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Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

136 points by thegyppo 16y ago

In about 6 months I've got a lovely bundle of joy coming into the world, needless to say I'm extremely excited. Like many Hackers I work fairly long hours, especially weekends (sometimes when I get my best work done). I'd love to hear some tips from fellow hackers who have had kids & some tips on managing the transition to a more family focused life, without losing sight of goals & milestones that you have for your startup.

frossie 16y ago
1. Your priorities will change. You're not the same person after you have had a kid. But, you will find that the pressure on your available hours will help you figure out how to work smarter and triage your worklist better. You will have to work fewer hours, but your productivity will adjust to compensate to a large degree. 2. Hack when they sleep. Pray to any gods you may have that the one you get does that plentifully and regularly :-) Good luck!
- koenigdavidmj 16y ago
  For the first two months, ignore point the second and sleep when they sleep.
jacquesm 16y ago
Kids come first! Spouses second. Computers third. I'm sure you already figured that one out but I still have to remind myself periodically when I'm in to something interesting so I figured it wouldn't hurt to repeat it. Get up an hour or two before your kids do so you can get some work done when you're still fresh (assuming your kids don't get up at 6 am :) ).
- fezzl 16y ago
  Why kids first, spouses second?
  - frossie 16y ago
    Because they, as parents, are entirely responsible for the kid's very existence. Adults are, to a large degree, responsible for themselves, much as we may love them.
    - deleted 16y ago
      [deleted]
      - frossie 16y ago
        Dude, the spouse was above computers. What more do you want? :-) If both me and my kid needed a kidney you think I'd let my husband give his kidney to me? Second priority != neglect
        deleted 16y ago
        [deleted]
  - fezzl 16y ago
    I'm not doubting that it should be that way, I was more curious as to the reasoning. Downvoters are quick on the trigger, aren't they...
    - jacquesm 16y ago
      Because they are dependents, and your spouse can supposedly fend for herself/himself if the situation is otherwise normal. It also gives your spouse a break, after all somebody will have to take care of the child and if it isn't you then most cases it will be them. The biggest gift you can give your significant other just after delivery (and in the case of the lady after breastfeeding stops (if you do that)) is a good nights sleep. > Downvoters are quick on the trigger, aren't they... Yes, it's annoying.
  - tokenadult 16y ago
    Good question. I think it's important for the kids and their well being to take care of the relationship with the other parent of the kids, first and foremost.
  - petercooper 16y ago
    I think having an order is nonsense. Who gets the most attention should depend on the context and the seriousness of whatever's going on. If my kid wants to play but my wife is bawling her eyes out over something, the kid isn't coming first in that situation.
    - jacquesm 16y ago
      Hm. Ok, that's one interpretation that I didn't intend. As a general rule, outside of exceptional situations, spouses take care of their kids together before they get around to taking care of themselves. Kids are considered dependents and as such both parents will find that they will instinctively turn towards their children first in times of need. Whether that's always the rational thing to do is a different question but that seems to be the normal order of things. When your child is doing fine and your spouse needs you the order is obviously different, need trumps play any day.
      - duck 16y ago
        When we first became parents I put my son at the top spot and thus my wife and I have talked about this a good bit. We found that if we focus on each other it makes it overall better for everyone, including the kids. I guess how we look at it is family is #1 instead of breaking it down.
- mirkules 16y ago
  Just don't forget to take care of yourself too.
- tptacek 16y ago
  You have kids, 'jacquesm?
  - jacquesm 16y ago
    Yep.
    - tptacek 16y ago
      Neat. How old? Mine are 11 and 9.
      - jacquesm 16y ago
        Just mailed you.
exline 16y ago
Having kids has been a great change in my life. My kids are 4 and 6 now and I'm loving being a dad. I can still work long hours, but I split the hours to spend time with them. I don't have the time I'd like to have to dig into new technologies, new tools, etc, but I feel I'm a good dad. Starting to do some science experiments with my kids which is very cool. What has worked for me is to get an early start in the morning so I can cut off work at a decent hour. Then I often will put in hours after the kids go to bed. Doing this I can still put in fairly long hours. Important thing is to review your goals and milestones and make adjustments to the time required to hit them. If the schedule was created assuming 60-70 hours a week, you will need to rethink the deadlines. On the family front, one thing that has worked out really we for my wife and me is that we each have one night a week free, where the other is responsible for the kids. This one afternoon/evening is a nice relief. I use it to go grab some drinks with friends, play golf, hack on a project, watch a movie, etc. We both find that we are better parents (and spouses) when we get some down time.
- trixjo 16y ago
  I have three kids under 5. Does it get easier to find spare time to code once your kids start school?
- davidw 16y ago
  > I don't have the time I'd like to have to dig into new technologies, new tools, etc, but I feel I'm a good dad. That sort of sums it up for me. Being a good dad is the priority for me too, but I feel that perhaps it's the beginning of the end, in a field where you have to rush to keep up with so much stuff happening.
tingley 16y ago
I am more of a builder than a pure entrepreneur, so YMMV. I quit my job when my son was seven months old, took a month off, then went back to work three days a week. I'm a stay at home dad the other two. Eight months later, this seems very, very easily to have been the best decision I've ever made.
- thegyppo 16y ago
  This is looking like a similar option for us, I'm doing pretty hefty hours between startup & fulltime employment at the moment (although we are profitable). So just need to get the timing right, but definitely looking forward to more flexibility with schedules.
  - mikeknoop 16y ago
    I accidentally down-voted you, and can't find a way to undo it :\
    - techiferous 16y ago
      I upvoted for you.
timjahn 16y ago
Such a relevant topic, as we're expecting our first child any day now! I have a feeling having reduced hours free will cause me to really focus on being productive in those hours and focusing on the work that truly matters.
- grandalf 16y ago
  I just had one last week and it's been really interesting.
TotlolRon 16y ago
It is not a kid, it is relationship bomb. Focus on the relationship. (I heard it in some random YouTube video once, which just goes to show that good advice can be found in strange places)
- lrm242 16y ago
  As a parent of two (3yrs and 10mo) there is serious truth to this. I can only assume that the down votes are because of the flippant way it was phrased, but let me offer this to the new and prospective pappas out there: you will be tired, busy, and frustrated. If you don't step back and take care of momma you can quickly find your relationship spiraling out of control because you no longer prioritize yourself or your wife. A few thoughts: (a) Schedule is key. Put the little buggers on a schedule and keep to it. (b) The parent's bed is sacred, no child shall pass. We were very strict with this rule. Our kids have never been in our bed to sleep. (c) Free time is key, one of the best things we did was get a nanny/house keeper on Saturday. That way we can leave the kids at home and go have a nice lunch together and maybe see a movie without the hassle of babysitters and late nights. (d) Start waking up early, way early. Nearly 4 years into fatherhood I am still searching for the ways to attain my lost productivity. One of the biggest has been to simply wake up earlier. Kids bring about a new world order. Accept and move on and embrace the 4:30 wakeup.
