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For a long time I've been wanting a "Tinder For Platonic Adults" app. I'm not looking for romance or sex, but I want to find nearby matches with similar interes

• gf263 8y ago
  Try Bumble's BFF feature
  • untog 8y ago
    IMO it would ideally be separate from any dating app. Not just because of profile overlap, but also because as a married man I really don't want Bumble to be on the home screen of my phone. No matter how innocent my use of it, I wouldn't want anyone to see it on my phone and get a bad impression of me as a result.
    • Skrillex 8y ago
      I am of the opinion that the choice between an app that signals "I want/need friends" and "I am interested in hookups" would not be an easy one, even if one's usage is innocent.
    • toomuchtodo 8y ago
      Consider that you’re depriving yourself of possible friendships because of other people’s unreasonable judgements about you without having any context. As long as your partner is aware and okay with it, ignore what others think.
      • untog 8y ago
        There's a certain irony that you're suggesting I disregard the opinions of strangers in order to go out and make friends with some strangers. Until the OP mentioned it, I had no idea that Bumble had a friend finding feature. It's a dating app, its advertising shows dating as its function. So I can't say I'd blame anyone that did judge me unreasonably, to be honest. It's not necessarily that fair, but we don't get to make our own rules of social interaction.
        • toomuchtodo 8y ago
          The irony is not lost on me. Every stranger is a possible friend. Disregard the ones who prejudge you unnecessarily. Life is too short to give too many f*ucks when you’re purposely optimizing for happiness while minimizing suffering you cause. Be happy, life is fleeting.
      • leetcrew 8y ago
        unfortunately what others think about you can materially affect your life.
      • DoofusOfDeath 8y ago
        I think the GP's approach actually makes a lot of sense. Affairs do happen. There's love in not giving your spouse unnecessary reason for worry. And there's wisdom in not tooling up your phone in a way that makes moments of weakness more likely to result in an affair.
    • magduf 8y ago
      If you're avoiding a friend-finding app just because of what other people think, that's really sad. Do you go about everything in your life with that mindset? What does being married matter? If your wife wouldn't approve, then that speaks volumes about the quality of your relationship (i.e., you have no trust between you).
      • untog 8y ago
        But it isn't a friend-finding app. It's a dating app that happens to have a friend-finding feature (that until now I had no idea existed). People's perceptions follow on from that. My wife would have no problem with it. But what if one of her friends saw me on the bus with Bumble open on my phone? If she spoke to my wife she'd be able to clear up the confusion. But what if she didn't? What if there ended up being a persistent rumour that neither myself nor my wife could clear up because no-one told us about it? I'm not saying it's not sad, but it's the actual reality we live in. Social lives are complex in ways we can't really control.
        • magduf 8y ago
          So what if there's a rumor? Why do you care what people say about you? If people talk badly about you like that, then maybe you shouldn't socialize with them. It sounds like you socialize with some petty, small-minded, nosy people if you're really that worried about this. I don't know about you, but I don't show random acquaintances all the apps on my phone. Also, if someone saw you with Bumble BFF in a public place, they'd see you swiping left and right on pictures of men. Are you worried people will think you're gay?
          • untog 8y ago
            Rumour and gossip happen everywhere, all the time. It's deluded to think otherwise. And friendship groups aren't a series of 1:1 connections, I don't choose who my friend's friends are, nor do I choose my coworkers (who could absolutely make a personal judgement about me based on what they see). This is how socialization works. Anyone is welcome to opt out, but it's not a particularly smart way to try and make friends. It's kind of funny that in a thread that's ostensibly about making new friends your advice has turned to how to choose which friends to discard.
    • saudioger 8y ago
      Bury it in a folder, talk to your spouse about what you're doing with it ahead of time. Don't use it around other people if you're worried about someone you know being a dick about it.
      • untog 8y ago
        Surely all of those things indicate a recognition that I'm doing something I should be ashamed of and be hiding? I'd say it indicates a market for someone to make an entirely separate app (or for Bumble to do so).
        • saudioger 8y ago
          Eh who knows, personally I don't find any shame it... just trying to be helpful if someone feels like they need to avoid it.
  • mLuby 8y ago
    Anecdotal evidence suggests not all Bumble BFF seekers actually have platonic intentions, kind of defeating the point of the feature.
