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Define 'decades behind', please. Tell us more about your childhood; your account makes it seems less-than-optimal, but I fail to see the connection between th

Define 'decades behind', please. Tell us more about your childhood; your account makes it seems less-than-optimal, but I fail to see the connection between the above child-rearing method and something else.

akhilcacharya 9y ago
By “decades behind” I mean I’m graduating from a top-50 CS state school instead of HYPSM, have never gotten accepted to YC, never made $10k a month while interning at trading firms, I’m not a crypto millionaire and don’t have a $100k signing bonus from FB, etc. (I know a bunch of really successful people...) When I was younger my parents gave me a lot of space to explore things I’m interested in, not like most of the folks I know in my folks’ social circle. The problem is when I was younger (middle/high school) I really did not have the discipline to explore my interests fully in a way that would appeal to admissions committees and learned very little about a wide range of subjects that aren’t particularly useful - I wasted at least 5 years of my adolescence like this. Overall it wasn’t bad but I feel like I would have been better off had I been given (and more importantly requested/accepted) more guidance with regard to career and educational/learning opportunities. By the time I got to college I was years behind my peers at top institutions, honestly not sure if I can catch up.
- mrpopo 9y ago
  What makes you think you will be better off with more money, and are you sure that your successful peers are not thinking the opposite from you - wishing they could have explored more subjects instead of jumping straight into a career that will give them a better "return on investment"?
  - akhilcacharya 9y ago
    I doubt it. They now have the time and money to explore their interests as they see fit as adults.
    - dorwi 9y ago
      There are many things that you cannot experience anymore as an adult. Let's just say that phisically they are decades behind you compared to the time when you were exploring.
- loriverkutya 9y ago
  > I know a bunch of really successful people... You are mixing up money with success. I do think you know some successful people, you just not realising, who they are.
  - akhilcacharya 9y ago
    In my mind money, validation and recognition are success.
    - godelmachine 9y ago
      Its actually good to see a person who is so clear about his goals, undeterred by "Money & women are not success"
  - mulletbum 9y ago
    I have the same feelings as this person. My friends are successful because they have time. I am stuck working 60 hours a week to make sure I can provide for my family. My counterparts, all with this structured background, work tiny amounts of hours and have 3x as much moneys as I do. One of my biggest failures is the lack of structure bled into my studies when I needed my studies to propel me forward. These kids did all the same fun things as me, but played a couple less video games (experiences I have forgotten) and took far less time reading Digg.com and Reddit (Yet know just as much as I do about news). Now, they have propelled so far ahead because the additional time they have has given them it. They get to spend more time with their children. They get to watch every soccer game. They own boats, live on lakes, and spend 6-10 weeks a year vacationing. I can barely vacation because I neither have the time or the money to be able to do so.
    - akhilcacharya 9y ago
      >One of my biggest failures is the lack of structure bled into my studies when I needed my studies to propel me forward. These kids did all the same fun things as me, but played a couple less video games (experiences I have forgotten) and took far less time reading Digg.com and Reddit (Yet know just as much as I do about news). Exactly, I have the same regret
- taneq 9y ago
  It sounds more to me like you know a bunch of really lucky people who were in exactly the right place at the right time. Now, maybe their parents worked hard to procure these opportunities, and I agree that structure and direction at the highschool and university levels are very important, but I don't think we need to extend that to 6-month-olds.
  - akhilcacharya 9y ago
    It starts somewhere. Starting earlier is the only way to ensure generational upward mobility.
    - arpa 9y ago
      "Upward" and "downward" are concepts existing in your head. I don't have a million bucks, but i've written a book. Nobody is successful by all and every definition of success. What I, personally, wish for my child is: happiness first, enlightenment second, intellectual capability and actualisation third.
      - watwut 9y ago
        It is harder to be happy if you need to work 12 hours a day just to pay basic bills and your kid if your kid breaks hand, you will be in large debt forever. Likewise, it is easier to be happy if your job provides a bit of autonomy and pleasant environment - and those are more likely to be available with right education and background.
        arpa 9y ago
        Well, it's not that you're not right, but rather that you're going on a tangent and to extremes. It's also hard to be happy if you have a drug problem (alcoholism for example) or live in a place where making a living is hard or are unable to learn marketable skills. But please keep in mind that not all well paying jobs require a PhD - at least I hope that in the US you can be a carpenter without a degree and a crippling debt; but I, like you, digress...
- megaman22 9y ago
  Sounds like you're living a good life, doing a good job at playing the hand you're dealt. Comparing oneself against the luckiest .01% of humanity is a great way to make yourself really unhappy.
  - akhilcacharya 9y ago
    My current situation isn't bad at all, but everybody I mentioned grew up in basically the same circumstances that I did.
    - pbhjpbhj 9y ago
      And everyone you know who grew up in those circumstances is doing just as well? Or are you committing selection bias and then attributing "fulfillment" according to your prejudice? I do have sympathy for the position of coveting others financial success, I struggle with that a lot; but I had a highly structured education and was very successful in compulsory education.
- pfarnsworth 9y ago
  Have you ever considered that it’s not your upbringing but rather your own abilities that limit your success?
  - akhilcacharya 9y ago
    I'm of the opinion that many abilities are engendered by upbringing. But yeah, I'm lacking in that department too.
- dlahoda 9y ago
  Genotype, Fenotype, Upbringing, Selftraining. May be you just cannot succeed in term you described, but you may live 100 years as happy raw vegan and best didgeridoo player.
- gwbas1c 9y ago
  The grass is always greener. I envy your upbringing.

