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People are a sum of their life experiences. People who are older, have more that goes into that equation. More often equates to complexity and intricacy, like a
by iamleppert 9y ago
People are a sum of their life experiences. People who are older, have more that goes into that equation. More often equates to complexity and intricacy, like a complicated key, that becomes harder and harder to find a lock for.
In my early 20's, I was more open to hanging around people I know I didn't like, or wasn't compatible with, because I didn't want to be alone or without friends, craved attention, and saw every social encounter as a stepping stone and potentially valuable.
Now, I know better. When you get older you realize you don't need to surround yourself with people whom you don't like, no longer crave as much attention, and already stepped along many of life's stones. You also put on less of a pretense to others and care less about being liked. It's more important to be authentic and true, even if that means having less friends, than a phony with a lot of fake friends. All this has the result of making it more difficult to randomly find real friends.
It's common I'll meet many new people but the ones who I stay in contact with are few and far between, and that's okay. People come into your life and go out of it, it's just the way things work. I'm thankful for everyone I've had in my life and know that there are many more great people who I have yet to meet.
- shubb 9y agoIf this were the case, it would be harder to find a romantic relationship as we age. Adjusting for life circumtance and type of relationship sought, I don't see evidence of this. What do you think?
- scardine 9y agoAccording to my older female friends finding romantic relationships is getting harder for them. My older male friends are less and less interested in romance as they report finding sex with no strings attached is getting easier with age.
- watwut 9y agoThat sounds like they were never interested in romance or relationship (beyond it being the means to get sex).
- ethnicify 9y agoLooks like the latter's convenience might explain the former's predicament.
- pm90 9y agoOlder man dating a younger woman is still culturally accepted but not vice versa. Statistically, this means that the dating pool for older men just keeps increasing. For older women, the situation is the exact opposite. Their dating pool, which consists of (say) all older men keeps decreasing with age. That might explain why your older female friends find relationships harder as they age, rather than a decrease in their physical attractiveness. The latter is what many women attribute their situation to, but IMO its just statistics and preferences.
- mancerayder 9y agoThat's true. But what's also true is women tend to want to settle down in their early-mid 30s (at least in large American cities, among professional types) and now they become simultaneously more selective. In a sense, women are always the 'choosers' with rare exceptions. Men tend to have wider nets, on average.
- scardine 9y agoAt 47 it is a bit of the explore/exploit paradox for me - an optimal stopping problem. As an introvert social interaction drains my mental energy so at some point you start investing more energy into enjoying your best friends than into making new friends.
- cheschire 9y agoAs an extrovert, social interaction still drains my mental energy. If anything I find myself even more obligated than you do to hold up my end of the conversation because that's the social expectation. This can be horribly exhausting when I'm simply not in the mood.
- trowway21 9y agoTextbook introvert. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraversion_and_introversion https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraversion_and_introversio...
- cheschire 9y agoThe extent of your personality test for me was reading my post on mobile.
- trowway21 9y agoI was simply pointing out that what you had typed in the comment that I replied to, is exactly what the dude who came up with those 'types' wrote down as definitions.
- cheschire 9y agoContext helps, thanks. Your other post felt more like you were throwing your knowledge in my face and calling me wrong.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- jamaicahest 9y ago>It's more important to be authentic and true, even if that means having less friends, than a phony with a lot of fake friends. All this has the result of making it more difficult to randomly find real friends. And this is where Facebook tries to seduce you. I'm going to go ahead and say that 90% of your Facebook friends aren't friends but rather they are acquaintances. Being friends means actually doing something together. Rather than liking your Facebook friends' vacation pictures, why not go on a vacation with them?