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The amount of money that you can spend on a child is virtually unlimited. But almost all of it absolutely optional. Sure, you’ll need diapers and a car seat, b

The amount of money that you can spend on a child is virtually unlimited. But almost all of it absolutely optional. Sure, you’ll need diapers and a car seat, but beyond that there’s not a lot that’s absolutely necessary. There’s so much stuff that people think they need to buy, ranging from special vitamins during pregnancy to hypoallergenic formula and baby swimming lessons and educational toys for every age bracket... And then you realise that people who make half the money you do get along just fine and their kids are doing fine and somehow they only need half as much money. Sure, we do spend a lot of money on semi-useful kids stuff (like those skiing lessons that our older son didn’t want to continue after the second day...), but it’s all optional, and if we didn’t have kids I’d probably have a nicer car, but who cares.

cdubzzz 9y ago
This was a very important lesson my wife and I received from one of her (married with four children) sisters. Before we decided to have a child, the money aspect was indeed stressing us both out - you can find all kinds of wild estimations on the Internet and in books for the "cost of a child" - and understanding this was eye opening.
nradov 9y ago
The folic acid supplements should be considered absolutely necessary. Fortunately they're very cheap. https://www.marchofdimes.org/pregnancy/folic-acid.aspx https://www.marchofdimes.org/pregnancy/folic-acid.aspx
- manmal 9y ago
  You mean, during pregnancy? Those are really dirt cheap. We opted for a more expensive multivitamin that also had a bit of fish oil in it, but that’s optional. It cost €20 per month.
trhway 9y ago
My understanding that vitamin deficiency can be bad, like for example follic acid - spina bifida, vit D - autism. Most people don't have the deficiency of course, yet how to prevent it when they do, and how to detect it?
- tnorthcutt 9y ago
  The easy solution is for pregnant mothers to take folic acid supplements. As you noted, it can prevent spina bifida, and is extremely cheap relative to what it prevents. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/folicacid/recommendations.html https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/folicacid/recommendations.html
kcorbitt 9y ago
In high-cost-of-living areas, there are two other major costs worth considering. First is the cost of daycare (or equivalently the opportunity cost of having a stay-at-home parent). My wife watches our son, and we're glad that she can afford to do that, but that's $100k of forgone take-home pay we're leaving on the table. Second is the increased rent/mortgage of a house with an extra bedroom. I pay ~$600/mo more for an extra bedroom and have a substantially longer commute than most of my coworkers to live in a place that can accommodate our family. Both of those costs far exceed anything else we've spent on our son, which mostly falls into the "optional" category you mentioned. Both of these factors are much more important in high-cost-of-living areas, which may explain in part why there aren't many kids in San Francisco.
- hx87 9y ago
  The extra bedroom is also optional.
- atourgates 9y ago
  The cost of college is another one that every parent should consider as early as possible. It's certainly optional (you may be comfortable letting your kids go it alone for college tuition), but definitely worth making an intentional decision on and planning for as soon as you're able. Also, I'd strongly recommend you use several of the many "future cost of college" calculators available out there. For example, a college that costs $35,000/yr today is estimated to cost $56,000/yr in 10 years per Vanguard's calculator's defaults[1]. The "Worlds Simplest College Cost Calculator"[2] also provides a reasonably good and easy to understand picture of how much you'll have to contribute monthly to reach your goals by the time your child starts college and brings in some reasonable numbers for grants and scholarships based on your income. You could certainly "oversave" if the insanely high cost of higher education manages to correct itself, but pretty much any tax-advantaged educational savings account can be easily converted to retirement savings. In my case, it's also provided a bit of extra motivation to support my children in developing good study habits early on in their education. Once you understand the likely cost of college in 10, 12 or 18 years, the prospect of academic scholarships becomes really, really appealing. [1]https://vanguard.wealthmsi.com/collcost.php https://vanguard.wealthmsi.com/collcost.php [2]https://www.savingforcollege.com/calculators/worlds-simplest-college-cost-calculator https://www.savingforcollege.com/calculators/worlds-simplest...
thesumofall 9y ago
Absolutely our experience as well. I believe we are almost net positive as we are going out less. Also, we do a lot more cooking from simple local ingredients that are cheaper than the exotic stuff we bought previously. There is so little that really needs buying - especially toys, we realized, are almost always a complete waste of money.
Tharkun 9y ago
You don't need conventional disposable nappies/diapers. You can get washable ones. Will save you a shitload (heh heh) of money and trash.
- 1wheel 9y ago
  Diapers for infants cost ~$1/day. Day care costs literally 100× more. https://www.amazon.com/HUGGIES-Little-Snugglers-Diapers-Packaging/dp/B00HB0WGAY/ https://www.amazon.com/HUGGIES-Little-Snugglers-Diapers-Pack...
  - stevekemp 9y ago
    This largely depends where you are - day-care for our child costs us €200/month, in Finland. Though we use washable diapers I suspect the cost-savings aren't as large as predicted as washing-machines are pretty hungry when it comes to electricity, and we run ours at least once a day.
- XorNot 9y ago
  The main problem is these are more likely to "leak".
  - ycombobreaker 9y ago
    My experience with cloth diapering was that it was much less likely to blowout. But it's easy to put on wrong (mostly loose or too far forward, which will leak), and cloth diapers are bulky which is less convenient for traveling light.
csulmone 9y ago
Please don't say vitamin supplements are optional. Folic acid for expectant mothers and vitamin D supplements for infants are absolutely recommended by pediatricians. https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/pages/vitamin-d-supplementation-for-infants.aspx https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/pages... https://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacy-and-policy/aap-health-initiatives/chphc/Pages/Prevention-Folic-Acid.aspx https://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacy-and-policy/aap-health-ini...
- dogma1138 9y ago
  Folic acid is added to bread and cereal these days in pretty big amounts (most cereal bowls will have 100% of the daily dose 400mcg and fortified foods like bread or pasta also would have 100% or close to it per serving) and any baby formula has more than enough vitamin d and other vitamins in it. Edit: https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/Folate-HealthProfessional/#en8 https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/Folate-HealthProfessional/... In the US and the rest of the developed world pretty much most grain products are fortified with Folic Acid (as well as other vitamins) these days and have been for about 20 years.
  - BlueDingo 9y ago
    While this is true, infants do not eat grains and many are breastfed almost exclusively especially if money is an issue. A $5 bottle of D3 vitamin drops to supplement breastmilk for months is much cheaper than buying formula.
    - dogma1138 9y ago
      Infants get it through formula and breast milk, the mother gets the folic acid via grains. Outside of some edge cases vitamin supplements aren't really needed just talk to your doctor.
      - necrodome 9y ago
        Human breast milk is a poor source of vitamin D, that's why it is recommended as a supplement.
sevenfive 9y ago
> special vitamins during pregnancy to hypoallergenic formula This is dangerous misinformation. Nutrition during pregnancy is quite important and worth getting right.
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
urahara 9y ago
Health, education and development are absolutely necessary. And these three are very expensive. Also a parent should have a decent amount of savings because you never know if your child is going to have health or mental problems. If he turns out ill and there are no savings, just saying oh sorry I can't afford stopping your suffering is not an option.
dm319 9y ago
> But almost all of it absolutely optional. The cost of someone looking after your children while you go to work is not optional.

