5 ms·
Now that I started to think about it how does one create deep relationships? It never occurred to me that I should be taught these things. It has just sorta hap
by tekkk 9y ago
Now that I started to think about it how does one create deep relationships? It never occurred to me that I should be taught these things. It has just sorta happened, at times at least. Nowadays I only wonder how I used to be much closer to people but the idea of creating stronger friendships is vague. Is is just by hanging around long enough with other people? Or should we actively seek to bring up issues that we care about and/or currently dealing with? How the hell did I know how to do it when I was a child?
Funny thing happened recently as I was on a company vacation and talked mostly small-talk bullshit the whole time. Only when I and my coworker were taking the same bus down to the city he actually brought up a deep and personal issue. It made me wonder how did I became so closed-up and lost my willingness to talk about things that are deeply meaningful to me? Is it because I never felt that others would listen? Or that they would shun me? What I was afraid of?
It's for sure a downward spiral once it starts and your abilities to make those deep connections with other people start deteriorating. I think we should be taught better how friendships are actually made and that talking about feelings and deep thoughts is ok. The cultural education here seems to be failing to teach the right things.
- montecarl 9y agoI think one of the best ways to create deep relationships is to actively help others. Your co-worker mentions that they are moving next month: offer to help move. Your friend's kids are sick and they are stuck at home caring for them: bring them dinner. If you have some older friends (maybe from church) there are often things around the house they might need help with. Once you have helped someone once, your name will come up in their mind next time they are in a tough situation. This is almost the definition of a "deep relationship": a person who you know you can rely on and who will help you if you really need it. Other "shallow" relationships are people who you just like to talk to or go have a drink with.
- copperx 9y agoThis is exactly how you do it in adulthood.
- DougN7 9y ago> I think one of the best ways to create deep relationships is to actively help others. +1 You can help someone directly, and you'll become close to that someone. Or as a group help someone and you'll become closer to that group. Service really is the magic bullet.
- atomical 9y agoI have rewarding conversations with people I go on a walk with or have a drink with. If was helping people who are unavailable emotionally because they have some other shit to figure out I don't think I would get as much out of it.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]