36 ms·

Why do you think you need to prevent your son from watching porn, especially to the point that you need to completely remove his access to the Internet?

sexoffender 9y ago
Once he started doing it, everything in his life declined. He stopped having healthy relationships with his siblings and his friends at school. He started to be much more angry and even sometimes violent, and when we examine the situations in detail, we see that none of it is justified, and he's always the one saying everyone is out to get him when he is actually the one doing wrong. He's become a lot more arrogant and a lot more reserved at school and obnoxious at home. His grades at school declined sharply. He's developing a narcissistic personality, and won't participate in things that he doesn't personally see any value or benefit in, even when everyone around him tries to convince him it's a good or worthwhile activity. Overall he's declining in mental and emotional health.
- ceejayoz 9y ago
  It's possible you're mixing up cause and effect here. The hormonal changes that tend to cause kids to become interested in porn can cause those other elements as well. It's not unusual for even a teenager with no interest in porn to be quick to anger, feel persecuted, be arrogant, etc. "Won't participate in things that he doesn't personally see any value or benefit in" probably describes 98% of high school students.
  - rayiner 9y ago
    Teenage boys get more angry and introverted at the same time that they become interested in porn? It must be the porn I tell you!!
- Spellman 9y ago
  First, how are you sure it's correlation and not causation? Perhaps he's being driven to porn/developing the habit as self-medication? Also, as to your previous point that it will lead to "harder" stuff, a recent study says no. Yes, there will be more opportunity and exploration of the topic, but that's something that will happen eventually to all individuals. It isn't studied very well, but at least this initial one says we don't naturally become more tolerant and require "harder" pornography over time. https://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2018/2/5/can-you-build-up-a-tolerance-to-porn https://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2018/2/5/can-you-build-up-a-t...
  - sexoffender 9y ago
    There is more to it, and it's hard to pinpoint cause and effect. He did have issues that existed before the pornography habit. But they worsened significantly since the month he started looking at pornography regularly. I do believe that his pornography habit has lowered his mental and emotional intelligence by a noticeable factor. I also look back at when I was his same age, and see my own struggles as very similar to his. So I could be mistaken with some of the internal presumptions I've made about him, but the external ones match up almost exactly.
    - Spellman 9y ago
      OK, fair enough. Hope you guys figure out an appropriate intervention plan then. Is going to a therapist on the table? Sounds like there's something deeper going on and just cutting off the porn doesn't usually solve it in my experience.
      - deleted 9y ago
        [deleted]
- beaner 9y ago
  This is probably honestly just be puberty, and porn may actually be a release that helps with this stage in his life and all of the unseen anxieties he has right now. There may be a correlation but you really have no idea what the cause is. You shouldn't assume it's this one thing. It may prevent you from being able to offer more meaningful help.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
- mattmanser 9y ago
  Sounds more like he's becoming a teenager.
- ravenstine 9y ago
  How do you know that this isn't correlation as opposed to causation? Addictive practices are common avoidance strategies.
- ameister14 9y ago
  Is he anywhere between 13 and 17? Because that behavior sounds like about 60% of boys between those ages. Testosterone makes people quick to anger, often unjustifiably, and until they learn to control it they aren't fun to be around. Teenagers are also famously self-absorbed, and this age is also marked with a shift from reliance on parents for guidance to outside sources like peers. This was all the case before the internet, before video, before printed media. Porn isn't the cause.
testvox 9y ago
It's illegal. But yeah I personally don't understand this reaction.
crankylinuxuser 9y ago
Most of the time, I see the puritanical christians going the route of "sex is evil". It's the unsaid thing as well, but they are also the ones pushing for "abstinence-only training". This is literally dumbing down discourse to students at an age who sorely needs it. I'd also be willing to bet that this family has no compunctions about letting the son watch extreme violent TV shows and movies. People being tortured, maimed, and killed is usually OK. Show a nipple, and people lose their shit. EDIT: In the end, this article is flagged for what amounts to Christian Moralization vs Non-Christian Moralization. I need only read "traditional morality", "psalms chaper#:verse# one of", or citing netnanny as an authoritative source to understand what the real problem is here. This is what would be classified as a straight up religious conflict, and "teenagers, online porn, sexuality" are one of the major battlegrounds in this culture war. It's ugly indeed.
