30 ms·

Why Am I So Lazy?

472 points by colinprince 9y ago

Buldak 9y ago
When I was failing classes in college, I had a conversation with a dean who suggested that I subconsciously didn't want to be there, and that I was committing academic self-sabotage as a result. This struck me as an extravagant, bizarre theory. (Cynically, I also wonder if she was trying to convince me to voluntarily leave the college so that I wouldn't ding their graduation rate.) I tend to be suspicious of this kind of move, where what seems like a character flaw is explained away as something more benign. In the article in question, the author suggests that the woman writing in is not really lazy, but has been holding back out of fear that she might disappoint herself. But why can't she just be lazy? I don't doubt that there are people who have the kind of subtle psychology that the author suggests. But I wonder if we're too eager to accept such explanations because they are more comforting than more straightforward, harsher ones.
- mathattack 9y ago
  I agree. There are lots of psychological things at work more plausible than not wanting to succeed. (Short attention span, getting sucked into online dopamine rushes, etc)
- Gatsky 9y ago
  So why were you failing classes in college?
  - taneq 9y ago
    Didn't want it badly enough.
- duopixel 9y ago
  I suppose she first asked you about the underperformance and was not satisfied with the answer. It wouldn’t be a bizarre theory if she saw sufficient intelligence along with a lack of personal investment, in fact it would be a quite reasonable guess.
- RandomInteger4 9y ago
  Maybe the word 'lazy' is itself a lazy way to describe the behaviors arising from biological factors beyond our control? Maybe medication is in order.
- gizmo686 9y ago
  What does it mean to be "lazy"? Why are some people lazy, and others not? Why are people lazy with regards to certain things and not others? Ignoring all of these questions and simply considering laziness to be a fundamentally characteristic is highly unsatisfying and, dare I say, lazy. Maybe the authors explanation is wrong, but she offers a potential explanation. Your proposal is simply that 'she is lazy because she is lazy' which offers no explanatory power.
  - hateduser2 9y ago
    Rosted
  - invalidOrTaken 9y ago
    >What does it mean to be "lazy"? A few months ago my little brother was taking an introductory CS class. I warned him not to procrastinate his assignments, because you can't hurry programming. Nine women can't make a baby in one month, etc. I think "laziness" is similar: it's an emergent phenomenon to be debugged, not a single "thing" to be attacked with more-of something.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
- Sylos 9y ago
  In my opinion, laziness is not a character flaw, it's rather a fundamental characteristic of any living being. Therefore saying that you're lazy is tautological, obviously true therefore not worth pointing out, and not a reasoning for a perceived difference between you and others, because they're all lazy in their heart, too.
- eeZah7Ux 9y ago
  > extravagant, bizarre theory Absolutely not. Self-sabotage is psychology 101. > why can't she just be lazy Because laziness, like demonic possession and telepathy has not been identified by any medical science. > we're too eager to accept such explanations because they are more comforting than more straightforward, harsher ones Or maybe one explanation is backed by decades of research while the idea of "laziness" is backed by nothing more than popular culture and some religions.
  - koonsolo 9y ago
    Sorry, but I have totally no clue what you are talking about. Laziness is preserving energy, which seems pretty vital to survival for me. Have you ever seen a "lazy" lion just laying there, doing nothing most of the day? The reason why he's not running around all day doing active stuff is because of survival, energy preservation. He will put his energy where it is most important, food and sex. He's even so lazy that he lets the ladies hunt for him. So I don't understand in what kind of world you are living where laziness is not a real thing.
    - cc81 9y ago
      Laziness is a thing (at least we describe something with the word) but for a lot of people in that situation the laziness is not a good strategy for preserving energy. They will procrastinate to a point where the total amount of work is much more than just doing something immediately. For example instead of doing the dishes immediately they will wait until they pile up with dried food stuck to them making the total effort much bigger.
    - eeZah7Ux 9y ago
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laziness https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laziness "Laziness (also called indolence) is disinclination to activity or exertion despite having the ability to act or exert oneself. It is often used as a pejorative; terms for a person seen to be lazy include couch potato, slacker, and bludger." To clarify: I'm talking about "laziness" as a pejorative - e.g. something to be ashamed of. Your example is about good prioritization and saving precious energy and there's nothing bad about it especially when food is scarce.
- TeMPOraL 9y ago
  Interesting. Personally, I believe the opposite - that the very concept of "character flaw" should be expunged from our dictionaries, as it tends to be useless. It works only as a way of assigning blame - "you do everything last minute because you're lazy". "You suck and I don't." Identifying character flaws doesn't help a person fix them - which is the only thing that should matter. Because it's all about some factor making a person unable to do things that are in their best interest, often also causing huge emotional distress when said person attempts to behave in a "more correct" (by their own standards) way. C.f. http://lesswrong.com/lw/2as/diseased_thinking_dissolving_questions_about/ http://lesswrong.com/lw/2as/diseased_thinking_dissolving_que..., which is an interesting article on the way we frame diseases and character flaws.
pravda 9y ago
I'm not sure how this got here, but wow, Heather Havrilesky is still around. She wrote for Suck in the early days of the web. http://www.suck.com/fish/contributors/havrilesky/ http://www.suck.com/fish/contributors/havrilesky/
- jholman 9y ago
  Oh, man, I didn't even read the byline, and didn't guess that the Polly in Dear Polly is Polly Esther. Damn I miss her Suck column.
josephpmay 9y ago
From the little "Sloth" wrote, it sounds like it's possible she might have undiagnosed ADHD. As someone with ADHD myself, I instantly recognized the inability to get myself to start working on something until the last minute (even if I really, really want to do it) and the piles clothes (despite my propensity for cleanliness). Another hallmark of ADHD that many don't know about is bursts of almost manic productivity for random tasks or when under extreme pressure. If she does have ADHD, Polly's answer is both unhelpful and somewhat dangerous.
- ajkjk 9y ago
  I think that's a little extreme and reminds me of the problematic trend of giving psychiatric medication to anyone who asks for it. I mean, yes, there's a chance they 'actually have ADHD', but there's also a much higher chance they are one of the tremendous number of people who have trouble getting themselves to do things that aren't urgent. I'm on that list too. So are lots of people. Sloth sounds so incredibly normal to me.
  - sudosteph 9y ago
    Everyone procrastinates sometimes, the difference with ADHD is the frequency and severity. So if this person procrastinates every day of her life, and it consistently impacts her functioning and relationships, it becomes out of the norm. ADHD is actually decently prevalent, but often missed in girls who are not disruptive in class. Often they can get by with a strong support structure (parents and partners) but struggle with the independence of adulthood, which OP described. The risks of untreated ADHD can be far more destructive than many people realize (car crashes, depression, financial insecurity) so it's at least worth evaluating for in cases like this.
