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What is it about porn that makes you feel depressed? I've heard that opinion before, but I just can't relate, despite being one of those people raised on abund

• xapata 9y ago
  Keep in mind that one's personal experience may not be representative of the "average" person. > single-player games I get obsessive about some games. A completionist, one might say. And when I've achieved what I want to in the game, I suddenly wake up and realize I haven't been outside for a week and I've ignored my friends, family, and colleagues. Worst, the guilt of that realization can be so overwhelming that I am tempted to ignore it and simply start another game that takes over my consciousness. I've observed similar behavior in some others. It was most obvious among World of Warcraft (WoW) players when I went to university. I knew more than a handful of WoW players who dropped out of school because they found their in-game social circle more important than just about everything else in their lives. Rather than studying or going out, they needed to be present for the next raid (WoW session).
  • putinontheritz 9y ago
    I would say WoW, Facebook, Reddit, HN etc all use that little bit of dopamine hit to keep people “playing” as long and as often as possible. I say that have started play WoW again after several years off and dumping Reddit this evening. Both of the can be enjoyable places and there are some really good Reddit communities, but it can be be just as addictive.
    • Rarebox 9y ago
      Yeah, I consider reddit/hn to be more of a waste of time (for me) than videogames. Still, it's easier to browse Reddit than progress in a videogame.
  • deleted 9y ago
    [deleted]
  • striking 9y ago
    WoW isn't single-player, is it? I think GP was commenting on the fact that spending some time alone (with video games or otherwise) won't necessarily tear society apart, as long as it's done in moderation.
    • xapata 9y ago
      Single-player in the sense that one typically plays physically alone even if virtually together.
  • scrollaway 9y ago
    > I've observed similar behavior in some others. You'll observe that in more than just porn and games, you'll observe it in life in general. In fact for a lot of people that's the definition of a mid-life crisis: Suddenly waking up, realizing that you've been wasting your life slaving at a job you don't like, to make money that pays for things you don't own which you only have to offset how shitty your job makes you feel. If your doctor told you right now, "you have exactly two weeks to live", would your life be unchanged for the next two weeks, or would you suddenly wake up and think "Holy hell, what have I been doing for the past age(self) years?"
    • SapphireSun 9y ago
      Man, if only instead of buying a Jet ski these poor souls would find socialism.
      • scrollaway 9y ago
        Or, you know, call their parents to say "I love you" before they lose the option to.
        • SapphireSun 9y ago
          Why not both? :D
          • giggles_giggles 9y ago
            you'd be too hungry to drive the jet ski
            • SapphireSun 9y ago
              Seems unlikely. < 1% of the US population is engaged in agricultural pursuits. Distribution is about to get self driving cars.
      • ferongr 9y ago
  • cortesoft 9y ago
    I feel like this is just describing the human experience. We go through cycles of obsession and focus, and then a realization that our obsession and focus has kept us from other parts of our lives. We adjust, and then repeat the cycle. It could be video games, but it could be lots of hobbies, or work, or a new relationship, etc.
    • xapata 9y ago
      Some things in modern life are a bit easier to obsess over, more like alcohol and other drugs than other kinds of hobbies.
    • mturmon 9y ago
      What is new is the tight, software-driven loops of dopamine release and conditioning feedback that Facebook and others have developed and exploited.
    • ben_w 9y ago
      Facebook is the optimiser, each second of your attention a paperclip.
  • brightball 9y ago
    Completionist is a good term for that. I gave up online games when I realized how much of a problem that is for me. My hard rule about games in general now is that I only play them with other people in the room.
    • ben_w 9y ago
      I have a similar problem. I realised while playing GameThatCannotBeMentionedBecauseOfNoDisparagementRule that reaching maximum level in Magic or Archery skills on real life versions of those skills would make me a pretty good stage magician or archer. I never did end up learning magic tricks or real archery, but I did go onto Duolingo and learn German. Kaj Esperanto. Και Ελληνικα…
  • xirdstl 9y ago
    I have similar experiences with single player games sometimes. Though after, I might go weeks without playing anything. That is one reason why I have always avoided MMOs. I may obsess over a single player game for a few weeks, but there is always an end.
  • throwaway30306 9y ago
    I've done this with League of Legends. I find that it corresponds very closely with times in my life when I am depressed[1] about some other aspect of my life. When I feel out of control, and the game provides a stable environment with known rules, where I have a great deal of agency to impact the outcome. It's a trap, if course; in real life, ignoring problems is (usually) not a good strategy for resolving them. On the flip side, though, when I'm not playing as part of one of these sessions, I like my relationship with the game. Especially, it's a great way of keeping in touch with a friend long-distance, which is normally something I struggle with[2]. [1]: In the colloquial, not medical, use of the word. [2]: Somewhat, I also put less effort into long- distance friendships by choice; putting in lots of effort to keep in contact with someone who I wouldn't otherwise interact with becomes a chore and I don't get as much out of it. Since I would still be gaming otherwise, this doesn't become a chore, and regularly using voice chat makes it even better, compared to a game like scrabble where it's just text. (This part not being unique to League, of course; any other real time team game would do the same).