- sexoffender 9y ago
  The puritanical attitude is wrong. Sex is an amazing and great part of life, just like roller coasters or having 3 beers. Life is meant to be enjoyed. But over-doing it, or using something in a way it wasn't meant to be used, can ruin that joy. Nothing is wrong with sex within a healthy relationship. But nobody who goes to a hooker really believes afterwards that they found true happiness there. We also avoid movies like Saw not only for our older children but even ourselves. Why fill out bellies with filthy water when there's plenty of fresh water all around us, free for the taking? Only people who convince themselves that there's no fresh water, or that it's not good enough for their belly, will look for filthy polluted water and convince themselves it's their only hope.
  - crankylinuxuser 9y ago
    > The puritanical attitude is wrong. Sex is an amazing and great part of life, just like roller coasters or having 3 beers. Life is meant to be enjoyed. But over-doing it, or using something in a way it wasn't meant to be used, can ruin that joy. Nothing is wrong with sex within a healthy relationship. But nobody who goes to a hooker really believes afterwards that they found true happiness there. But that's what I'm taking about. There's no (supernatural, physical, legal) law that states for everything fun and good, I have to suffer equal amounts. That's just moralization in the puritanical strain, which I reject. And I would also like to call out the sentence: " Nothing is wrong with sex within a healthy relationship." Nothing is wrong with consensual sex, period. I needen't be in a marriage or relationship with them. I don't care if it's vanilla, scat, bdsm, cuckolding, or whatever. We have more than enough science and technology that people can have sex with little fear. It's only when governments want to inflict their "morals" on people do people really start to hurt. They do this by keeping drugs, devices, and techniques away. Thankfully, The Satanic Temple has been challenging these "moral precepts" as the religious laws enshrined into to state laws. (Seriously, who'd have thought that TST would fight for peoples' rights?!) And I also have no issue with prostitutes. I've never procured the services of any, but I see no shame in doing so either. It's no more a temporary feel-good similar to that of a roller coaster or a concert. It's just "bad" because of the puritanical beliefs that all sex is bad, outside a marriage (later turned to relationship). And regarding SAW, the show was meh. It's a slasher for slasher's sake.
beaner 9y ago
I wouldn't say it's necessarily the thing to do, but there is a chance that it forms an addiction and/or bad habits which life might be more enjoyable without. I don't prescribe to the "porn is evil" mantra, but that doesn't mean it can't do harm. There are whole comminutes of people who are trying to recover from porn addiction because of the way it had negatively affected their lives. See /r/nofap and yourbrainonporn.com. If you've never been negatively affected by it, good for you. I can see why you be skeptical that it could do harm to anyone. Most people rely on their own anecdotal experience to form their opinions. But keep an open mind, not everyone responds the same way to these things. I don't blame parents for trying to look out for their children. They just need to make sure they're doing it in a sane, reasonable way.
gr3yh47 9y ago
plenty of recent studies show that pornography use is manifestly harmful to our brains, especially developing brains. Cursory searching yielded these articles, but there are many studies to be found. http://yournewswire.com/this-is-how-pornography-addiction-is-ruining-your-brain/ http://yournewswire.com/this-is-how-pornography-addiction-is... http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2642712/Does-watching-porn-make-LAZY-X-rated-content-shrink-region-brain-linked-motivation-study-claims.html http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2642712/Does-... https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/porn-debate/ https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/porn-debate/ Pornography is a harmful drug and can have many of the same psychological and physiological effects as other addictive substances.
- cortic 9y ago
  plenty of recent studies show that pornography use is manifestly good to our brains https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201601/evidence-mounts-more-porn-less-sexual-assault https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201601/ev... https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/11/101130111326.htm https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/11/101130111326.h... https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-sunny-side-of-smut/ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-sunny-side-of... Pornography is a useful tool to manage testosterone and other hormones in the adolescent and reduces sexual crimes across the board.
- meowface 9y ago
  The issue is complex, but those 3 sources are not reputable at all.