  - taneq 9y ago
    I'm not sure "actually have ADHD" is a thing. (Edit: Emphasis on "actually", not on "ADHD". ADHD is a thing. In between "really do have it" and "really don't have it", though, is a huge grey area, and that's what I'm getting at.) I mean, there are certainly people (maybe even most people) who function better on stimulants. And there are certainly people who don't function well when not on stimulants. But it's all a set of sliding scales, there's no clear line with "has ADHD" on one side and "just lazy" on the other.
smallnamespace 9y ago
'I divide my officers into four groups. There are clever, diligent, stupid, and lazy officers. Usually two characteristics are combined. Some are clever and diligent -- their place is the General Staff. The next lot are stupid and lazy -- they make up 90 percent of every army and are suited to routine duties. Anyone who is both clever and lazy is qualified for the highest leadership duties, because he possesses the intellectual clarity and the composure necessary for difficult decisions. One must beware of anyone who is stupid and diligent -- he must not be entrusted with any responsibility because he will always cause only mischief.' -- Kurt Freiherr von Hammerstein-Equord (1878-1943), Commander-in-Chief of the Reichswehr
- dweekly 9y ago
  "I drink wine...and know things."
  - godelmachine 9y ago
    Am I right when I say that's Tyrion Lannister? :)
    - deleted 9y ago
      [deleted]
    - pbhjpbhj 9y ago
      Pretty sure it's GRR Martin!
- labster 9y ago
  "We will encourage you to develop the three great virtues of a programmer: laziness, impatience, and hubris." -- Larry Wall, Programming Perl On OP, maybe I just don't get advice columns. Here's two paragraphs, now tell me how to live my life. How is that supposed to be helpful to the wide set of human behavior?
sudosteph 9y ago
I wish this advice mentioned the importance of ruling out issues like ADHD first, especially the inattentive type which is often underdiagnosed in women. I really relate to OPs description, and if she does have an exectutive functioning disorder that makes task prioritization inadequate and non-stimulating activities unrewarding to a massive extent, it wont be simply a matter of "overcoming fear" to start directing herself in a way that is more satisfying. If anything, it's a recipe for depression and frustration to try to act on advice like this if you have untreated ADHD.
saulrh 9y ago
Motivational essays are this are great for some people. Others, on the other hand, are persuaded to avoid seeking help for medical (mental health, hormonal, etc) problems that are wrecking their lives. Overmedication is a problem, yes, but this particular field is catastrophically underdiagnosed because its problems have come to be seen as moral failings and the fault of the sufferer. If you are so "lazy" that you have trouble with day-to-day life, you do not need to "man up" or "reject your self-image". You need to talk to a physician. Such problems are well within their purview. Modern psychiatry has infinitely better cognitive tricks than the moralizing platitudes in motivational essays. If you're really lucky, your physician will guess two-thirds of your symptoms before you describe them, diagnose you with a particular neurochemical deficiency, and prescribe you a medication that, in the space of a week, does more to help you with your problems than you'd managed in your entire life to date. TL;DR: You aren't qualified to condemn every "lazy" person on the planet, so quit it with the victim-blaming. Some people need this kind of advice but you aren't the person that should be giving it. Let the professionals do it, because they can, first, do no harm.
- JackFr 9y ago
  Did you read the article? Or are you adressing a comment I missed? The article is a letter to an advice columnist wherein a person describes herself as lazy, and the columnist literally says: "Doing the bare minimum at the last minute isn’t lazy. It’s simply a choice, devoid of moral weight. It’s a strategy that’s mostly worked for you, up until this point." So I'm finding it hard to understand: > You aren't qualified to condemn every "lazy" person on the planet. Who are you addressing?
  - lloeki 9y ago
    > Did you read the article? I believe not, or given the length of the thing and current attention span trends, GP skimmed over it (!= genuinely read), because the following is a direct quote from TFA: > Get a therapist Also, > You aren't qualified to condemn every "lazy" person on the planet, so quit it with the victim-blaming. The essence of the column is precisely the opposite. The columnist directly says that the person should not blame herself like she does and that she shouldn't call herself lazy.
ggm 9y ago
Oblomov by Goncharev..
20years 9y ago
Maybe she is not lazy at all. Maybe she just doesn't want to work on things that don't motivate or interest her. It is my ultimate goal to never have to work on things that don't interest me if only I can figure out a way to automate all of that ;) The fact that she has succeeded in getting A's with waiting until the last minute and not putting in much effort, indicates that she is very smart. I have noticed that really smart people seem to lack motivation and get bored very easily. The two closest people to me are like this. The thing is though, when they find something that does interest them, there is no stopping them. They turn into the hardest working people around.
- mixmastamyk 9y ago
  I've had this problem. One facet of it was the fixed vs growth mindset (as described by Dweck) due to being told often I was smart as a child.
- csbowe 9y ago
  Agreed. Lazy is lacking the desire to achieve what one considers worth achieving. If tasks like cleaning and laundry are accomplishments worth less within one's mental value system than, say, the feeling of spending time enjoying an excellent TV show then choice is clear. The key to turning around my perceived lazyness, personally, is about trying to control the value of what I spend my time on.
  - bcyn 9y ago
    Thanks for this comment, I really really agree with this sentiment and you put it really nicely in words.
firekvz 9y ago
I tried to read this but I couldnt, thats how lazy I am.
- unkeen 9y ago
  But you did manage to write this comment! Someone else could have been way too lazy for that, too.
- bornonline1 9y ago
  In theory, if there are loads of comments, they should repeat good points and argue the bad points. So you learn most of what you need to know. No?
- dsego 9y ago
  I read it, technically, but didn't actually absorb it. I'm sure I will forget all about this by tomorrow. Doesn't really matter.
dgreensp 9y ago
As someone who used to be much like the asker and is now a little more like the answerer, I cannot recommend this answer enough! It is so insightful and well-put. Treat it as breadcrumbs from someone farther along on the journey of growth and self-discovery.
- mixmastamyk 9y ago
  Indeed, the part about overachieving relatives hit home also. Mine have big houses, lots of cars, and a big screen in every room. I'm not interested in any of that but would like to meet them a bit closer in their direction, i.e. motivation.
natecavanaugh 9y ago
This was an article that I read and pleasantly winced as the author called out not only my weak choices, but my reasoning for them. I understand this article isn't for everyone, or maybe even most people, but it's for sure the thing I needed to read now.
bambax 9y ago