  - pbhjpbhj 16y ago
    >That way we can leave the kids at home and go have a nice lunch together and maybe see a movie without the hassle of babysitters and late nights. Don't have kids, no "hassle"! As for (d) kids are your productivity, they're are what you've produced, they will be your lifes work. Don't sideline them, don't let nannies have all the fun.
    - lrm242 16y ago
      Sideline them? Actually I think its theraputic for the kids to allow other people to take care of them. It helps them adjust to the world and understand that mommy and daddy DON'T have to be there for them to thrive.
forkrulassail 16y ago
Would be interesting seeing a StackExchange HackerSpawn Q&A site.
BRadmin 16y ago
Thank you for not titling this "Hacks for Raising Kids."
eatsleepdev 16y ago
My daughter is 4.5 months old now... I don't sleep much.
- thegyppo 16y ago
  I can forsee a name change happening on HN for you?
  - eatsleepdev 16y ago
    Yeah, it should just be eatdev now.
- gubatron 16y ago
  same here, 1.5 months behind you.
- wazoox 16y ago
  The hard part is getting her to sleep at night. That implies tough stuff, like not letting her fall asleep to eat some more at night, and letting her cry in her crib, in her room, later. Life is hard :)
  - Tichy 16y ago
    It shouldn't be hard for babies, I think. Is she a nuisance to you, ie merely something that stands in the way of you doing the things you want to do?
  - eatsleepdev 16y ago
    I think I'm lucky, because my baby isn't hard to get to go to sleep at all. She usually falls asleep around 10 or 11 and sleeps all night. The reason I don't sleep is because I need to make time for my family and still have time to do what I love.
  - jtheory 16y ago
    Ah, just let her sleep in the bed with you. Babies aren't really designed to be "put to bed" separate from their parents, evolutionarily, so it's guaranteed to be tough going for most of them. Leaving them to cry it out is not a great idea, because it undermines their sense of security and may make them more clingy later.
gubatron 16y ago
Me, I've been looking for a Provigil prescription. My daughter though is my biggest treasure, nothing in life will ever make me as happy, fullfilled and scared of loosing than her. I've been a dad now for 3 months (currently working long hours and waiting for baby to wake up for her 3am feeding) I've learned to value sleep, I think of weekend afternoons as brain-rebuilding sessions, I sleep as much as I can saturdays and sundays. Now, I try to do email, hacker news and all the dilly dallying after I'm home and everyone is asleep, during the day I try to be as productive as possible, since I feel I should head home as early as I can to be with my daughter and help my wife. Congratulations and welcome to the club (it's indeed a club, you'll notice other parents nodding back at you when you have your baby with you, also you'll notice how babies are to women as hot girls are to guys, they can't help but turn around and look at you and your baby)
- petercooper 16y ago
  I'm convinced modafinil and the like would help a lot in sleep crisis moments in the early stages, though a problem is that you need to catch up on the sleep /eventually/ so it could never be a regular, routine solution. Another problem is that such drugs take time to kick in and you might not know when such a crisis moment would be in advance.. You tend to break fast under baby and sleep related stress. For the birth and first night, though, it'd really help the father stay up and take some of the stress off the mother.
  - pbhjpbhj 16y ago
    Interestingly the Wikipedia page doesn't say what it actually does - you'd think it would be headline info, what's the intended result of the medication. Seems modafinil replaces amphetamines for keeping you really awake when your body wants to sleep. I don't think that the first response to your body saying it needs sleep should be to reach for some mood altering drugs to make it pretend to itself that it doesn't really need sleep. Grandparents. If you've got 'em close enough (ours aren't) then they, or other friends/family that will do a couple of hours with the kids, are what you need IMO.
    - 16y ago
tremendo 16y ago
Assuming you're not the Mom, plan also to take time off when the baby arrives. She'll need you, and you too want to bond with the mini you. Use these first few weeks to help establish (and lengthen) the baby's feeding and sleeping rythm: er, basically help baby get a full meal, sometimes they eat only a little then fall asleep and consequently not for very long. Eat, eat some more, burp. play, sleep. At first, when baby sleeps, you sleep too. Or you don't sleep at all! Either way, you'll be oh-so-tired. But there's light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone will be full of advice, listen patiently, then figure out your own way, which will be different from all others. In six months you'll be giving advice too.
ezmobius 16y ago
I have a 5 1/2 month old boy named Ryland and he is just now finally sleeping all night long(9pm to 7:30am) The first 2-3 months were zombie time. I couldn't get any work done because of the sleep dep. My one biggest piece of advice. SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS. or you will get NO sleep ever. It will be the roughest thing you have ever gone through but one smile from your childs face up at yours makes it all better and reinvigorates you for another shot of energy for whatever you need to do. Trust me though you will need to take at least 4 weeks off work for paternity leave assuming you are the father. Then once you go back to work expect to only work on the computer when you are at work. When you get home expect your wife to want some help with the kid and dinner etc. and don't expect to get any computer time at night for the first 3-4 months. You will only get computer work done at work when you are away from the house and at the office. When you are at home your wife will have a constant stream of little things she will want you to do and you will feel like a slave, but then you will imagine what she goes through being alone with the baby all the time. and you will have mad respect for her. Mostly try to be supportive and learn to not mumble under your breath when she asks you to do a million little things, Just do them and move along. It will pass soon once the baby hits 6 months or so and starts to have a real personality that you can interact with. The first 4 months out of the womb is considered the 4th trimester and the kid is really still a foetus. Literally they cannot do anything for themselves until about 4 months. So its all up to you ad your spouse to do everything for them. They will be all floppy for a while not even able to hold their head up without support. Trust me though it will all be worth it every time your little one smiles in your face and you will be re-invigorated. Its the most incredible thing that has every happened to me and it made me re-evaluate my life and make major changes(like major changes). I resigned from my startup that I founded after 4 years(engine yard: really long story i'll write a book about someday ;)) to make sure i could spend this time with my son as much as possible. I cannot say what I am doing next but I am moving to Portland where my folks live in order for my son Ryland to be closer to his grandparents. And got a job that was understanding about working remote and weird hours. My new boss is the coolest ever he literally said "As long as you shit good code I don't care where your toilet is" :P Don't worry, it will come naturally to you like it has to all humans thhroughout time. But remember this SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS DURING THE FIRST 4 MONTHS good luck! and congratulations!
- 16y ago
arjenbos 16y ago
In my experience the first 9 months are hard, there will be a limited time for hacking. Just accept this and spent time on your kid and spouse. Any work you will get done is a bonus. After 9 months your kid will get into a rhythm, sleep at night from 7 till 7 and take 2 two hour naps during the day. This will give you more time to start hacking again. After another 9 months your kids rhythm will change again. Still sleeping from 7 till 7 at night, but only one longer 3 hour nap during the day. Off course every kid is different, but my kid, and the kids of my friends generally follow this sleeping pattern.
