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Honestly, this is a long article, but it's worth reading. It's written somewhat in response to another article by a millennial wanting her older colleagues to s

Honestly, this is a long article, but it's worth reading. It's written somewhat in response to another article by a millennial wanting her older colleagues to share more. Part of that is quoted in this article, including this passage: > Most of my new colleagues are at least 10 years my senior. Several of them have children, spouses, and mortgages. They are adults. Comparatively, I am a child. This really hits home, because I'm on the flip side of this now. In my current role I'm a lead on a team and am one of the oldest team members (late 30s). Most of my coworkers are 10 years my junior, so it's weird structuring conversations that don't involve in-depth discussion of kids and spouses and homes and school, etc. Not that it's all I want to talk about, but it is a pretty common place to go to when you're talking over lunch in the cafeteria. Now more of my conversations are back in the beer, sports, and video games realm, which I also enjoy, but it's just different.

sergers 9y ago
I am 31, moved into a new team 1.5 years ago. I am married 7 years, no kids... and have carried a hefty mortgage for 8 years. My other team mates are 38-55. Have kids, some even grandkids. While I can relate to alot of things, I can't stand their constant discussions about their kids and other family stuff... I just can't relate.(edit: not that I can't relate really, I just can't stand their constant distractions with home life... We all have issues, you might need a place to vent but work shouldn't be it. Go talk to a colleague in a discreet area not openly in professional work settings) It really disrupts me that I either have to super zone out (which I am good at) or leave my desk constantly. We have a open seating area with low wall shared cubicles... Which makes it worse. While I have family issues, I don't discuss them openly at work with everyone. I am friendly, but don't open up... If you talk to me, I will talk back and seem interested, but it's really in one ear and out the other. When it comes up to recommend or commend a colleague, it's not the work that comes into focus... You remember all these tidbits, and factor in determining that recommendation. Person works hard but may be unreliable because of X happening. Person is only here to talk about Y, rather than working hard. Person only comes to work, to get away from Z. I am the guy that goes to work, to work, so he can move on with his day after work as soon as possible. Others come for an escape from their home lives and share about it all day. I have colleagues in other departments that feel the same way that are older, but just don't discuss family in detail at work. In office politics, sharing can help at times being more friendly with management... But I make up for it in hard effort, top numbers.. and when it comes to review time its my work that shines. One colleague shared alot about his personal life, and only lost out on a job cause the hiring manager felt the guy had too many personal issues. (Manager told me in confidence). He is a hard worker, but has a stigma of being a weirdo for sharing so much of his family life.
- lkrubner 9y ago
  Why is this comment getting downvoted? A person says they don't discuss family matters at work -- is that actually something that should be downvoted?
  - dang 9y ago
    I appreciate that you've written some good articles recently, and as you may know, we've boosted them onto HN's front page (as described at https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11662380 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11662380 and links back from there). But could you please not post crappy comments like this? You're an experienced enough HN user to know that (a) you're outright breaking the site rules; and (b) such comments usually end up worse than useless because the downvotes they complain about soon get canceled out by upvotes—as happened above. In most cases, silently upvoting the downvoted comment yourself is enough to fix the problem. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
- watwut 9y ago
  In every single workplace I was, there were people talking about things I could not relate to. Isn't it kind of normal in any group that is not excessively homogenous? Some people you relate to, others don't.
  - deleted 9y ago
    [deleted]
- ianai 9y ago
  34 never married no kids. Probably because the sentiment that someone doesn’t want to talk about family makes little sense to someone who’s life revolves around family. I give people blank stares when they talk football to me. I still try to relate. “Yeah my family chose all loser teams so the game lost me.” It’s not a great sentiment to hear for someone who loves football, but they get why I’m out of the discussion. Plus, as I remember being 31, the reality of adultness hadn’t fully hit me at that point. Life can catch up to you unawares. Sometimes I realize that in relation to other people’s progressions. That can hurt. Hurt comes out as dismissiveness vocally.
AcerbicZero 9y ago
I think this is a great article, but the example with Lisa doesn't work via text. You lose all the inflection, and style of how she voiced her fears. It's hard to interpret how unprofessionally she expressed these concerns, and it only slightly delves into how these fears were expressed personally, instead of professionally. In my opinion this detracts from the point - "Be a professional, especially at/around work", but that point is definitely worth taking to heart.
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
bayonetz 9y ago
>Honestly, this is a long article, but it's worth reading. So sad that we have to be long-form-writing apologists!