> I see this shit every day in other parents: “She hates to read!” “He’s lazy!” “She’s bad at math!” You are imprisoning your kid with your words, fuckers! That's spot on. It's really upsetting to hear people say that about children, especially people with authority (parents, grandparents). DON'T DO THAT! Or, if you have to do that (!?!) at least be positive. Don't tell a kid she's bad at math, tell her she's good at math and you're surprised she doesn't get good grades -- she's a natural! all of this should be sooo easy for her! there must be something holding her back. People tend to conform to other people's opinions of them; they will get good at math just to match the image we're projecting on them.
- lawn 9y ago
  I don't think you should ever say that someone is naturally good, "a natural" or anything like that. Instead kids should be praised for effort, for trying and having a growth mindset. If we only comment on how inherently good they are they might get lazy as whenever they get bad grades excuses like "I wasn't trying" works. It doesn't matter if the parents continue being surprised of the bad grades, the answer can also be "I was just lazy". This is exactly what happened to me and I'm still trying to reprogram myself.
  - Morizero 9y ago
    The name for this topic is fixed vs growth mindset: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindset#Fixed_and_growth https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindset#Fixed_and_growth You'll see that and related phrases as buzzwords sometimes.
    - ghostcluster 9y ago
      > This article may lend undue weight to certain ideas, incidents, or controversies. Psychologists can't replicate Carol Dweck's 'Growth Mindset' claims: https://www.buzzfeed.com/tomchivers/what-is-your-mindset https://www.buzzfeed.com/tomchivers/what-is-your-mindset > The findings of Dweck’s key study have never been replicated in a published paper, which is noteworthy in so high-profile a work. One scientist told BuzzFeed News that his attempt to reproduce the findings has so far failed. An investigation found several small but revealing errors in the study that may require a correction. It is likely another hypothesized model from the social psychology field that doesn't actually exist, in the same category as Stereotype Threat and Power Posing.
5_minutes 9y ago
The good kind of lazy, is actually often just being very efficient.
UncleEntity 9y ago
> You’re choosing a lifestyle of avoidance and low expectations. What's wrong with that? Some people have laid their heart open to the benign indifference of the universe and are just like: "what's the point?"
- koonsolo 9y ago
  There is nothing wrong with that. But in this case there is, because it doesn't make her happy.
  - pbhjpbhj 9y ago
    You can choose then to try to become happy with it, or to change it. The parents point may have been that there are options.
pkalinowski 9y ago
Being lazy is natural and it is what pushes humanity forward. We don't want to do things, so we try to work on it less in the future - automating things, improving efficiency etc. Being "lazy" about some things is good for you. Do not focus much on stuff which is not very important for you personally.
- pbhjpbhj 9y ago
  Hmm, I don't know about that, I see at least three different character types: 1) those who want to avoid labour, the lazy, some of whom are driven to invention to reduce their labour in order to have more leisure; 2) those who are happy to work in the current system, the content, they get on and do what's needed; 3) those who want to reduce their direct labour in the current system in order to "labour" in other ways, the driven, they want to automate daily living so they can work on other things; There are subgroups within these for example "the lazy" has a group who will accept a lower quality of life in order to reduce labour, and a group who will prefer to use other people's labour to reduce their own, etc., etc..
- bjourne 9y ago
  Did you read the article? The premise of her question is that she thinks she is lazy AND she is not satisfied with that. Clearly, being "lazy" is not good if your laziness makes you unhappy.
  - pkalinowski 9y ago
    What if the laziness is not a problem, but feeling unhappy because of this laziness? Why you should be unhappy? Billions of people are lazy and they love it. There are lot of people preaching that being "efficient" all your life is what you should aim for and, weirdly, everyone accepts this as unquestionable truth.
CoolestBeans 9y ago
It seems a little ridiculous that the author of the response would know that the "Sloth" isn't actually lazy but really afraid. Especially when the author also tells the "Sloth" to ignore what other people have said about them. Maybe I'm missing the bigger picture, but how is the author not just another one of the squirrels she describes?
- Profan 9y ago
  It does read a bit like what you would hear a "psychic" write in response to a short question, such a long response seems an unreasonably confident response without any more back and forth between the two. I'm actually a bit surprised so many people here are quickly falling into conclusions about what was and wasn't said when it doesn't seem like it has been explored enough to have anything conclusive determined from it.. But then it's also just an essay meant to speak to certain people and not for everyone in a popular magazine, so eh.
  - TeMPOraL 9y ago
    My immediate impression was that both texts are written by the same person. But then again, the "Sloth" section rings way too true for it to be something just set up for analyzing in the latter part.
otempomores 9y ago
I wonder whether the author considered what s/he/it compares self against. A manic programmer can go for two days without sleep before collapse. Its extremely unhealthy and socially isolating and to Try to become like that is literally nuts. Ask yourself what all those who archive your dream performance don't have before going for it
sifoo 9y ago
We've been carefully programmed to look down on inability to conform and perform tasks that feel meaningless and uninteresting. If anything, most of what we call ADHD and Aspbergers is a superior mental immune system, the ability to act from common sense and truth despite massive outside interference. We would be better off prescribing cannabis and shrooms to the rest of society, they are the ones who really need help.
sgentle 9y ago
> Both the cynic and the underachiever are afraid of sticking their necks out and becoming who they deeply, passionately want to become, for fear of looking stupid or failing. I have also experienced this for an equal but opposite reason. Not a fear of failure but a fear of success, either because it feels undeserved or because of the responsibility that might come with it. To quote that thing that Mandela didn't say: > Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. > We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? > Actually, who are you not to be?
mythrwy 9y ago
I used to be lazy but then I started using Pomodoro, Fasting, Keto, Going to the Gym, Test Driving Development and microdosing with psilocybin. And I deleted Facebook and quit using Google in favor of Duck Duck Bing. Now I'm just crazy but no one can accuse me of laziness.
gdubs 9y ago
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is interesting for this type of thing - mindfulness meditation too. Both are helpful at gaining clarity around overgeneralizations we make about ourselves. In meditation it’s very common to reach a point of realization that ‘what we are’ is not equal to the labels we attach to ourselves. Both cause a kind of short-circuiting of the “automatic thoughts” we have in response to emotional triggers. In cognitive behavioral therapy, something like procrastination is addressed by listing all of the thoughts you have in response to the thing you’re avoiding, identifying irrationalities, and forming rational responses. It can be very effective at easing anger, fear, sadness, and lack of motivation. With mindfulness, over time it’s possible to begin decoupling your true self from all of the labels. This is also known as “ego death”, and can be somewhat painful and uncomfortable - the ego tends to fight back when it feels you letting go of it. In deep meditation it can be almost frightening to experience the ego disappear; we go through most of our lives thinking we are the labels we’ve associated with ourselves. To let go of the labels can feel like letting go of yourself. Blissful meditation is a state of just being; no labels. I recommend checking out the book “Feeling Good” if you want to know more about CBT, and there are tons of resources on mindfulness, but Zen Mind Beginner’s Mind is great (as well as most of Alan Watts’ lectures you can find on YouTube).