- pbhjpbhj 16y ago
  >After 9 months your kid will get into a rhythm, sleep at night from 7 till 7 and take 2 two hour naps during the day. This will give you more time to start hacking again. After another 9 months your kids rhythm will change again. Still sleeping from 7 till 7 at night, but only one longer 3 hour nap during the day. Ha ha ha. Neither of our boys has ever slept for 12 hours AFAIR. I'll agree with the distinct changes in sleeping patterns though - usually within a week for us and it's all changed around, it seems to indicate a big change like teeth coming or growth spurt, etc. or follow one like walking or taking more regular food.
barrydahlberg 16y ago
Find something your child loves and make it a routine to do it the moment you get home from work. When I arrive home my boy is usually standing at the window waiting for me with a silly grin on his face. I open the door, Mum passes him to me and I carry him straight to the park to look at the trees. Fresh air, relaxing sunsets, big baby laughs and cuddles... I really can't think of any better way to let go of work day stress and prepare yourself for the chaos that is dinner, bath and bedtime!
eelco 16y ago
With the first child on the way (very soon now), I have been 'practicing' taking evenings and weekends off for a couple of months now. At first you might think you won't have enough time but it already taught me the difference between being busy and being productive. I also sleep better, giving myself enough time to get to a calm state ;) I can highly recommend it (kids or no kids)
cisba 16y ago
Reduce sleep time and work in the nigth: is the uniq solution i found. Enjoy your kid! ;-)
- trixjo 16y ago
  What are your sleep hours and work times?
wensing 16y ago
If you're the type that needs your sleep, YMMV, but I am now the father of four and still a co-founder, so here goes ... NOTE: This is scattershot advice mixed with personal reflection. Salt liberally, expect typos. I started working on Stormpulse in 2004 as a hobby project a few months after we had our first child. She slept horribly for the first two years of her life--very difficult to get to sleep and woke up a lot. The 'cry it out' method DID NOT WORK for us (some people insist that it works for all, but it doesn't. If it doesn't for you, know you're not alone). Get this DVD and watch it: http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=happiest+baby+on+the+block+dvd http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&#3... (It could easily be titled "Hacks for getting a newborn to calm down and go to sleep." Worth every penny/second you'll spend and really easy stuff. Seriously, this is very important: watch this DVD--I just got out of bed to include this link because I would feel bad if you didn't know these amazingly powerful tricks that could spare your sanity many times over.) I worked a full-time job and kept hacking on SP on nights/weekends through 2006. 2006 went full-time on the startup and it was fantastic because I got to spend a lot more time with our first than ever before. Times at the park on Tuesday mornings when everyone else is in their cube are really wonderful bonding times. You can give your wife a break by taking the kid on an errand. Love is a trip to the grocery store with the baby to give your wife a 30-minute break. Our second was born in early 2008. I was back at a cube-job (though a great one) so I saw him less in the first year of his life than I might have liked, but by 2009 I was full-time on Stormpulse again (and have stayed that way). I won't lie, it's incredibly difficult. The hardest part is REALLY BEING THERE for your family even when your brain is screaming for you to work on the startup. Don't panic. Be there. Make lots of eye contact and actively listen. Your baby will quickly become a toddler that knows the difference between a mindless/reflexive "uh-huh" and real participation. It's better to stop for 30 seconds, get down and give them a hug than to spend 10 minutes saying 'one second, hold on' as they tug at your leg. Often they just need that 30 second re-connect. Despite what I've just said about spending day-time hours with the family: work away from home if you can. The separation can be a very necessary thing. I was able to do this in an office very close to home until 2010. This year we had twins. They're 7 weeks old now. I am working at home and for the first time ever, it's working. Quitting HackerNews and Twitter can be life-saving steps. No time for that stuff (I've been up since 3:30am and am talking with my co-founder on AIM--I'm about to go back to sleep until 7:30am or so, I hope). Let your startup fail before you let your family fail. Stormpulse hasn't failed yet, but I've had to 'give up on it' a couple times before I've been able to have a solid enough financial footing to launch into it again. Now we're at a stage where I don't expect to go back to other work and it's the absolute best setup for our whole family (we see how it contributes to Daddy's involvement at home, rather than how it takes away). I was fortunate to at least start while our first was very small, so that my wife went through that early time where all I did was work or moonlighting and the kids know a gentler reality of "Daddy works but he's also around a lot". One final thought--when things get tough (time pressures, children aren't behaving, whatever), never blame your wife for anything, ever--even when it appears supremely obvious that she's at fault. Instead, take responsibility and figure out what you could have done differently and what you can do differently going forward. That has gotten me a through a lot of difficult times with family + startup. Giving and sacrifice are the new norm, but once you're there you won't have it any other way.
erikstarck 16y ago
My daughter and first child was born this Monday. I'm reading all the replies and sucking everything in as my daughter is sleeping on my chest. My life has undoubtedly changed - for the better. There can not be a better startup than your own kids. My plan now is to take an employment for 4 days/week and work on my own project(s) the 5th. Weekends are strictly family. Is 8 hrs/week enough to get anything off the ground? We'll see. Would love to hear from anyone else working like that.
- torpor 16y ago
  Its a really good idea, and I applaud you making the change. The 5th day for you will probably get filled with tasks from your SO, but if you organize in advance - with a real schedule and TODO lists and so on - you can manage. Nothing can help you more than having a little prediction/planning ahead of time, and if you've got a day for yourself each week this will help immensely.
- lukeqsee 16y ago
  If she's sleeping, you'd better be sleeping! :-)
briancooley 16y ago
Lots of good advice in this thread. My best advice is: when you are "there" with your family, really be there. I have a tendency to focus my attention on things I am working on even when I am not sitting in front of the computer. Often this makes me furrow my brow without realizing it. Early on, my wife (a pronounced extrovert) wanted adult contact and conversation more than anything. She wasn't all that happy when I was off in the land of ones and zeros when she was talking to me. It was a minor issue before the baby, but it really came into focus when their was a little person vying for our attention all the time. As your child gets older, this advice will apply doubly for the child. This might sound a little crude, but, here goes: after the first three months, schedule opportunities for intimate time! Your time will be limited, and anything that is not a priority will go by the wayside. You can look up and find that it has been several months since you've been intimate. We didn't have a strict schedule like every Wednesday after she sorted the recycling[1], but we did agree in advance to "take a nap together" later that day or the next day. Spontaneity just didn't really work for us. The trick is keeping the pressure off - if one of you is tired and really just wants to take a nap together, that's got to be OK, otherwise it will drive you apart rather than bring you together. Good luck. It's an awesome adventure! [1] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU
torpor 16y ago
Change your sleep schedule now, while you still have things under control. You're really going to need to adjust this, because that little human you're adding to your life is not going to have much control, themselves, over the issue .. for some time. So, get it under control now. Get to bed early, get out of bed early. Add another 2 hours of time to your 'sleep allocation' if possible. Get a schedule going. You're going to really need to rely on this when things get crazy. You'll have to reduce your "up all night hacking" time and allocate that to "relaxing with the baby, playing" time .. Babies really need a lot of play time. The more you play, the better things get. Babies get bored, real easy. You don't want a bored baby when you're trying to get some code written. I've got another one on the way soon, too, along with my 3 year old boy, who has been an amazing bundle of joy, every single day. I can't emphasize enough that you really do get amazing returns on your investment into your kids, and if you start to adjust your hacker life now to become more of a parent, you'll reap the rewards later. You don't have to stop hacking, by the way .. but you do need to make some changes to make sure that both hats (father/hacker) are covered. Also, don't forget to take time for you and your significant other to just be together. Its really, really important. Date nights are just as special and just as necessary, so please prepare your friends and family to help out with this (babysitting) as soon as possible. It helps a great deal when things get stressed that you and your partner are still greatly in love with each other ..
trix 16y ago
What advice can parents give for parents with multiple kids? I have a beautiful 3.5 yo,2,and newborn. Love them all. They are amazing. I thought I was busy and sleep deprived with one child...three is a different story! :) I find it difficult to work 60 hours per week, take my kids to sports and then muster energy when they sleep to work on startup Advice?