cdubzzz 9y ago

This was a very important lesson my wife and I received from one of her (married with four children) sisters. Before we decided to have a child, the money aspect was indeed stressing us both out - you can find all kinds of wild estimations on the Internet and in books for the "cost of a child" - and understanding this was eye opening.

nradov 9y ago

The folic acid supplements should be considered absolutely necessary. Fortunately they're very cheap. https://www.marchofdimes.org/pregnancy/folic-acid.aspx https://www.marchofdimes.org/pregnancy/folic-acid.aspx

manmal 9y ago
You mean, during pregnancy? Those are really dirt cheap. We opted for a more expensive multivitamin that also had a bit of fish oil in it, but that’s optional. It cost €20 per month.

trhway 9y ago

My understanding that vitamin deficiency can be bad, like for example follic acid - spina bifida, vit D - autism. Most people don't have the deficiency of course, yet how to prevent it when they do, and how to detect it?

tnorthcutt 9y ago
The easy solution is for pregnant mothers to take folic acid supplements. As you noted, it can prevent spina bifida, and is extremely cheap relative to what it prevents. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/folicacid/recommendations.html https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/folicacid/recommendations.html

kcorbitt 9y ago

In high-cost-of-living areas, there are two other major costs worth considering. First is the cost of daycare (or equivalently the opportunity cost of having a stay-at-home parent). My wife watches our son, and we're glad that she can afford to do that, but that's $100k of forgone take-home pay we're leaving on the table. Second is the increased rent/mortgage of a house with an extra bedroom. I pay ~$600/mo more for an extra bedroom and have a substantially longer commute than most of my coworkers to live in a place that can accommodate our family. Both of those costs far exceed anything else we've spent on our son, which mostly falls into the "optional" category you mentioned. Both of these factors are much more important in high-cost-of-living areas, which may explain in part why there aren't many kids in San Francisco.

