7 ms·

Jeez I quit Facebook like 6 years ago and never looked back. What’s the real need here? Old buddies you barely know of? Let them go. Just drop FB, it’s not tha

Jeez I quit Facebook like 6 years ago and never looked back. What’s the real need here? Old buddies you barely know of? Let them go. Just drop FB, it’s not that important, and 70% of people are clearly (by reading all the “I quit Facebook drama posts”) over attached to it.

acover 9y ago
It is a red flag to not have social media
- R_haterade 9y ago
  Maybe in clownworld.
- deschainz 9y ago
  Yeah dude... what? How is it a red flag?
- satori99 9y ago
  It is? I have no social media accounts at all and never have. I thought the very idea of facebook was creepy when it launched and I've not changed my mind since. Who will I be flagged by?
  - acover 9y ago
    It's just been my experience. I'm probably wrong. 9 of 10 people my age have it [1]. Facebook provides a public log of years of your posts. A quick way to get to know someone. To figure out if you should trust them. It's far from perfect but neither are social security numbers. Services like Airbnb's use your account to verify you aren't a spammer. I have heard of landlords and employers asking for it as well. If you don't have it you are undefined. [1] - http://www.pewinternet.org/2016/11/11/social-media-update-2016/ http://www.pewinternet.org/2016/11/11/social-media-update-20...
    - gehwartzen 9y ago
      the problem of course is that if everyone perceives it as a platform by which their character will be judged they self censure the content they post.
  - systoll 9y ago
    You have at least one social media account, https://news.ycombinator.com/user?id=satori99 https://news.ycombinator.com/user?id=satori99
    - satori99 9y ago
      Yeah, but my name is not satori99 and HN doesn't care :)
- keyboardhitter 9y ago
  I personally consider "active and/or daily Facebook/social media use" (e.g. mindless scrolling as escapism, intense FOMO fueling continued use, or a desire to uphold sense of identity) a red flag. to each their own.
- krisdol 9y ago
  In 2009 maybe. If anything it's "trendy" now to quit social media.
- snvzz 9y ago
  I'd never hire someone who has a facebook account.
  - cdancette 9y ago
    While I don't agree with the parent comment, this seems a bit extreme.
    - acover 9y ago
      I'm not saying I treat it as a red flag. I'm saying there are people that do. For better or worse.
      - snvzz 9y ago
        That was also my intent. Don't go create a fb account to be employable, now.
  - skj 9y ago
    Know how I know you don't hire people?
  - crpatino 9y ago
    Good for you, I am sure you have saved thousands of dollars per year on time thieves. Sadly, programmers are an unrully bunch, and your employees surely find other ways to procrastinate and loose time on your dime, but at least they become more interesting human beings while doing so. ;)
- ben_jones 9y ago
  Why the downvotes? This is a valid discussion topic. I recently went on a date where the girl told me she nearly had a panic attack when she couldn't find me on Facebook or anywhere else while waiting at the venue. Given we had met briefly at a bar only a week before the check was warranted (IMO), and given the positioning of Facebook in her life and many others, it was the tool she relied on and was disarrayed by. Sure my case is anecdotal but I do not believe it is unique. Facebook has forced itself to be a single point of failure in parts of our culture, they did it intentionally to make money, and we should acknowledge it.
  - acover 9y ago
    I've been sent side eyed chloe. Thank you. I think the downvotes are because I didn't elaborate. Making it hard to understand what I was saying if you haven't experienced it.
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
osrec 9y ago
> What’s the real need here? Old buddies you barely know of? Let them go. I really like this attitude (not being sarcastic). People seem to think Facebook is a great way to keep in touch. I think it's a great way to waste your time, and slowly devalue your relationships.
- pitaa 9y ago
  Agreed. I have effectively quit Facebook: I log on once a year to reconnect with people I never talk to anymore, and subsequently remember exactly why it is that I never talk to them anymore!
- smt88 9y ago
  It's both a great way to keep in touch and also a great way to waste time. It's a useful communication/relationship tool buried in layers of addictive signaling and ads.
- keyboardhitter 9y ago
  I agree. in my opinion, i believe it may also enable unhealthy relationship patterns, or stunt emotional growth; things that may not have originated had the user never engaged. sadly, not engaging is stigmatized too, complicating matters especially for young ones concerned about their impression. for example, when i used fb for a time it bothered me that there was stigma against "unfriending". I would frequently make new accounts and remember feeling guilt for doing so. Eventually ditched it permanently about 5 years ago. Friends from my mid 20s seemed to keep it around as entertainment (waiting for others to embarrass themselves in everyday updates, trolling groups, stalking for conversation topics) and self comparison. they claimed, "we only use it ironically lol" and no longer planned events through it, shared photos or life stories, etc. It was gross and I feared I'd become a target when I had the account. I used to check my feed just to make sure I was still "cool" with everyone. I was bullied as a child and went through emotional trauma so sadly I was a great target for an all-day everyday user. Eventually I couldn't handle the pressure, and disagreed with fb's 'vision' (ads) and privacy policies so I refused to use it. first year after doing so i was upset that "nobody kept in touch