akhilcacharya 9y ago

By “decades behind” I mean I’m graduating from a top-50 CS state school instead of HYPSM, have never gotten accepted to YC, never made $10k a month while interning at trading firms, I’m not a crypto millionaire and don’t have a $100k signing bonus from FB, etc. (I know a bunch of really successful people...) When I was younger my parents gave me a lot of space to explore things I’m interested in, not like most of the folks I know in my folks’ social circle. The problem is when I was younger (middle/high school) I really did not have the discipline to explore my interests fully in a way that would appeal to admissions committees and learned very little about a wide range of subjects that aren’t particularly useful - I wasted at least 5 years of my adolescence like this. Overall it wasn’t bad but I feel like I would have been better off had I been given (and more importantly requested/accepted) more guidance with regard to career and educational/learning opportunities. By the time I got to college I was years behind my peers at top institutions, honestly not sure if I can catch up.

mrpopo 9y ago
What makes you think you will be better off with more money, and are you sure that your successful peers are not thinking the opposite from you - wishing they could have explored more subjects instead of jumping straight into a career that will give them a better "return on investment"?
- akhilcacharya 9y ago
  I doubt it. They now have the time and money to explore their interests as they see fit as adults.
  - dorwi 9y ago
    There are many things that you cannot experience anymore as an adult. Let's just say that phisically they are decades behind you compared to the time when you were exploring.
loriverkutya 9y ago
> I know a bunch of really successful people... You are mixing up money with success. I do think you know some successful people, you just not realising, who they are.
- akhilcacharya 9y ago
  In my mind money, validation and recognition are success.
  - godelmachine 9y ago
    Its actually good to see a person who is so clear about his goals, undeterred by "Money & women are not success"
- mulletbum 9y ago
  I have the same feelings as this person. My friends are successful because they have time. I am stuck working 60 hours a week to make sure I can provide for my family. My counterparts, all with this structured background, work tiny amounts of hours and have 3x as much moneys as I do. One of my biggest failures is the lack of structure bled into my studies when I needed my studies to propel me forward. These kids did all the same fun things as me, but played a couple less video games (experiences I have forgotten) and took far less time reading Digg.com and Reddit (Yet know just as much as I do about news). Now, they have propelled so far ahead because the additional time they have has given them it. They get to spend more time with their children. They get to watch every soccer game. They own boats, live on lakes, and spend 6-10 weeks a year vacationing. I can barely vacation because I neither have the time or the money to be able to do so.
  - akhilcacharya 9y ago
    >One of my biggest failures is the lack of structure bled into my studies when I needed my studies to propel me forward. These kids did all the same fun things as me, but played a couple less video games (experiences I have forgotten) and took far less time reading Digg.com and Reddit (Yet know just as much as I do about news). Exactly, I have the same regret
taneq 9y ago
It sounds more to me like you know a bunch of really lucky people who were in exactly the right place at the right time. Now, maybe their parents worked hard to procure these opportunities, and I agree that structure and direction at the highschool and university levels are very important, but I don't think we need to extend that to 6-month-olds.
- akhilcacharya 9y ago
  It starts somewhere. Starting earlier is the only way to ensure generational upward mobility.
  - arpa 9y ago
    "Upward" and "downward" are concepts existing in your head. I don't have a million bucks, but i've written a book. Nobody is successful by all and every definition of success. What I, personally, wish for my child is: happiness first, enlightenment second, intellectual capability and actualisation third.
    - watwut 9y ago
      It is harder to be happy if you need to work 12 hours a day just to pay basic bills and your kid if your kid breaks hand, you will be in large debt forever. Likewise, it is easier to be happy if your job provides a bit of autonomy and pleasant environment - and those are more likely to be available with right education and background.
      - arpa 9y ago
        Well, it's not that you're not right, but rather that you're going on a tangent and to extremes. It's also hard to be happy if you have a drug problem (alcoholism for example) or live in a place where making a living is hard or are unable to learn marketable skills. But please keep in mind that not all well paying jobs require a PhD - at least I hope that in the US you can be a carpenter without a degree and a crippling debt; but I, like you, digress...
megaman22 9y ago
Sounds like you're living a good life, doing a good job at playing the hand you're dealt. Comparing oneself against the luckiest .01% of humanity is a great way to make yourself really unhappy.
- akhilcacharya 9y ago
  My current situation isn't bad at all, but everybody I mentioned grew up in basically the same circumstances that I did.
  - pbhjpbhj 9y ago
    And everyone you know who grew up in those circumstances is doing just as well? Or are you committing selection bias and then attributing "fulfillment" according to your prejudice? I do have sympathy for the position of coveting others financial success, I struggle with that a lot; but I had a highly structured education and was very successful in compulsory education.
pfarnsworth 9y ago
Have you ever considered that it’s not your upbringing but rather your own abilities that limit your success?
- akhilcacharya 9y ago
  I'm of the opinion that many abilities are engendered by upbringing. But yeah, I'm lacking in that department too.
dlahoda 9y ago
Genotype, Fenotype, Upbringing, Selftraining. May be you just cannot succeed in term you described, but you may live 100 years as happy raw vegan and best didgeridoo player.
gwbas1c 9y ago
The grass is always greener. I envy your upbringing.