hx87 9y ago
The extra bedroom is also optional.
atourgates 9y ago
The cost of college is another one that every parent should consider as early as possible. It's certainly optional (you may be comfortable letting your kids go it alone for college tuition), but definitely worth making an intentional decision on and planning for as soon as you're able. Also, I'd strongly recommend you use several of the many "future cost of college" calculators available out there. For example, a college that costs $35,000/yr today is estimated to cost $56,000/yr in 10 years per Vanguard's calculator's defaults[1]. The "Worlds Simplest College Cost Calculator"[2] also provides a reasonably good and easy to understand picture of how much you'll have to contribute monthly to reach your goals by the time your child starts college and brings in some reasonable numbers for grants and scholarships based on your income. You could certainly "oversave" if the insanely high cost of higher education manages to correct itself, but pretty much any tax-advantaged educational savings account can be easily converted to retirement savings. In my case, it's also provided a bit of extra motivation to support my children in developing good study habits early on in their education. Once you understand the likely cost of college in 10, 12 or 18 years, the prospect of academic scholarships becomes really, really appealing. [1]https://vanguard.wealthmsi.com/collcost.php https://vanguard.wealthmsi.com/collcost.php [2]https://www.savingforcollege.com/calculators/worlds-simplest-college-cost-calculator https://www.savingforcollege.com/calculators/worlds-simplest...

thesumofall 9y ago

Absolutely our experience as well. I believe we are almost net positive as we are going out less. Also, we do a lot more cooking from simple local ingredients that are cheaper than the exotic stuff we bought previously. There is so little that really needs buying - especially toys, we realized, are almost always a complete waste of money.

Tharkun 9y ago

You don't need conventional disposable nappies/diapers. You can get washable ones. Will save you a shitload (heh heh) of money and trash.

1wheel 9y ago
Diapers for infants cost ~$1/day. Day care costs literally 100× more. https://www.amazon.com/HUGGIES-Little-Snugglers-Diapers-Packaging/dp/B00HB0WGAY/ https://www.amazon.com/HUGGIES-Little-Snugglers-Diapers-Pack...
- stevekemp 9y ago
  This largely depends where you are - day-care for our child costs us €200/month, in Finland. Though we use washable diapers I suspect the cost-savings aren't as large as predicted as washing-machines are pretty hungry when it comes to electricity, and we run ours at least once a day.
XorNot 9y ago
The main problem is these are more likely to "leak".
- ycombobreaker 9y ago
  My experience with cloth diapering was that it was much less likely to blowout. But it's easy to put on wrong (mostly loose or too far forward, which will leak), and cloth diapers are bulky which is less convenient for traveling light.

csulmone 9y ago

Please don't say vitamin supplements are optional. Folic acid for expectant mothers and vitamin D supplements for infants are absolutely recommended by pediatricians. https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/pages/vitamin-d-supplementation-for-infants.aspx https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/pages... https://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacy-and-policy/aap-health-initiatives/chphc/Pages/Prevention-Folic-Acid.aspx https://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacy-and-policy/aap-health-ini...

dogma1138 9y ago
Folic acid is added to bread and cereal these days in pretty big amounts (most cereal bowls will have 100% of the daily dose 400mcg and fortified foods like bread or pasta also would have 100% or close to it per serving) and any baby formula has more than enough vitamin d and other vitamins in it. Edit: https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/Folate-HealthProfessional/#en8 https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/Folate-HealthProfessional/... In the US and the rest of the developed world pretty much most grain products are fortified with Folic Acid (as well as other vitamins) these days and have been for about 20 years.
- BlueDingo 9y ago
  While this is true, infants do not eat grains and many are breastfed almost exclusively especially if money is an issue. A $5 bottle of D3 vitamin drops to supplement breastmilk for months is much cheaper than buying formula.
  - dogma1138 9y ago
    Infants get it through formula and breast milk, the mother gets the folic acid via grains. Outside of some edge cases vitamin supplements aren't really needed just talk to your doctor.
    - necrodome 9y ago
      Human breast milk is a poor source of vitamin D, that's why it is recommended as a supplement.

sevenfive 9y ago

> special vitamins during pregnancy to hypoallergenic formula This is dangerous misinformation. Nutrition during pregnancy is quite important and worth getting right.

deleted 9y ago

[deleted]

urahara 9y ago

Health, education and development are absolutely necessary. And these three are very expensive. Also a parent should have a decent amount of savings because you never know if your child is going to have health or mental problems. If he turns out ill and there are no savings, just saying oh sorry I can't afford stopping your suffering is not an option.

dm319 9y ago

> But almost all of it absolutely optional. The cost of someone looking after your children while you go to work is not optional.