a realization that I'm not at all that good to the point that I avoid playing certain games to avoid being reminded of that within a game. It's not simply enough to avoid multiplayer for me: I try to look for things that I can both grok, but is more of a niche game / less popular to avoid being exposed to a constant source to compare myself against.

jplayer01 8y ago
Twitch is what made you realize you weren't good enough? VODs in the 90s for Starcraft or CS were more than enough to convince me that being competitive was nigh impossible.
- tareqak 8y ago
  That's a fair point, which is why I avoided playing those games in the first place.