5 ms·

Both of our kids are very verbal, they were speaking very clear sentences when a lot of their peers where barely intelligible for example. We are constantly ama

Both of our kids are very verbal, they were speaking very clear sentences when a lot of their peers where barely intelligible for example. We are constantly amazed at their vocabulary and clever turns of phrase they come up with on their own. My personal goal has been to make sure they feel like they have a voice and get to be heard. They have agency in their lives; choices and consequnces. We've always talked to them like people and encouraged them to use their words. When they were little I'd repeat back what they said and respond as clearly as I could, asking for clarification or whatever. They've been read over a thousand books by the age of 5. I don't know how much of that is nature or nurture, but we definitely make time for them, and have the means to do so.

iamshs 8y ago
It is hard and non intuitive to talk to newborns, but our hospital material suggested us this. We started talking from day one. And our kid is cooing significantly more and has advanced fine motor skills, according to the pediatrician. We have enrolled in a local library course to do the 1000 books before 5 program. It is very important to give time to kids, and it can be done relatively inexpensively through local government initiatives.
- Falling3 8y ago
  > It is hard and non intuitive to talk to newborns I had the opposite experience, but maybe that's because I have decades of experience of talking to pets as if they're human adults...
  - iamshs 8y ago
    It is tiresome for me personally, because it is hard to get used to non-verbal responses. My wife does a stellar job though. I am gaining experience along the way though and a bit better than initial days.
    - scandinavegan 8y ago
      My wife used to explain the grocery shopping to our kids when they were babies. "Let's go get tomatoes, OK? What else do we need?" and so on, as a running commentary. They were babies, so they couldn't answer of course. I would feel stupid doing that, even if I see the benefits, but I enjoyed reading out loud to them, because then you have a script to follow. I wouldn't read "Dog - Apple - Ball" children books, but stuff I wanted to read anyway, just to get them used to hearing my voice, the speech rhythm, and the vocabulary.
  - krageon 8y ago
    You helped me realise I talk to my cousins the way I talk to my parrot. It's an amusing thought :)
- olau 8y ago
  Our first-born was good at understanding language at an early age. We don't talk much, so I tried to get into the habit of speaking aloud when I was with him, and apparently it worked. Then one day, as I'm watching him trying to climb a fence at a playground, it occurs to me he was comparably better at intellectual, grown-up activities than actual kid-like activities like getting dirty, climbing dangerous stuff, balancing on rocks, ignoring grown-ups, playing with other kids, etc. From that point, I tried to back off a little with the grown-up chatter. I'm happy to say that our following children, although perhaps a little later with the speaking, have been better at the kid stuff. Our first-born did get after it, too. We put him in a Waldorf kindergarten. So although well-intended, I don't think I had my priorities straight. If you do try to influence your children, you'd better make damn sure your influence is for the better. Today I would never enroll in a 1000 books before 5 programme. The Waldorf kindergarten was helpful here - they've been thinking about these things for many years, and don't seem to fall as easily for the pseudo-scientific stuff where someone spends a year or two studying whether children respond to specific training (e.g. language), and surprise! yes, they do! Without considering what those children were missing when they had to attend those training sessions, and could have been digging up worms in the garden. (And yes, I do read with my children, and we probably have more than a hundred books we've bought used over the years, but I consider reading inferior to playing or doing a meaningful activity, like peeling carrots and talking about that.)
- efsavage 8y ago
  Reading to a baby seems much easier to me than trying to converse with one, especially before they're even trying to talk. The 1000 by 5 program seems very ... unambitious, that isn't even one book a day. We've read at least 3 books a day before bed to our child since the day he was born, so we're well over 2000 books before age 2, and that doesn't count his other readings. He's way ahead in other areas, but his speech is not advanced. He watches very little TV, especially compared to his peers, and I often wonder if that has had an effect. I'm not really concerned enough to think that he should be watching more TV, but it seems like hearing that many extra words per day could be a brighter side of a darker habit.
- orbitur 8y ago