- meesterdude 9y ago
  CBT is good, but actually I would not recommend CBT for laziness. It can help with other things for sure - such as self disturbances, idealizations, and acceptance. It may even be considered a good foundation - But, it does not challenge the fundamental drivers of your life that induce laziness. At least it did not for me. Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) was created, IIRC, from seeing people go through CBT but still suffer from emotions & avoidance. While it overlaps with CBT in some ways, it identifies things like the way language shapes our thinking, and proposes we lead by our values instead of by our emotions. Be present in the moment, accept your feelings but don't justify your behavior by them, and do what matters. I only figured I'd mention, because I recently learned about ACT after being an advocate for CBT, and coming to see where they work and where they don't. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance_and_commitment_therapy https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance_and_commitment_ther...
papi_bichhu 9y ago
My wife is exactly similar to the person who wrote this article. I was aware of her procrastinating and lazy side even before we got married. It didn't get any better with time and all my efforts of cajoling her into getting our lives in a routine are in vain. The best example is that she will not get out of the bed on a weekend until I do, doesn't matter if she went to sleep hours before I did.
leoc 9y ago
This may be relevant: "‘I Thought I Was Lazy’: The Invisible Day-To-Day Struggle For Autistic Women" https://theestablishment.co/i-thought-i-was-lazy-the-invisible-day-to-day-struggle-for-autistic-women-6268515175f3 https://theestablishment.co/i-thought-i-was-lazy-the-invisib...
- dsego 9y ago
  Could disorganized thought and executive issues in ones 20/30ies be foretelling of some form of dementia in 50/60ies, like frontotemporal dementia?
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
Overtonwindow 9y ago
Antipathy, depression, mild burnout, career dissatisfaction, and cannabis.
iandanforth 9y ago
Warning - rant. I wish HN would ban BS psychology articles. There are real, scientific, actionable steps to understanding perceived motivational deficit and this article doesn't get close to them. It retreads stigmatizing labels, regurgitates useless advice, and provokes high confidence low value anecdotes. 1. Motivation is a chemical state. You can induce motivation generically through dopamine reuptake inhibitors. Why do you think Adderall makes you clean your room? It's not a sudden hatred for dust, it's that your baseline motivation to accomplish any task is enhanced and you're in a task rich environment with a messy room. Many other interesting chemical pathways and interventions exist to directly change the frequency and nature of task initiation performance and completion. 2. Environment strongly impacts internal chemical state. Take an "addicted" rat and put her into a rich environment and the apparently highly motivating cocaine reward looses its attraction. Take a minimally athletic human and put a bear behind them and they will run. In neither of the above does a person need to re-evaluate their life and identity, utter crap. My point here is that HN has an unusual respect for technically interesting and accurate news. It's not all gold, but it seems to favor factual pieces over largely emotional and unproductive arguments. Pop-psychology and feel good generic advice blogs are firmly in that second category. Their value has not advanced since the 50s and we should start seeing them as the kind of harmful, anti-scientific, community deviding memes they are. End rant.
- Sir_Cmpwn 9y ago
  How about banning BS psychology HN comments, too? It sounds like you're basically talking about ego depletion, which has come under fire in the past few years, with what little evidence there was for it coming into doubt: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ego_depletion https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ego_depletion
  - fragmede 9y ago
    How about banning BS-BS psychology HN comments, too? It sounds like you don't believe ADHD is a real disease, which has come under fire in the past few years due to skyrocketing rates of diagnosis, with pop psychologists believing that it's a scam by the pharmaceutical industry. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivit...
hartator 9y ago
Weirdly, a management book - a sense of urgency by John P. Kotter - was also one of the best book to get things done in my personal life as well. A quick summary: It’s kind of easy, if you don’t feel a true sense of emergency, you’ll natuaraly not do it.
jv22222 9y ago
I have a theory that the reason I am so lazy is because being a programmer teaches me to find the fastest short cut way to do things. Actually the less code I use to get a task done the better the code is and I get a dopamine hit. Also, if I write a great script that saves me hours on a boring manual task, I get another dopamine hit. As a 10x coder I wonder if all these dopamine hits (20+ years) have short circuited my brain and made me want to do everything with the least amount of effort as possible. Or, maybe I'm just lazy ;)
oceanghost 9y ago
My wife is very similar to the person who wrote this article. She will not do anything she can procrastinate. Nothing. I personally think its some sort of insidious depression. It's destroyed our lives together, and I'm on the verge of asking for a divorce for the... 3rd time, except this time, I'm going to just file. It is absolutely impossible to have the energy for both people in a relationship. My health is suffering from the stress. Things are so bad that I have to make sure she eats. Nobody but me knows this side of her, she projects an image of a healthy, successful person. edit: A marriage is a zero-sum game. Any chore she doesn't do, I am forced to. I've gradually had to give up everything that makes me happy to fund this depression of hers. I used to be a serious lifter, I was well into writing two novels, I did electronics projects, had an active night life, went to concerts. Now, I'm just a robot that does chores.
- viburnum 9y ago
  You're enabling your wife's depression. Stay married. Just stop enabling her. Be loving and respectful, but stop helping her. In the short run she'll likely flip out on you. It will take a few months to get results. Don't tell her what you're doing, just do it. Don't be tough with her, don't tell her what to do, just go back to being happy and taking care of yourself.
  - oceanghost 9y ago
    Tried that. Believe me. I appreciate the advice though.
    - viburnum 9y ago
      I'm so sorry. Why did you go back to covering for her?
      - oceanghost 9y ago
        Because love is irrational? Because I'm an idiot? Because when we seperated she got herself into a horrible amount of trouble which to me proved that she can't make it in the world without someone looking out for her. Because how am I going to move on and be happy while she's suffering even if its by her own hand? And because even if I could live without her and I can-- our daughter, cannot.
sjg007 9y ago
To be followed later in life by, "I know I am lazy"..