- Tichy 16y ago
  I find it difficult (as in impossible) to work 60 hours a week without children.
- Tichy 16y ago
  Also, can't the kids go to sports by themselves? (Sports with 2/3.5 years old??)
- parbo 16y ago
  Work 40 hours per week.
nickzoic 16y ago
Congratulations to thegyppo and all the other new parents in here. Father of a 4yo daughter myself, and another on the way ... Everything changes, best to accept it and just try to roll with it. Every kid is different, even if you have twins, every parent is different, even your and your partner. What works one night for might not work the next, or vice versa! Expect your hours to change, unless you've got an extended family to help out with the bub.
backroomcoder 16y ago
I have three girls under the age of six. I tend to work 8am=>4pm in the office, three hours with the girls, bath and bedtime stories and then I'll work between 8pm until midnight'ish, between Monday and Thursday. Friday/Sat/Syn nights are for me and my wife to spend time together and Sat/Sun days are for us all to spend time together. I sometimes need extra time at weekends, particularly recently completing a dissertation. Get you and your family into ROUTINE. It feels like groundhog day sometimes, but when you go out of routine, it's not good. Achieving a routine means you will be able to plan the work you need to do, and understand how much time you have. If you don't have a routine, then you will suffer be warned! If you need time to work extra which means your wife is taking care of the kids more often than not, then respond in kind and give her time off, treat her, look after her. I never blame my wife for my stresses, ever. You will argue no doubt. Develop broad shoulders and take it on the chin, don't hold grudges, be there to support your wife. Enjoy this new part of your life !!
jasonlotito 16y ago
Life is short, but it's not that short. If you spend the next few years enjoying family live, having a job, and just taking it easy, don't worry. Let your ideas fester, play with them. Your children age, they won't stop to wait for you. You'll hate yourself if you miss out on milestones. You'll still be able to hack, but enjoy their smiles. And hold them. Dear god, hold them, because too quickly you won't be able to. Father of two sons, a 20-month old and a 1-week old.
pcestrada 16y ago
If you have any exotic places you'd like to visit, do it now! Much harder logistically to manage later when you have kids.
sethg 16y ago
Congratulations! The late Tracy “Baby Whisperer” Hogg pointed out that swaddling is a neurological hack to help babies sleep. OK, she didn’t phrase it that way, but... Until they reach about 4–5 months, babies don’t really have voluntary control of their arms and legs. So imagine you’re kind of tired, lying in your crib, drifting off, when OMG THIS ARM IS FLAPPING AROUND NEXT TO MY HEAD ISN’T THAT COOL. I didn’t read about this idea until I had my third child; when I noticing that indeed, he could sleep even in a room where his brothers were playing until his arm came out of the swaddling blanket, I got one of those special swaddling blankets with Velcro (I call them “baby straitjackets”), and that aspect of baby care, at least, became significantly easier.
damla 16y ago
Actually, you have some experience from your start-up. Babies and a start-ups have so much in common. They both leave you sleepless, make you think about them all day, make you feel like they are the meaning of life, grow fast in front of your eyes, and interact with you more and more every single day. Well, congratulations! I'm a hacker's wife and a non-technical co-founder. I and my husband are the two partners of our start-up. You may start working on these issues: * Read about baby care (birth to 6-8 weeks), and start chatting with your wife, so that you can start building your parenting style. Baby care is not difficult, but there are lots of different paths to follow. If you learn in advance, you will fell more confident and need less trial-and-error. * It's best to limit your working plans for the 0-3 months, best scenario with a nice sleeping angel baby will still be quite hectic. * Getting help from relatives, friends and even neighbours can do a lot of difference. You can take care baby, but it would be nice if someone can care for you in the meantime. * If you have not yet, read about sleep depreviation. Motivate your wife to rest as much as she can during pregnancy and following birth. * About the routine, it seemed not so important to me when I was pregnant, we were not the routine type of couple. It turned out to be very important. When you set a routine, baby knows what's next, so she relaxes and be much more cooperative. And when you know what's next, you can plan your day (no, not boring, believe me). * Take your family outdoors frequently. It will help your wife to recover. * You'd better spend some time evaluating baby products to be familiar with market. I'm not telling you to buy things in advance, but in some cases a small stupid-looking gadget can save you lots of time. * Add some parenting blogs to your reader, especially some of those informative/experience sharing ones. Good luck on your geek fatherhood journey!