  We did the same, and my wish-not-really-a-wish-but-maybe-a-wish is that we talked to her less (insert laughing with sweat emoji here). She was an exceptionally loud baby, just constant stream of (non-crying, mostly happy chatter) noise coming from her mouth and we encouraged it by talking to her like a normal adult, and eventually those sounds turned into syllables, words, then sentences, and she's entering teenhood now, and she literally has not shut up except to sleep. I'm an extrovert myself so she probably inherited it from me, and maybe our engagement with her from infancy is only partially responsible, but spending an entire day with her is mentally exhausting.
sundvor 8y ago
Awesome work. This made me think. My 7y boy has ASD/ADHD. When he talks, which is often, he talks constantly and all the time. It can feel like an onslaught; is very tiring over time. We've always been reading to him, and he enjoys words - and learning new vocabulary. I'm quite particular about grammar also, and he's always open to being learning this, being corrected, and he'll even correct his own after a few times. It's amazing to hear him "work" Google Home, modulating his questions until he gets what he wants. So he's obviously got a very sharp brain, but from a parent's point of view it can take a lot of effort to stay engaged at that "11th hour" point - specially when tired and dealing with non-compliance. Would appreciate if anyone has pointers here, if this resonates. We need to teach him that communication isn't just Transmit, but Transmit/ Receive (Tx/Rx).
- lolsaywut 8y ago
  the way your son is acting sounds normal, are you sure he is adhd
  - sundvor 8y ago
    His pediatrician, psychologist and psychiatrist made that assessment. I didn't describe his full set of behaviours, impulsiveness; it'd be a very long post. I try to focus on the good things, but was hoping to see if others here might have some strategies to try. I've taken steps like change jobs to be able to get rid of car to ride to work to improve fitness to get more energy to hopefully be a better dad.
    - jamra 8y ago
      There is a fad in diagnosing ADHD to boys especially. Some boys just need to move their bodies more than others. OPs experience with his children is wonderful but I’ve never seen research indicating early language development having anything to do with intelligence or success in adulthood.
      - dgut 8y ago
        Do you know what leads some boys to move their bodies more than others?
dm3 8y ago
Do people really read ~300 different books a year? We've been going through the same 10 books for more than a year now with my currently 3.2 year old: Karlsson on the Roof, Beechwood Bunny Tales, Winnie the Pooh, Paddington Bear and a few more. I guess these contain multiple stories which can be counted as separate "books", but they are nevertheless enjoyed every evening. Even though we've probably read every story at least 10 times already.
- zelos 8y ago
  I think it really depends on the child. Some like novelty, some like the reassurance from a story they already know. My 4 year old seems to go through phases of wanting nothing but one book for a couple of weeks, then moving on to something new. Fortunately our local library has a great collection of children's books.
- brlewis 8y ago
  When my kids were in preschool we also repeated a lot from the same set of maybe 40 books. Bill Peet wrote great books for the 3-7 range -- Cyrus the Unsinkable Sea Serpent, Kermit the Hermit, The Ant and the Elephant, Wump World, Hubert's Hair-Raising Adventure, and one that's great if it's not too scary: Cowardly Clyde.
mapleoin 8y ago
> They've been read over a thousand books by the age of 5. I'd really like to hear more about that. Did you mean that literally? How would you even acquire that many books?
- superhuzza 8y ago
  With a library card, most likely.
  - le-mark 8y ago
    Although we have a lot of toddler/kids books ourselves, probably 100-150 (a lot inherited from nieces/nephews), the majority are from the library. Our local branch has a fairly extensive kids/toddler section. There are a fair number of repeats. My son loved Violet the Pilot, we read it every day for a couple of weeks.
  - faitswulff 8y ago
    Ah, the perils of socialism.
  - mapleoin 8y ago
    Still sounds a bit much. But let's have some fun with napkin math: Assuming you started reading to them when they were 2, then you'd have three years to read. To get to 1000 books that would be almost one book a day. You'd have to go to the library twice a week unless your library let you lend 7 books at once. I think most libraries only allow you to lend out 3 books at a time.
    - le-mark 8y ago
      Our library doesn't have a limit, we get 30 at a time usually.
    - orbitur 8y ago
      Maybe this is just Soviet Canada silliness, but when our daughter was tiny we were literally checking out 20 books (small, could be read in 15-20 minutes) once a week, and there didn't seem to be any limit at all, that we ran into at least. We were reading to my daughter when she was an infant and had no idea what was going on, every night, 2 to 3 books a night, and we carried that habit well into 4 or 5 years old, so I have no doubt we passed 1000 books. When she was older she had a few faves that we returned to, but mostly we were constantly getting new material