472 points by colinprince 9y ago

When I was failing classes in college, I had a conversation with a dean who suggested that I subconsciously didn't want to be there, and that I was committing academic self-sabotage as a result. This struck me as an extravagant, bizarre theory. (Cynically, I also wonder if she was trying to convince me to voluntarily leave the college so that I wouldn't ding their graduation rate.) I tend to be suspicious of this kind of move, where what seems like a character flaw is explained away as something more benign. In the article in question, the author suggests that the woman writing in is not really lazy, but has been holding back out of fear that she might disappoint herself. But why can't she just be lazy? I don't doubt that there are people who have the kind of subtle psychology that the author suggests. But I wonder if we're too eager to accept such explanations because they are more comforting than more straightforward, harsher ones.

mathattack 9y ago
I agree. There are lots of psychological things at work more plausible than not wanting to succeed. (Short attention span, getting sucked into online dopamine rushes, etc)
Gatsky 9y ago
So why were you failing classes in college?
- taneq 9y ago
  Didn't want it badly enough.
duopixel 9y ago
I suppose she first asked you about the underperformance and was not satisfied with the answer. It wouldn’t be a bizarre theory if she saw sufficient intelligence along with a lack of personal investment, in fact it would be a quite reasonable guess.
RandomInteger4 9y ago
Maybe the word 'lazy' is itself a lazy way to describe the behaviors arising from biological factors beyond our control? Maybe medication is in order.
gizmo686 9y ago
What does it mean to be "lazy"? Why are some people lazy, and others not? Why are people lazy with regards to certain things and not others? Ignoring all of these questions and simply considering laziness to be a fundamentally characteristic is highly unsatisfying and, dare I say, lazy. Maybe the authors explanation is wrong, but she offers a potential explanation. Your proposal is simply that 'she is lazy because she is lazy' which offers no explanatory power.
- hateduser2 9y ago
  Rosted
- invalidOrTaken 9y ago
  >What does it mean to be "lazy"? A few months ago my little brother was taking an introductory CS class. I warned him not to procrastinate his assignments, because you can't hurry programming. Nine women can't make a baby in one month, etc. I think "laziness" is similar: it's an emergent phenomenon to be debugged, not a single "thing" to be attacked with more-of something.
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
Sylos 9y ago
In my opinion, laziness is not a character flaw, it's rather a fundamental characteristic of any living being. Therefore saying that you're lazy is tautological, obviously true therefore not worth pointing out, and not a reasoning for a perceived difference between you and others, because they're all lazy in their heart, too.
eeZah7Ux 9y ago
> extravagant, bizarre theory Absolutely not. Self-sabotage is psychology 101. > why can't she just be lazy Because laziness, like demonic possession and telepathy has not been identified by any medical science. > we're too eager to accept such explanations because they are more comforting than more straightforward, harsher ones Or maybe one explanation is backed by decades of research while the idea of "laziness" is backed by nothing more than popular culture and some religions.
- koonsolo 9y ago
  Sorry, but I have totally no clue what you are talking about. Laziness is preserving energy, which seems pretty vital to survival for me. Have you ever seen a "lazy" lion just laying there, doing nothing most of the day? The reason why he's not running around all day doing active stuff is because of survival, energy preservation. He will put his energy where it is most important, food and sex. He's even so lazy that he lets the ladies hunt for him. So I don't understand in what kind of world you are living where laziness is not a real thing.
  - cc81 9y ago
    Laziness is a thing (at least we describe something with the word) but for a lot of people in that situation the laziness is not a good strategy for preserving energy. They will procrastinate to a point where the total amount of work is much more than just doing something immediately. For example instead of doing the dishes immediately they will wait until they pile up with dried food stuck to them making the total effort much bigger.
  - eeZah7Ux 9y ago
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laziness https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laziness "Laziness (also called indolence) is disinclination to activity or exertion despite having the ability to act or exert oneself. It is often used as a pejorative; terms for a person seen to be lazy include couch potato, slacker, and bludger." To clarify: I'm talking about "laziness" as a pejorative - e.g. something to be ashamed of. Your example is about good prioritization and saving precious energy and there's nothing bad about it especially when food is scarce.
TeMPOraL 9y ago
Interesting. Personally, I believe the opposite - that the very concept of "character flaw" should be expunged from our dictionaries, as it tends to be useless. It works only as a way of assigning blame - "you do everything last minute because you're lazy". "You suck and I don't." Identifying character flaws doesn't help a person fix them - which is the only thing that should matter. Because it's all about some factor making a person unable to do things that are in their best interest, often also causing huge emotional distress when said person attempts to behave in a "more correct" (by their own standards) way. C.f. http://lesswrong.com/lw/2as/diseased_thinking_dissolving_questions_about/ http://lesswrong.com/lw/2as/diseased_thinking_dissolving_que..., which is an interesting article on the way we frame diseases and character flaws.

pravda 9y ago

I'm not sure how this got here, but wow, Heather Havrilesky is still around. She wrote for Suck in the early days of the web. http://www.suck.com/fish/contributors/havrilesky/ http://www.suck.com/fish/contributors/havrilesky/

jholman 9y ago
Oh, man, I didn't even read the byline, and didn't guess that the Polly in Dear Polly is Polly Esther. Damn I miss her Suck column.

josephpmay 9y ago

From the little "Sloth" wrote, it sounds like it's possible she might have undiagnosed ADHD. As someone with ADHD myself, I instantly recognized the inability to get myself to start working on something until the last minute (even if I really, really want to do it) and the piles clothes (despite my propensity for cleanliness). Another hallmark of ADHD that many don't know about is bursts of almost manic productivity for random tasks or when under extreme pressure. If she does have ADHD, Polly's answer is both unhelpful and somewhat dangerous.

