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Go to therapy. You may well be below average in looks, and have to settle for a partner with below average looks, but everyone has shortcomings and I'm not conv

Go to therapy. You may well be below average in looks, and have to settle for a partner with below average looks, but everyone has shortcomings and I'm not convinced you couldn't find a life partner that would make you happy if you tried. It sounds like whatever your physical deficits may be, you are also insecure, fearful of rejection, and not working on improving your social skills. Don't quit before you've even tried.

noobermin 8y ago
And dear god, no one has to see dating anyone who isn't Kim Kardasian "settling". I've had sex with women who aren't what society considers "above average" but it was still fantastic. And my girlfriend isn't a model but she and I share a connection that could not be replicated with anyone else. A lot of the issue is society tries to input ideas about what is "sexy" into our heads and a large part of realizing sexual liberation (both for yourself and with your partner) is dismantling those ideas and throwing them in the trash.
- abandonliberty 8y ago
  Ugh. We have whole communities of these people (e.g. incels). I have female friends who will be single forever with impossibly long detailed lists of requirements that will never be met. It's really quite sad. On the other hand if you can buy into something that isn't considered highly desirable by society but is very prevalent, well, you can have a really, really good time.
  - lonelyengineer 8y ago
    I have no such detailed lists. I'm human and flawed, some of it stems from not accepting myself and a lack of self-love.
    - deleted 8y ago
      [deleted]
    - tasuki 8y ago
      > not accepting myself and a lack of self-love And you're aware of it! That's a very good first step towards fixing that!
      - lonelyengineer 8y ago
        Thank you, it wasnt long before I started thinking if I was undesirable because of my physical features AND my attitude. It's a slow process and I hope I too can one day have a normal life, with someone by my side.
        tasuki 8y ago
        The physical features aren't nearly as important as you might think. Eg there's plenty of ugly actors who are nevertheless very attractive. Your attitude is pretty good - you're open and eager to improve. Just continue working on yourself!
  - joaomacp 8y ago
    I think this is good, genetically. Nowadays, because of media, everyone knows how the ideal human looks like, and if you're not on par with that, then you'll think of yourself as pathetic. Actually, I've realized this myself: my male friends who are tall and muscular have had many girlfriends, and the rest are still virgins. But think about this: our society has naturally evolved to this stage. Before, males had fights to compare who had the best genes. Nowadays, we compare that through TV and media, and individuals without good genes keep themselves from passing them just through self hate.
lonelyengineer 8y ago
Thank you for your kind words. I do need therapy, I would dismiss such suggestions when I was young and foolish, it's funny how a few years make you realise that one isn't normal as they perceived themselves to be. I don't plan on quitting, and have taken active steps to help myself by trying to get fit (injuries and poor diet led to me being obese) Thanks again!
- JKCalhoun 8y ago
  Therapy is not a badge of shame to be sure. When I was at a low in my life I too found working on my health improved my self-esteem. And when I started to feel better about myself ... well, people can sense that.

noobermin 8y ago

And dear god, no one has to see dating anyone who isn't Kim Kardasian "settling". I've had sex with women who aren't what society considers "above average" but it was still fantastic. And my girlfriend isn't a model but she and I share a connection that could not be replicated with anyone else. A lot of the issue is society tries to input ideas about what is "sexy" into our heads and a large part of realizing sexual liberation (both for yourself and with your partner) is dismantling those ideas and throwing them in the trash.

abandonliberty 8y ago
Ugh. We have whole communities of these people (e.g. incels). I have female friends who will be single forever with impossibly long detailed lists of requirements that will never be met. It's really quite sad. On the other hand if you can buy into something that isn't considered highly desirable by society but is very prevalent, well, you can have a really, really good time.
- lonelyengineer 8y ago
  I have no such detailed lists. I'm human and flawed, some of it stems from not accepting myself and a lack of self-love.
  - deleted 8y ago
    [deleted]
  - tasuki 8y ago
    > not accepting myself and a lack of self-love And you're aware of it! That's a very good first step towards fixing that!
    - lonelyengineer 8y ago
      Thank you, it wasnt long before I started thinking if I was undesirable because of my physical features AND my attitude. It's a slow process and I hope I too can one day have a normal life, with someone by my side.
      - tasuki 8y ago
        The physical features aren't nearly as important as you might think. Eg there's plenty of ugly actors who are nevertheless very attractive. Your attitude is pretty good - you're open and eager to improve. Just continue working on yourself!
- joaomacp 8y ago
  I think this is good, genetically. Nowadays, because of media, everyone knows how the ideal human looks like, and if you're not on par with that, then you'll think of yourself as pathetic. Actually, I've realized this myself: my male friends who are tall and muscular have had many girlfriends, and the rest are still virgins. But think about this: our society has naturally evolved to this stage. Before, males had fights to compare who had the best genes. Nowadays, we compare that through TV and media, and individuals without good genes keep themselves from passing them just through self hate.

lonelyengineer 8y ago

Thank you for your kind words. I do need therapy, I would dismiss such suggestions when I was young and foolish, it's funny how a few years make you realise that one isn't normal as they perceived themselves to be. I don't plan on quitting, and have taken active steps to help myself by trying to get fit (injuries and poor diet led to me being obese) Thanks again!

JKCalhoun 8y ago
Therapy is not a badge of shame to be sure. When I was at a low in my life I too found working on my health improved my self-esteem. And when I started to feel better about myself ... well, people can sense that.