sergers 9y ago

I am 31, moved into a new team 1.5 years ago. I am married 7 years, no kids... and have carried a hefty mortgage for 8 years. My other team mates are 38-55. Have kids, some even grandkids. While I can relate to alot of things, I can't stand their constant discussions about their kids and other family stuff... I just can't relate.(edit: not that I can't relate really, I just can't stand their constant distractions with home life... We all have issues, you might need a place to vent but work shouldn't be it. Go talk to a colleague in a discreet area not openly in professional work settings) It really disrupts me that I either have to super zone out (which I am good at) or leave my desk constantly. We have a open seating area with low wall shared cubicles... Which makes it worse. While I have family issues, I don't discuss them openly at work with everyone. I am friendly, but don't open up... If you talk to me, I will talk back and seem interested, but it's really in one ear and out the other. When it comes up to recommend or commend a colleague, it's not the work that comes into focus... You remember all these tidbits, and factor in determining that recommendation. Person works hard but may be unreliable because of X happening. Person is only here to talk about Y, rather than working hard. Person only comes to work, to get away from Z. I am the guy that goes to work, to work, so he can move on with his day after work as soon as possible. Others come for an escape from their home lives and share about it all day. I have colleagues in other departments that feel the same way that are older, but just don't discuss family in detail at work. In office politics, sharing can help at times being more friendly with management... But I make up for it in hard effort, top numbers.. and when it comes to review time its my work that shines. One colleague shared alot about his personal life, and only lost out on a job cause the hiring manager felt the guy had too many personal issues. (Manager told me in confidence). He is a hard worker, but has a stigma of being a weirdo for sharing so much of his family life.

lkrubner 9y ago
Why is this comment getting downvoted? A person says they don't discuss family matters at work -- is that actually something that should be downvoted?
- dang 9y ago
  I appreciate that you've written some good articles recently, and as you may know, we've boosted them onto HN's front page (as described at https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11662380 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11662380 and links back from there). But could you please not post crappy comments like this? You're an experienced enough HN user to know that (a) you're outright breaking the site rules; and (b) such comments usually end up worse than useless because the downvotes they complain about soon get canceled out by upvotes—as happened above. In most cases, silently upvoting the downvoted comment yourself is enough to fix the problem. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
watwut 9y ago
In every single workplace I was, there were people talking about things I could not relate to. Isn't it kind of normal in any group that is not excessively homogenous? Some people you relate to, others don't.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
ianai 9y ago
34 never married no kids. Probably because the sentiment that someone doesn’t want to talk about family makes little sense to someone who’s life revolves around family. I give people blank stares when they talk football to me. I still try to relate. “Yeah my family chose all loser teams so the game lost me.” It’s not a great sentiment to hear for someone who loves football, but they get why I’m out of the discussion. Plus, as I remember being 31, the reality of adultness hadn’t fully hit me at that point. Life can catch up to you unawares. Sometimes I realize that in relation to other people’s progressions. That can hurt. Hurt comes out as dismissiveness vocally.

AcerbicZero 9y ago

I think this is a great article, but the example with Lisa doesn't work via text. You lose all the inflection, and style of how she voiced her fears. It's hard to interpret how unprofessionally she expressed these concerns, and it only slightly delves into how these fears were expressed personally, instead of professionally. In my opinion this detracts from the point - "Be a professional, especially at/around work", but that point is definitely worth taking to heart.

deleted 9y ago

[deleted]

bayonetz 9y ago

>Honestly, this is a long article, but it's worth reading. So sad that we have to be long-form-writing apologists!