outside of the fb platform". much later, i am grateful they didnt, as I'm in a wildly different place in my life. I would not be where I am now had I not moved on from those toxic, enabling relationships. Obviously this is not the case for everyone, but I wanted to share my perspective. Mindblowing to me that parents allow use of the platform to children. when I was legally an adult I didn't possess the mental capacity to take a step back and question what I got out of the site, placing "importance of friendship and loyalty" above my own feelings. I cannot begin to fathom how the platform would have twisted my thinking, and relationships, and sense of self as a child or even teen. given the suspicion (or reality) that other relationships get devalued over time, won't the "relationship" with one's own ego/self image will get devalued as well with continued use? I hope there is some way to educate children and teens about the mental/social/behavioral implications of using social media -- or even different levels of involvement. but I don't know if that should be in school syllabus or the responsibility of the parents. perhaps both? My post got longer than intended, sorry! I am very passionate about the subject
nitemice 9y ago
I would have quit Facebook years ago, apart from the need for Messenger and the Events system. Sure, people you knew years ago might be on Facebook, but people you currently know are also there, and it's often the easiest way to coordinate an event or get in contact with people, because they actually bother to check it. I basically haven't used the feed part of Facebook in years, and I am happy to stay away.
- busterarm 9y ago
  You can disable your account and still use Messenger, you know. That's what I'm doing. Hopefully someday I can kill Messenger too.
- Chaebixi 9y ago
  If a decentralized social network like Mastodon can start supporting event planning, it might have a chance to gain ground against Facebook. That's really Facebook's only killer feature and unique value right now, IMHO. https://github.com/tootsuite/mastodon/issues/4179 https://github.com/tootsuite/mastodon/issues/4179
acjohnson55 9y ago
I personally use it quite a bit for keeping these relationships alive. I think Facebook is a great tool for that. I have contentious debates over ideas with people I know, but more importantly, with people a couple links away from me. It's been an extremely helpful bridge out of the filter bubble I'd probably otherwise inhabit. Of course, I'm not at all sure the benefits I've gotten have any resemblance to most peoples' experience on Facebook, and plenty of reason to believe that this isn't the case. And there's no way in hellllll I'd give my daughter a Messenger for Kids app.
- Erik816 9y ago
  Contentious public debates with people I barely know is exactly why I use Facebook less than I used to.
  - damal 9y ago
    It's far better concentrating that effort on something constructive like reading a book or taking part in a creative hobby. Social media is a time suck... I would go so far as describing it as a scourge on humanity.
    - acjohnson55 9y ago
      Would you consider participating in HN forums to be social media? I think it quite literally is that.
      - damal 9y ago
        Yes, the voting system makes it social media. It's not as manipulative as other websites, but it's for that reason I wouldn't class it as a discussion forum.
  - code_duck 9y ago
    Then, after you have a contentious public debate with someone you barely know, your actual friends and acquaintances on FB are repeatedly encouraged to go read the exchange. And since you were talking to that person so much, FB's algorithm reasons it means you must like them a lot, so your news feed starts telling you about everything the person you were arguing with is doing.
smt88 9y ago
I get a lot out of Facebook. I keep up with relatives, new babies, local events, and friends' movements (travel, moving, etc.) The problem is that many of these things just aren't posted anywhere else. There is a real impact on my life if I stop using it. I stop learning about the 3-4 events I attend every week, including pop-up restaurants, nonprofit gatherings, and concerts. I stop knowing about major life events for the 100+ people I care about, but can't text every week saying, "What's new?" It may not have much value to you, but you're one person arguing against 1B+ other people. There's a high chance you just don't use it like most people or don't care about the same things.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
dsnuh 9y ago
I think people forget that it is natural and necessary to have friendships that end or change. You don't need to know everyone your entire life.
- pbhjpbhj 9y ago
  But there's utility in a wide-field of acquaintances. It's not needed, you can live on an island by yourself after all, some will find the utility is not worth the cost.
  - dsnuh 9y ago
    But that's not my argument at all. You can have acquaintances. What I am trying to convey is that social media is turning real relationships into something more like the relationship with an acquaintance. If you can be "friends" with an acquaintance for extended periods of time and watch their lives, are they really acquaintances? What are they? It's a never ending High School Reunion. You have a passing interest in their lives, but in the end, do you really care? I think we are addicted to control, novelty, and distraction, and we are neglecting real social connections. Think about it. It started with call waiting. Now another party could preempt your conversation. Then there was the answering machine, you can time shift and screen your calls. Next it was pagers. Page me, and I will return the call at my leisure. Then cell phones. Anyone can call anytime! But that is too intrusive so everyone starts texting. Texting is not conducive to real human interaction. We need to hear each other, we need to be near and see facial expressions. We are losing part of our humanity. I hesitate to call my own mother now without texting first. I hate that.
