5 ms·

The bit about structuring conversations in a way to tease out if the other person recognizes you resonates with me. It can be fun, in the sense of being a chall

The bit about structuring conversations in a way to tease out if the other person recognizes you resonates with me. It can be fun, in the sense of being a challenge or game, once you get used to it. Now I'm older and more "over" myself, I'll often just admit if I don't recognize you now. I don't think I have what this woman has to the same degree, but I have a condition which causes me to fail to remember social and physical situations in any easily recallable way which results in similar problems.

13of40 9y ago
I'm a little face blind and a little name blind, so one trick I've used for years is to ask someone to remind me of their email address. (How do you spell your alias again?)
- lathiat 9y ago
  I’ve heard a similar trick about asking for their name but then saying oh I meant your last name.
- wpietri 9y ago
  Hah! One of my tricks is to introduce people. "Hey, have you two met?" Often they haven't, so they'll then say their names.
  - pbhjpbhj 9y ago
    The standard format in the UK for an introduction is usually considered something like: 1 : have you two met? (2, 3 indicate no) 1 to 2 : this is 3, she's a number too 1 to 3 : this is 2, he's prime I guess it depends on local factors.
    - TeMPOraL 9y ago
      You try to aim for an informal introduction. Get two people close together, nudge them towards each other, say the "have you two ever met?" line, and just leave it to them to exchange greetings.
    - wpietri 9y ago
      Same here. But if I have forgotten a name or failed to recognize somebody who obviously recognizes me, I'll do the first step and hopefully the second step, and then pause. From there, people self-introduce (something they do all the time if there's nobody to introduce them).
tempestn 9y ago
Yeah, this resonated with me too. I can recognize faces, but I'm terrible with remembering names, or even remembering whether I ever knew a name. I can know someone casually for months and have their name just disappear from my memory, or I can see someone I know I recognize, but have no memory of whether or not I've actually been introduced to them and learned their name. Those are the worst—not knowing whether I've just seen someone before, or if I actually should know their name, so not knowing whether to introduce myself. I find that if I learn a little bit about someone when I meet them it can help a bit, as it anchors the name to something in my memory. Otherwise, just being honest feels best: "Hey, I recognize you, but I'm terrible with names... what's your name again?" Works alright whether I've been introduced to them in the past or not.
- TheSpiceIsLife 9y ago
  More recently I’ve found if I meet someone new, either at work or socially, I write down their name, or email it to myself on my phone. After the initial interaction I can then make any additional notes I think might help in remember relevant information about the person. I don’t keep any of this info, afterwards I’ll either know their name from repeat interactions and delete it as unneeded, or not need it anyway, and delete it or throw it out.
  - toomanybeersies 9y ago
    On a similar note, repetition is a great way to remember names. Try to repeat the persons name in conversation a few times, just slip in in there. For instance, if they say their name is Charles, respond with "So Charles, how's your day been so far?". Not only does it help you remember their name, you're also more personable. Since I've started consciously doing this, it's helped a lot. I'm terrible with names. It's entirely possible for me to meet someone and know practically their entire life story, but not remember their name.
    - TheSpiceIsLife 9y ago
      I work in a noisy environment and many of the intros are quite brief as a new starter is being shown around and I’m busy doing my job, so I’ve taken up quickly jotting it down. But in other situations the repartition method has and does work really well too. Also, immediately introducing the new person to someone else works strongly too.
wpietri 9y ago
The resonant bit for me was movies. If characters are sufficiently visually different, I'm fine. But if it's a movie about a bunch of similar people, I'm screwed. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy was about a bunch of middle-aged English dudes all dressed as British civil servants. At some point I just gave up.
- misnome 9y ago
  Yes - this sort of thing. I find it especially difficult with e.g. TV series where the main actress changes her hair halfway through - I almost always need to ask if it’s the same person. In “Orphan Black”, It wasn’t until very far in that I realised Rachel was also a clone; without the narrative clue, I just had no idea.
  - DonHopkins 9y ago
    You're going to have a hell of a time following the twisted plot of The Americans: it's got more wigs than RuPaul's Drag Race! https://www.buzzfeed.com/adamdavis/wigs-wigs-everywhere?utm_term=.pgJnlnJJy#.djEpwprrV https://www.buzzfeed.com/adamdavis/wigs-wigs-everywhere?utm_... https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2014/04/the-americans-will-answer-some-of-your-wig-questions/360004/ https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2014/04/th... http://www.tvguide.com/news/the-americans-favorite-wigs-disguises/ http://www.tvguide.com/news/the-americans-favorite-wigs-disg... http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2015/04/16/the_americans_wigs_the_fx_series_hair_and_makeup_discussed_by_its_creator.html http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2015/04/16/the_americans... http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/all-of-the-wigs-worn-on-the-americans-so-far.html http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/all-of-the-wigs-worn-on-the-a...
icebraining 9y ago
Admitting is fine, the problem is when you pass by people on the street and don't talk to them at all. A family member of mine has made enemies from people who assumed she was slighting them on purpose. Nowadays she actually explains her condition to new people she meets.
- soSadSoSorry 9y ago
  That really isn't face blindness. That's self important people thinking they can demand attention by simply existing. There's no either/or in the kind of situation. It isn't EITHER "you did recognize me and avoided me on purpose because you hate me, and we're enemies now" OR "you have a debilitating disorder and are blameless" because that puts the recognizer on trial for a crime, in a world where failing to kiss the ring breaks the law. Truly, it's not a crime to blow past people while you're in a hurry, and the enemies your friend made are simply demanding assholes. I've had the inverse happen, where I see someone's evil twin doppelganger, stare hard at them, walk over, and then... Oh! It wasn't them, it's just a total stranger. Recognition and social grace don't have hard rules. Same goes for being late to work. If you have some dick boss who fires people for failing to have their ass in the chair by 9:01 AM, better to break that rule hard and often up front, and find out that the boss is tyrranical overlord, and get fired in a week, than live on for years with the spectre of doom hanging over your head.