JunkDNA 16y ago
There's lots of great advice here. I've got a 10-week old girl who I'm certain is the cutest, most wonderful little thing in the world. I'm assuming you're the dad (if you're the mom, I can't offer much). Stuff to think about right now: -Sleep deprivation starts early. Your wife is going to be uncomfortable as anything the last several months. She may toss and turn a lot at night. Plan accordingly. -If there is anything you've been wanting to get done, do it now. I had been putting off copying my old Amiga hard drive to preserve my childhood computer for 10 years. I narrowly got that done before the baby arrived. -Make some meals you can easily freeze so you don't have to cook if you don't want to. You'll need this in the first few days as well as much later when you and/or mom go back to work. Cooking is a royal pain with a really little baby. Stuff to think about after the baby arrives: -Plan on not getting any sleep and being entirely unproductive while awake (you are taking several weeks off work right?) the first few months. -Expect that while awake, you will have zero time to yourself. Use the time you do have wisely, frittering it away on Facebook is probably a bad idea. -Expect the first night home to be unreal. My wife is a pediatrician and I thought that would prepare us. Boy was I wrong. We were still two bumbling clueless parents. Best thing we learned that night is division of labor: one sleeps while the other is awake with the baby. Otherwise, you are both going to be completely exhausted instead of a manageable "really tired". -A smartphone is a huge help with a little one. I read HN at night a lot when my daughter is drifting off to sleep in my arms but not fully asleep. I do it primarily to keep myself from falling asleep while holding her. It's easy to hold in one hand (vs. a laptop or iPad). -Babies love white noise. They find it incredibly soothing. Get a white noise generator of some kind. We have a 99-cent iPhone app on our phones that we use daily. My daughter loves "air conditioner" mode. She often fights sleep and squirms around a lot. White noise and a pacifier put her into a deep, restful slumber. -Babies get cranky for a variety of reasons you will never know. Your inner geek is going to want to find reasons for things and understand "the system". Resist this, it's futile 50% of the time. Instead, try random things: change the diaper, change position, walk around, sit them upright, lay them down, etc... It's good to have a bunch of stuff to run through. Sometimes, a screaming baby just needs his or her mom though, don't forget that. -Babies like to be with you. Get a bouncer chair so you don't have to hold them all the time and they can watch you as you steal 5 minutes to post photos online. Get one with a vibration mode. They find it soothing and can nap for quite a while there. -Plan on doing lots of laundry. Babies mess up their clothes and yours all the time. Make sure you have a basin or utility sink where you can soak clothing with detergent to get poop out of it before washing in the machine. We discovered Oxi Free (doesn't have any perfumes as opposed to regular Oxi) takes poop out really well and doesn't damage colors. -Take tons of photos, they change a lot very quickly. -Efficiency is key. Look for places to reduce labor. Are you always carrying pacifiers around the house? Leave one in each room. Spending lots of time washing bottles? Get a dishwasher rack that holds them. No time to clean your house? Get a cleaning person to come in and give it a once-over. Just as with a startup, sometimes it's better to trade money for time. -Mom needs you more than you realize. Help her out. The biggest thing you can do is to suck it up, tell her to get some sleep and take the baby for a while. Yeah, you're exhausted, but babies need moms who aren't basket-cases. You'll survive. -Talk to your pediatrician about any concerns you have, no matter how silly. They hear the same things a lot. A good one will give you excellent advice, even about things that aren't strictly "medical". Best of luck to you. It's a life-changing experience and one of the happiest times in your entire life.
donohoe 16y ago
There is some awesome advice already here so I've little to add, other than: - Don't expect a normal routine for the first 4 months. Don't expect anything normal for a few years after either. - Sleep when the baby sleeps! (yeah, been said many many time already, but worth once more) - Once the baby gets into a routine of regular sleep you can figure out times that work for you. So work at night while the baby sleeps but be sure to have a solid plan to be able to get sleep later... - Through all this don't forget your wife/partner. Post-partum depression, stress of parenthood, sleep deprivation. You need to make sure you're there for each-other first and foremost. If you can't take care of yourselves, its harder to take care of a baby. - Take time to enjoy parenthood. My oldest daughter is 2 and a bit now and its like she was just born yesterday and its gone so fast (then again it seems like she's been here forever - go figure) Congrats!
dfdashh 16y ago
I wrote a blog post about how I kept my sanity with my now 4 month old girl: http://www.antzucaro.com/2010/06/keeping-your-sanity/ http://www.antzucaro.com/2010/06/keeping-your-sanity/. I hope it helps.
efalcao 16y ago
I've got twin babies of 15 months, a full time job and bootstrapping a business. There is only one rule for me: keep your priorities straight. Here are my priorities #1: Family / Relationship #2: Work #3: Business #4: Personal Time / Relaxation #5: Side Work / Consulting
mdh 16y ago
Stuff i've learned from having (two) kids: i) Take photos. Its amazing how much your child will change and how things that are front and centre in their/your life will fade when day-day life demands attention. Take as many pictures as you can so that you can look back in a couple of years' time and remember those things (and get a good backup plan in place NOW). ii) All children develop at their own pace. Children pick up skills only on a very rough timescale: our eldest could do jigsaws when he was a year old but couldn't jump till he was nearly two. Our friend's daughter could draw recognisable pictures staggeringly early but didn't know where to start with a jigsaw puzzle. Now they're 3.5 and both of them can do all of those things perfectly well. Praise them for trying things not just for being good at them. iii) try not to assume the worst. Its easy - especially with your first child - to get sucked into thinking that your child must have some uniquely awful illness or impediment to a normal life because they 'still' aren't sleeping/they have a cold that hasn't cleared up/they haven't fed well that day etc etc. Whilst these things can happen, and you should obviously watch out for signs of serious problems, chances are nothing sinister is behind it. Accept that this is a phase and that in a few days or weeks it will have passed and you'll get through the rough times much easier. iv) share the sleepless nights the lack of sleep is tough. Try and agree a rota with your partner as to who will be 'point-man/woman' each night and let the other sleep (ideally in a spare room). The key word is agree - do your 'night-shifts' dilligently and don't be tempted to start comparing the difficulty of the shifts you've already done (i.e., a night where the child slept through doesn't mean your partner is on-shift the following night). These things will balance out.
cheald 16y ago
Make time for your kids. It's really easy, as a hacker/startup founder/equity holder to say "Well, X is really important, I need to do that first." You'll always have more X. Take time, play with your kids, love on them, take them to the park, draw with them. I have a son who is almost 2, and two of his favorite things to do with me are to read books (he'll bring me a book, crawl up in my lap, and snuggle up. When we finish the book he runs off to get another one and repeats the whole process) and play with his hotwheels cars on my desk. It means the world to him when I clear off my notes and keyboard and mouse and just spend a half hour racing cars back and forth over it. That half hour I might have spent reading HN, or testing some new feature, or whatnot, sure, but I'm starting to learn that the things that seem small and unimportant to me are the highlight of his week. Don't get so caught up in providing for your family that you forget to be a father - it's enormously easy to do so.
lee 16y ago
I must re-iterate what others have said for emphasis: 1) Finish off your to-do list before the baby arrives. Setup the nursery; go see that movie you've always wanted to see; travel to places you've been meaning to visit; drink, party, and be merry; finish playing that video game; crank out a ton of code on that side project of yours. You will NOT have time to do any of that when the baby is here. Heck, it may be many years until you can get to some of things on your to-do list (such as travel somewhere far and exotic). 2) Prepare everything in advance, even if you think you won't need to. Your sleep-deprived-future-self will thank you. Go out and buy a ton of baby clothes in advance (newborn, 3 month, 6 months, 9-12 months). Buy a stock-pile of diapers, formula, baby-food, wipes, etc... Buy enough to last you at least half a year or more. Cook in advance so that you have "ready-to-eat" meals to throw in the freezer; make enough to last you a few months. You will not have time (or the will) to cook, go shopping, or paint the nursery when the baby arrives. It will get easier as they grow up :-)
pdx 16y ago
Regarding actual hacking... When the baby is very small they sleep a lot. They sleep more when you're near them. When you have only one baby, (so there's not an older brother causing problems), you can get a lot of work done sitting next to the baby's crib. Type type type, hand him a bottle if he wants, or change him if he wants, or pacifier him if he wants, and then it's type type type again. As they get older, the sleep becomes less and less, and you're so grateful when it comes that you tip toe around the house, hoping not to wake them up. From that point on, you will get less and less work done in the day time, as they sleep less and less in the day time. At that point, I started going to bed with him at 8:00PM or so, and waking at 2:00AM and then working away till it was time to go to my day job. It was the only time I could get any peace and quiet to focus. One of our problems has been that our house is too open, so when the baby is sleeping in the swing or the boppy, the whole house needs to shut down. They spend 8 hours a night in their crib, which I assume you have in a bedroom, so they hate the crib. For daytime naps, they often refuse the crib (at least mine do), so you're stuck with them sleeping somewhere else that may not be as private from the rest of the house as you would like. If you can arrange that privacy, you'll be much happier.