RpFLCL 9y ago
I second this notion. It's amazing how, even on a technically literate forum like HN, the posters around here make the same arguments that they /need/ FB to stay connected. Im five years clean from FB and have never looked back. It is absolutely possible to maintain communication with friends and family without Mr Zuckerberg's spy system. I encourage those of you who think it's a necessity to please try to spend even a few months off of it. We'll never escape our dystopia when even those who understand the dangers refuse to put down the social network drug. FB distorts how you perceive the world, including how you perceive a possible life without it.
- chiefofgxbxl 9y ago
  > please try to spend even a few months off of it I'll place extra emphasis on this, for those that are hesitant. Just give it a try for a few months, and if you want to go back that is always an option. Right in time for New Year's Resolutions: go "Facebook free" for a whole 30 days. If it's not for you, that's fine, re-install / re-activate and there wasn't much to lose. But you can't know the alternatives without trying! I quit Facebook years back because I somehow just realized that it provided no value to me. Keeping in contact with my real friends was something that could either be done in person, by text message, email, etc. Then add on top of that a lot of content is just noise, rather than wholesome original thought. Original posts are down... more people are just re-sharing crap from large groups. IMO Facebook is just a glorified, yet heavily stripped down, email client that allows people you didn't directly message to be dragged in too. I think people by-and-large see Facebook as something larger and more praise-worthy than it actually is. There is a lot of mainstream hype around the platform that is strange from someone like me on the outside (because I quit). Maybe it is mystical because it's a story of a college student becoming a billionaire so quickly, and it gives people the impression that if someone so young got so much money in such a short amount of time, then the platform must be that good.
- ben_jones 9y ago
  I need alcohol to have fun Bad! I need drugs to be happy Bad! I need Facebook to stay connected! (and thus be happy and have fun) No problem!
- 9y ago
point78 9y ago
Old buddies you barely know of is so true... like 90% of friends on there...
wybiral 9y ago
Same here. But different people value different things out of relationships. I prefer to have a handful of people close to me and don't seek out daily updates on everyone else. In fact, I enjoy running into those people or meeting up with them periodically even more because then they can tell me everything they've been going through in person. To me that's more fun than getting a stream of micro updates on everyone.
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
dsnuh 9y ago
I find myself thinking about the effects of social media on humans. I feel we entered The Button Age. Want a pizza? Hit this button. Want to get groceries delivered? Want to watch a movie? Hit a button. Want to show you care about some cause or event? Hit a button. Want to reward your brain with dopamine and feed your narcissistic behaviors by pretending that viewing a curated timeline of people's "lives" is friendship? Happy Birthday, press the button. We are perpetuating a simulacron of human relationship.
- trophycase 9y ago
  I call it the "Orgasmic Blob" theory. You just sit around in some VR world while robots do everything
  - dsnuh 9y ago
    While I love sci-fi as much as the average HN user, this is not going to happen. At least unless you are fortunate enough to be part of the .01% that will be in control of the resources by that time. This is First World narcissism. We can't figure out how to feed everyone, but one day, when we finally make it, we can all blob around and livestream our lives while the robots take care of the drudgery. Hell, maybe someone on HN right now is working on Twitch for human behavior right now. The future's so bright I gotta wear shades.
- vinay427 9y ago
  I suspect this is why my attention span decreased significantly after extensively interacting with these websites for several years. I find a reduced ability to read books (of any kind), among other tasks over a longer time span. Longform pieces, such as books in particular, do at least force us to invest in the long term for a reward at the end, rather than near-instant gratification.
  - dsnuh 9y ago
    I find it almost impossible to finish a book now. Of course, my life is much busier than when I was younger, but I think it is not just that. We are losing our ability to pay attention to anything longer than the news cycle. For example - Whatever happened in Vegas? So many unanswered questions about the worst shooting in American history, and it disappears from the news and public consciousness after what, 9 days? It's sad.
ziikutv 9y ago
Same but when I needed to work on an app for work, I had to create a profile and eventually got blocked until I uploaded my drivers license. Still, my account is blocked. Mark is truly an asshole
- smashingfiasco 9y ago
  I tried to make account named "Chip Ahouy" for this same purpose, but the sign up form told me it wasnt a real name. It was brutal.
mattfrommars 9y ago