13of40 9y ago

I'm a little face blind and a little name blind, so one trick I've used for years is to ask someone to remind me of their email address. (How do you spell your alias again?)

lathiat 9y ago
I’ve heard a similar trick about asking for their name but then saying oh I meant your last name.
wpietri 9y ago
Hah! One of my tricks is to introduce people. "Hey, have you two met?" Often they haven't, so they'll then say their names.
- pbhjpbhj 9y ago
  The standard format in the UK for an introduction is usually considered something like: 1 : have you two met? (2, 3 indicate no) 1 to 2 : this is 3, she's a number too 1 to 3 : this is 2, he's prime I guess it depends on local factors.
  - TeMPOraL 9y ago
    You try to aim for an informal introduction. Get two people close together, nudge them towards each other, say the "have you two ever met?" line, and just leave it to them to exchange greetings.
  - wpietri 9y ago
    Same here. But if I have forgotten a name or failed to recognize somebody who obviously recognizes me, I'll do the first step and hopefully the second step, and then pause. From there, people self-introduce (something they do all the time if there's nobody to introduce them).

tempestn 9y ago

Yeah, this resonated with me too. I can recognize faces, but I'm terrible with remembering names, or even remembering whether I ever knew a name. I can know someone casually for months and have their name just disappear from my memory, or I can see someone I know I recognize, but have no memory of whether or not I've actually been introduced to them and learned their name. Those are the worst—not knowing whether I've just seen someone before, or if I actually should know their name, so not knowing whether to introduce myself. I find that if I learn a little bit about someone when I meet them it can help a bit, as it anchors the name to something in my memory. Otherwise, just being honest feels best: "Hey, I recognize you, but I'm terrible with names... what's your name again?" Works alright whether I've been introduced to them in the past or not.

TheSpiceIsLife 9y ago
More recently I’ve found if I meet someone new, either at work or socially, I write down their name, or email it to myself on my phone. After the initial interaction I can then make any additional notes I think might help in remember relevant information about the person. I don’t keep any of this info, afterwards I’ll either know their name from repeat interactions and delete it as unneeded, or not need it anyway, and delete it or throw it out.
- toomanybeersies 9y ago
  On a similar note, repetition is a great way to remember names. Try to repeat the persons name in conversation a few times, just slip in in there. For instance, if they say their name is Charles, respond with "So Charles, how's your day been so far?". Not only does it help you remember their name, you're also more personable. Since I've started consciously doing this, it's helped a lot. I'm terrible with names. It's entirely possible for me to meet someone and know practically their entire life story, but not remember their name.
  - TheSpiceIsLife 9y ago
    I work in a noisy environment and many of the intros are quite brief as a new starter is being shown around and I’m busy doing my job, so I’ve taken up quickly jotting it down. But in other situations the repartition method has and does work really well too. Also, immediately introducing the new person to someone else works strongly too.

wpietri 9y ago

The resonant bit for me was movies. If characters are sufficiently visually different, I'm fine. But if it's a movie about a bunch of similar people, I'm screwed. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy was about a bunch of middle-aged English dudes all dressed as British civil servants. At some point I just gave up.

misnome 9y ago
Yes - this sort of thing. I find it especially difficult with e.g. TV series where the main actress changes her hair halfway through - I almost always need to ask if it’s the same person. In “Orphan Black”, It wasn’t until very far in that I realised Rachel was also a clone; without the narrative clue, I just had no idea.
- DonHopkins 9y ago
  You're going to have a hell of a time following the twisted plot of The Americans: it's got more wigs than RuPaul's Drag Race! https://www.buzzfeed.com/adamdavis/wigs-wigs-everywhere?utm_term=.pgJnlnJJy#.djEpwprrV https://www.buzzfeed.com/adamdavis/wigs-wigs-everywhere?utm_... https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2014/04/the-americans-will-answer-some-of-your-wig-questions/360004/ https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2014/04/th... http://www.tvguide.com/news/the-americans-favorite-wigs-disguises/ http://www.tvguide.com/news/the-americans-favorite-wigs-disg... http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2015/04/16/the_americans_wigs_the_fx_series_hair_and_makeup_discussed_by_its_creator.html http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2015/04/16/the_americans... http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/all-of-the-wigs-worn-on-the-americans-so-far.html http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/all-of-the-wigs-worn-on-the-a...

icebraining 9y ago

Admitting is fine, the problem is when you pass by people on the street and don't talk to them at all. A family member of mine has made enemies from people who assumed she was slighting them on purpose. Nowadays she actually explains her condition to new people she meets.

soSadSoSorry 9y ago
That really isn't face blindness. That's self important people thinking they can demand attention by simply existing. There's no either/or in the kind of situation. It isn't EITHER "you did recognize me and avoided me on purpose because you hate me, and we're enemies now" OR "you have a debilitating disorder and are blameless" because that puts the recognizer on trial for a crime, in a world where failing to kiss the ring breaks the law. Truly, it's not a crime to blow past people while you're in a hurry, and the enemies your friend made are simply demanding assholes. I've had the inverse happen, where I see someone's evil twin doppelganger, stare hard at them, walk over, and then... Oh! It wasn't them, it's just a total stranger. Recognition and social grace don't have hard rules. Same goes for being late to work. If you have some dick boss who fires people for failing to have their ass in the chair by 9:01 AM, better to break that rule hard and often up front, and find out that the boss is tyrranical overlord, and get fired in a week, than live on for years with the spectre of doom hanging over your head.