ajkjk 9y ago
I think that's a little extreme and reminds me of the problematic trend of giving psychiatric medication to anyone who asks for it. I mean, yes, there's a chance they 'actually have ADHD', but there's also a much higher chance they are one of the tremendous number of people who have trouble getting themselves to do things that aren't urgent. I'm on that list too. So are lots of people. Sloth sounds so incredibly normal to me.
- sudosteph 9y ago
  Everyone procrastinates sometimes, the difference with ADHD is the frequency and severity. So if this person procrastinates every day of her life, and it consistently impacts her functioning and relationships, it becomes out of the norm. ADHD is actually decently prevalent, but often missed in girls who are not disruptive in class. Often they can get by with a strong support structure (parents and partners) but struggle with the independence of adulthood, which OP described. The risks of untreated ADHD can be far more destructive than many people realize (car crashes, depression, financial insecurity) so it's at least worth evaluating for in cases like this.
- taneq 9y ago
  I'm not sure "actually have ADHD" is a thing. (Edit: Emphasis on "actually", not on "ADHD". ADHD is a thing. In between "really do have it" and "really don't have it", though, is a huge grey area, and that's what I'm getting at.) I mean, there are certainly people (maybe even most people) who function better on stimulants. And there are certainly people who don't function well when not on stimulants. But it's all a set of sliding scales, there's no clear line with "has ADHD" on one side and "just lazy" on the other.

smallnamespace 9y ago

'I divide my officers into four groups. There are clever, diligent, stupid, and lazy officers. Usually two characteristics are combined. Some are clever and diligent -- their place is the General Staff. The next lot are stupid and lazy -- they make up 90 percent of every army and are suited to routine duties. Anyone who is both clever and lazy is qualified for the highest leadership duties, because he possesses the intellectual clarity and the composure necessary for difficult decisions. One must beware of anyone who is stupid and diligent -- he must not be entrusted with any responsibility because he will always cause only mischief.' -- Kurt Freiherr von Hammerstein-Equord (1878-1943), Commander-in-Chief of the Reichswehr

dweekly 9y ago
"I drink wine...and know things."
- godelmachine 9y ago
  Am I right when I say that's Tyrion Lannister? :)
  - deleted 9y ago
    [deleted]
  - pbhjpbhj 9y ago
    Pretty sure it's GRR Martin!
labster 9y ago
"We will encourage you to develop the three great virtues of a programmer: laziness, impatience, and hubris." -- Larry Wall, Programming Perl On OP, maybe I just don't get advice columns. Here's two paragraphs, now tell me how to live my life. How is that supposed to be helpful to the wide set of human behavior?

sudosteph 9y ago

I wish this advice mentioned the importance of ruling out issues like ADHD first, especially the inattentive type which is often underdiagnosed in women. I really relate to OPs description, and if she does have an exectutive functioning disorder that makes task prioritization inadequate and non-stimulating activities unrewarding to a massive extent, it wont be simply a matter of "overcoming fear" to start directing herself in a way that is more satisfying. If anything, it's a recipe for depression and frustration to try to act on advice like this if you have untreated ADHD.

saulrh 9y ago

Motivational essays are this are great for some people. Others, on the other hand, are persuaded to avoid seeking help for medical (mental health, hormonal, etc) problems that are wrecking their lives. Overmedication is a problem, yes, but this particular field is catastrophically underdiagnosed because its problems have come to be seen as moral failings and the fault of the sufferer. If you are so "lazy" that you have trouble with day-to-day life, you do not need to "man up" or "reject your self-image". You need to talk to a physician. Such problems are well within their purview. Modern psychiatry has infinitely better cognitive tricks than the moralizing platitudes in motivational essays. If you're really lucky, your physician will guess two-thirds of your symptoms before you describe them, diagnose you with a particular neurochemical deficiency, and prescribe you a medication that, in the space of a week, does more to help you with your problems than you'd managed in your entire life to date. TL;DR: You aren't qualified to condemn every "lazy" person on the planet, so quit it with the victim-blaming. Some people need this kind of advice but you aren't the person that should be giving it. Let the professionals do it, because they can, first, do no harm.

JackFr 9y ago
Did you read the article? Or are you adressing a comment I missed? The article is a letter to an advice columnist wherein a person describes herself as lazy, and the columnist literally says: "Doing the bare minimum at the last minute isn’t lazy. It’s simply a choice, devoid of moral weight. It’s a strategy that’s mostly worked for you, up until this point." So I'm finding it hard to understand: > You aren't qualified to condemn every "lazy" person on the planet. Who are you addressing?
- lloeki 9y ago
  > Did you read the article? I believe not, or given the length of the thing and current attention span trends, GP skimmed over it (!= genuinely read), because the following is a direct quote from TFA: > Get a therapist Also, > You aren't qualified to condemn every "lazy" person on the planet, so quit it with the victim-blaming. The essence of the column is precisely the opposite. The columnist directly says that the person should not blame herself like she does and that she shouldn't call herself lazy.

ggm 9y ago

Oblomov by Goncharev..

20years 9y ago

Maybe she is not lazy at all. Maybe she just doesn't want to work on things that don't motivate or interest her. It is my ultimate goal to never have to work on things that don't interest me if only I can figure out a way to automate all of that ;) The fact that she has succeeded in getting A's with waiting until the last minute and not putting in much effort, indicates that she is very smart. I have noticed that really smart people seem to lack motivation and get bored very easily. The two closest people to me are like this. The thing is though, when they find something that does interest them, there is no stopping them. They turn into the hardest working people around.

mixmastamyk 9y ago
I've had this problem. One facet of it was the fixed vs growth mindset (as described by Dweck) due to being told often I was smart as a child.
csbowe 9y ago
Agreed. Lazy is lacking the desire to achieve what one considers worth achieving. If tasks like cleaning and laundry are accomplishments worth less within one's mental value system than, say, the feeling of spending time enjoying an excellent TV show then choice is clear. The key to turning around my perceived lazyness, personally, is about trying to control the value of what I spend my time on.
- bcyn 9y ago
  Thanks for this comment, I really really agree with this sentiment and you put it really nicely in words.

firekvz 9y ago

I tried to read this but I couldnt, thats how lazy I am.

unkeen 9y ago
But you did manage to write this comment! Someone else could have been way too lazy for that, too.
bornonline1 9y ago
In theory, if there are loads of comments, they should repeat good points and argue the bad points. So you learn most of what you need to know. No?
dsego 9y ago
I read it, technically, but didn't actually absorb it. I'm sure I will forget all about this by tomorrow. Doesn't really matter.

dgreensp 9y ago

As someone who used to be much like the asker and is now a little more like the answerer, I cannot recommend this answer enough! It is so insightful and well-put. Treat it as breadcrumbs from someone farther along on the journey of growth and self-discovery.

mixmastamyk 9y ago
Indeed, the part about overachieving relatives hit home also. Mine have big houses, lots of cars, and a big screen in every room. I'm not interested in any of that but would like to meet them a bit closer in their direction, i.e. motivation.

natecavanaugh 9y ago

This was an article that I read and pleasantly winced as the author called out not only my weak choices, but my reasoning for them. I understand this article isn't for everyone, or maybe even most people, but it's for sure the thing I needed to read now.