aidenn0 16y ago
Well a lot depends on the other adult(s) that will be helping to raise the child. I do have one piece of advice though: No matter how much time you think kids will take, it will take longer, even if you take this advice into account. Remember that guy in college who started playing EQ and (nearly) flunked out? It's more time-consuming than that.
goodgoblin 16y ago
Go to the movies now, because you won't be going again for a while.
rdrimmie 16y ago
Be the parent you want to be. A lot of people are going to talk about what the best way to raise a kid is, but you are going to know your kid better than all of them, so do what is right for your family. Dote on your wife. Give her a foot rub every night. The burden of a child kind of weighs heavy at times - "holy crap I could serious fuck this kid's head up!" - but remember that most people grow up to be okay regardless of their parents. As long as you're a good and loving person so will your child be. If you're like me, jokes about kids are going to become seriously unfunny for a few years. If you watch cop shows and dramas you'll notice a lot of kids dying or being threatened and where you might not have had those heartstrings to be tugged in the past, when they first get installed they are fiercely powerful. My favorite book about childhood development is http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Going-There-Brain-Develop/dp/0553378252/ http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Going-There-Brain-Develop/dp/055... "What's Going On In There" which was written by a neurobiologist because she started thinking about what was happening when she was pregnant. I consider it the Hacker's Guide to your Kid's Brain. My oldest is 4 now, he's about to start junior kindergarten. Seeing him (and my youngest who is 6 months) develop is fascinating and rewarding. Don't give up on your goals and dreams but remember that there's always going to be work waiting for you. Your kids are only kids for a while.
marcamillion 16y ago
One of the things I found, is right before my wife had our first son, people used to tell us that it is going to be soo worth it once you see the face of the baby. I won't lie...it was SOOO anti-climatic for me. I didn't feel all bubbly inside when he was born, and I kinda felt bad because I thought that I might be horrible for not feeling all 'father-y'. I am not sure if this is something that happens to everybody, but it did to me. The first three months were tough. Physically and mentally. Your wife is going through some more serious body changes (i.e. healing from bringing another human into the world), and the human you guys brought in is reliant on you for - literally - everything. It can be psychologically draining and physically taxing. You get little sleep, no matter how much you try to sleep while the baby sleeps. However, just remember that the first few months are the roughest....it usually gets better from there on. My son is now 2.5 years old and I can't believe where the time has gone. I ask him to say 'hippopotamus' and he says 'ip-oh-pon-oh-mus'. Just for that little moment alone, everything I have been through for the last 2.5 years, all the medical bills, all the midnight rushing to the ER, all diaper changes, everything is worth it. Typically, once the baby starts responding to you, guys tend to prefer that stage. It is SOOO worth it...so just hang in there, and like ezmobius said - do what your wife wants (although you will be exhausted as hell you never went through what she went through, so no bitching) and do it with a smile. She will appreciate it. If she appreciates it, you will too :) P.S. I have since deactivated my data plan on my bb, because when I was with my son, I realized I wasn't really 'with him'. I was always checking my mail or responding to bbm. It's good to be away from the computer when you are away from the computer. P.P.S Oh...my wife is about to give birth to our second (a girl this time), so I was writing this as much for myself as it was for you. Just to remind myself what I went through and preparing myself for what is ahead. Once the 3 - 6 months pass, you forget it. So it's important to try to take a walk down memory lane.
dnsworks 16y ago
Hire a housecleaner, don't even think about splurging on this. You want to spend the next few months with your family, not focusing on menial tasks. The $150/month I paid to have a team come and clean my house every Wednesday during the first year was by far the best service I'd ever paid for. Nannies are also awesome.
dnsworks 16y ago
Oh and hope you get lucky like I did with a daughter who slept through the night from day one. It helped to have a large # of people around the first week or two constantly playing with her (as people do around new babies), keeping her generally awake during the day and exhausting her at night. Also, don't buy any books. They're all a waste of money, and you probably have enough common sense and natural instinct for the first 18 years.
- dctoedt 16y ago
  > a daughter who slept through the night from day one As the father of two -- neither of whom slept through the night from day one -- I had to restrain myself from downvoting you for that one, bud :-) > don't buy any books ... You're joking, right?
  - dnsworks 16y ago
    Yeah, we got really lucky with Kaylee, she was always a night sleeper ... well sort of lucky, since I'm not really diurnal, but am rather nocturnal ... As for the books, yes. I feel that most of them are detrimental and written by quack new-age hippy psychologists. One of the books we were given literally told us to place crystals next to our daughter when she slept to keep her "biorhythms" in check.
- jtheory 16y ago
  Oh, boy. No, don't rely on common sense, particularly because you won't have much at the beginning (lack of sleep can make you impressively stupid). You don't have to buy lots of books if you know a lot of smart parents who can bring you up to speed (and who live nearby or with you), but there's a lot of info to learn if you don't have solid kid experience yourself already.
  - dnsworks 16y ago
    I disagree, especially considering the audience here. Most of us are trained at functioning for long periods of time without sleep, especially those of us in operations. I did all of the middle of the night diaper changing the first month, I got to the point where I could have her changed in 2 minutes without opening my eyes. It was like being on-call but far more pleasant, somehow. In the midst of all this we also moved our Datacenter 900 miles north to Seattle, as well as our employees, and ourselves. I'm saying all of this because it isn't as frightening as you think. The exhaustion isn't so bad because it is born in "purpose". Ugh, even worse, don't ask the smart parents to bring you up to speed, at least not the ones who are going to start cramming some ridiculous child-rearing philosophy down your throat. I will not reproduce again, because I never want to hear the terms "La Leche League", "Co-Sleeping", or "Attachment Parenting" ever again.