    • davnicwil 8y ago
      I mean, some percentage of people using any service which matches people up for social activities will not have platonic intentions, whether knowingly or not. I think the point of the feature is to minimise the chances of this being the case, right?
      • psyklic 8y ago
        Nearly every dating site allows you to officially put you're looking for friends. It's the whole idea that people want to ideally marry their best friend, or that people want to be friends first before dating. In my experience, nearly everyone hopes that a meeting from a dating site will be more than platonic, even if you go out of your way to set platonic expectations. After all, it's much easier to become friends if you're attracted to each other!
    • bena 8y ago
      The "plausible deniability" feature.
• nicoburns 8y ago
  Meetup can be good for this.
  • inetknght 8y ago
    Can be does not mean it is. I've used Meetup for a couple years now. It's more spammy than Facebook. Big groups have leaders who don't listen, niche groups are led by marketing people.
• tc7 8y ago
  It does sound nice. Once you're an adult, does anyone have these sort of relationships/friendships, or is this a thing that only exists in Seinfeld?
  • kakaorka 8y ago
    I’ve known a handful of friends for all my life. I believe my relationship with them is of this sort.
  • AnIdiotOnTheNet 8y ago
    At one time I made a friend at work and we got along so well we became a gestalt entity, always referred to as the pair "AnIdiotOnTheNet and OtherGuy", with quite a few people not sure which was which. It wasn't quite Turk and JD, but it was pretty special. Sadly I kinda fucked it up by having a bad bout of some mental health issues, and then since it was a temp job we parted ways and I never saw him again.
• kudokatz 8y ago
  > There are likely tens of matches for me within a 5 minute drive, I just don't know how to find them. I have found meetup.com to be exactly this. Not everybody at a meetup will click personally, but they're much more likely to share interests. One meetup group has completely changed my life, and I have met people I consider some of the best people I have ever encountered anywhere. And they all live right near me.
  • endtime 8y ago
    I met my wife at a meetup, as well as some of my closest friends. Definitely recommend it if you're feeling lonely.
  • Kagerjay 8y ago
    Same here, I've made my new best friend here. You just need to know what you are looking for, I pick mostly techmeetups and volunteer work as the common interest and to build mutual learning / bonding experience. I don't really get much out of pure generic "social" meetups though... people seem to care more about what you do VS. who you are in my opinion. Sports is another mutual bonding area too
  • loblollyboy 8y ago
    I think almost every lonely person considers this, but when you are lonely you might also be depressed and that makes it hard t go meet other ppl because of one or some combo of the following: 1. you feel like nobody would want to associate with your miserable ass 2. you are low on energy from feeling sad and 3. you actually are not interested in anything. Thats what I went through and probably would be going through right now if it weren't for weddings/ bps I 'had' to go to and moving back home. We don't spend enough time together anymore b/c of the retarded 9-5 system we have and it just being easier to sit around and binge on content
    • abledon 8y ago
      Thing about meetup.com which messes up touches on your point. Even though you may feel down... you get those small 'silces' of energy... even if they are brief.... You need to hit that 30 minute window of feeling pumped to go out and socialize. Feeling pumped? Yeah ! lets do this! goes on meetup.com.... F* the next cool thing is Sept 2. 89 hours away..... 30 minute window of feeling pumped to go socialize fades away... A better solution would be a queueing system like a video game a-la league of legends.... Want to socialize NOW.?!?! Did you just read an awesome book by Brandon Sanderson, or want to talk about FIFA ? Browse the dream app / Meetup 3.0 to see queue up spots nearby (hopefully situated at starbucks , mcdonalds, libraries or any other form of public space (that is shrinking in cities)). I'd do it myself but the legalities of a startup just seem like a truck-ton of work here in Canada (harder to setup the equivalent of a LLC).
• overcast 8y ago
  I use dating apps regularly when traveling for exactly that. You'd be surprised how willing people are to meetup without the pressure of dating/sex being involved. Fly into a city for work, meetup for fun, and make a new friend for next time.
  • dmortin 8y ago
    Don't most people on dating apps actually look for dates, instead of just for some chat?
    • deleted 8y ago
      [deleted]
    • overcast 8y ago
      I think you'll find most people are sick of dating, and are completely open to something platonic. Maybe I'm just really, really, ridiculously good looking though.