bambax 9y ago

> I see this shit every day in other parents: “She hates to read!” “He’s lazy!” “She’s bad at math!” You are imprisoning your kid with your words, fuckers! That's spot on. It's really upsetting to hear people say that about children, especially people with authority (parents, grandparents). DON'T DO THAT! Or, if you have to do that (!?!) at least be positive. Don't tell a kid she's bad at math, tell her she's good at math and you're surprised she doesn't get good grades -- she's a natural! all of this should be sooo easy for her! there must be something holding her back. People tend to conform to other people's opinions of them; they will get good at math just to match the image we're projecting on them.

lawn 9y ago
I don't think you should ever say that someone is naturally good, "a natural" or anything like that. Instead kids should be praised for effort, for trying and having a growth mindset. If we only comment on how inherently good they are they might get lazy as whenever they get bad grades excuses like "I wasn't trying" works. It doesn't matter if the parents continue being surprised of the bad grades, the answer can also be "I was just lazy". This is exactly what happened to me and I'm still trying to reprogram myself.
- Morizero 9y ago
  The name for this topic is fixed vs growth mindset: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindset#Fixed_and_growth https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindset#Fixed_and_growth You'll see that and related phrases as buzzwords sometimes.
  - ghostcluster 9y ago
    > This article may lend undue weight to certain ideas, incidents, or controversies. Psychologists can't replicate Carol Dweck's 'Growth Mindset' claims: https://www.buzzfeed.com/tomchivers/what-is-your-mindset https://www.buzzfeed.com/tomchivers/what-is-your-mindset > The findings of Dweck’s key study have never been replicated in a published paper, which is noteworthy in so high-profile a work. One scientist told BuzzFeed News that his attempt to reproduce the findings has so far failed. An investigation found several small but revealing errors in the study that may require a correction. It is likely another hypothesized model from the social psychology field that doesn't actually exist, in the same category as Stereotype Threat and Power Posing.

5_minutes 9y ago

The good kind of lazy, is actually often just being very efficient.

UncleEntity 9y ago

> You’re choosing a lifestyle of avoidance and low expectations. What's wrong with that? Some people have laid their heart open to the benign indifference of the universe and are just like: "what's the point?"

koonsolo 9y ago
There is nothing wrong with that. But in this case there is, because it doesn't make her happy.
- pbhjpbhj 9y ago
  You can choose then to try to become happy with it, or to change it. The parents point may have been that there are options.

pkalinowski 9y ago

Being lazy is natural and it is what pushes humanity forward. We don't want to do things, so we try to work on it less in the future - automating things, improving efficiency etc. Being "lazy" about some things is good for you. Do not focus much on stuff which is not very important for you personally.

pbhjpbhj 9y ago
Hmm, I don't know about that, I see at least three different character types: 1) those who want to avoid labour, the lazy, some of whom are driven to invention to reduce their labour in order to have more leisure; 2) those who are happy to work in the current system, the content, they get on and do what's needed; 3) those who want to reduce their direct labour in the current system in order to "labour" in other ways, the driven, they want to automate daily living so they can work on other things; There are subgroups within these for example "the lazy" has a group who will accept a lower quality of life in order to reduce labour, and a group who will prefer to use other people's labour to reduce their own, etc., etc..
bjourne 9y ago
Did you read the article? The premise of her question is that she thinks she is lazy AND she is not satisfied with that. Clearly, being "lazy" is not good if your laziness makes you unhappy.
- pkalinowski 9y ago
  What if the laziness is not a problem, but feeling unhappy because of this laziness? Why you should be unhappy? Billions of people are lazy and they love it. There are lot of people preaching that being "efficient" all your life is what you should aim for and, weirdly, everyone accepts this as unquestionable truth.

CoolestBeans 9y ago

It seems a little ridiculous that the author of the response would know that the "Sloth" isn't actually lazy but really afraid. Especially when the author also tells the "Sloth" to ignore what other people have said about them. Maybe I'm missing the bigger picture, but how is the author not just another one of the squirrels she describes?

Profan 9y ago
It does read a bit like what you would hear a "psychic" write in response to a short question, such a long response seems an unreasonably confident response without any more back and forth between the two. I'm actually a bit surprised so many people here are quickly falling into conclusions about what was and wasn't said when it doesn't seem like it has been explored enough to have anything conclusive determined from it.. But then it's also just an essay meant to speak to certain people and not for everyone in a popular magazine, so eh.
- TeMPOraL 9y ago
  My immediate impression was that both texts are written by the same person. But then again, the "Sloth" section rings way too true for it to be something just set up for analyzing in the latter part.

otempomores 9y ago

I wonder whether the author considered what s/he/it compares self against. A manic programmer can go for two days without sleep before collapse. Its extremely unhealthy and socially isolating and to Try to become like that is literally nuts. Ask yourself what all those who archive your dream performance don't have before going for it

sifoo 9y ago

We've been carefully programmed to look down on inability to conform and perform tasks that feel meaningless and uninteresting. If anything, most of what we call ADHD and Aspbergers is a superior mental immune system, the ability to act from common sense and truth despite massive outside interference. We would be better off prescribing cannabis and shrooms to the rest of society, they are the ones who really need help.

sgentle 9y ago

> Both the cynic and the underachiever are afraid of sticking their necks out and becoming who they deeply, passionately want to become, for fear of looking stupid or failing. I have also experienced this for an equal but opposite reason. Not a fear of failure but a fear of success, either because it feels undeserved or because of the responsibility that might come with it. To quote that thing that Mandela didn't say: > Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. > We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? > Actually, who are you not to be?

mythrwy 9y ago

I used to be lazy but then I started using Pomodoro, Fasting, Keto, Going to the Gym, Test Driving Development and microdosing with psilocybin. And I deleted Facebook and quit using Google in favor of Duck Duck Bing. Now I'm just crazy but no one can accuse me of laziness.

