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Ask HN: Advice to your younger self
If you could send a single sentence of advice to your younger self, what would it be?
Let's assume it could not be a lottery number or investing advice.
For me it I would tell myself to find a successful mentor
- jrs235 9y agoIt's okay to change your mind.
- gringoDan 9y agoYou are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with - choose them wisely.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- tmaly 9y agoI have sort of followed this idea in a different way. I think TF might have said this, but I think he got it from someone else.
- bedtimestories 9y agoDon't eat so much, jesus fucking christ!
- FLUX-YOU 9y agoStick with programming; you're better at that than anything else you'll choose to do.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- naturalgradient 9y agoYou can play the 'work towards the next prestigious thing' game as long as you want but you will be happier the earlier you quit it.
- hyperpape 9y agoReally torn between "sleep more" and "just start writing, but take a deep breath before hitting send/submit/post."
- jonbarker 9y agoThere are diminishing returns to preparation: focus less on preparation (to include going to prestigious institutions and working for prestigious companies) and more on launching, learning, and iterating. This is true in business and a variety of other fields. As an add on: learn one programming language really well, and resist the urge to spend time learning new ones!
- cm2012 9y ago"diminishing returns to preparation" is a great turn of phrase.
- 131012 9y agoWhy the add on?
- Shikadi 9y agoSecond this, learning multiple languages is generally seen as a good thing, opening your mind to different ways of solving problems, no?
- taurath 9y agoIt’s helpful to specialize at least. One should at least have a primary that they know in and out.
- heavenlyblue 9y agoAny language in the area of discourse is a Turing-complete language. Therefore you can do anything you'd like to in any language. Besides, I would be highly critical of anyone who claims to know a variety of languages since it probably means they are only familiar with a strict subset of their standard libraries and quirks. Or that knowledge is incredibly outdated. Learning the syntax is one thing, the more time-consuming for development part is always knowing the quirks and patterns used today.
- Shikadi 9y ago
- Dirlewanger 9y agoDo everything in college that you continuously said you were going to do but never did.
- cbanek 9y agoGet a therapist and deal with your childhood issues as soon as possible, they will only grow with time.
- Humdeee 9y agoDon't be afraid to be more bold with some of life's decisions; often the risk is well worth the potential outcome.
- Shank 9y agoWork is important, but it's not more important than relationships: you can always find another job, but you may never find a comparable partner.
- hkmurakami 9y agoLive your own life, not someone else’s life.
- robhunter 9y agoMake fewer posts on social media about how you’re feeling at that moment in time
- djrogers 9y agoStart running, and keep running. Oh, and mine some of that newfangled bitcoin stuff! On the serious side though - It's a lot harder to get yourself in heathy shape in your 40s than in your 20s, and it's a LOT easier to keep a good habit than it is to make one.
- spking 9y agoWork much harder in high school and college, and spend 10 more years being single.
- asdsa5325 9y agoI was about to give the exact opposite advice
- halfimmortal 8y agoWhy spend more years being single? I'm in my twenties and hate being single.
- ranprieur 9y agoDo not fixate on particular goals, but practice broadly scanning for brief opportunities.
- arcticbull 9y agoEverything ends eventually, so get as much as you can out of it and stop focusing so much on whats next. And don't get hung up on things that do end!
- 3pt14159 9y agoEverything should be excellent—start making small changes once a month so they normalize and wake up a decade later formidable and attractive.
- mdolon 9y agoDon't be afraid to quit.
- Whymess 9y agoYou are going to die. You have nothing to lose. Follow your heart.
- tboyd47 9y agoInvolve other people in your major life decisions. Ask them for advice even if you don't feel you need it. At the very least it will bring you closer.
- codewritinfool 9y agoDo your own thing. Don't try to please others. Be kind. Put money in the bank every paycheck. Exercise. Tell those that you love that you do.
- om3n 9y agoBig life changes (like marriage, having kids) will change your life, and it's OK that your priorities won't be the same as they were before.
- asadlionpk 9y agoYou know, I think about this and it's kinda sad that my priorities will have to change and have changed. My younger self won't be happy with my current priorities.
- jerf 9y agoWould you be happy with your younger self's priorities now?
