5 ms·

"Awful" would be the first word that comes to mind. I've spent three years at my current position at one of the "big 5", and after the first 9 months there wer

"Awful" would be the first word that comes to mind. I've spent three years at my current position at one of the "big 5", and after the first 9 months there were reorgs and I haven't been doing the things I was hired to do since. Instead I work on things that I have zero interest towards, and can feel my soul being sucked out of me daily. It has gotten to the point where I cannot even imagine heading in to work each morning. My entire body and mind rejects the notion. Somehow I manage to make it in on autopilot, and pretty much autopilot throughout the day. Any acts of sentience on my part while at the office are immediately doused with reminders of how much I hate all of this, and I quickly retreat back. Unfortunately, this has done nothing but cause an ever-amplifying depression spiral. At this stage I can't even imagine trying to get another job as I don't think I'm capable of passing the whiteboard-hazing at any tech company given my current state of mind. I'm just going to wither away here until the end I imagine. To be fair: it's not "awful" by any traditional metric - I'm not being overworked, yelled at, treated like shit, etc. But acknowledging that doesn't help my thoughts, any.

wetpaws 9y ago
I bet it's Amazon or Google
- twayamznacct 9y ago
  I was at Amazon in the past but I am not currently there. That's as much as I'll narrow things down :) -Edit- I used this acct as a throwaway in the past to respond to an Amazon-related topic and then just kept using it!
steve_adams_86 9y ago
Is it really disappointing to get hired at one of these places so many people admire and desire, only to find it's nothing special at all? Or is the problem something else? I've wondered about that. My job isn't spectacular, it's pretty good. I used to want to strive for a spot in a bigger/high impact/significant company like Amazon or Apple for example, but eventually came to realize I'd probably never do anything interesting there, even if I was capable of it. I don't know. I used to feel like I missed the boat and my career would never be as rewarding because of it. These days... Starting to feel like I'm actually doing alright, making the most with what I've got. I stopped pursuing that career direction because I'm geo-locked, so to speak. I can't leave this city. Anyway, sorry you're having a terrible time. I've been there. I hope the situation improves soon. Maybe you should bank everything you can, take time off, then get back to finding work with a fresh mind. Good luck.
- John_Cena 9y ago
  Don't give up friend. After 10 months of waiting I got an offer to move. I hope circumstances change for you going forward.
- twayamznacct 9y ago
  For me, at least, the problem is something else. I never expected it to be "special" at any of these places...I'd likely be exactly this unhappy doing the same meaningless work I'm doing here, elsewhere. I just took the jobs because they paid well and, at least at the beginning, I was going to be doing things that were of reasonable interest. I tried the "take time off route" once, and while it was alright, I was consumed with thoughts of whether or not I'd ever be able to get a job again, to the point where I couldn't enjoy it simply because I worried about the future (and it wasn't because I only had a few months of runway - living frugally I could have likely stretched my savings to two years or so, but the panic got to me after half a year). I, quite frankly and totally honestly, don't see any way out at this point. I live life in an aimless fog, with no drive towards anything any more (which also makes it very difficult to do things like study for whiteboard-hazing).
  - joedavison 9y ago
    I would recommend trying to find an internal transfer. That way you don't have to do another round of whiteboard interviews, but you might find a better / more interesting project to work on. Any change of scenery might help.
    - twayamznacct 9y ago
      Everything I've read has led me to believe that whiteboard interviews for internal hires/transfers are still a thing at this particular company, so I've avoided even that...
  - kasey_junk 9y ago
    You are describing fairly text book depression symptoms that may have no relation to work. Think about talking to a professional about this.

wetpaws 9y ago

I bet it's Amazon or Google

twayamznacct 9y ago
I was at Amazon in the past but I am not currently there. That's as much as I'll narrow things down :) -Edit- I used this acct as a throwaway in the past to respond to an Amazon-related topic and then just kept using it!

steve_adams_86 9y ago

Is it really disappointing to get hired at one of these places so many people admire and desire, only to find it's nothing special at all? Or is the problem something else? I've wondered about that. My job isn't spectacular, it's pretty good. I used to want to strive for a spot in a bigger/high impact/significant company like Amazon or Apple for example, but eventually came to realize I'd probably never do anything interesting there, even if I was capable of it. I don't know. I used to feel like I missed the boat and my career would never be as rewarding because of it. These days... Starting to feel like I'm actually doing alright, making the most with what I've got. I stopped pursuing that career direction because I'm geo-locked, so to speak. I can't leave this city. Anyway, sorry you're having a terrible time. I've been there. I hope the situation improves soon. Maybe you should bank everything you can, take time off, then get back to finding work with a fresh mind. Good luck.

John_Cena 9y ago
Don't give up friend. After 10 months of waiting I got an offer to move. I hope circumstances change for you going forward.
twayamznacct 9y ago
For me, at least, the problem is something else. I never expected it to be "special" at any of these places...I'd likely be exactly this unhappy doing the same meaningless work I'm doing here, elsewhere. I just took the jobs because they paid well and, at least at the beginning, I was going to be doing things that were of reasonable interest. I tried the "take time off route" once, and while it was alright, I was consumed with thoughts of whether or not I'd ever be able to get a job again, to the point where I couldn't enjoy it simply because I worried about the future (and it wasn't because I only had a few months of runway - living frugally I could have likely stretched my savings to two years or so, but the panic got to me after half a year). I, quite frankly and totally honestly, don't see any way out at this point. I live life in an aimless fog, with no drive towards anything any more (which also makes it very difficult to do things like study for whiteboard-hazing).
- joedavison 9y ago
  I would recommend trying to find an internal transfer. That way you don't have to do another round of whiteboard interviews, but you might find a better / more interesting project to work on. Any change of scenery might help.
  - twayamznacct 9y ago
    Everything I've read has led me to believe that whiteboard interviews for internal hires/transfers are still a thing at this particular company, so I've avoided even that...
- kasey_junk 9y ago
  You are describing fairly text book depression symptoms that may have no relation to work. Think about talking to a professional about this.