My reason to use Facebook is to communicate with local businesses. They are not responsive on emails and calling them seem to much a hassle. I use it for purely 'commercial' purpose and not remotely close of gaining information about what's going on on the world. One other reason for me just 'having' it oppose to using it, it I just moved into a new city. It's, I think, a good way to have them added on the platform to get to know them. I agree with you letting old buddies let go. I see, only communication worth keeping is via instant messaging, such as Telegram & Whatsapp. A good way to talk and let me know what's on with their life instead of having a constant feed. It remove the surprise factor along with things to talk about during instant messaging.
- beeskneecaps 9y ago
  I would check out this app called “the telephone”. They say it was invented in 1876 and that local businesses answer them. When I use the app, I receive near instant feedback. There is even full-duplex voice recognition.
  - mattfrommars 9y ago
    I didn't articulate my post correctly. Local businesses, always call. Social events, I always contact via online media. Usually, Facebook.
  - rock_hard 9y ago
    I hate phone calls! It’s worse than any notification I have ever gotten. Additionally the only calls I get these days are spam anyways :( It baffles me that we ever thought it’s acceptable for any person to just call you whenever they pleased...it’s such a intrusive and awkward medium. I would never go back to that and 100% happy with Facebook, email, etc
    - pvdebbe 9y ago
      Protip: you can call businesses but you don't have to answer any calls from numbers you don't know or approve. This is a nice balance that I maintain. I used to be phone-shy but at some point I just realised that it's usually the fastest way to get the answers or service I look for.
himalayan_yak 9y ago
I think lots of HN readers here are missing perspectives from Facebook users in 'third' world countries, where there aren't a lots of alternatives for information sharing and discovery. As someone who grew up in one of those countries, I found Facebook incredibly useful to find alumni of my high school in US universities and ask them questions on how they got here (LinkedIn was not a thing then). There weren't, and still aren't, any alumni network or guidance counselor. I didn't even know where to begin (say to Google things). This is, of course, just one use case but the point is that Facebook does provide value to some people. Back home, for many people of generation before the internet, it is the only way they stay in touch with their several kins on other countries. We can debate about what 'value' / 'meaning' it adds to their lives. But that is a separate conversation. And yes, there are concerns about privacy. But that is the tradeoff you make in life.
- onboardram 9y ago
  I am personally from one of those third-world countries (India) and in my experience, it's easier to stop using Facebook here since the social fabric is already strong enough that you don't really need Facebook to be able to stay in connection with people. I quit Facebook half a decade years ago when I was 16 and haven't had to use it again. People used to have social connections before Facebook came around and the methods to form and maintain those connections aren't dead yet since there is a large portion of population who never started using Facebook (my parents, for instance.
- em3rgent0rdr 9y ago
  If you are in a field of work which requires self-promotion, then Facebook is extremely useful, and empowering, because you can promote yourself without a middleman. There's plenty other positives about facebook. It allows more convient and efficent ways of communication, networking, and sharing that honestly didn't exist before. To me the fundamental problem of Facebook is not computer-facilitated social networking, but rather that it is run on proprietary centralized servers by a for-profit corporation.
Nydhal 9y ago
Live very far away from parents, family and friends. They don't use other options. Not worth it to convince them all to switch.
joejerryronnie 9y ago
I haven't logged into my facebook account in at least five years and I don't miss it one bit. The thing that pushed me over the edge was when I received an enthusiastic happy birthday from a girl I went to high school with. She was a couple of years older than me and I realized she had never spoken a single word to me in real life. For some reason this seemed so wrong and twisted and ended up being the straw that broke the social media camel's back for me. If I want to speak with someone, I just reach out directly now.
- pferde 9y ago
  Perhaps she couldn't muster the courage to talk to you the entire high school, and when she finally tried to connect with you, you blew her away. The poor girl must be devastated... Seriously, though, this happens to many people on facebook. A devaluation of interpersonal relationships.
- sincerely 9y ago
  No disrespect intended but why would you add a friend you've never spoken to??
iliaznk 9y ago
I'm having a very strong déjà vu right now. I've seen this very thread under any recent Facebook-related post.
Angostura 9y ago
I don’t use it for talking with ‘friends’. I find the groups dedicated to my local neighbourhood and clubs really useful though (can anyone recommend a plumber, has anyone seen my cat, there’s a planning consultation coming up)
jamix 9y ago
Exactly. I quit Facebook about a month ago, not missing it one bit. Never used Instagram really, WhatsApp is soon to follow.
- busterarm 9y ago
  Same. I had quit some years ago but that lasted only six months and I went back. Think it'll stick this time. I use/abuse Twitter and Instagram though. I'm not nearly as glued to them as a Facebook feed though and they've actually provided real value/connections to me.
bagacrap 9y ago
Lots of social groups I'm a part of use fb for discussion and event coordination. There's no way to make other people use email or slack or whatever your favorite tool is; the only two options are FB and non participation.

