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I grew up in Mexico, where extended family is usually part of one's daily life. Upon moving to the States, I first experienced freedom. Extended family provides

I grew up in Mexico, where extended family is usually part of one's daily life. Upon moving to the States, I first experienced freedom. Extended family provides joy, companionship, and support, but it also can create worry, anxiety, and the feeling that you must support them emotionally and there's a need, financially too. Not unlike having a big group of friends. After coming to the US I understood that being alone, freeing yourself from the extended family brings focus to your work. No longer do you have to worry about this big group of people; you can start thinking about just yourself, your work, and your schedule. A nuclear family could be a worry too, but it is something that's perhaps more predictable, as the group is more homogeneous and close to you. After a few years, I started noticing the loneliness. First as overwhelming silence, which at first I enjoyed because I'm an introvert. Then it became obvious to me that most people have simple life problems that could be so easily solved with a big support network. Can someone care for my kids today? Or my pets for a few days? In an extended family situation, you can find someone that would gladly do that for you. They want to see your kids, they know your pets. Are you feeling really sick? Someone from your family will drop by and make sure you have something to eat. These things create a feeling that "someone out there cares for you" that is unmatched even by friends. You wouldn't want to burden your friends. And perhaps your friends will offer to help, but it's nothing like the unconditional support offered by the extended family. Your friends will usually be of your same age, and thus facing the same challenges in life. Your extended family will include retirees, homemakers, and other people with free time that are always willing to trade time for companionship. And once you reach old age, you will do the same for your younger relatives.

iamcasen 9y ago
So true, I've come full circle on this myself. The issue for me personally though is that my family is not all that welcoming or supportive.
b_t_s 9y ago
totally agree. My wife comes from that sort of background. We're both super jealous of her older sister who lives with husband, kids, grandparents, and a couple aunts/uncles/cousins. She is going back to college, never has to cook a meal, and always has someone to watch the kids on a moments notice. By contrast my wife works harder as a stay at home mom and is generally more stressed and depressed here in the states. No amount of effort spent joining groups and arranging playdates even comes close replacing the casual socialization and miscellaneous bits of support that happens naturally in an extended family.

iamcasen 9y ago

So true, I've come full circle on this myself. The issue for me personally though is that my family is not all that welcoming or supportive.

b_t_s 9y ago

totally agree. My wife comes from that sort of background. We're both super jealous of her older sister who lives with husband, kids, grandparents, and a couple aunts/uncles/cousins. She is going back to college, never has to cook a meal, and always has someone to watch the kids on a moments notice. By contrast my wife works harder as a stay at home mom and is generally more stressed and depressed here in the states. No amount of effort spent joining groups and arranging playdates even comes close replacing the casual socialization and miscellaneous bits of support that happens naturally in an extended family.