  • whywhywhywhy 9y ago
    If it wasn't video games it would be something else.
• ziikutv 9y ago
  Many of my friends have expressed that they don’t want to watch porn. They do it anyways and hate themselves for it after you know... they are done. I personally think it’s completely natural to have such urges and to cave to them. In fact, for men specifically there are some benefits in keeping the system well lubricated (pun not intended). It’s just something one has to moderate. Additionally, i have noted that people’s expectations of their desired partner is usually skewed from what they see in porn.
  • enraged_camel 9y ago
    >>Additionally, i have noted that people’s expectations of their desired partner is usually skewed from what they see in porn. Porn is hardly the only - or even the main - driver of this, though. Look around you: you'll see billboards, magazines, TV commercials, banner ads, etc. etc. basically a plethora of images showing gorgeous women. Compared to that, porn's effect on men's partner expectations is probably negligible (unless it's for specifically sexual attributes like whether they shave their genitalia).
  • purple-again 9y ago
    This seems to be indicative of a problem with them not with porn. They probably come from heavily religious backrounds that makes them feel guilty. I have seen no evidence in myself or my friends that porn affected our expectations for our partners.
  • azernik 9y ago
    Note that post-coital depression/tristesse/dysphoria (terminology has varied over time) is a very real thing that people feel, regardless of whether porn is involved. Human contact can counteract this, however, which is an advantage of in-person sex.
• LgWoodenBadger 9y ago
  For me it’s because there’s always the associated thought/worry that the woman(-en) in it aren’t in it voluntarily. The numbers I’ve seen about sex-trafficking ruins all porn for me. I never used to feel that way until internet-awareness woke me to it.
  • s4vi0r 9y ago
    You could try giving normal, mainstream porn a shot. I don't think adopting either far end of the spectrum view of womens' sexuality is healthy. On one hand you have people who think less of women (putting it lightly) who are sexually active, and on the other people who treat them like they're children and believe there's no way they could be enjoying themselves as performers and that someone must be forcing them into it. Women aren't any different from men wrt sex - some like to have a lot, some a little, some with different people, some outdoors, some with members of the same sex, and some with members of both sexes. Like green eggs and ham, kinda.
    • fjsolwmv 9y ago
      The history of humanity clearly shows that men want more sex than women.
      • purple-again 9y ago
        It clearly shows nothing of the kind. Point me to the large swaths of recorded history where the men and women are treated equally in their society and the women express less desire for sex.
        • saiya-jin 9y ago
          I agree with you apart from one specific case (in fact two consecutive ones) - giving a birth. During pregnancy, many women face various hardships, birth can be traumatizing and first weeks & months can be exhausting. Hence the 'blue balls' syndrome that I've seen among some of my friends - guys being crazy horny due to sex deprivation that lasts months, even years in some cases. One lady didn't recover at all and refuses any sex (something to pick up by psychologists/psychiatrists I presume). In this case (and menstruation), life ain't fair to women, we guys have it way easier. But it is what it is
• simula67 9y ago
  A simple Google search I did just now on the effect of pornography gave me this : http://psych.utoronto.ca/users/tafarodi/psy427/articles/Owens%20et%20al.%20(2012).pdf http://psych.utoronto.ca/users/tafarodi/psy427/articles/Owen... Conclusion for the lazy : Increased access to the Internet by adolescents has created unprecedented opportunities for sexual education, learning, and growth. Conversely,the risk of harm that is evident in the literature has led researchers to investigate adolescent exposure to online pornography in an effort to elucidate these relationships. Collectively, these studies suggest that youth who consume pornography may develop unrealistic sexual values and beliefs. Among the findings, higher levels of permissive sexual attitudes, sexual preoccupation, and earlier sexual experimentation have been correlated with more frequent consumption of pornography. Researchers have had difficulty replicating these results, however, and as a result the aggregate literature has failed to indicate conclusive results. Nevertheless, consistent findings have emerged linking adolescent use of pornography that depicts violence with increased degrees of sexually aggressive behavior. The literature does indicate some correlation between adolescents’ use of pornography and self-concept. Girls report feeling physically inferior to the women they view in pornographic material, while boys fear they may not be as virile or able to perform as the men in these media. Adolescents also report that their use of pornography decreased as their self-confidence and social development increase. Additionally, research suggests that adolescents who use pornography, especially that found on the Internet, have lower degrees of social integration, increases in conduct problems, higher levels of delinquent behavior, higher incidence of depressive symptoms, and decreased emotional bonding with caregivers.