acover 9y ago

It is a red flag to not have social media

R_haterade 9y ago
Maybe in clownworld.
deschainz 9y ago
Yeah dude... what? How is it a red flag?
satori99 9y ago
It is? I have no social media accounts at all and never have. I thought the very idea of facebook was creepy when it launched and I've not changed my mind since. Who will I be flagged by?
- acover 9y ago
  It's just been my experience. I'm probably wrong. 9 of 10 people my age have it [1]. Facebook provides a public log of years of your posts. A quick way to get to know someone. To figure out if you should trust them. It's far from perfect but neither are social security numbers. Services like Airbnb's use your account to verify you aren't a spammer. I have heard of landlords and employers asking for it as well. If you don't have it you are undefined. [1] - http://www.pewinternet.org/2016/11/11/social-media-update-2016/ http://www.pewinternet.org/2016/11/11/social-media-update-20...
  - gehwartzen 9y ago
    the problem of course is that if everyone perceives it as a platform by which their character will be judged they self censure the content they post.
- systoll 9y ago
  You have at least one social media account, https://news.ycombinator.com/user?id=satori99 https://news.ycombinator.com/user?id=satori99
  - satori99 9y ago
    Yeah, but my name is not satori99 and HN doesn't care :)
keyboardhitter 9y ago
I personally consider "active and/or daily Facebook/social media use" (e.g. mindless scrolling as escapism, intense FOMO fueling continued use, or a desire to uphold sense of identity) a red flag. to each their own.
krisdol 9y ago
In 2009 maybe. If anything it's "trendy" now to quit social media.
snvzz 9y ago
I'd never hire someone who has a facebook account.
- cdancette 9y ago
  While I don't agree with the parent comment, this seems a bit extreme.
  - acover 9y ago
    I'm not saying I treat it as a red flag. I'm saying there are people that do. For better or worse.
    - snvzz 9y ago
      That was also my intent. Don't go create a fb account to be employable, now.
- skj 9y ago
  Know how I know you don't hire people?
- crpatino 9y ago
  Good for you, I am sure you have saved thousands of dollars per year on time thieves. Sadly, programmers are an unrully bunch, and your employees surely find other ways to procrastinate and loose time on your dime, but at least they become more interesting human beings while doing so. ;)
ben_jones 9y ago
Why the downvotes? This is a valid discussion topic. I recently went on a date where the girl told me she nearly had a panic attack when she couldn't find me on Facebook or anywhere else while waiting at the venue. Given we had met briefly at a bar only a week before the check was warranted (IMO), and given the positioning of Facebook in her life and many others, it was the tool she relied on and was disarrayed by. Sure my case is anecdotal but I do not believe it is unique. Facebook has forced itself to be a single point of failure in parts of our culture, they did it intentionally to make money, and we should acknowledge it.
- acover 9y ago
  I've been sent side eyed chloe. Thank you. I think the downvotes are because I didn't elaborate. Making it hard to understand what I was saying if you haven't experienced it.

deleted 9y ago

[deleted]

osrec 9y ago

> What’s the real need here? Old buddies you barely know of? Let them go. I really like this attitude (not being sarcastic). People seem to think Facebook is a great way to keep in touch. I think it's a great way to waste your time, and slowly devalue your relationships.

pitaa 9y ago
Agreed. I have effectively quit Facebook: I log on once a year to reconnect with people I never talk to anymore, and subsequently remember exactly why it is that I never talk to them anymore!
smt88 9y ago
It's both a great way to keep in touch and also a great way to waste time. It's a useful communication/relationship tool buried in layers of addictive signaling and ads.
keyboardhitter 9y ago
I agree. in my opinion, i believe it may also enable unhealthy relationship patterns, or stunt emotional growth; things that may not have originated had the user never engaged. sadly, not engaging is stigmatized too, complicating matters especially for young ones concerned about their impression. for example, when i used fb for a time it bothered me that there was stigma against "unfriending". I would frequently make new accounts and remember feeling guilt for doing so. Eventually ditched it permanently about 5 years ago. Friends from my mid 20s seemed to keep it around as entertainment (waiting for others to embarrass themselves in everyday updates, trolling groups, stalking for conversation topics) and self comparison. they claimed, "we only use it ironically lol" and no longer planned events through it, shared photos or life stories, etc. It was gross and I feared I'd become a target when I had the account. I used to check my feed just to make sure I was still "cool" with everyone. I was bullied as a child and went through emotional trauma so sadly I was a great target for an all-day everyday user. Eventually I couldn't handle the pressure, and disagreed with fb's 'vision' (ads) and privacy policies so I refused to use it. first year after doing so i was upset that "nobody kept in touch outside of the fb platform". much later, i am grateful they didnt, as I'm in a wildly different place in my life. I would not be where I am now had I not moved on from those toxic, enabling relationships. Obviously this is not the case for everyone, but I wanted to share my perspective. Mindblowing to me that parents allow use of the platform to children. when I was legally an adult I didn't possess the mental capacity to take a step back and question what I got out of the site, placing "importance of friendship and loyalty" above my own feelings. I cannot begin to fathom how the platform would have twisted my thinking, and relationships, and sense of self as a child or even teen. given the suspicion (or reality) that other relationships get devalued over time, won't the "relationship" with one's own ego/self image will get devalued as well with continued use? I hope there is some way to educate children and teens about the mental/social/behavioral implications of using social media -- or even different levels of involvement. but I don't know if that should be in school syllabus or the responsibility of the parents. perhaps both? My post got longer than intended, sorry! I am very passionate about the subject