Pistos2 16y ago
My regrets in life are extremely few, but one of them is this: If I could go back in time and do things differently, one thing I would change would be my attitude about debt when I was young[er]. My kids are growing up, but the months are floating by, and my time at home is eaten up with contract work I'm doing on top of my day job. I look forward to the day that our financial footing is firm enough for me to go back to just one source of income. To me, being a father is the fullness of manhood, and it kills me that I am not always there for my family. So, my advice is this: Don't let yourself get significantly into debt. From my vantage point, it is completely not worth it.
geeksam 16y ago
Really, ezmobius nailed it. I feel compelled to chime in on Baby Stuff, though. (You don't need as much as you think you need, but a few things were really great.) I emailed a friend with some advice on items we found useful (and a few things we didn't), but it's too long to just paste here, so I'll summarize... My Brest Friend (put this one in your "OMG the baby's coming" bag!), a baby carrier (we love our Beco, but find a carrier or sling that fits you while letting the baby breathe), "Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD, specially-designed swaddling blankets, and (optionally) a "yoga" ball for bouncing babies to sleep. Big stroller may not be necessary (we mostly wore our daughter, and that big stroller will eat the entire car trunk), but strollers with pneumatic tires are really nice to push. Later, Kiddopotamus makes fantastic rubber bibs and placemats. (Seriously, their placemat is genius.) We found that the $25 Fisher-price "Healthy Care Deluxe" booster seat beats the pants off of much fancier highchairs. Ping me at geeksam at gmail if you'd like the long version. (=
drlisp 16y ago
be like me, have your wife do all the work =)
funkymatt 16y ago
get all the sleep you can now.
balding_n_tired 16y ago
One minor tip, not needed for a few months yet: make sure that the socket inserts are difficult to remove. A number of companies made plastic plugs one can insert into wall sockets to keep babies from exploring them. Unfortunately, at least one company makes them too small. We discovered this shortly after our child started crawling: he crawled to the socket, removed the plug, put it in his mouth, and attempted to re-insert it. We immediately replaced those plugs with ones that required effort for an adult to remove and were beyond what a baby could manage.

KoZeN 16y ago

I was keen to respond to this thread until I read the above response. Ezmobius has absolutely nailed it. I'm an incredible proud Dad to a fifteen week old baby boy and his advice echoes every single thing I was going to say. Then once you go back to work expect to only work on the computer when you are at work. I'd like to elaborate on this point. Leaving Mum & baby at home will be difficult for a while, I still struggle with it immensely but it is hugely important to remember that your job is absolutely instrumental as you are now the main breadwinner and your family is relying on you to work hard every minute you are away from them. As hard as it may be to leave them at home, don't let it be a waste of time, make sure that you are giving 100% when you are away and please don't bring your work home with you if you can avoid it. Whilst at work, focus on it 100%. Don't spend all day at work wishing you were at home. Be prepared to argue like crazy with your other half. Regardless of how strong your bond is, you will fall out. Her patience with the baby may be beyond comprehension but do not expect that patience to extend to you. As stressful as it may be for you, I can guarantee it will be worse for her, infinitely worse if she's breastfeeding. Maintain perspective and learn to let everything slide. Final point: Routine. Routine, routine, routine, routine. Sleep will become a rare and priceless commodity so it is crucial that you establish a bedtime routine from the beginning. Find a routine and stick with it. Read to your kid every single night. Even if it's just for a couple of minutes. It may seem pointless in the beginning but stick with it. Babies bedtime is now my favourite part of the day. Good luck mate. It's an incredible journey.

barrydahlberg 16y ago
Routine. Routine, routine, routine, routine. This. It took us 8 months to get it sorted but now our little boy just about begs to be put to bed and he sleeps 10 hours a night without a sound.
- KoZeN 16y ago
  It's absolute bliss! We are incredibly lucky, since 10 weeks old, baby Cameron has been sleeping a minimum of 8 hours a night. Sometimes it takes 10 weeks, sometimes it takes 8 months, either way, it's worth the effort. Kids thrive on routine.
  - mattcole 16y ago
    We kind of took the other route, our daughter slept whenever there was time really. We took her backpacking across Europe for 2 months when she was 8 months old, she just slept whenever she was tired. At home she would go to bed if we were at home, but we didn't hesitate to go out for dinner or to a friends house or whatever and she'd just sleep whereever we ended up. In contrast some of our friends have kids who will only sleep if they're in their usual environment which can make things a bit tricky. We're expecting number 2 in 10 weeks, so hopefully the next one is equally easy going.
    - jasonlotito 16y ago
      I find kids adopt to their parents way of doing things. My wife and I are rather calm, and so are our children. They fall asleep easily enough, are happy children, and calm and relaxed. The problem some parents have with their children is they try to change the way the children behave to something other than what they learned from their parents. If they are the type to go out, party, invite friends over and stay up late, etc, then they should expect their children to emulate that. It's when the parents want their children to behave differently that you have a problem. This is all purely my own experience.
    - pbhjpbhj 16y ago
      This sounds a lot like our philosophy on sleep. My sister gets in a panic if the kids aren't in the bath at a particular time, aren't in bed on routine haven't finished a meal at the set time, etc.. PITA I say. We've had problems now that J has gone to school. We couldn't keep the same sleep regime as we had to be up to get to school.
- mikecaron 16y ago
  My experience 1 year into Fatherhood agrees with this. We put baby on a cyclic routine of Eat, Play, Sleep since about day 7. She was sleeping through the night at 8wks. Check out "On Becoming Babywise", Gary Ezzo. Like all the other papas here say, BE SENSITIVE TO YOUR WIFE. Be aware that as your wife breast feeds (if she does) her hormones are still rocking to a different beat every hour. Let complaints roll off your back. Sometimes things won't make sense to you, but go with the flow. Afford her tons of generosity and selflessness. Clean the house for her, offer to take the baby so she can sleep, draw her a bath to soak in with candles and bubbles. Take her on a romantic date if she's up for it so she feels like she's still got it even though she may complain about her body often. Make her life easy and sweet and yours will be good. Also, for a bit of relief... listen to Garrison Keilor's Fatherhood tale: http://www.publicradio.org/tools/media_player/popup.php?name=phc/2010/08/07/phc_20100807_64&starttime=00:00:00.0&endtime=01:59:59.0 http://www.publicradio.org/tools/media_player/popup.php?name... Enjoy being daddy! It's absolutely wonderful. You will forget about working overtime. You'll want to spend any and all free time with your little one. Cheers!
  - pbhjpbhj 16y ago
    >My experience 1 year into Fatherhood agrees with this. We put baby on a cyclic routine of Eat, Play, Sleep since about day 7. She was sleeping through the night at 8wks. Check out "On Becoming Babywise", Gary Ezzo. Didn't your wife find that her breasts were painfully engorged by not feeding the baby all night?
  - mikecaron 16y ago
    @pbhjpbhj > Nope. In the early weeks, she did feed the baby about every 4 hours, but after about 8-9 weeks she woke the baby around 10pm and fed her and then again at around 6am. We considered it "Through the night" because it was solid sleep for us.
  - rradu 16y ago
    > Sometimes things won't make sense to you Hilarious. I don't have a wife w a baby, but I can totally see how that situation would come up a lot.
  - 16y ago

steamer25 16y ago

>SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS Agreed. Check out this book: http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0449004023 http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/04... . New borns sleep 18-20 hours a day but the few waking hours are distributed throughout the 24 hour period. This means your sleep will be disturbed in the middle of the night and you will need to make up for it with naps during the day. Sleep is critical for brain growth and function. Tired dad/mom/baby == crabby dad/mom/baby. It can even lead to a negative feedback loop called being over-tired where one becomes too agitated to enter sleep easily. After a couple months, you'll want to consider sleep training. This means allowing the kid to cry for increasing periods to unwind and adjust to the solitude/quiet needed for sleep.