- asadlionpk 9y agoI am not “old” yet but I am seeing change of priorities. So yes, I would be happy.
- bloodorange 9y agoThere's plenty of time because what you do is far more important than how (or how quickly) you do something.
- ronilan 9y ago“The sentence sending time machine works.”
- strictnein 9y agoYou aren't busy. You just feel busy. Find time to do interesting things, because once you have kids you'll find out what being busy actually means.
- donnfelker 9y agoThis.
- simonbarker87 9y agoParents don’t own being busy or stretched for time. Regardless of what commitments you have you can be busy or not and you are in control of that - yes even parents are in control of how busy they are.
- jerf 9y agoThere is a qualitative change in when you are busy for the vast majority, though. Most people don't have a job where at any minute you have to drop everything and perform some task. This being HN, a very above-average number of the people who do have a job of that nature are around here, of course, but I'd expect it's still a majority of people of baby-having age around here who are not routinely getting paged at 2am by their job.
- toomuchtodo 9y agoAs someone who was an infrastructure engineer/sysadmin/it manager for over 16 years (ie various roles that required an on call component), my move to security at the same time as having kids couldn’t have come at a better time. Being on call 24/7 is not conducive to being available for parenting responsibilities of young children.
- ambivalents 9y agoAs a non-parent I do get this sentiment--certainly there can be many important things beyond children that call our time--however as someone who has dated someone with a kid and seen the kind of time and energy a child demands, OP's statement is spot on. It's more of a paradigm shift in the way you think about time -- you're suddenly not just responsible for yourself and your accompanying todos, but a whole nother human life, and their accompanying todos (which are manifold greater because they're dependent on you for even the simplest of needs).
- Clubber 9y agoMost companies don't give a shit about you, so don't kill yourself trying to make them happy.
- LargeWu 9y agoYou don't need to wait for permission.
- 20years 9y agoWorking 70 hours a week does not have the positive return you think it does.
- ladybro 9y agoGo deeper, opt for just in time rather than just in case, & treat your body with more respect.
- thomk 9y agoDrinking and chasing women won't seem as fun when you look back on it. I'm not saying don't do it, in fact, I'm saying the opposite. Drink, chase women and do it hard, but quit much earlier. Also don't listen to anyone else's idea of what you should do who who you should be. Following your own instincts and succeeding is sweet, following your own instincts and failing, well that just builds better instincts.
- dcow 9y agoYour body needs maintenance just like any other machine; eat fewer carbs.
- bargl 9y agoMessage 1: Write shit down! My memory is starting to suck.. Message 2: Thanks.
- ggm 9y agobe happy. it beats all the other alternatives.
- randcraw 9y agoTo grow and advance, involve yourself in an essential role on a project’s critical path. That way you make yourself important without having to self-promote, encouraging others to depend on you, so in later projects they’ll come back to you for more.
- random_upvoter 9y agoI love you very much.
- djbelieny 9y agoThink, plan and execute long term goals with more sense of urgency because 5 years can go by like it's nothing. Love more, don't shut yourself off into your own arrogance. Listen more, there's wisdom all around you and you definitely do not know it all.
- howeyc 9y agoYou will have a bunch of expectations placed on you by your family, your friends, and society at large. Telling you explicitly or implicitly what you should do, what's acceptable, and how you should live your life. It's not their life to live, it's your life, do what you want.
- bsvalley 9y agoDo it here and now! Take all the risks in the world and don't listen to the system. Don't get a 9-5 job right away. Location doesn't matter, failure is a good thing. In other words, I should have taken the entrepreneurial route right away. My environment wasn't promoting that at all back in the days so it's easy to say today...
- momentmaker 9y agorelax and release be patient and go with the flow of life you are on a speck of dirt spinning in a vast space of nothingness
- realPubkey 9y agoDo not start a company on your own in germany.
- ravenstine 9y agoAdults are mostly grown children, and you are at least as capable.
- draw_down 9y agoI wish I had continued working as a developer outside the tech industry, as I did in the early years of my career. I've learned more while working in the tech industry, but I've also burnt out multiple times and generally been treated much more poorly. I wish I had stuck with those instincts that initially kept me away. I'm much less happy overall, though that likely has as much to do with aging as anything else.