nitemice 9y ago

I would have quit Facebook years ago, apart from the need for Messenger and the Events system. Sure, people you knew years ago might be on Facebook, but people you currently know are also there, and it's often the easiest way to coordinate an event or get in contact with people, because they actually bother to check it. I basically haven't used the feed part of Facebook in years, and I am happy to stay away.

busterarm 9y ago
You can disable your account and still use Messenger, you know. That's what I'm doing. Hopefully someday I can kill Messenger too.
Chaebixi 9y ago
If a decentralized social network like Mastodon can start supporting event planning, it might have a chance to gain ground against Facebook. That's really Facebook's only killer feature and unique value right now, IMHO. https://github.com/tootsuite/mastodon/issues/4179 https://github.com/tootsuite/mastodon/issues/4179

acjohnson55 9y ago

I personally use it quite a bit for keeping these relationships alive. I think Facebook is a great tool for that. I have contentious debates over ideas with people I know, but more importantly, with people a couple links away from me. It's been an extremely helpful bridge out of the filter bubble I'd probably otherwise inhabit. Of course, I'm not at all sure the benefits I've gotten have any resemblance to most peoples' experience on Facebook, and plenty of reason to believe that this isn't the case. And there's no way in hellllll I'd give my daughter a Messenger for Kids app.

Erik816 9y ago
Contentious public debates with people I barely know is exactly why I use Facebook less than I used to.
- damal 9y ago
  It's far better concentrating that effort on something constructive like reading a book or taking part in a creative hobby. Social media is a time suck... I would go so far as describing it as a scourge on humanity.
  - acjohnson55 9y ago
    Would you consider participating in HN forums to be social media? I think it quite literally is that.
    - damal 9y ago
      Yes, the voting system makes it social media. It's not as manipulative as other websites, but it's for that reason I wouldn't class it as a discussion forum.
- code_duck 9y ago
  Then, after you have a contentious public debate with someone you barely know, your actual friends and acquaintances on FB are repeatedly encouraged to go read the exchange. And since you were talking to that person so much, FB's algorithm reasons it means you must like them a lot, so your news feed starts telling you about everything the person you were arguing with is doing.

smt88 9y ago

I get a lot out of Facebook. I keep up with relatives, new babies, local events, and friends' movements (travel, moving, etc.) The problem is that many of these things just aren't posted anywhere else. There is a real impact on my life if I stop using it. I stop learning about the 3-4 events I attend every week, including pop-up restaurants, nonprofit gatherings, and concerts. I stop knowing about major life events for the 100+ people I care about, but can't text every week saying, "What's new?" It may not have much value to you, but you're one person arguing against 1B+ other people. There's a high chance you just don't use it like most people or don't care about the same things.

deleted 9y ago
[deleted]

dsnuh 9y ago

I think people forget that it is natural and necessary to have friendships that end or change. You don't need to know everyone your entire life.

pbhjpbhj 9y ago
But there's utility in a wide-field of acquaintances. It's not needed, you can live on an island by yourself after all, some will find the utility is not worth the cost.
- dsnuh 9y ago
  But that's not my argument at all. You can have acquaintances. What I am trying to convey is that social media is turning real relationships into something more like the relationship with an acquaintance. If you can be "friends" with an acquaintance for extended periods of time and watch their lives, are they really acquaintances? What are they? It's a never ending High School Reunion. You have a passing interest in their lives, but in the end, do you really care? I think we are addicted to control, novelty, and distraction, and we are neglecting real social connections. Think about it. It started with call waiting. Now another party could preempt your conversation. Then there was the answering machine, you can time shift and screen your calls. Next it was pagers. Page me, and I will return the call at my leisure. Then cell phones. Anyone can call anytime! But that is too intrusive so everyone starts texting. Texting is not conducive to real human interaction. We need to hear each other, we need to be near and see facial expressions. We are losing part of our humanity. I hesitate to call my own mother now without texting first. I hate that.

