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I've been struggling with dream fulfillment vs. pragmatism for weeks now. The dillema is this: I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after wor

I've been struggling with dream fulfillment vs. pragmatism for weeks now. The dillema is this: I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work -- should I work on this side project idea that I want to turn into a start up or dedicate the time to study for interviews and secure my future with a high salary. Its been gnawing at me for weeks now and I think after reading this I've made my decision.. my parents are old and sick.. I'm the most successful child and have been covering medical bills for the past year.. it seems irresponsible to try to start a start up that will most likely fail instead of trying to secure a higher paying job so that I can cover their bills and live more comfortably. It may not be the glamorous thing to do but we all have responsibilities...

xaranke 8y ago
Does it have to be an either/or situation? 2 months of spare time is probably the upper end of how much you should spend preparing for coding interviews, once that is done you could start working on your side project?
- AstralStorm 8y ago
  It is generally better to use a spaced repetition schedule than cram in 2 months... So, taking say 4h each week or perhaps something even more adaptive would be better.
dleslie 8y ago
I've made a career of chasing other people's dreams: I look for opportunities at well-funded or well-positioned small companies and insert myself into the opportunity to help others achieve their dreams. It's fun, and sometimes it's fortuitous, but most of the time it just pays the bills and keeps my life interesting. The key is that it pays the bills and remains interesting. If I were to chase my own entrepreneurial ambitions I suspect that the latter _and_ the former would give way to stress and poverty. With kids, that's not particularly desirable.
- pm90 8y ago
  The people that made the most money in the California gold rush were the ones that sold equipment and clothing to the gold prospectors.
  - sizzle 8y ago
    e.g. Levi's
- luddaite 8y ago
  I am just entering the job market and I would like to try and make this my career as well. I'd like to go from early stage company to early stage company and help the founders build something cool. Any tips or advice?
  - dleslie 8y ago
    Probably nothing you haven't heard before. ;) 1. If the pay cheques stop clearing then you stop working and move on. 2. Always eat broccoli, metaphorically: every company wants for someone who is happy to do, and able to do, the work that others cannot or will not do. 3. Don't be afraid to ask how they're funded and what their business plan is; you are, in a sense, an investor who supplies labour. 4. Stock is _usually_ worth less than the paper it's printed on. 5. Manage your managers; they'll push you hard and squeeze blood from you, and only you are able to ensure work/life balance.
ssm008 8y ago
Try this exercise: Write down what will happen if you were to die right now. For me, this answers most questions about what I should do.
- sombremesa 8y ago
  Pretty much nothing will happen, unless you have dependents. Whatever will happen might have mattered for you, but you're dead. Quite a lot of people have died already with not a lot of consequence.
  - ssm008 8y ago
    I agree that on the whole, nothing matters. But in a felt sense, my life matters more when I have other people to care for and interact with or some goal that needs to be reached. Reflecting on my inevitable end gives a sense of urgency and an appreciation of the people around me.
- barrkel 8y ago
  Life insurance pays out. This doesn't answer much for me.
mrb 8y ago
Here is a practical thought experiment that might help you: picture yourself many years from now, on your deathbed; would you have more regrets of having gone down path A or B?
- projektir 8y ago
  My issue with this thought experiment is that I'm not convinced that one's thoughts at one's deathbed have a lot of value. Being lucid at one's deathbed is already a positive situation that might simply not happen under some circumstances.
  - jacobush 8y ago
    I had the same reflection, but I think it’s still useful for framing the situation. Don’t think too hard, think Hollywood movie situation.
  - BeetleB 8y ago
    I think you're taking it too literally. Let's say you are 60 years old, in perfectly good mental health, and are diagnosed with a terminal illness and will not live longer than a few months. I rarely do this exercise, but it has been helpful at times. It's a lot simpler to do if you're older (late 30's or higher). You can look back at your pursuits over the last few decades and can actually see things like "Oh, I've been learning new programming languages for so many years now. How useful has it been?" If I extrapolate for another decade or two, will I be happy at age 50 or 60 with the outcome if I continue with these activities? I have many more pursuits than I can do in this life. When you're younger, you usually don't limit your options because you feel you have a lot of time. When you're 40, you can easily say "I've been doing this for 20 years. If I don't change/prioritize, I'll soon be at 60. Is this stuff worth doing at the expense of other pursuits?" This year I ticked off two bucket items. I had been putting them off for too long. IMO, it is worth thinking that way.
- bigcity 8y ago
  I had these thoughts before...but realized there is no point optimizing life for the last six months.
sixstringbudha 8y ago
> I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work.. No mortal being have unlimited time at their disposal. Very few have the fortitude and discipline and above all, guts, to use it for realizing what ever "dream" that they have. We all have responsibilities. But some does not hide behind them.
blauditore 8y ago