gdubs 9y ago

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is interesting for this type of thing - mindfulness meditation too. Both are helpful at gaining clarity around overgeneralizations we make about ourselves. In meditation it’s very common to reach a point of realization that ‘what we are’ is not equal to the labels we attach to ourselves. Both cause a kind of short-circuiting of the “automatic thoughts” we have in response to emotional triggers. In cognitive behavioral therapy, something like procrastination is addressed by listing all of the thoughts you have in response to the thing you’re avoiding, identifying irrationalities, and forming rational responses. It can be very effective at easing anger, fear, sadness, and lack of motivation. With mindfulness, over time it’s possible to begin decoupling your true self from all of the labels. This is also known as “ego death”, and can be somewhat painful and uncomfortable - the ego tends to fight back when it feels you letting go of it. In deep meditation it can be almost frightening to experience the ego disappear; we go through most of our lives thinking we are the labels we’ve associated with ourselves. To let go of the labels can feel like letting go of yourself. Blissful meditation is a state of just being; no labels. I recommend checking out the book “Feeling Good” if you want to know more about CBT, and there are tons of resources on mindfulness, but Zen Mind Beginner’s Mind is great (as well as most of Alan Watts’ lectures you can find on YouTube).

meesterdude 9y ago
CBT is good, but actually I would not recommend CBT for laziness. It can help with other things for sure - such as self disturbances, idealizations, and acceptance. It may even be considered a good foundation - But, it does not challenge the fundamental drivers of your life that induce laziness. At least it did not for me. Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) was created, IIRC, from seeing people go through CBT but still suffer from emotions & avoidance. While it overlaps with CBT in some ways, it identifies things like the way language shapes our thinking, and proposes we lead by our values instead of by our emotions. Be present in the moment, accept your feelings but don't justify your behavior by them, and do what matters. I only figured I'd mention, because I recently learned about ACT after being an advocate for CBT, and coming to see where they work and where they don't. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance_and_commitment_therapy https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance_and_commitment_ther...

papi_bichhu 9y ago

My wife is exactly similar to the person who wrote this article. I was aware of her procrastinating and lazy side even before we got married. It didn't get any better with time and all my efforts of cajoling her into getting our lives in a routine are in vain. The best example is that she will not get out of the bed on a weekend until I do, doesn't matter if she went to sleep hours before I did.

leoc 9y ago

This may be relevant: "‘I Thought I Was Lazy’: The Invisible Day-To-Day Struggle For Autistic Women" https://theestablishment.co/i-thought-i-was-lazy-the-invisible-day-to-day-struggle-for-autistic-women-6268515175f3 https://theestablishment.co/i-thought-i-was-lazy-the-invisib...

dsego 9y ago
Could disorganized thought and executive issues in ones 20/30ies be foretelling of some form of dementia in 50/60ies, like frontotemporal dementia?

deleted 9y ago

[deleted]

Overtonwindow 9y ago

Antipathy, depression, mild burnout, career dissatisfaction, and cannabis.

iandanforth 9y ago

Warning - rant. I wish HN would ban BS psychology articles. There are real, scientific, actionable steps to understanding perceived motivational deficit and this article doesn't get close to them. It retreads stigmatizing labels, regurgitates useless advice, and provokes high confidence low value anecdotes. 1. Motivation is a chemical state. You can induce motivation generically through dopamine reuptake inhibitors. Why do you think Adderall makes you clean your room? It's not a sudden hatred for dust, it's that your baseline motivation to accomplish any task is enhanced and you're in a task rich environment with a messy room. Many other interesting chemical pathways and interventions exist to directly change the frequency and nature of task initiation performance and completion. 2. Environment strongly impacts internal chemical state. Take an "addicted" rat and put her into a rich environment and the apparently highly motivating cocaine reward looses its attraction. Take a minimally athletic human and put a bear behind them and they will run. In neither of the above does a person need to re-evaluate their life and identity, utter crap. My point here is that HN has an unusual respect for technically interesting and accurate news. It's not all gold, but it seems to favor factual pieces over largely emotional and unproductive arguments. Pop-psychology and feel good generic advice blogs are firmly in that second category. Their value has not advanced since the 50s and we should start seeing them as the kind of harmful, anti-scientific, community deviding memes they are. End rant.

Sir_Cmpwn 9y ago
How about banning BS psychology HN comments, too? It sounds like you're basically talking about ego depletion, which has come under fire in the past few years, with what little evidence there was for it coming into doubt: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ego_depletion https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ego_depletion
- fragmede 9y ago
  How about banning BS-BS psychology HN comments, too? It sounds like you don't believe ADHD is a real disease, which has come under fire in the past few years due to skyrocketing rates of diagnosis, with pop psychologists believing that it's a scam by the pharmaceutical industry. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivit...

hartator 9y ago

Weirdly, a management book - a sense of urgency by John P. Kotter - was also one of the best book to get things done in my personal life as well. A quick summary: It’s kind of easy, if you don’t feel a true sense of emergency, you’ll natuaraly not do it.

jv22222 9y ago

I have a theory that the reason I am so lazy is because being a programmer teaches me to find the fastest short cut way to do things. Actually the less code I use to get a task done the better the code is and I get a dopamine hit. Also, if I write a great script that saves me hours on a boring manual task, I get another dopamine hit. As a 10x coder I wonder if all these dopamine hits (20+ years) have short circuited my brain and made me want to do everything with the least amount of effort as possible. Or, maybe I'm just lazy ;)

oceanghost 9y ago

My wife is very similar to the person who wrote this article. She will not do anything she can procrastinate. Nothing. I personally think its some sort of insidious depression. It's destroyed our lives together, and I'm on the verge of asking for a divorce for the... 3rd time, except this time, I'm going to just file. It is absolutely impossible to have the energy for both people in a relationship. My health is suffering from the stress. Things are so bad that I have to make sure she eats. Nobody but me knows this side of her, she projects an image of a healthy, successful person. edit: A marriage is a zero-sum game. Any chore she doesn't do, I am forced to. I've gradually had to give up everything that makes me happy to fund this depression of hers. I used to be a serious lifter, I was well into writing two novels, I did electronics projects, had an active night life, went to concerts. Now, I'm just a robot that does chores.

viburnum 9y ago
You're enabling your wife's depression. Stay married. Just stop enabling her. Be loving and respectful, but stop helping her. In the short run she'll likely flip out on you. It will take a few months to get results. Don't tell her what you're doing, just do it. Don't be tough with her, don't tell her what to do, just go back to being happy and taking care of yourself.
- oceanghost 9y ago
  Tried that. Believe me. I appreciate the advice though.
  - viburnum 9y ago
    I'm so sorry. Why did you go back to covering for her?
    - oceanghost 9y ago
      Because love is irrational? Because I'm an idiot? Because when we seperated she got herself into a horrible amount of trouble which to me proved that she can't make it in the world without someone looking out for her. Because how am I going to move on and be happy while she's suffering even if its by her own hand? And because even if I could live without her and I can-- our daughter, cannot.

sjg007 9y ago

To be followed later in life by, "I know I am lazy"..