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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

by classics2 8y ago

ptrincr 8y ago
Thanks for sharing, powerful stuff. Reminded me of the film "Waking Life" a little.
- pzone 8y ago
  Brene Brown has some pretty great books as well.
  - pks016 8y ago
    Can you suggest any book ?
cko 8y ago
I used to think I had empathy. I mean, when I see someone being taken advantage of, I tear up immediately. Until one day my mentor straight up told me “you have no empathy.” Which didn’t really bother me, since I’m pretty sure I’m not a sociopath. (Though that probably wouldn’t bother me either, by definition.) Watching that video made me realize that what I usually feel is sympathy. I think I’ve been so fortunate (or complacent) that I can’t really say to someone “I’ve been there. I know how it feels.” I mean I have been sad and depressed and lonely, don’t get me wrong, but overall I’m like “holy shit why am I so lucky?” Feelings are icky. If a close friend suffers a loss, I just want to do something practical. Help them move furniture, or babysit their kid or something. I don’t want to “get down to their level.” So yeah. No empathy here.
- jehlakj 8y ago
  I believe that nobody can “have” empathy. Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is still you who’s in their shoes. It’s just impossible to share the same emotions as someone if you’ve lived a different life, different experiences. When we see a teen yelling, “You don’t understand!”, we really don’t understand even when we were teens ourselves. I’m not a huge fan of the word because I think the first step to true connection is to admit that you in fact do not understand, but you’re there for them. Like the video suggests (which in my opinion isn’t really talking about empathy).
  - leetcrew 8y ago
    i do agree with you in the broad strokes, but there is some thing called "empathy" that some people simply do not have. it can still be a useful word.
  - johnchristopher 8y ago
    The field of communication and information (in humanities) has covered a lot of ground about that. Of course we can't inject our thoughts directly into someone else's brain and vice-versa. If two things have the same properties, there's truly only one thing.
- jm__87 8y ago
  It sounds like maybe you do have empathy? Experiencing some level of suffering when you witness someone else's suffering would be empathy. Sociopaths do not experience this. From my understanding, the part of the brain that processes pain and fear is much smaller or nonexistent in sociopaths, so they couldn't feel bad even if they wanted to. There is another thing called compassion which is generally wishing others to be well and giving people a break. Most people don't have much compassion as it somewhat goes against the human instinct to compete with others and do what is best for yourself. That being said, compassion can be directly developed through loving-kindness meditation, if you're motivated to become more compassionate. I personally also find that developing an understanding of evolutionary psychology and doing mindfulness meditation can also lead to more compassion as it leads to more understanding of how we are all, for the overwhelming majority of our conscious lives where we are not being mindful, slaves to whatever thoughts and feelings happen to be arising at any given moment. Some of us are lucky and don't experience much in the way of negative feelings or thoughts, some of us aren't so lucky. Either way, realizing that a lot of life comes down to the luck of the draw is a powerful realization that can lead to more compassion. This i feel is another reason why some of us lack compassion - if we're successful, we have some understanding of what set of actions we did that lead us to be successful. But no one ever sits there and thinks about all the things that didn't happen to them that would have lead to a worse outcome (of which there are infinitely many), so when we see another person who isn't succeeding we may just assume they are lazy or don't care without actually bothering to understand what is holding them back.
- johnchristopher 8y ago
  I'd say you have more empathy than compassion. I think it's a good thing. I myself have much more compassion than empathy and I am working on sorting things out to be more empathic than compassionate.
- creep 8y ago
  That's empathy. Empathy is a type of understanding, on any level. Maybe you have not experienced directly what is causing another person's emotional reaction, but you experience their emotional reaction. Sympathy is more along the lines of caring about someone enough that you care they are in pain. If you don't feel that pain, if you aren't "crying with them", but instead are a shoulder to cry on, that's sympathy. Both are very related and work together, depending on how close another person is to you.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

ptrincr 8y ago

Thanks for sharing, powerful stuff. Reminded me of the film "Waking Life" a little.

pzone 8y ago
Brene Brown has some pretty great books as well.
- pks016 8y ago
  Can you suggest any book ?

cko 8y ago

I used to think I had empathy. I mean, when I see someone being taken advantage of, I tear up immediately. Until one day my mentor straight up told me “you have no empathy.” Which didn’t really bother me, since I’m pretty sure I’m not a sociopath. (Though that probably wouldn’t bother me either, by definition.) Watching that video made me realize that what I usually feel is sympathy. I think I’ve been so fortunate (or complacent) that I can’t really say to someone “I’ve been there. I know how it feels.” I mean I have been sad and depressed and lonely, don’t get me wrong, but overall I’m like “holy shit why am I so lucky?” Feelings are icky. If a close friend suffers a loss, I just want to do something practical. Help them move furniture, or babysit their kid or something. I don’t want to “get down to their level.” So yeah. No empathy here.

jehlakj 8y ago
I believe that nobody can “have” empathy. Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is still you who’s in their shoes. It’s just impossible to share the same emotions as someone if you’ve lived a different life, different experiences. When we see a teen yelling, “You don’t understand!”, we really don’t understand even when we were teens ourselves. I’m not a huge fan of the word because I think the first step to true connection is to admit that you in fact do not understand, but you’re there for them. Like the video suggests (which in my opinion isn’t really talking about empathy).
- leetcrew 8y ago
  i do agree with you in the broad strokes, but there is some thing called "empathy" that some people simply do not have. it can still be a useful word.
- johnchristopher 8y ago
  The field of communication and information (in humanities) has covered a lot of ground about that. Of course we can't inject our thoughts directly into someone else's brain and vice-versa. If two things have the same properties, there's truly only one thing.
jm__87 8y ago
It sounds like maybe you do have empathy? Experiencing some level of suffering when you witness someone else's suffering would be empathy. Sociopaths do not experience this. From my understanding, the part of the brain that processes pain and fear is much smaller or nonexistent in sociopaths, so they couldn't feel bad even if they wanted to. There is another thing called compassion which is generally wishing others to be well and giving people a break. Most people don't have much compassion as it somewhat goes against the human instinct to compete with others and do what is best for yourself. That being said, compassion can be directly developed through loving-kindness meditation, if you're motivated to become more compassionate. I personally also find that developing an understanding of evolutionary psychology and doing mindfulness meditation can also lead to more compassion as it leads to more understanding of how we are all, for the overwhelming majority of our conscious lives where we are not being mindful, slaves to whatever thoughts and feelings happen to be arising at any given moment. Some of us are lucky and don't experience much in the way of negative feelings or thoughts, some of us aren't so lucky. Either way, realizing that a lot of life comes down to the luck of the draw is a powerful realization that can lead to more compassion. This i feel is another reason why some of us lack compassion - if we're successful, we have some understanding of what set of actions we did that lead us to be successful. But no one ever sits there and thinks about all the things that didn't happen to them that would have lead to a worse outcome (of which there are infinitely many), so when we see another person who isn't succeeding we may just assume they are lazy or don't care without actually bothering to understand what is holding them back.
johnchristopher 8y ago
I'd say you have more empathy than compassion. I think it's a good thing. I myself have much more compassion than empathy and I am working on sorting things out to be more empathic than compassionate.
creep 8y ago
That's empathy. Empathy is a type of understanding, on any level. Maybe you have not experienced directly what is causing another person's emotional reaction, but you experience their emotional reaction. Sympathy is more along the lines of caring about someone enough that you care they are in pain. If you don't feel that pain, if you aren't "crying with them", but instead are a shoulder to cry on, that's sympathy. Both are very related and work together, depending on how close another person is to you.