This may sound obvious, but have you considered part-time work? If you look out for it, there's a good chance you might find software companies supporting it. Compensation might not be as stellar though, but at least it's a guaranteed income and you still have some time for your side project.
laumars 8y ago
It's trendy to run your own start up but honestly I'd rather work for an established company on a decent wage and have my startup idea as side projects for fun. If they become profitable then I get a little extra pocket money. However more often than not it's just something to scratch a personal itch so I'd rather just give it away to the open source community since it has already been so generous to me and my career. This seems a rather unpopular (at least if you read HN) philosophy these days but it keeps me financially secure, my skills sharp and my attention focused on the stuff that actually matters (family, personal health and happiness etc).
- paulie_a 8y ago
  I absolutely agree. Sure if someone is young, try running your own startup and when that fails you can get a normal job. Everyone wants to claim they are an entrepreneur but that means you are a sales person. Your technical abilities don't mean much.
- pm90 8y ago
  Startups and regular jobs are really different experiences; some people enjoy the thrill of being weeks away from running out of cash, or crunching hours after hours to get the product out to the market and potentially making a ton of money in a short period of time. Others like to have a more regular schedule which for them is more productive. So people kinda naturally gravitate towards either kind of job when they really follow their instincts. But many people often don’t and the mismatch does create frustration.
  - YinglingLight 8y ago
    Life is suffering. And I don't mean that in some existential sense. The lifestyles people choose is summed up by how they want to suffer.
    - pm90 8y ago
      I consider myself an optimist, but I do also agree with you. The interesting thing for me has been that often people try to avoid a certain kind of suffering but end up suffering in a different way. So you just can't get away from that fact.
winrid 8y ago
Don't give up. Find a time slot - few hours a week maybe. If you're disciplined and can stick to it you'll accomplish a lot while still working full time.
marak830 8y ago
From a 35 yo, with a child, background dirt poor parents who has basically been struggling my entire life (to give you a point of view of my comment). Go for the higher paying job. Something that is secure, and has a smaller chance of everything collapsing on you, is a main requisite. I have similar issues (family to support, more bills than income). You don't want to be in this position. It's more difficult to claw your way from the bottom than it is to keep afloat. Unless you are certain that you can find your idea and keep afloat enough to cover everything, I wouldn't risk your current position. But take this with a bag of salt, but remember my warning - if there is no safety net, you are not the only one to suffer. Edit. Is it somethig. You are able to start in your free time (you're lucky to have any, so use it wisely!) If so I'd say keep working on it u til you get some sort of traction. Second edit : it's what I'm doing. 70+ hours a week to support my family, and what time I can scrape together to work on my side project.
poof131 8y ago
Don’t view it as an either-or. Figure out the best step now for you, perhaps a higher paying job. But that job can lead to opportunities and you may have more cushion and connections to make a better jump into whatever else you want to do later. Think of it as risk management [1]. Too much stress and you won’t function. Manage risk and manage stress to a level that works best for you. Somewhere past perseverance lies adaptability & flexibility at number six on the life checklist. [2] [1] https://www.public.navy.mil/NAVSAFECEN/PublishingImages/ORM/Risk%20Assessment%20Matrix.bmp https://www.public.navy.mil/NAVSAFECEN/PublishingImages/ORM/... [2] https://slideplayer.com/slide/8751842/26/images/15/CRM+Situational+Awareness+Assertiveness+Decision+Making+Communication.jpg https://slideplayer.com/slide/8751842/26/images/15/CRM+Situa...
fsloth 8y ago
If I may bluntly say: Go with the higher paying job, then continue with your dreams. You'll have much more energy to put into your idea if you don't need to worry about finances so much. If you are unsure, read Adam Grant's "Originals". Many of the high achievers he documents there we not in fact risk takers, but extremely careful about many things. You can take risks, but not all out risks. Have a solid basis, and then use that as a foundation to build something new. I.e. be totally conventional and security seeking in everything else except in your dream project. That way you have the capacity to fail and learn for a longer time while working on your idea, hence increasing the likelihood of eventual success.
eeZah7Ux 8y ago
weeks!? ...
- 40acres 8y ago
  Haha, actually now that I think about Ive been stuck in this rut for a year. But the past few weeks have been really intense.
ams6110 8y ago
Are you a "Type A", driven, aggressive, visionary, take-the-lead type of person? If not, you will not do well running a startup. Having a dream is not enough. It's not for everyone, and it takes a strong leader to make a startup successful. No shame admitting that it isn't for you, the world needs leaders and the world needs people who get the work done.
brixon 8y ago
Go for the higher paying job, but do not raise your standard of living. Start building you ability to save. You can grow wealth in a salary job if you are smart about how you spend money.

xaranke 8y ago

Does it have to be an either/or situation? 2 months of spare time is probably the upper end of how much you should spend preparing for coding interviews, once that is done you could start working on your side project?