sexoffender 9y ago

Once he started doing it, everything in his life declined. He stopped having healthy relationships with his siblings and his friends at school. He started to be much more angry and even sometimes violent, and when we examine the situations in detail, we see that none of it is justified, and he's always the one saying everyone is out to get him when he is actually the one doing wrong. He's become a lot more arrogant and a lot more reserved at school and obnoxious at home. His grades at school declined sharply. He's developing a narcissistic personality, and won't participate in things that he doesn't personally see any value or benefit in, even when everyone around him tries to convince him it's a good or worthwhile activity. Overall he's declining in mental and emotional health.

ceejayoz 9y ago
It's possible you're mixing up cause and effect here. The hormonal changes that tend to cause kids to become interested in porn can cause those other elements as well. It's not unusual for even a teenager with no interest in porn to be quick to anger, feel persecuted, be arrogant, etc. "Won't participate in things that he doesn't personally see any value or benefit in" probably describes 98% of high school students.
- rayiner 9y ago
  Teenage boys get more angry and introverted at the same time that they become interested in porn? It must be the porn I tell you!!
Spellman 9y ago
First, how are you sure it's correlation and not causation? Perhaps he's being driven to porn/developing the habit as self-medication? Also, as to your previous point that it will lead to "harder" stuff, a recent study says no. Yes, there will be more opportunity and exploration of the topic, but that's something that will happen eventually to all individuals. It isn't studied very well, but at least this initial one says we don't naturally become more tolerant and require "harder" pornography over time. https://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2018/2/5/can-you-build-up-a-tolerance-to-porn https://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2018/2/5/can-you-build-up-a-t...
- sexoffender 9y ago
  There is more to it, and it's hard to pinpoint cause and effect. He did have issues that existed before the pornography habit. But they worsened significantly since the month he started looking at pornography regularly. I do believe that his pornography habit has lowered his mental and emotional intelligence by a noticeable factor. I also look back at when I was his same age, and see my own struggles as very similar to his. So I could be mistaken with some of the internal presumptions I've made about him, but the external ones match up almost exactly.
  - Spellman 9y ago
    OK, fair enough. Hope you guys figure out an appropriate intervention plan then. Is going to a therapist on the table? Sounds like there's something deeper going on and just cutting off the porn doesn't usually solve it in my experience.
    - deleted 9y ago
      [deleted]
beaner 9y ago
This is probably honestly just be puberty, and porn may actually be a release that helps with this stage in his life and all of the unseen anxieties he has right now. There may be a correlation but you really have no idea what the cause is. You shouldn't assume it's this one thing. It may prevent you from being able to offer more meaningful help.
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
mattmanser 9y ago
Sounds more like he's becoming a teenager.
ravenstine 9y ago
How do you know that this isn't correlation as opposed to causation? Addictive practices are common avoidance strategies.
ameister14 9y ago
Is he anywhere between 13 and 17? Because that behavior sounds like about 60% of boys between those ages. Testosterone makes people quick to anger, often unjustifiably, and until they learn to control it they aren't fun to be around. Teenagers are also famously self-absorbed, and this age is also marked with a shift from reliance on parents for guidance to outside sources like peers. This was all the case before the internet, before video, before printed media. Porn isn't the cause.

testvox 9y ago

It's illegal. But yeah I personally don't understand this reaction.

crankylinuxuser 9y ago

Most of the time, I see the puritanical christians going the route of "sex is evil". It's the unsaid thing as well, but they are also the ones pushing for "abstinence-only training". This is literally dumbing down discourse to students at an age who sorely needs it. I'd also be willing to bet that this family has no compunctions about letting the son watch extreme violent TV shows and movies. People being tortured, maimed, and killed is usually OK. Show a nipple, and people lose their shit. EDIT: In the end, this article is flagged for what amounts to Christian Moralization vs Non-Christian Moralization. I need only read "traditional morality", "psalms chaper#:verse# one of", or citing netnanny as an authoritative source to understand what the real problem is here. This is what would be classified as a straight up religious conflict, and "teenagers, online porn, sexuality" are one of the major battlegrounds in this culture war. It's ugly indeed.

