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"needing some comfort, had been showered instead with practical solutions to a practical problem, which had just upset her even more" When something bad happen
by peterburkimsher 9y ago
"needing some comfort, had been showered instead with practical solutions to a practical problem, which had just upset her even more"
When something bad happens to someone you care about, don't say "What happened?" That focuses on the problem.
Maybe they don't want to talk about it.
Ask "Are you OK?"
You can always say this even if there's nothing wrong.
If they say "Yes, why?", they're your friend.
If they say "Fine." then they don't trust you.
If they tell you "No, ..." they think you're a close friend.
Then ask "What can I do to help you? You're not alone."
Focus on the solution.
If you want to know if someone trusts you, just ask "Are you OK?" and they will tell you.
- acorkery 9y agoIf they say "Yes, why?", they're your friend. If they say "Fine." then they don't trust you. If they tell you "No, ..." they think you're a close friend I'm guessing you're a programmer :) It's surely all about getting them to talk and open up, regardless of their answers?
- solarkraft 9y agoI'm guessing close to everyone here has something to do with programming, no?
- darepublic 9y agoIt's more a comment on the switch statement style approach to personal interaction :p
- Ultimatt 9y agoProtip you're a close friend when the positive emotional result for them after 20 minutes is the same regardless of how they answered. A bigger reason to say "fine" is they are depressive and dont trust themselves with their emotion.
- colechristensen 9y agoThis is simplistic and generally bad advice. Human relationships don't universally follow flow charts.
- ThePadawan 9y agoUnfortunately, "I'm fine" is a strongly ingrained default reaction in some circles. I feel this largely depends on culture (e.g. the British 'stiff upper lip' ideal) and negative media influence (personally, I'm thinking of the misguided idea of 'real men don't cry'). How do we get through that barrier?
- AnIdiotOnTheNet 9y ago"I'm fine" is the default reaction because we've learned that the asker almost never genuinely gives a shit.
- colechristensen 9y agoIn many cases, respect the cultural difference, don't try to make other people into what you prefer. There is a difference between emotional intelligence and willingness to freely express emotion. "I'm fine" in many cases just means "no, thank you".