4 ms·

I don't know, reminds me a lot of that old concept: we are a combination of 3 things, who we are, who we think we are and who we want to be. I can't find any re

by m3mpp 8y ago

I don't know, reminds me a lot of that old concept: we are a combination of 3 things, who we are, who we think we are and who we want to be. I can't find any reference to it, but to me it seems more accurate than the article explanation about the "better version of oneself".

ams6110 8y ago
Seems to me the article claims there is a fourth (and maybe most influential), "who we think other people think we are"
- chrisweekly 8y ago
  Yeah, something like: "You're not who you think you are. Nor are you what other people think you are. You are what you think other people think you are." I find some truth in that perspective. We're such social animals, deriving identity from how we believe ourselves to be perceived.
- baxtr 8y ago
  Reminds me of [1]: 3. Rich man in the car paradox. When you see someone driving a nice car, you rarely think, “Wow, the guy driving that car is cool.” Instead, you think, “Wow, if I had that car people would think I’m cool.” Subconscious or not, this is how people think. The paradox of wealth is that people tend to want it to signal to others that they should be liked and admired. But in reality those other people bypass admiring you, not because they don’t think wealth is admirable, but because they use your wealth solely as a benchmark for their own desire to be liked and admired. [1] http://www.collaborativefund.com/blog/the-psychology-of-money/ http://www.collaborativefund.com/blog/the-psychology-of-mone...
  - amelius 8y ago
    Not sure if all people think that way. Some people might be jealous?
  - vinceguidry 8y ago
    It depends a lot on where you are. Driving a riced out car in the suburbs carries a subtly different status message than driving a Maserati in the center of town. You absolutely can signal status with a car in a way that will convey what you want. Look at me, I'm interesting, I'm worthy of getting to know. Admire me. It's just a lot more expensive than the attention is worth. That's the only real problem with cars. A watch and a pair of nice shoes sends that message for way way cheaper. And even then, it's only one brick in the wall. You also need personal style, and interpersonal style as well. Somebody who is really status conscious will weave all those things together in a way that is so compelling to look at, it's really like you're looking at a movie star that just stepped out of a screen. You can't look away, it's enthralling. Magic happens around them. Yes, the car you drive matters when you're playing at that level.
    - nicoburns 8y ago
      > Yes, the car you drive matters when you're playing at that level. Do you really think that status conscious people are playing at a higher level than others? Personally I go out of my way to avoid people who poster for attention in these ways. And people who only seem interested in me because my way of life signals status to them for that matter.
      - vinceguidry 8y ago
        That's where your location comes into play. Different parts of a city have different vibes. The status signals still exist, but are different in your part. Yesterday at lunch a guy walked past with an extremely 'regal' air. Literally the whole team turned and watched him walk, then we had a conversation about what he was representing, the consensus being that of a plantation gentleman. Seersucker suit, short tweed hat. And it was clean. He didn't look like a homeless person, he looked like he stepped out of a 1800s storybook. That's status. Paying that much attention to the message you're sending through your actions and bearing. It's non-verbal communication that you absolutely can learn and master, you can even take classes in it, they're called acting classes. It's what separates Emperor Norton from a random homeless guy.
golergka 8y ago
I'm sure there's a way to map this to id, ego and super-ego somehow.

by m3mpp 8y ago

ams6110 8y ago

Seems to me the article claims there is a fourth (and maybe most influential), "who we think other people think we are"

chrisweekly 8y ago
Yeah, something like: "You're not who you think you are. Nor are you what other people think you are. You are what you think other people think you are." I find some truth in that perspective. We're such social animals, deriving identity from how we believe ourselves to be perceived.
baxtr 8y ago
Reminds me of [1]: 3. Rich man in the car paradox. When you see someone driving a nice car, you rarely think, “Wow, the guy driving that car is cool.” Instead, you think, “Wow, if I had that car people would think I’m cool.” Subconscious or not, this is how people think. The paradox of wealth is that people tend to want it to signal to others that they should be liked and admired. But in reality those other people bypass admiring you, not because they don’t think wealth is admirable, but because they use your wealth solely as a benchmark for their own desire to be liked and admired. [1] http://www.collaborativefund.com/blog/the-psychology-of-money/ http://www.collaborativefund.com/blog/the-psychology-of-mone...
- amelius 8y ago
  Not sure if all people think that way. Some people might be jealous?
- vinceguidry 8y ago
  It depends a lot on where you are. Driving a riced out car in the suburbs carries a subtly different status message than driving a Maserati in the center of town. You absolutely can signal status with a car in a way that will convey what you want. Look at me, I'm interesting, I'm worthy of getting to know. Admire me. It's just a lot more expensive than the attention is worth. That's the only real problem with cars. A watch and a pair of nice shoes sends that message for way way cheaper. And even then, it's only one brick in the wall. You also need personal style, and interpersonal style as well. Somebody who is really status conscious will weave all those things together in a way that is so compelling to look at, it's really like you're looking at a movie star that just stepped out of a screen. You can't look away, it's enthralling. Magic happens around them. Yes, the car you drive matters when you're playing at that level.
  - nicoburns 8y ago
    > Yes, the car you drive matters when you're playing at that level. Do you really think that status conscious people are playing at a higher level than others? Personally I go out of my way to avoid people who poster for attention in these ways. And people who only seem interested in me because my way of life signals status to them for that matter.
    - vinceguidry 8y ago
      That's where your location comes into play. Different parts of a city have different vibes. The status signals still exist, but are different in your part. Yesterday at lunch a guy walked past with an extremely 'regal' air. Literally the whole team turned and watched him walk, then we had a conversation about what he was representing, the consensus being that of a plantation gentleman. Seersucker suit, short tweed hat. And it was clean. He didn't look like a homeless person, he looked like he stepped out of a 1800s storybook. That's status. Paying that much attention to the message you're sending through your actions and bearing. It's non-verbal communication that you absolutely can learn and master, you can even take classes in it, they're called acting classes. It's what separates Emperor Norton from a random homeless guy.

golergka 8y ago

I'm sure there's a way to map this to id, ego and super-ego somehow.