sexoffender 9y ago
The puritanical attitude is wrong. Sex is an amazing and great part of life, just like roller coasters or having 3 beers. Life is meant to be enjoyed. But over-doing it, or using something in a way it wasn't meant to be used, can ruin that joy. Nothing is wrong with sex within a healthy relationship. But nobody who goes to a hooker really believes afterwards that they found true happiness there. We also avoid movies like Saw not only for our older children but even ourselves. Why fill out bellies with filthy water when there's plenty of fresh water all around us, free for the taking? Only people who convince themselves that there's no fresh water, or that it's not good enough for their belly, will look for filthy polluted water and convince themselves it's their only hope.
- crankylinuxuser 9y ago
  > The puritanical attitude is wrong. Sex is an amazing and great part of life, just like roller coasters or having 3 beers. Life is meant to be enjoyed. But over-doing it, or using something in a way it wasn't meant to be used, can ruin that joy. Nothing is wrong with sex within a healthy relationship. But nobody who goes to a hooker really believes afterwards that they found true happiness there. But that's what I'm taking about. There's no (supernatural, physical, legal) law that states for everything fun and good, I have to suffer equal amounts. That's just moralization in the puritanical strain, which I reject. And I would also like to call out the sentence: " Nothing is wrong with sex within a healthy relationship." Nothing is wrong with consensual sex, period. I needen't be in a marriage or relationship with them. I don't care if it's vanilla, scat, bdsm, cuckolding, or whatever. We have more than enough science and technology that people can have sex with little fear. It's only when governments want to inflict their "morals" on people do people really start to hurt. They do this by keeping drugs, devices, and techniques away. Thankfully, The Satanic Temple has been challenging these "moral precepts" as the religious laws enshrined into to state laws. (Seriously, who'd have thought that TST would fight for peoples' rights?!) And I also have no issue with prostitutes. I've never procured the services of any, but I see no shame in doing so either. It's no more a temporary feel-good similar to that of a roller coaster or a concert. It's just "bad" because of the puritanical beliefs that all sex is bad, outside a marriage (later turned to relationship). And regarding SAW, the show was meh. It's a slasher for slasher's sake.

beaner 9y ago

I wouldn't say it's necessarily the thing to do, but there is a chance that it forms an addiction and/or bad habits which life might be more enjoyable without. I don't prescribe to the "porn is evil" mantra, but that doesn't mean it can't do harm. There are whole comminutes of people who are trying to recover from porn addiction because of the way it had negatively affected their lives. See /r/nofap and yourbrainonporn.com. If you've never been negatively affected by it, good for you. I can see why you be skeptical that it could do harm to anyone. Most people rely on their own anecdotal experience to form their opinions. But keep an open mind, not everyone responds the same way to these things. I don't blame parents for trying to look out for their children. They just need to make sure they're doing it in a sane, reasonable way.

gr3yh47 9y ago

plenty of recent studies show that pornography use is manifestly harmful to our brains, especially developing brains. Cursory searching yielded these articles, but there are many studies to be found. http://yournewswire.com/this-is-how-pornography-addiction-is-ruining-your-brain/ http://yournewswire.com/this-is-how-pornography-addiction-is... http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2642712/Does-watching-porn-make-LAZY-X-rated-content-shrink-region-brain-linked-motivation-study-claims.html http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2642712/Does-... https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/porn-debate/ https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/porn-debate/ Pornography is a harmful drug and can have many of the same psychological and physiological effects as other addictive substances.

cortic 9y ago
plenty of recent studies show that pornography use is manifestly good to our brains https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201601/evidence-mounts-more-porn-less-sexual-assault https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201601/ev... https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/11/101130111326.htm https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/11/101130111326.h... https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-sunny-side-of-smut/ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-sunny-side-of... Pornography is a useful tool to manage testosterone and other hormones in the adolescent and reduces sexual crimes across the board.
meowface 9y ago
The issue is complex, but those 3 sources are not reputable at all.