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Every single baby guide book is 100% absolutely garbage. I encourage every single one of you that are about to have children to never EVER buy one. All they do

Every single baby guide book is 100% absolutely garbage. I encourage every single one of you that are about to have children to never EVER buy one. All they do is talk about the "average" baby, and you'll soon find that you and your spouse feel entirely inadequate because your baby isn't sleeping as much, eating as much, moving as much, interacting as much, etc. What the books never tell you is that sure, there may be average numbers available, but the STANDARD DEVIATION is HUGE. No baby is average. My wife was convinced our first child had sleeping issues because he slept 2 hrs less than average. It turns out that's just who he is, he sleeps a lot less than most kids, but still at the bottom of the range of healthy. All it does is fuck with your head, so just take a cue from other parents around you.

arethuza 9y ago
When our kids were babies everyone we knew here in the UK seemed to have an obsession with getting their kids off to sleep as early as possible (about 7pm usually - mostly by putting them in a separate room and ignoring them) and then were amazed that their kids woke up really early. We let our kids stay up until they went to sleep at their own pace and then they seemed to wake up at a relatively civilized time.
- seanmcdirmid 9y ago
  My 1 year old went to bed at 11pm and just got up today at 8AM. We are cosleeping, so our habits matter a lot, but he just likes to stay up later and we haven’t been able to push his bedtime earlier (and if he doesn’t get his 3 hour nap in the afternoon, god help us. I’m not too worried about it.
- jstarfish 9y ago
  I had the same experience as you. My hypothesis is that all the nonsense about kids needing 12 hours of sleep/"more than adults"/early bedtime is just that, started by parents who wanted some time to themselves at night and perpetuated through convention. Our kids started sleeping, waking up and generally behaving better once we stopped enforcing arbitrary bedtimes.
- jandrese 9y ago
  My kids get up with the sun regardless of when they go to bed, but if they're not in bed before about 9 they'll be cranky when they get up, especially in the summer. With one kid it isn't too bad, but when you have multiple kids they tend to be up with whomever is the earliest riser, because they make a lot of noise when they get up and wake everybody else.
  - XorNot 9y ago
    At the risk of inexpertly offering bad advice, you could try blackout curtains? I'm 33, definitely more of a night owl but if it's sunny out I'm pretty likely to be wide awake at 6am after going to bed at 1. Black out curtains made all the difference for me.
    - jandrese 9y ago
      The kids don't even like having the regular curtains closed. Besides, having them used to getting up early is good when school is in session.
- parmesan 9y ago
  Our baby goes to sleep between 5-8pm and sleeps until 6-7am.. She makes the rules though, when she finally becomes grumpy in the evening I prepare some food and it's off to bed. Works every time! I believe all babies are different, so luckily our first have been kind to us this far with her sleeping habits and mood.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
amsilprotag 9y ago
There is a popular anecdote along these lines that comes from the 1950's US Air force. https://www.thestar.com/news/insight/2016/01/16/when-us-air-force-discovered-the-flaw-of-averages.html https://www.thestar.com/news/insight/2016/01/16/when-us-air-... The scientists also expected that a sizable number of pilots would be within the average range on all 10 dimensions. But even Daniels was stunned when he tabulated the actual number. Zero. Out of 4,063 pilots, not a single airman fit within the average range on all 10 dimensions. Using their definition of "average range", which is the middle 30% (in height, waist circumference, etc), we should expect to find one such individual for every 1/0.3^10 = 169,351 people on average.
- flipfloppity 9y ago
  Small quibble - your calculation assumes independence of each dimension, which is unlikely in this case.
jstarfish 9y ago
> All it does is fuck with your head, so just take a cue from other parents around you. A parent you make insecure by gaslamping the hell out of them, suggesting there's something wrong with their child if it doesn't conform to xyz is going to spend a lot of money on solutions to problems that don't exist. We made tons of these mistakes the first time around. For the rest, we just bought diapers, formula and toys and let nature take its course. They turned out fine. Baby books are the Fox News of childrearing-- lots of bold opinions and advice, most of it dubious/inapplicable.

arethuza 9y ago

When our kids were babies everyone we knew here in the UK seemed to have an obsession with getting their kids off to sleep as early as possible (about 7pm usually - mostly by putting them in a separate room and ignoring them) and then were amazed that their kids woke up really early. We let our kids stay up until they went to sleep at their own pace and then they seemed to wake up at a relatively civilized time.

seanmcdirmid 9y ago
My 1 year old went to bed at 11pm and just got up today at 8AM. We are cosleeping, so our habits matter a lot, but he just likes to stay up later and we haven’t been able to push his bedtime earlier (and if he doesn’t get his 3 hour nap in the afternoon, god help us. I’m not too worried about it.
jstarfish 9y ago
I had the same experience as you. My hypothesis is that all the nonsense about kids needing 12 hours of sleep/"more than adults"/early bedtime is just that, started by parents who wanted some time to themselves at night and perpetuated through convention. Our kids started sleeping, waking up and generally behaving better once we stopped enforcing arbitrary bedtimes.
jandrese 9y ago
My kids get up with the sun regardless of when they go to bed, but if they're not in bed before about 9 they'll be cranky when they get up, especially in the summer. With one kid it isn't too bad, but when you have multiple kids they tend to be up with whomever is the earliest riser, because they make a lot of noise when they get up and wake everybody else.
- XorNot 9y ago
  At the risk of inexpertly offering bad advice, you could try blackout curtains? I'm 33, definitely more of a night owl but if it's sunny out I'm pretty likely to be wide awake at 6am after going to bed at 1. Black out curtains made all the difference for me.
  - jandrese 9y ago
    The kids don't even like having the regular curtains closed. Besides, having them used to getting up early is good when school is in session.
parmesan 9y ago
Our baby goes to sleep between 5-8pm and sleeps until 6-7am.. She makes the rules though, when she finally becomes grumpy in the evening I prepare some food and it's off to bed. Works every time! I believe all babies are different, so luckily our first have been kind to us this far with her sleeping habits and mood.
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]

amsilprotag 9y ago

There is a popular anecdote along these lines that comes from the 1950's US Air force. https://www.thestar.com/news/insight/2016/01/16/when-us-air-force-discovered-the-flaw-of-averages.html https://www.thestar.com/news/insight/2016/01/16/when-us-air-... The scientists also expected that a sizable number of pilots would be within the average range on all 10 dimensions. But even Daniels was stunned when he tabulated the actual number. Zero. Out of 4,063 pilots, not a single airman fit within the average range on all 10 dimensions. Using their definition of "average range", which is the middle 30% (in height, waist circumference, etc), we should expect to find one such individual for every 1/0.3^10 = 169,351 people on average.

flipfloppity 9y ago
Small quibble - your calculation assumes independence of each dimension, which is unlikely in this case.

jstarfish 9y ago

> All it does is fuck with your head, so just take a cue from other parents around you. A parent you make insecure by gaslamping the hell out of them, suggesting there's something wrong with their child if it doesn't conform to xyz is going to spend a lot of money on solutions to problems that don't exist. We made tons of these mistakes the first time around. For the rest, we just bought diapers, formula and toys and let nature take its course. They turned out fine. Baby books are the Fox News of childrearing-- lots of bold opinions and advice, most of it dubious/inapplicable.