iamshs 8y ago

It is hard and non intuitive to talk to newborns, but our hospital material suggested us this. We started talking from day one. And our kid is cooing significantly more and has advanced fine motor skills, according to the pediatrician. We have enrolled in a local library course to do the 1000 books before 5 program. It is very important to give time to kids, and it can be done relatively inexpensively through local government initiatives.

Falling3 8y ago
> It is hard and non intuitive to talk to newborns I had the opposite experience, but maybe that's because I have decades of experience of talking to pets as if they're human adults...
- iamshs 8y ago
  It is tiresome for me personally, because it is hard to get used to non-verbal responses. My wife does a stellar job though. I am gaining experience along the way though and a bit better than initial days.
  - scandinavegan 8y ago
    My wife used to explain the grocery shopping to our kids when they were babies. "Let's go get tomatoes, OK? What else do we need?" and so on, as a running commentary. They were babies, so they couldn't answer of course. I would feel stupid doing that, even if I see the benefits, but I enjoyed reading out loud to them, because then you have a script to follow. I wouldn't read "Dog - Apple - Ball" children books, but stuff I wanted to read anyway, just to get them used to hearing my voice, the speech rhythm, and the vocabulary.
- krageon 8y ago
  You helped me realise I talk to my cousins the way I talk to my parrot. It's an amusing thought :)
olau 8y ago
Our first-born was good at understanding language at an early age. We don't talk much, so I tried to get into the habit of speaking aloud when I was with him, and apparently it worked. Then one day, as I'm watching him trying to climb a fence at a playground, it occurs to me he was comparably better at intellectual, grown-up activities than actual kid-like activities like getting dirty, climbing dangerous stuff, balancing on rocks, ignoring grown-ups, playing with other kids, etc. From that point, I tried to back off a little with the grown-up chatter. I'm happy to say that our following children, although perhaps a little later with the speaking, have been better at the kid stuff. Our first-born did get after it, too. We put him in a Waldorf kindergarten. So although well-intended, I don't think I had my priorities straight. If you do try to influence your children, you'd better make damn sure your influence is for the better. Today I would never enroll in a 1000 books before 5 programme. The Waldorf kindergarten was helpful here - they've been thinking about these things for many years, and don't seem to fall as easily for the pseudo-scientific stuff where someone spends a year or two studying whether children respond to specific training (e.g. language), and surprise! yes, they do! Without considering what those children were missing when they had to attend those training sessions, and could have been digging up worms in the garden. (And yes, I do read with my children, and we probably have more than a hundred books we've bought used over the years, but I consider reading inferior to playing or doing a meaningful activity, like peeling carrots and talking about that.)
efsavage 8y ago
Reading to a baby seems much easier to me than trying to converse with one, especially before they're even trying to talk. The 1000 by 5 program seems very ... unambitious, that isn't even one book a day. We've read at least 3 books a day before bed to our child since the day he was born, so we're well over 2000 books before age 2, and that doesn't count his other readings. He's way ahead in other areas, but his speech is not advanced. He watches very little TV, especially compared to his peers, and I often wonder if that has had an effect. I'm not really concerned enough to think that he should be watching more TV, but it seems like hearing that many extra words per day could be a brighter side of a darker habit.
orbitur 8y ago
We did the same, and my wish-not-really-a-wish-but-maybe-a-wish is that we talked to her less (insert laughing with sweat emoji here). She was an exceptionally loud baby, just constant stream of (non-crying, mostly happy chatter) noise coming from her mouth and we encouraged it by talking to her like a normal adult, and eventually those sounds turned into syllables, words, then sentences, and she's entering teenhood now, and she literally has not shut up except to sleep. I'm an extrovert myself so she probably inherited it from me, and maybe our engagement with her from infancy is only partially responsible, but spending an entire day with her is mentally exhausting.