jtheory 16y ago
Generally agreed, though sleep training is still somewhat controversial. If you and your baby have found sleeping habits that work for you all -- you are getting enough sleep to be functional and be healthy -- then skip it. My daughter is 14 months, and still wakes during the night to breastfeed (she also eats solid food by now, but still nurses), but she doesn't make any significant noise and doesn't even necessarily wake my wife, and we're both fine and rested in the morning. This has pretty much been the pattern since she was a few months old. Well... I'm fine and rested in the morning if I have gone to bed at a decent hour. I have trouble concentrating enough to get work done during the day, so I often do it at night. Last night I slept about 5 hours on the couch by my computer then worked as the sun came up. :) It's not ideal -- I could use more rest in my life -- but I'd rather skip some sleep then cut out any of my involvement in my daughter's life... I'm really enjoying that part. She's learning at an incredible rate, and I'm finding myself pretty good at optimizing her experience (and man, now I really cringe when I see these parents constantly putting the most interesting things just barely out of their poor child's reach, or trying to "discipline" their children into, well, suppressing their essential and powerful natural curiosity).

forinti 16y ago
"Babies love white noise." A friend found out that static from a radio will do the trick.
- duck 16y ago
  A lot of parents believe in the "white noise" and it does seem to work for a lot of babies, but (this is not scientific by any means) what I have noticed with other kids we know closely is that if you start them with white noise they will continue to need it as they grow older and without it they are not as good of sleepers. So it seems to create a dependency. I know opinions like this could be argued with a lot of baby topics (food, play, milk, etc.), but the white noise is the only one that I have seen repeatedly hold up.
  - pcc 16y ago
    We were explicitly taught in pre-natal class that babies have to learn anew how to go to sleep once they're out of the womb, it's not something that's inborn. For example, we were told it's hugely important to lay your baby down in their cribs as they're drifting off to sleep, but still just slightly awake, so they build the association between crib and going to sleep; if you only lay them down after they're asleep, this tends to have repercussions (e.g. because of the lack of the association, you're not equipping your baby to be able to go back to sleep if they randomly wake up). As I recall, there is actually a fair bit of research behind this, but admittedly it's been 6 yrs so I don't remember all the details. White noise is helpful, but falls into the same type of category.
- chewbranca 16y ago
  White noise and soft lights are amazing. The trick is to find something that simulates being in the womb for the baby. I have one recommendation that you absolutely _must_ get. Best investment I've ever made: http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Wonders-Soothe-Seahorse/dp/B0028QKPMW http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Wonders-Soothe-Seahorse/d... You would not believe how much more sleep we got after picking up one of those. My daughter just turned one and we still use it every night and for her naps. In terms of general advice, just be prepared to be exhausted beyond your expectations. I was working at a startup when my daughter was born and ended up going back to work shortly after, it was very challenging to say the least. The best advice I can give you is don't fool yourself into thinking you're going to be getting a lot of things done, the change of pace is astonishing when you come to realization that you brought something amazing into the world that is 100% dependent on you for survival. Its no longer about you. Enjoy being a parent, its an amazing experience.
  - pbhjpbhj 16y ago
    >My daughter just turned one and we still use it every night and for her naps. Will you find it a problem when she's 7 and still "needs" it? If so get another one for spare before they're discontinued or perhaps start on the methadone now.
michaelkeenan 16y ago
> Get a white noise generator of some kind. We have a 99-cent iPhone app on our phones that we use daily. I really like the free website simplynoise.com for white noise. Specifically, I find their oscillating brown noise to be soothing.
- ntoshev 16y ago
  On Unix I did this: cat /dev/urandom > /dev/dsp There is a free iPhone app too.
  - TeHCrAzY 16y ago
    su cat /dev/urandom > /dev/msm_pcm_out on Android :) You need root first, be aware, its quite loud >_<
jbarham 16y ago
> Take tons of photos, they change a lot very quickly. Speaking of photos, make sure you have an SLR/interchangeable lens camera with a good fixed ("prime") portrait lens. The image quality of large sensor cameras is way ahead of compact cameras (not to mention camera phones). Given that young babies spend most of their time indoors, you need a fast lens to use natural light and avoid using the flash.
steamer25 16y ago
>Babies get cranky for a variety of reasons you will never know. True that and good advice. Communication is impossible with a new-born. The kid can have a new diaper, be well fed and recently repositioned into their favorite posture but still have an itch on their nose or have a gassy tummy. They can't fix themselves and you'll be absolutely unable to determine what's wrong. There will be screaming (hopefully just on the baby's part). Resist the urge to take this as a personal defeat or as an accusation on the baby's part. Eventually the situation should subside. Run through the random fixes, offer what comfort you can and know that sometimes the baby's just going to cry.
pbhjpbhj 16y ago
>Babies get cranky for a variety of reasons you will never know. Your inner geek is going to want to find reasons for things and understand "the system". Resist this, it's futile 50% of the time. One of the reasons babies get cranky is that they can't properly digest baby formula - breastfeed babies are healthier, smell better, have better immunity to disease, have on average higher IQs, etc.. Bottlefeeding correlates with higher incidences of cancer for both mother and child. Also once baby is 6months I highly recommend both starting potty training and "baby sign". The first 5/6 months for our two before we started putting them on the potty did wear a bit thin, I don't like changing crappy nappies ("doody diapers"?). When "proper food" comes in alongside breast milk then the stench of crap is really horrible. It's only really now (16mo) that our second is signing to use the potty and doing most of his crap in it. Babies don't just like to be with you, they like it when you communicate with them, they like to share body warmth, they respond well to skin contact. Get a sling. You don't need an expensive pushchair and you can carry the baby around and use both your hands. Babies sleep well in a sling when you're walking around the cadence of the motion is familiar from being in the uterus I think and they also share close contact and communication with you. "Pacifiers" to me are one of the worst commonly accepted things to do to a child but I'll withhold most of my rant and just say that watch out for retarded speech and the potential side effects of plasticisers like BPA/pthalates which are endocrine disrupters and pretty nasty - I wouldn't want my kid sucking on a stick of that stuff.
sp332 16y ago
Be careful with the white noise, there is evidence that it may disrupt development of auditory neural pathways in children. http://www.webmd.com/baby/news/20030417/white-noise-may-delay-infant-development http://www.webmd.com/baby/news/20030417/white-noise-may-dela... This is because the brain learns to identify and manage familiar sounds, but there is no structure to white noise so the nerves are never able to develop a pattern.
jtheory 16y ago
> Make some meals you can easily freeze so you don't have to cook if you don't want to. I'm glad you mentioned this -- this is my #1 tip for all new parents. But to hell with first few days (or weeks) -- freeze stuff like chili, curries, pasta sauces (with protein in them)... anything you can thaw and put on rice or pasta is great. My wife & I had a friend who was moving and needed to sell a full-size freezer that we put in our basement and totally filled over the 5 months before our daughter was born. That food lasted us months, and every time we thawed out something new we were very happy we'd done it. I don't even remember who recommended the idea to us, but I wish I did, because we owe them big.