RpFLCL 9y ago

I second this notion. It's amazing how, even on a technically literate forum like HN, the posters around here make the same arguments that they /need/ FB to stay connected. Im five years clean from FB and have never looked back. It is absolutely possible to maintain communication with friends and family without Mr Zuckerberg's spy system. I encourage those of you who think it's a necessity to please try to spend even a few months off of it. We'll never escape our dystopia when even those who understand the dangers refuse to put down the social network drug. FB distorts how you perceive the world, including how you perceive a possible life without it.

chiefofgxbxl 9y ago
> please try to spend even a few months off of it I'll place extra emphasis on this, for those that are hesitant. Just give it a try for a few months, and if you want to go back that is always an option. Right in time for New Year's Resolutions: go "Facebook free" for a whole 30 days. If it's not for you, that's fine, re-install / re-activate and there wasn't much to lose. But you can't know the alternatives without trying! I quit Facebook years back because I somehow just realized that it provided no value to me. Keeping in contact with my real friends was something that could either be done in person, by text message, email, etc. Then add on top of that a lot of content is just noise, rather than wholesome original thought. Original posts are down... more people are just re-sharing crap from large groups. IMO Facebook is just a glorified, yet heavily stripped down, email client that allows people you didn't directly message to be dragged in too. I think people by-and-large see Facebook as something larger and more praise-worthy than it actually is. There is a lot of mainstream hype around the platform that is strange from someone like me on the outside (because I quit). Maybe it is mystical because it's a story of a college student becoming a billionaire so quickly, and it gives people the impression that if someone so young got so much money in such a short amount of time, then the platform must be that good.
ben_jones 9y ago
I need alcohol to have fun Bad! I need drugs to be happy Bad! I need Facebook to stay connected! (and thus be happy and have fun) No problem!
9y ago

point78 9y ago

Old buddies you barely know of is so true... like 90% of friends on there...

wybiral 9y ago

Same here. But different people value different things out of relationships. I prefer to have a handful of people close to me and don't seek out daily updates on everyone else. In fact, I enjoy running into those people or meeting up with them periodically even more because then they can tell me everything they've been going through in person. To me that's more fun than getting a stream of micro updates on everyone.

deleted 9y ago

[deleted]

dsnuh 9y ago

I find myself thinking about the effects of social media on humans. I feel we entered The Button Age. Want a pizza? Hit this button. Want to get groceries delivered? Want to watch a movie? Hit a button. Want to show you care about some cause or event? Hit a button. Want to reward your brain with dopamine and feed your narcissistic behaviors by pretending that viewing a curated timeline of people's "lives" is friendship? Happy Birthday, press the button. We are perpetuating a simulacron of human relationship.

trophycase 9y ago
I call it the "Orgasmic Blob" theory. You just sit around in some VR world while robots do everything
- dsnuh 9y ago
  While I love sci-fi as much as the average HN user, this is not going to happen. At least unless you are fortunate enough to be part of the .01% that will be in control of the resources by that time. This is First World narcissism. We can't figure out how to feed everyone, but one day, when we finally make it, we can all blob around and livestream our lives while the robots take care of the drudgery. Hell, maybe someone on HN right now is working on Twitch for human behavior right now. The future's so bright I gotta wear shades.
vinay427 9y ago
I suspect this is why my attention span decreased significantly after extensively interacting with these websites for several years. I find a reduced ability to read books (of any kind), among other tasks over a longer time span. Longform pieces, such as books in particular, do at least force us to invest in the long term for a reward at the end, rather than near-instant gratification.
- dsnuh 9y ago
  I find it almost impossible to finish a book now. Of course, my life is much busier than when I was younger, but I think it is not just that. We are losing our ability to pay attention to anything longer than the news cycle. For example - Whatever happened in Vegas? So many unanswered questions about the worst shooting in American history, and it disappears from the news and public consciousness after what, 9 days? It's sad.

ziikutv 9y ago

Same but when I needed to work on an app for work, I had to create a profile and eventually got blocked until I uploaded my drivers license. Still, my account is blocked. Mark is truly an asshole

smashingfiasco 9y ago
I tried to make account named "Chip Ahouy" for this same purpose, but the sign up form told me it wasnt a real name. It was brutal.