sundvor 8y ago

Awesome work. This made me think. My 7y boy has ASD/ADHD. When he talks, which is often, he talks constantly and all the time. It can feel like an onslaught; is very tiring over time. We've always been reading to him, and he enjoys words - and learning new vocabulary. I'm quite particular about grammar also, and he's always open to being learning this, being corrected, and he'll even correct his own after a few times. It's amazing to hear him "work" Google Home, modulating his questions until he gets what he wants. So he's obviously got a very sharp brain, but from a parent's point of view it can take a lot of effort to stay engaged at that "11th hour" point - specially when tired and dealing with non-compliance. Would appreciate if anyone has pointers here, if this resonates. We need to teach him that communication isn't just Transmit, but Transmit/ Receive (Tx/Rx).

lolsaywut 8y ago
the way your son is acting sounds normal, are you sure he is adhd
- sundvor 8y ago
  His pediatrician, psychologist and psychiatrist made that assessment. I didn't describe his full set of behaviours, impulsiveness; it'd be a very long post. I try to focus on the good things, but was hoping to see if others here might have some strategies to try. I've taken steps like change jobs to be able to get rid of car to ride to work to improve fitness to get more energy to hopefully be a better dad.
  - jamra 8y ago
    There is a fad in diagnosing ADHD to boys especially. Some boys just need to move their bodies more than others. OPs experience with his children is wonderful but I’ve never seen research indicating early language development having anything to do with intelligence or success in adulthood.
    - dgut 8y ago
      Do you know what leads some boys to move their bodies more than others?

dm3 8y ago

Do people really read ~300 different books a year? We've been going through the same 10 books for more than a year now with my currently 3.2 year old: Karlsson on the Roof, Beechwood Bunny Tales, Winnie the Pooh, Paddington Bear and a few more. I guess these contain multiple stories which can be counted as separate "books", but they are nevertheless enjoyed every evening. Even though we've probably read every story at least 10 times already.

zelos 8y ago
I think it really depends on the child. Some like novelty, some like the reassurance from a story they already know. My 4 year old seems to go through phases of wanting nothing but one book for a couple of weeks, then moving on to something new. Fortunately our local library has a great collection of children's books.
brlewis 8y ago
When my kids were in preschool we also repeated a lot from the same set of maybe 40 books. Bill Peet wrote great books for the 3-7 range -- Cyrus the Unsinkable Sea Serpent, Kermit the Hermit, The Ant and the Elephant, Wump World, Hubert's Hair-Raising Adventure, and one that's great if it's not too scary: Cowardly Clyde.

mapleoin 8y ago

> They've been read over a thousand books by the age of 5. I'd really like to hear more about that. Did you mean that literally? How would you even acquire that many books?

superhuzza 8y ago
With a library card, most likely.
- le-mark 8y ago
  Although we have a lot of toddler/kids books ourselves, probably 100-150 (a lot inherited from nieces/nephews), the majority are from the library. Our local branch has a fairly extensive kids/toddler section. There are a fair number of repeats. My son loved Violet the Pilot, we read it every day for a couple of weeks.
- faitswulff 8y ago
  Ah, the perils of socialism.
- mapleoin 8y ago
  Still sounds a bit much. But let's have some fun with napkin math: Assuming you started reading to them when they were 2, then you'd have three years to read. To get to 1000 books that would be almost one book a day. You'd have to go to the library twice a week unless your library let you lend 7 books at once. I think most libraries only allow you to lend out 3 books at a time.
  - le-mark 8y ago
    Our library doesn't have a limit, we get 30 at a time usually.
  - orbitur 8y ago
    Maybe this is just Soviet Canada silliness, but when our daughter was tiny we were literally checking out 20 books (small, could be read in 15-20 minutes) once a week, and there didn't seem to be any limit at all, that we ran into at least. We were reading to my daughter when she was an infant and had no idea what was going on, every night, 2 to 3 books a night, and we carried that habit well into 4 or 5 years old, so I have no doubt we passed 1000 books. When she was older she had a few faves that we returned to, but mostly we were constantly getting new material