AstralStorm 8y ago
It is generally better to use a spaced repetition schedule than cram in 2 months... So, taking say 4h each week or perhaps something even more adaptive would be better.

dleslie 8y ago

I've made a career of chasing other people's dreams: I look for opportunities at well-funded or well-positioned small companies and insert myself into the opportunity to help others achieve their dreams. It's fun, and sometimes it's fortuitous, but most of the time it just pays the bills and keeps my life interesting. The key is that it pays the bills and remains interesting. If I were to chase my own entrepreneurial ambitions I suspect that the latter _and_ the former would give way to stress and poverty. With kids, that's not particularly desirable.

pm90 8y ago
The people that made the most money in the California gold rush were the ones that sold equipment and clothing to the gold prospectors.
- sizzle 8y ago
  e.g. Levi's
luddaite 8y ago
I am just entering the job market and I would like to try and make this my career as well. I'd like to go from early stage company to early stage company and help the founders build something cool. Any tips or advice?
- dleslie 8y ago
  Probably nothing you haven't heard before. ;) 1. If the pay cheques stop clearing then you stop working and move on. 2. Always eat broccoli, metaphorically: every company wants for someone who is happy to do, and able to do, the work that others cannot or will not do. 3. Don't be afraid to ask how they're funded and what their business plan is; you are, in a sense, an investor who supplies labour. 4. Stock is _usually_ worth less than the paper it's printed on. 5. Manage your managers; they'll push you hard and squeeze blood from you, and only you are able to ensure work/life balance.

ssm008 8y ago

Try this exercise: Write down what will happen if you were to die right now. For me, this answers most questions about what I should do.

sombremesa 8y ago
Pretty much nothing will happen, unless you have dependents. Whatever will happen might have mattered for you, but you're dead. Quite a lot of people have died already with not a lot of consequence.
- ssm008 8y ago
  I agree that on the whole, nothing matters. But in a felt sense, my life matters more when I have other people to care for and interact with or some goal that needs to be reached. Reflecting on my inevitable end gives a sense of urgency and an appreciation of the people around me.
barrkel 8y ago
Life insurance pays out. This doesn't answer much for me.

mrb 8y ago

Here is a practical thought experiment that might help you: picture yourself many years from now, on your deathbed; would you have more regrets of having gone down path A or B?

projektir 8y ago
My issue with this thought experiment is that I'm not convinced that one's thoughts at one's deathbed have a lot of value. Being lucid at one's deathbed is already a positive situation that might simply not happen under some circumstances.
- jacobush 8y ago
  I had the same reflection, but I think it’s still useful for framing the situation. Don’t think too hard, think Hollywood movie situation.
- BeetleB 8y ago
  I think you're taking it too literally. Let's say you are 60 years old, in perfectly good mental health, and are diagnosed with a terminal illness and will not live longer than a few months. I rarely do this exercise, but it has been helpful at times. It's a lot simpler to do if you're older (late 30's or higher). You can look back at your pursuits over the last few decades and can actually see things like "Oh, I've been learning new programming languages for so many years now. How useful has it been?" If I extrapolate for another decade or two, will I be happy at age 50 or 60 with the outcome if I continue with these activities? I have many more pursuits than I can do in this life. When you're younger, you usually don't limit your options because you feel you have a lot of time. When you're 40, you can easily say "I've been doing this for 20 years. If I don't change/prioritize, I'll soon be at 60. Is this stuff worth doing at the expense of other pursuits?" This year I ticked off two bucket items. I had been putting them off for too long. IMO, it is worth thinking that way.
bigcity 8y ago
I had these thoughts before...but realized there is no point optimizing life for the last six months.

sixstringbudha 8y ago

> I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work.. No mortal being have unlimited time at their disposal. Very few have the fortitude and discipline and above all, guts, to use it for realizing what ever "dream" that they have. We all have responsibilities. But some does not hide behind them.

blauditore 8y ago

This may sound obvious, but have you considered part-time work? If you look out for it, there's a good chance you might find software companies supporting it. Compensation might not be as stellar though, but at least it's a guaranteed income and you still have some time for your side project.