mattfrommars 9y ago

My reason to use Facebook is to communicate with local businesses. They are not responsive on emails and calling them seem to much a hassle. I use it for purely 'commercial' purpose and not remotely close of gaining information about what's going on on the world. One other reason for me just 'having' it oppose to using it, it I just moved into a new city. It's, I think, a good way to have them added on the platform to get to know them. I agree with you letting old buddies let go. I see, only communication worth keeping is via instant messaging, such as Telegram & Whatsapp. A good way to talk and let me know what's on with their life instead of having a constant feed. It remove the surprise factor along with things to talk about during instant messaging.

beeskneecaps 9y ago
I would check out this app called “the telephone”. They say it was invented in 1876 and that local businesses answer them. When I use the app, I receive near instant feedback. There is even full-duplex voice recognition.
- mattfrommars 9y ago
  I didn't articulate my post correctly. Local businesses, always call. Social events, I always contact via online media. Usually, Facebook.
- rock_hard 9y ago
  I hate phone calls! It’s worse than any notification I have ever gotten. Additionally the only calls I get these days are spam anyways :( It baffles me that we ever thought it’s acceptable for any person to just call you whenever they pleased...it’s such a intrusive and awkward medium. I would never go back to that and 100% happy with Facebook, email, etc
  - pvdebbe 9y ago
    Protip: you can call businesses but you don't have to answer any calls from numbers you don't know or approve. This is a nice balance that I maintain. I used to be phone-shy but at some point I just realised that it's usually the fastest way to get the answers or service I look for.

himalayan_yak 9y ago

I think lots of HN readers here are missing perspectives from Facebook users in 'third' world countries, where there aren't a lots of alternatives for information sharing and discovery. As someone who grew up in one of those countries, I found Facebook incredibly useful to find alumni of my high school in US universities and ask them questions on how they got here (LinkedIn was not a thing then). There weren't, and still aren't, any alumni network or guidance counselor. I didn't even know where to begin (say to Google things). This is, of course, just one use case but the point is that Facebook does provide value to some people. Back home, for many people of generation before the internet, it is the only way they stay in touch with their several kins on other countries. We can debate about what 'value' / 'meaning' it adds to their lives. But that is a separate conversation. And yes, there are concerns about privacy. But that is the tradeoff you make in life.

onboardram 9y ago
I am personally from one of those third-world countries (India) and in my experience, it's easier to stop using Facebook here since the social fabric is already strong enough that you don't really need Facebook to be able to stay in connection with people. I quit Facebook half a decade years ago when I was 16 and haven't had to use it again. People used to have social connections before Facebook came around and the methods to form and maintain those connections aren't dead yet since there is a large portion of population who never started using Facebook (my parents, for instance.
em3rgent0rdr 9y ago
If you are in a field of work which requires self-promotion, then Facebook is extremely useful, and empowering, because you can promote yourself without a middleman. There's plenty other positives about facebook. It allows more convient and efficent ways of communication, networking, and sharing that honestly didn't exist before. To me the fundamental problem of Facebook is not computer-facilitated social networking, but rather that it is run on proprietary centralized servers by a for-profit corporation.

Nydhal 9y ago

Live very far away from parents, family and friends. They don't use other options. Not worth it to convince them all to switch.

joejerryronnie 9y ago

I haven't logged into my facebook account in at least five years and I don't miss it one bit. The thing that pushed me over the edge was when I received an enthusiastic happy birthday from a girl I went to high school with. She was a couple of years older than me and I realized she had never spoken a single word to me in real life. For some reason this seemed so wrong and twisted and ended up being the straw that broke the social media camel's back for me. If I want to speak with someone, I just reach out directly now.

pferde 9y ago
Perhaps she couldn't muster the courage to talk to you the entire high school, and when she finally tried to connect with you, you blew her away. The poor girl must be devastated... Seriously, though, this happens to many people on facebook. A devaluation of interpersonal relationships.
sincerely 9y ago
No disrespect intended but why would you add a friend you've never spoken to??

iliaznk 9y ago

I'm having a very strong déjà vu right now. I've seen this very thread under any recent Facebook-related post.

Angostura 9y ago

I don’t use it for talking with ‘friends’. I find the groups dedicated to my local neighbourhood and clubs really useful though (can anyone recommend a plumber, has anyone seen my cat, there’s a planning consultation coming up)

jamix 9y ago

Exactly. I quit Facebook about a month ago, not missing it one bit. Never used Instagram really, WhatsApp is soon to follow.

busterarm 9y ago
Same. I had quit some years ago but that lasted only six months and I went back. Think it'll stick this time. I use/abuse Twitter and Instagram though. I'm not nearly as glued to them as a Facebook feed though and they've actually provided real value/connections to me.

bagacrap 9y ago

Lots of social groups I'm a part of use fb for discussion and event coordination. There's no way to make other people use email or slack or whatever your favorite tool is; the only two options are FB and non participation.