- kodablah 9y agoRemember where your loyalty lies. Difficult to revisit the hidden work you did for the man, easy to revisit work done in the open. Favor authoring for transparency and posterity over opacity and money.
- biztos 9y agoDear me, 1986: Learn C, it will solve your money problems! (That's the youngest self I think would have taken any advice.)
- zwieback 9y agoEnjoy the time when you get to pick your children's clothes.
- jpindar 9y agoRemote work will be a thing someday. Choose a specialty that's better suited for it (not embedded or instrument control).
- andrei_says_ 9y agoDon’t believe your thoughts. The voice in your head sounds like your voice but that doesn’t make it yours. Trust your inquisitive nature and question things., people and choices, especially if they feel off. Most people fake it, most of the time. Remember what your inner compass feels like. Use that feeling. Remember that you exist. Anyone who tries to sell you your own divinity is a scammer. Anyone who tries to define you sees themselves your master. Anyone who tries to punish or reward you sees themselves your master and wants you to accept that role. Your parents (and guardians) are often piloted by the blind forces of trauma patterns. What they do at these times is not parenting but seizures of madness, of which you are the audience and often the victim. This is not your fault, not your doing, and is not right. You are good to the core, but happen to be on the receiving end of these seizures. This is true for every occurrence of unkindness, humiliation, or abusive interaction by a person who has power over you. Sometimes it’s helpful to see beliefs, stereotypes, even language and habitual ways of thinking as forces that have colonized humanity. There’s space and life beyond these. Follow your curiosity about that dimension. It exists and is vast — infinitely more expansive than the mind’s ability to think. Humanity/society is multilayered. The shittiest layers get most of the publicity. There are many, many awesome people living in integrity, creating with open hearts and rich imagination. You can be one of them; the easiest way is to join their communities and friendships. Friendships are sacred, and deserve your utmost integrity, attention and honesty. You’re good and you are able to recognize the people who have not broken/fallen to the dark side. Trust that.
- archagon 9y agoI don't usually find anything I haven't heard before in this genre of thread, but these are some profound ideas. Thank you! > There are many, many awesome people living in integrity, creating with open hearts and rich imagination. You can be one of them; the easiest way is to join their communities and friendships. This is what I struggle with the most. (As do many others in my generation, I think.) How does one discover such communities?
- andrei_says_ 9y agoDwell in this question while noticing the people around you. Approach the ones you truly admire (not the ones you envy). One in n will be open to a conversation. Feed the relationships that give you the space to be yourself and seem to want from you the contributions you love giving. Being yourself means being vulnerably honest with the aspects of yourself which you don’t yet love. I think that’s most obvious with artists. And please give it time. Took a decade to have some of my acquaintances get distilled in into friendships.
- jly 9y agoHaving more or bigger 'things' will not make you happier. Focus more on relationships and family, and less on the means to consume more.
- Mc_Big_G 9y agoKissing ass at work is more important that anything else regarding advancement.
- GFischer 9y agoThat's only true for some companies (to be fair, most of them). If you're on companies that are actually creating value, in a position where you're creating value, this is not that stark. You can be more charitable and use stuff outlined on How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie rather than actual ass-kissing.
- 0x4f3759df 9y agoThe time window to have children is pretty small (life is short), and while men don't have a 'bio-clock' like women, if the man waits too long he might have to find a woman a decade or more younger (which is not how you dream about it growing up)
- djrogers 9y ago> The time window to have children is pretty small (life is short) You've got roughly from your mid 20s to your late 40s to have kids 'responsibly', is that really a small window? Or are you perhaps (incorrectly imho) simply feeling that you've missed out on parenthood even though you're still fully capable of being a great parent? Our youngest of 3 is 19 months old, and we're in our early to late 40s (i'm not saying which of us is which), and yes - certain things were harder this time vs 10 years ago (100% sleep related things). On the other hand, there are a ton of things that were way easier this time around - we're both more patient, have more realistic expectations of each other, and we've found a much greater capacity to enjoy her 'baby-ness'. And finally, don't under any circumstances rule out adoption. I cried more at the final adoption hearing than I did at the births of either of the first two. It's a slightly different bond, but by God it's no less strong...
- ggm 9y agochoose your parents genes, like your advice, wisely.
