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I am 31, moved into a new team 1.5 years ago. I am married 7 years, no kids... and have carried a hefty mortgage for 8 years. My other team mates are 38-55. H

I am 31, moved into a new team 1.5 years ago. I am married 7 years, no kids... and have carried a hefty mortgage for 8 years. My other team mates are 38-55. Have kids, some even grandkids. While I can relate to alot of things, I can't stand their constant discussions about their kids and other family stuff... I just can't relate.(edit: not that I can't relate really, I just can't stand their constant distractions with home life... We all have issues, you might need a place to vent but work shouldn't be it. Go talk to a colleague in a discreet area not openly in professional work settings) It really disrupts me that I either have to super zone out (which I am good at) or leave my desk constantly. We have a open seating area with low wall shared cubicles... Which makes it worse. While I have family issues, I don't discuss them openly at work with everyone. I am friendly, but don't open up... If you talk to me, I will talk back and seem interested, but it's really in one ear and out the other. When it comes up to recommend or commend a colleague, it's not the work that comes into focus... You remember all these tidbits, and factor in determining that recommendation. Person works hard but may be unreliable because of X happening. Person is only here to talk about Y, rather than working hard. Person only comes to work, to get away from Z. I am the guy that goes to work, to work, so he can move on with his day after work as soon as possible. Others come for an escape from their home lives and share about it all day. I have colleagues in other departments that feel the same way that are older, but just don't discuss family in detail at work. In office politics, sharing can help at times being more friendly with management... But I make up for it in hard effort, top numbers.. and when it comes to review time its my work that shines. One colleague shared alot about his personal life, and only lost out on a job cause the hiring manager felt the guy had too many personal issues. (Manager told me in confidence). He is a hard worker, but has a stigma of being a weirdo for sharing so much of his family life.

lkrubner 9y ago
Why is this comment getting downvoted? A person says they don't discuss family matters at work -- is that actually something that should be downvoted?
- dang 9y ago
  I appreciate that you've written some good articles recently, and as you may know, we've boosted them onto HN's front page (as described at https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11662380 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11662380 and links back from there). But could you please not post crappy comments like this? You're an experienced enough HN user to know that (a) you're outright breaking the site rules; and (b) such comments usually end up worse than useless because the downvotes they complain about soon get canceled out by upvotes—as happened above. In most cases, silently upvoting the downvoted comment yourself is enough to fix the problem. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
watwut 9y ago
In every single workplace I was, there were people talking about things I could not relate to. Isn't it kind of normal in any group that is not excessively homogenous? Some people you relate to, others don't.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
ianai 9y ago
34 never married no kids. Probably because the sentiment that someone doesn’t want to talk about family makes little sense to someone who’s life revolves around family. I give people blank stares when they talk football to me. I still try to relate. “Yeah my family chose all loser teams so the game lost me.” It’s not a great sentiment to hear for someone who loves football, but they get why I’m out of the discussion. Plus, as I remember being 31, the reality of adultness hadn’t fully hit me at that point. Life can catch up to you unawares. Sometimes I realize that in relation to other people’s progressions. That can hurt. Hurt comes out as dismissiveness vocally.
- rainbowmverse 9y ago
  Football is pretty much chess with guided missiles. The basic rule is easy enough to remember (4 tries to go 10 yards or the other team gets the ball), and I've never met a football fan who minded filling in the gaps of the current discussion. It's the same with kids. I have no trouble finding things to talk about with my friend who's raising a kid at a similar age. It often starts with talking about how we were raised. Maybe it's worth rethinking your approach to these kinds of discussions.
  - ianai 9y ago
    Talking about how you were raised definitely helps.
  - nubbins 9y ago
    I can't talk about football with serious fans because they are obsessed with minutia, personalities, who did what, what games they have to win etc. In a way its revealing of who cares enough because you have to invest (waste) hours to keep up with that sort of stuff. What you're describing sounds like kind of a meta-football discussion about rules etc that I'd enjoy.
    - rainbowmverse 9y ago
      It only seems like a waste because it's not your thing. I don't care for it, but I also don't care for 90% of what's in the tech press. Most of it is meaningless (who will remember that random funding round/the player who won't last a season five years from now?), but it's fine entertainment if that's what you want.
antisthenes 9y ago
> I am the guy that goes to work, to work, so he can move on with his day after work as soon as possible. If you were my coworker, I'd buy you a good lunch for this attitude. More people could stand to share this approach.

lkrubner 9y ago

Why is this comment getting downvoted? A person says they don't discuss family matters at work -- is that actually something that should be downvoted?

dang 9y ago
I appreciate that you've written some good articles recently, and as you may know, we've boosted them onto HN's front page (as described at https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11662380 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11662380 and links back from there). But could you please not post crappy comments like this? You're an experienced enough HN user to know that (a) you're outright breaking the site rules; and (b) such comments usually end up worse than useless because the downvotes they complain about soon get canceled out by upvotes—as happened above. In most cases, silently upvoting the downvoted comment yourself is enough to fix the problem. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

watwut 9y ago

In every single workplace I was, there were people talking about things I could not relate to. Isn't it kind of normal in any group that is not excessively homogenous? Some people you relate to, others don't.

deleted 9y ago
[deleted]

ianai 9y ago

34 never married no kids. Probably because the sentiment that someone doesn’t want to talk about family makes little sense to someone who’s life revolves around family. I give people blank stares when they talk football to me. I still try to relate. “Yeah my family chose all loser teams so the game lost me.” It’s not a great sentiment to hear for someone who loves football, but they get why I’m out of the discussion. Plus, as I remember being 31, the reality of adultness hadn’t fully hit me at that point. Life can catch up to you unawares. Sometimes I realize that in relation to other people’s progressions. That can hurt. Hurt comes out as dismissiveness vocally.

rainbowmverse 9y ago
Football is pretty much chess with guided missiles. The basic rule is easy enough to remember (4 tries to go 10 yards or the other team gets the ball), and I've never met a football fan who minded filling in the gaps of the current discussion. It's the same with kids. I have no trouble finding things to talk about with my friend who's raising a kid at a similar age. It often starts with talking about how we were raised. Maybe it's worth rethinking your approach to these kinds of discussions.
- ianai 9y ago
  Talking about how you were raised definitely helps.
- nubbins 9y ago
  I can't talk about football with serious fans because they are obsessed with minutia, personalities, who did what, what games they have to win etc. In a way its revealing of who cares enough because you have to invest (waste) hours to keep up with that sort of stuff. What you're describing sounds like kind of a meta-football discussion about rules etc that I'd enjoy.
  - rainbowmverse 9y ago
    It only seems like a waste because it's not your thing. I don't care for it, but I also don't care for 90% of what's in the tech press. Most of it is meaningless (who will remember that random funding round/the player who won't last a season five years from now?), but it's fine entertainment if that's what you want.

antisthenes 9y ago

> I am the guy that goes to work, to work, so he can move on with his day after work as soon as possible. If you were my coworker, I'd buy you a good lunch for this attitude. More people could stand to share this approach.