      • worldsayshi 8y ago
        Yeah I agree that a lot of people are probably sick of it. It's kind of strange trying to keep friend and dating spheres so separate. Would be better if there was easier ways to just meet people with shared values where finding dates was a potential bonus and not the end game.
    • stagger87 8y ago
      Most dating sites let you specify your intentions, and many of them offer a "Looking for friends" option.
      • AnIdiotOnTheNet 8y ago
        Yeah, but I think that option is mostly used as a way for women to keep men from messaging them so they can message the ones they choose without being constantly harassed by throngs of men they aren't interested in. Not that it works, a lot of men message anyway because they never read the profile in the first place. A better strategy is to identify as homosexual and explain in your initial message that you do that to keep creepers from messaging you. Of course, then you have to let down some actual homosexuals, but I imagine that's a lot smaller pool to filter.
• bitexploder 8y ago
  I know a number of atheists that go to church purely for the community. Also, adopt a social hobby (Magic the Gathering, Warhammer, etc.). It is much easier to make friends when there is common ground. I have made a lot of friends over the last year since moving. Sharing hobbies is rad.
• fizx 8y ago
  If you have hobbies, look for a meetup around them. If you have pretty generic interests (wine, board games, and cheesecake), perhaps the best thing you can do is join a unitarian universalist church near you. It's all of the social benefits of church without the need to (pretend to) believe in anything specific. Failing that, you can probably find another reasonable-ish religious community. There's a huge spectrum, and plenty of people do it casually just for the social aspect.
  • neap24 8y ago
    I mostly agree. Although, it is often the "unreasonable, specific beliefs" that bind a social group together despite their differences. If that core belief or two is strong enough, you will force yourself to interact with people you wouldn't ordinarily hang out with. I have found this aspect of social clubs to be the most beneficial to me (and others). It also seems that belonging a religious community with moderately strict beliefs is the most efficient way to get this.
  • claydavisss 8y ago
    ...and if you don't have a hobby, get one! no one really wants to know about your job, they have one of their own. If you want people to be interested in you, be interesting!
• paulpauper 8y ago
  craigslist
• psyklic 8y ago
  I founded a company that did this. Despite our best efforts and aggressive marketing campaigns, it turned into a dating site. For example, messaging almost entirely stopped when we only matched same sexes. We found that even if the app is used for making friends, people look for someone they're attracted to first, since it's just more fun. During our market research, nearly everyone wanted to meet new friends and liked the idea. However, in practice noone thinks of using an app/website to make friends, and there's no driving motivator like with dating or employment. We all know it's exciting to meet people serendipitously in person. However, being exposed to lots of profiles online that look similar and tell you everything up front takes the magic away.
  • bena 8y ago
    And that's the difference between "listening to your customer" and "listening to your customer". Also we get to see where "the customer is always right" actually falls. Customers said "we want a friend app". You listened to them, you made them what they wanted because they were right. But once you listen to what your customers are actually doing, you realize where you should be focusing your energy. Because the customer can't use the app "wrong", they'll use it how they use it.
  • Tade0 8y ago
    I've heard of people using Linkedin like a dating site and even achieving moderate success. I guess you can't win going against love.
• personlurking 8y ago
  The solution is a one-on-one Meetup.com-style service. You post an event based on subject matter and see who joins. If more than one person is interested, you can make it a small group activity or you can decide to meet each one individually, to foster the potential friendship. You can even provide your (free-time) schedule for the other person to mark a suggested time to hang out.
• mikestaub 8y ago
  I wanted this app as well so I decided to just build it myself. Feel free to sign up for the beta, I would love your feedback after launch: https://peapods.com https://peapods.com Building a social network around local events seems obvious and honestly I am very surprised no one has executed it correctly yet. We have a plan for solving the chicken-and-egg problem by bootstrapping off of the existing event platforms.
  • nkron 8y ago
    I tried to sign up but couldn't get past the street sign captcha. I tried three times... Google is making it hard these days.
    • scns 8y ago
      Had the same problem on another site. Are you using firefox on linux? In Chromium it works.
    • mikestaub 8y ago
      I'm sorry about that, I will investigate why this is happening. Feel free to email support@peapods.com, and we can add you manually to the list.
• eurticket 8y ago
  Had a similar idea, that automated creating meetings based on interests, availability and proximity.