laumars 8y ago

It's trendy to run your own start up but honestly I'd rather work for an established company on a decent wage and have my startup idea as side projects for fun. If they become profitable then I get a little extra pocket money. However more often than not it's just something to scratch a personal itch so I'd rather just give it away to the open source community since it has already been so generous to me and my career. This seems a rather unpopular (at least if you read HN) philosophy these days but it keeps me financially secure, my skills sharp and my attention focused on the stuff that actually matters (family, personal health and happiness etc).

paulie_a 8y ago
I absolutely agree. Sure if someone is young, try running your own startup and when that fails you can get a normal job. Everyone wants to claim they are an entrepreneur but that means you are a sales person. Your technical abilities don't mean much.
pm90 8y ago
Startups and regular jobs are really different experiences; some people enjoy the thrill of being weeks away from running out of cash, or crunching hours after hours to get the product out to the market and potentially making a ton of money in a short period of time. Others like to have a more regular schedule which for them is more productive. So people kinda naturally gravitate towards either kind of job when they really follow their instincts. But many people often don’t and the mismatch does create frustration.
- YinglingLight 8y ago
  Life is suffering. And I don't mean that in some existential sense. The lifestyles people choose is summed up by how they want to suffer.
  - pm90 8y ago
    I consider myself an optimist, but I do also agree with you. The interesting thing for me has been that often people try to avoid a certain kind of suffering but end up suffering in a different way. So you just can't get away from that fact.

winrid 8y ago

Don't give up. Find a time slot - few hours a week maybe. If you're disciplined and can stick to it you'll accomplish a lot while still working full time.

marak830 8y ago

From a 35 yo, with a child, background dirt poor parents who has basically been struggling my entire life (to give you a point of view of my comment). Go for the higher paying job. Something that is secure, and has a smaller chance of everything collapsing on you, is a main requisite. I have similar issues (family to support, more bills than income). You don't want to be in this position. It's more difficult to claw your way from the bottom than it is to keep afloat. Unless you are certain that you can find your idea and keep afloat enough to cover everything, I wouldn't risk your current position. But take this with a bag of salt, but remember my warning - if there is no safety net, you are not the only one to suffer. Edit. Is it somethig. You are able to start in your free time (you're lucky to have any, so use it wisely!) If so I'd say keep working on it u til you get some sort of traction. Second edit : it's what I'm doing. 70+ hours a week to support my family, and what time I can scrape together to work on my side project.

poof131 8y ago

Don’t view it as an either-or. Figure out the best step now for you, perhaps a higher paying job. But that job can lead to opportunities and you may have more cushion and connections to make a better jump into whatever else you want to do later. Think of it as risk management [1]. Too much stress and you won’t function. Manage risk and manage stress to a level that works best for you. Somewhere past perseverance lies adaptability & flexibility at number six on the life checklist. [2] [1] https://www.public.navy.mil/NAVSAFECEN/PublishingImages/ORM/Risk%20Assessment%20Matrix.bmp https://www.public.navy.mil/NAVSAFECEN/PublishingImages/ORM/... [2] https://slideplayer.com/slide/8751842/26/images/15/CRM+Situational+Awareness+Assertiveness+Decision+Making+Communication.jpg https://slideplayer.com/slide/8751842/26/images/15/CRM+Situa...

fsloth 8y ago

If I may bluntly say: Go with the higher paying job, then continue with your dreams. You'll have much more energy to put into your idea if you don't need to worry about finances so much. If you are unsure, read Adam Grant's "Originals". Many of the high achievers he documents there we not in fact risk takers, but extremely careful about many things. You can take risks, but not all out risks. Have a solid basis, and then use that as a foundation to build something new. I.e. be totally conventional and security seeking in everything else except in your dream project. That way you have the capacity to fail and learn for a longer time while working on your idea, hence increasing the likelihood of eventual success.

eeZah7Ux 8y ago

weeks!? ...

40acres 8y ago
Haha, actually now that I think about Ive been stuck in this rut for a year. But the past few weeks have been really intense.

ams6110 8y ago

Are you a "Type A", driven, aggressive, visionary, take-the-lead type of person? If not, you will not do well running a startup. Having a dream is not enough. It's not for everyone, and it takes a strong leader to make a startup successful. No shame admitting that it isn't for you, the world needs leaders and the world needs people who get the work done.

brixon 8y ago

Go for the higher paying job, but do not raise your standard of living. Start building you ability to save. You can grow wealth in a salary job if you are smart about how you spend money.