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Social media in my opinion is a scourge on our society. It is a place that fosters narcissism and sociopathic natures. The little good it does bring is heavily

Social media in my opinion is a scourge on our society. It is a place that fosters narcissism and sociopathic natures. The little good it does bring is heavily outweighed by the bad. Some will say it brings families and lost friends together across the world. This is true, but could be had without the endless streams of gloating, selfies, and photos of what you have eaten. Recently I have had a child. And I have already decided that the only social interaction he will have will be real-time or near real time. This means face to face, live video, real time chat (sms Hangouts is okay). This shows real interest and attention to the other party in real time and allows true connections to be formed. No endless scrolling through people's lives you meet once. I should also mention photo albums of actual events will be allowed too. I know that this will be hard and I will likely fail. But I am going to do my best to help my son learn how to truly interact with people and feel fulfilled with the relationships he has. Never do I want him to feel the loneliness of endlessly peering into others life's from a small window on phone.

agumonkey 9y ago
socnets are optimized interactions: you have more people that follow your interests but you may never get to know them in ways that physical proximity do to your mind. also it's too easy to end up in cycles of small interaction hormone boosts (dopamine hits apparently) that makes it exciting but not in the right way.
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
pmoriarty 9y ago
"I have had a child. And I have already decided that the only social interaction he will have will be real-time or near real time. This means face to face, live video, real time chat (sms Hangouts is okay). This shows real interest and attention to the other party in real time and allows true connections to be formed." Remember how physical letter-writing used to be hugely important? We lost something there that wasn't real-time.
- cdancette 9y ago
  Emails are not real time either and they are not time sucking
pjc50 9y ago
> feel the loneliness of endlessly peering into others life's from a small window on phone At the point where everyone in his social circle is doing this, he will feel the loneliness of being the only one excluded from it. Perhaps he'll experience it peering in through someone else's phone.
- qball 9y ago
  >Perhaps he'll experience it peering in through someone else's phone. And better yet, once the child is free of their parent's influence, they'll probably just get sucked in because they never developed the mental mechanisms to handle the tools properly (because their parent was too emotionally blinded and thus incapable of teaching risk management). Just like that parent probably did when _they_ grew up and left home, for the same reasons. Cycles of emotional abuse are hard to break.
  - jackstraw14 9y ago
    I’m not sure how your point relates to the shared experience of individual alienation, but is the child you speak of really free from their parent’s influence if they’re living their life via the same broken mechanism?
  - andrepd 9y ago
    Emotional abuse?? That's quite a bit of a leap to make, from someone saying they won't let their kid on social media, don't you think?
    - dsnuh 9y ago
      The word "abuse" has been thrown around enough now to have lost almost all meaning. What OP described is called "being a parent".
  - TheAdamAndChe 9y ago
    This is like saying we should have our child experience gambling, alcohol, cigarettes, and other addictive activities to teach risk management because they're going to be exposed to it when they leave home, which is silly. Kids aren't born mature. Self-discipline and risk management are skills that need to be built up over time before we expose our kids to the most addictive aspects of life IMO.
jhobag 9y ago
and yet you're here with the rest of us
- wutbrodo 9y ago
  I assume if he has a child, he isn't one himself? The context of the discussion is the effect of social media on children. It's entirely plausible to me that one could think that children's development is susceptible to harms from social media that are less of a concern in adults. Or at least that adults are above the threshold where we'd consider them competent to cope with these things themselves.
BadassFractal 9y ago
I wonder if there's a way to get all of the benefits without most of the downsides? What would that even look like?
mr_toad 9y ago
Isn’t HN just another form of social media? I’m sitting here commenting on someone else’s opinion on the internet, when I have far more productive things I could be doing. Later on I’ll probably be narcissistic enough to check whether this comment got any upvotes.
- AndrewKemendo 9y ago
  I intentionally upvoted you so that you would get your dopamine hit.
- take4 9y ago
  Well having a discussion in comments can be productive if you’re learning new things. And there is a lot of good content here that many of us wouldn’t discover otherwise. I imagine reading research or news posts on HN and commenting can be more productive than, say, reading reddit’s r/pics and commenting.
  - paulcole 9y ago
    We can imagine lots of things but it doesn’t mean they’re true. You’re just moving the goalposts so that HN doesn’t fit into the “bad” category.
  - pbhjpbhj 9y ago
    And yet probably 95%+ of the content will just be entertainment to us, not used productively. Maybe for all of you fortunate to work in tech get professionally useful info here?
squeeeeeeeeeee 9y ago
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_parent https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_parent
paulcole 9y ago
>And I have already decided that the only social interaction he will have will be real-time or near real time Good luck with that. My dad only wanted me to listen to 8 tracks. Seriously though, it’s hardline stances like this that create the very real chance of your kid resenting you. Do you really want your kid to be the weird one at school who can’t use social media? All the social interaction he’s going to get will be at home.
pbhjpbhj 9y ago
Almost all social sites have a 13 years minimum age (from USA's COPPA, IIRC) it seems you've plenty of time to establish good social behaviour? >"endless streams of gloating, selfies, and photos of what you have eaten." // I use social media and don't get endless streams of anything, you choose that surely? Sounds like complaining all food has poor nutrition.
- jpindar 9y ago
  Neither do I. At the top of my Twitter feed right now is Adafruit sharing a video about drones being used for agricultural research. I find that people who don't like social media often seem to be unaware of the fact that you get to choose who you follow.

