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I'm not a parent, but if there's one thing I've for-sure learned about parenthood, it's that it gives you license to passive-aggressively dismiss the perspectiv
by namuol 8y ago
I'm not a parent, but if there's one thing I've for-sure learned about parenthood, it's that it gives you license to passive-aggressively dismiss the perspective of any and all non-parents.
- fermienrico 8y agoYep, and it goes on to great extents. I don’t have kids but all coworkers of mine get a “one up” for doing the same things I’m doing while being parents. 7 billion people have been born in last 100 years. Raising kids isn’t abnormal.
- marmadukester39 8y agoNo, but it’s hard on a level you can’t understand until you do it.
- namuol 8y agoThis is an example of dismissing someone else's perspective. Have you considered that someone might choose not to have children because they understand how difficult it is?
- sixstringtheory 8y agoYou could say they correctly assume it’s hard, but to really understand it, they’d need to experience it, no?
- mac01021 8y agoNo. There are many ways to understand. They could witness a close friend or sibling struggling to raise children. They could simply reason about the commitment of time and money required and take note of all the other things in life that parenthood would require them to give up.
- Hannan 8y agoYou can hear about the experience of a POW, but it won't ever be the same as being a POW. Not trying to equate the two, just showing how telling/imagining aren't quite the same as experiencing.
- projektir 8y agoSure, but that's true for everything, there's nothing unique about parenting here. I.e., you similarly don't have quite the same experience as a no-kids person who has depression. Yet this argument seems to come exclusively from parents, assigning parenthood a special status, which makes no sense, since parenting is extremely commom.
- nojvek 8y agoThis is the same argument as “men will never understand women because to truly understand a woman, you have to be a woman” Well, empathy is quite a real thing. Also everyone’s experience is different, so even if you are a woman, you “truly don’t know what it means to be a woman”.
- nitwit005 8y agoOnce you're arguing the philosophy of knowing something as learned knowledge versus personal experience, the discussion has kind of gone off the rails.
- projektir 8y agoGiven that people can relate to plenty of other experiences, I'm not sure why they wouldn't be able to relate to such a common one.
- vecinu 8y agoOn top of that, I too have noticed that parents often talk down to people that haven't experienced parenthood. Almost as if becoming a parent is very difficult and gives you enlightenment that can be found in no other way.
- blzaugg 8y agoBut taking care of children IS very difficult. And, yes, being a parent is the only way to be enlightened in that way. Nothing else will give you the same experience.
- apple4ever 8y agoAbsolutely agree. Now I don’t talk down to non-parents, because they made that choice or had the choice made for them (temporarily or permanently). It’s crazy stressful but at the same time so joyous.
- bdamm 8y ago> Almost as if becoming a parent is very difficult and gives you enlightenment that can be found in no other way. You got it! Now, the "talking down to" is annoying. But if it's about non-parents telling parents about how easy life should be, and parents replying along the lines of "fool, no." it's absolutely warranted.
- w0m 8y agoHonestly in this case; it's somewhat true. Picture a world where you have ~no control of your daily life. You wake up when you hear the screaming in the monitor. You completely structure every non-work hour around 3 hour blocks of potted plants eat/sleep/shit/nap cycles with periods of incredible stress (and uh.. joy) sprinkled liberally through (Holy crap, was that red in the horrible poop running down my leg? Oh we gave him radish, whew.) I'm being a little facetious here, but i'm just saying that everyones life situation is different. As a relatively new parent, In that situation, I can see it being incredibly hard to simply 'relax' at home. More than anything you'll finally have time to notice the liquified pees that has hardened on the ceiling than actually relax. When i was in my 20s every vacation was 2 weeks of Hostels and hikes, but we are all in different life situations and that doens't make one persons opinion of a 'vacation' more correct than anothers.
- w8rbt 8y agoJust don't give me advice about kids (if you don't have kids) and we'll get along just fine ;) Please do give me advice about other things that you know about and have experience with when I need it.
- namuol 8y agoMy only advice is to try not to be self-righteous, but this has nothing to do with parenthood.
- scarface74 8y agoThe difference is that everyone who has kids has known what life is like with and without kids. The opposite is not true.
- projektir 8y agoThis is true for lots of things, though, many much more exclusive than parenthood, why is having kids singled out?
- scarface74 8y agoAnd you shouldn’t speak as if you have first hand experience on those things either.
- Sir_Substance 8y agoWould you take the advice of a childless pediatrician?
- blzaugg 8y agoAbsolutely. Parenthood and child medicine are very different things.
- skinnymuch 8y ago
- murrayb 8y ago"Dismissing the perspective of any and all non-<insert group>" is a generalisation and not unique to parents. Though as a parent I have noticed it too.
- nkozyra 8y agoAnd vice versa, apparently.
- koonsolo 8y agoAll parents have been non-parents. None of the non-parents have been parents. So let me tell you one thing: you have no idea.