- acconrad 9y agoWork harder. I relied too much on pedigree and not enough on hard work. Also take an algorithms and compilers class. I'd be a much better developer sooner if I just grinded on some hard classes, and I probably would have landed that job at Facebook back in 2008.
- Balgair 9y agoA single phrase?: Health above all things. How about 11 good ideas?: 1. Dance More 2. Women are attracted to confidence, nothing else (I'm heterosexual, hence women. Probably works for any romantic partner to be) 3. Stay with your dog when they put her down, she deserves that at least that 4. Wear good clothes that fit well 5. Life is harder if you are dumb 6. So get smart, define 'smart' as you go 7. Take care of your health 8. Take care of your friends and family 9. The world is only getting crazier, so learn to surf 10. Really, I'm serious, dance more 11. Go Giants! I made a whole book with 1001 other little pithy bits as a gift for a friend's newborn. Let me know if you want a copy and I can send it to you.
- arbie 9y agoYou are going to produce more as you get older and more efficient, not less!
- AnimalMuppet 9y agoPeople matter. Learn to deal with them better. Treat them kindly even when you have to tell them that they're wrong. (Even how you dress matters. Really! You think it shouldn't, but it still does.)
- taternuts 9y agoStop measuring yourself against your father's and his father's accomplishments. Those shoes are too big to fill - concentrate on being happy and don't beat yourself up too much.
- probinso 9y agoPursue employment as young as possible and establish a work life balance. Say 'Yes' to anything you would have said 'maybe' to, and follow through.
- kamaal 9y agoShould have done anything, by any means, and relocated to San Francisco in my early 20s. P.S: I'm an Indian, working in Bangalore.
- Sukotto 9y agoYou will feel pressure to go to get married, have kids, buy a house, etc. Think long and hard about what you actually WANT before doing any of those things. Decide if the opportunity cost is worth it for you. You're locking into that decision effectively permanently. Don't just jump in blindly and hope your good luck will give you a good outcome.
- ismail 9y agoThe map is not the territory.
- ulisesrmzroche 9y agoDon't stop writing.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- graposaymaname 9y agoChill bro. There's no need to hurry
- blundtek 9y ago1 - Don't be afraid to follow your passion 2 - Never too early or late to start a fitness regime 3 - Don't Over-plan
- dofly 9y agoStudy math for real and get rid of H.Pylori. Would've been sweet.
- PappaPatat 9y agoActually: nothing. I would want my younger self to struggle, experience, learn and grow just the way I did. With my current knowledge I would create a rich MoFo who would be clueless but "respected" for no other reason then being rich. So to the younger me: go fuck yourself thinking this is going to be easy.
- gesman 9y agobashar.org
- gesman 9y agoBetter ask for forgiveness than for permission
- babuloseo 9y agoFucking uninstall SETI/BOINC and install Bitcoin miners and delegate all computational power to just mining.
- wink 9y agoDon't give up trying to learn skateboarding, you might regret it 20 years later :)
- zuzuleinen 8y agoSome self-promo: I run a weekly newsletter with lessons from HN: https://lessonsofhn.com https://lessonsofhn.com It's a collection of mostly life lessons I find interesting similar to comments from here.
- punjsingh 8y ago- Stop worrying. - You will live many lives, and will follow your own path leading to many places, rarely to the destination you intended to when you started. - You will never be completely content, but will start to enjoy the journey more as you age. - The path to being materially rich is long and may not necessarily bring you happiness you thought it would. Also that rich is a relative word, its meaning changes as you get more. - Your real earning would be people you meet and stories you have to tell of your journey. - Empathy will be your best gift to the world. - You will die living, with still a passion left to live 100 more lives in your heart :) https://www.quora.com/I%E2%80%99m-a-25-year-old-who-has-a-lot-of-interests-and-a-lack-of-direction-in-life-How-does-one-pick-a-happy-and-fulfilling-career/answer/Punjab-Singh?__filter__&__nsrc__=2&__snid3__=2349086492 https://www.quora.com/I%E2%80%99m-a-25-year-old-who-has-a-lo...
- Ooberdan 8y agoDo some daily mobility work to compensate for desk job with limited movement. Also, get a height adjustable desk. Maybe invent a practical way to code whilst walking/jogging.