agumonkey 9y ago

socnets are optimized interactions: you have more people that follow your interests but you may never get to know them in ways that physical proximity do to your mind. also it's too easy to end up in cycles of small interaction hormone boosts (dopamine hits apparently) that makes it exciting but not in the right way.

deleted 9y ago

[deleted]

pmoriarty 9y ago

"I have had a child. And I have already decided that the only social interaction he will have will be real-time or near real time. This means face to face, live video, real time chat (sms Hangouts is okay). This shows real interest and attention to the other party in real time and allows true connections to be formed." Remember how physical letter-writing used to be hugely important? We lost something there that wasn't real-time.

cdancette 9y ago
Emails are not real time either and they are not time sucking

pjc50 9y ago

> feel the loneliness of endlessly peering into others life's from a small window on phone At the point where everyone in his social circle is doing this, he will feel the loneliness of being the only one excluded from it. Perhaps he'll experience it peering in through someone else's phone.

qball 9y ago
>Perhaps he'll experience it peering in through someone else's phone. And better yet, once the child is free of their parent's influence, they'll probably just get sucked in because they never developed the mental mechanisms to handle the tools properly (because their parent was too emotionally blinded and thus incapable of teaching risk management). Just like that parent probably did when _they_ grew up and left home, for the same reasons. Cycles of emotional abuse are hard to break.
- jackstraw14 9y ago
  I’m not sure how your point relates to the shared experience of individual alienation, but is the child you speak of really free from their parent’s influence if they’re living their life via the same broken mechanism?
- andrepd 9y ago
  Emotional abuse?? That's quite a bit of a leap to make, from someone saying they won't let their kid on social media, don't you think?
  - dsnuh 9y ago
    The word "abuse" has been thrown around enough now to have lost almost all meaning. What OP described is called "being a parent".
- TheAdamAndChe 9y ago
  This is like saying we should have our child experience gambling, alcohol, cigarettes, and other addictive activities to teach risk management because they're going to be exposed to it when they leave home, which is silly. Kids aren't born mature. Self-discipline and risk management are skills that need to be built up over time before we expose our kids to the most addictive aspects of life IMO.

jhobag 9y ago

and yet you're here with the rest of us

wutbrodo 9y ago
I assume if he has a child, he isn't one himself? The context of the discussion is the effect of social media on children. It's entirely plausible to me that one could think that children's development is susceptible to harms from social media that are less of a concern in adults. Or at least that adults are above the threshold where we'd consider them competent to cope with these things themselves.

BadassFractal 9y ago

I wonder if there's a way to get all of the benefits without most of the downsides? What would that even look like?

mr_toad 9y ago

Isn’t HN just another form of social media? I’m sitting here commenting on someone else’s opinion on the internet, when I have far more productive things I could be doing. Later on I’ll probably be narcissistic enough to check whether this comment got any upvotes.

AndrewKemendo 9y ago
I intentionally upvoted you so that you would get your dopamine hit.
take4 9y ago
Well having a discussion in comments can be productive if you’re learning new things. And there is a lot of good content here that many of us wouldn’t discover otherwise. I imagine reading research or news posts on HN and commenting can be more productive than, say, reading reddit’s r/pics and commenting.
- paulcole 9y ago
  We can imagine lots of things but it doesn’t mean they’re true. You’re just moving the goalposts so that HN doesn’t fit into the “bad” category.
- pbhjpbhj 9y ago
  And yet probably 95%+ of the content will just be entertainment to us, not used productively. Maybe for all of you fortunate to work in tech get professionally useful info here?

squeeeeeeeeeee 9y ago

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_parent https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_parent

paulcole 9y ago

>And I have already decided that the only social interaction he will have will be real-time or near real time Good luck with that. My dad only wanted me to listen to 8 tracks. Seriously though, it’s hardline stances like this that create the very real chance of your kid resenting you. Do you really want your kid to be the weird one at school who can’t use social media? All the social interaction he’s going to get will be at home.

pbhjpbhj 9y ago

Almost all social sites have a 13 years minimum age (from USA's COPPA, IIRC) it seems you've plenty of time to establish good social behaviour? >"endless streams of gloating, selfies, and photos of what you have eaten." // I use social media and don't get endless streams of anything, you choose that surely? Sounds like complaining all food has poor nutrition.

jpindar 9y ago
Neither do I. At the top of my Twitter feed right now is Adafruit sharing a video about drones being used for agricultural research. I find that people who don't like social media often seem to be unaware of the fact that you get to choose who you follow.