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We've never let them have free reign to screens, whether computer or TV or phone, because there's a whole host of other problems that come from that. So it's no

We've never let them have free reign to screens, whether computer or TV or phone, because there's a whole host of other problems that come from that. So it's not like we're taking internet away from them and that they're used to it. We've been teaching each one, the other they get, how to use computers and the internet responsibly, and we've always supervised to make sure they're not accidentally running into something. But a search for some Magic the Gathering cards on eBay is what started this, when he accidentally saw an image of a nude woman in the results, and decided to google it behind our backs on the family computer (while my wife and the younger were in the same room!) and since he broke that level of trust with us, and showed a complete lack of understanding of the gravity of his actions, we had to take stronger measures against this disease in his mind that led him to put his younger siblings in danger of seeing something far more confusing and graphic than they're ready to at their ages.

ryanwaggoner 9y ago
No one knows how to better parent your kids than childless millenial software developers :)
- JCSato 9y ago
  Haha! I mean, fair. Obviously OP has the most information, so ultimately is probably best placed to make appropriate choices. I don't dispute that. Childless millennial software developers (or otherwise generally technical) are in a better position to understand puberty in the modern internet driven landscape than someone who went through it 30 years ago, though. That's a relevant perspective here. . .no? The whole idea is to provide alternative perspectives, so that we can have the most information and thus (in theory) make the best choices, right?
  - sexoffender 9y ago
    > Childless millennial software developers (or otherwise generally technical) are in a better position to understand puberty in the modern internet driven landscape than someone who went through it 30 years ago, though. That's a relevant perspective here. . .no? I'm a millennial software developer who went through this exact thing 15 years ago. So we're in the same boat, the only difference being I have kids. And poker is a whole different game when you're not playing for keeps.
JCSato 9y ago
Thank you for explaining further, that helps narrow down the situation. "we had to take stronger measures against this disease in his mind that led him to put his younger siblings in danger of seeing something far more confusing and graphic than they're ready to at their ages." This is what leaves me unconvinced (and I don't have expectation of changing your mind either - you operate with the most information here so that's probably a good thing). Certainly, what he did was inappropriate, but. . .a boy in puberty looking for porn on the internet is not a "disease". Even offensive porn. There's not something wrong with your boy. He did a bad thing (or a few bad things). He's a teen. Doesn't mean he should be let off the hook, but. . .diseased? Nah. It does sound like you're having some conversations about this (and importantly, providing the idea that there's something better out there), though, so that's good.
- sexoffender 9y ago
  It's a disease when it begins to negatively affect his judgment (looking at it in the room with much younger children nearby, trying to hide it by switching tabs whenever he thinks someone may be walking past him), his relationships (he's been getting much angrier at his siblings and being disrespectful and even violent toward them when they didn't deserve it), his responsibilities (he was doing them less often and less well, often sneaking into the bathroom for an hour at a time instead of finishing his work - which we now know was to look at porn and masturbate). Just like a physical disease is debilitating to your physical abilities, this is a mental disease that began deteriorating his mental and emotional abilities very quickly.

ryanwaggoner 9y ago

No one knows how to better parent your kids than childless millenial software developers :)

JCSato 9y ago
Haha! I mean, fair. Obviously OP has the most information, so ultimately is probably best placed to make appropriate choices. I don't dispute that. Childless millennial software developers (or otherwise generally technical) are in a better position to understand puberty in the modern internet driven landscape than someone who went through it 30 years ago, though. That's a relevant perspective here. . .no? The whole idea is to provide alternative perspectives, so that we can have the most information and thus (in theory) make the best choices, right?
- sexoffender 9y ago
  > Childless millennial software developers (or otherwise generally technical) are in a better position to understand puberty in the modern internet driven landscape than someone who went through it 30 years ago, though. That's a relevant perspective here. . .no? I'm a millennial software developer who went through this exact thing 15 years ago. So we're in the same boat, the only difference being I have kids. And poker is a whole different game when you're not playing for keeps.

JCSato 9y ago

Thank you for explaining further, that helps narrow down the situation. "we had to take stronger measures against this disease in his mind that led him to put his younger siblings in danger of seeing something far more confusing and graphic than they're ready to at their ages." This is what leaves me unconvinced (and I don't have expectation of changing your mind either - you operate with the most information here so that's probably a good thing). Certainly, what he did was inappropriate, but. . .a boy in puberty looking for porn on the internet is not a "disease". Even offensive porn. There's not something wrong with your boy. He did a bad thing (or a few bad things). He's a teen. Doesn't mean he should be let off the hook, but. . .diseased? Nah. It does sound like you're having some conversations about this (and importantly, providing the idea that there's something better out there), though, so that's good.

sexoffender 9y ago
It's a disease when it begins to negatively affect his judgment (looking at it in the room with much younger children nearby, trying to hide it by switching tabs whenever he thinks someone may be walking past him), his relationships (he's been getting much angrier at his siblings and being disrespectful and even violent toward them when they didn't deserve it), his responsibilities (he was doing them less often and less well, often sneaking into the bathroom for an hour at a time instead of finishing his work - which we now know was to look at porn and masturbate). Just like a physical disease is debilitating to your physical abilities, this is a mental disease that began deteriorating his mental and emotional abilities very quickly.