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I'm not sure what you mean by "whose job it is to help." In what sense is it your job? Were you asked to help? If so, by all means do your best, and be grateful

I'm not sure what you mean by "whose job it is to help." In what sense is it your job? Were you asked to help? If so, by all means do your best, and be grateful that you are trusted. If not, I would recommend asking "is there something I can do to help" and really listening to the answer. In my own experience, the people I love offer me support in many ways. Sometimes they listen to me when I'm having a bad day. Sometimes they ask if I want to go to the gym with them. Sometimes they just check in with me so I know they're there. Those are all kind things, and I appreciate them. But there are two caveats: 1. Those are people I love, not strangers on the internet. They have earned my trust and my attention and consideration. It's not impossible to do that to some extent as a stranger on the internet, but the way to start is by listening and asking questions, not by prescribing things. 2. Even when offering help, my friends are mindful of my feelings. There is a world of difference between "hey, do you want to go to the gym with me?" and "you seem depressed, you should try exercising." The former is an offer of companionship and encouragement. The latter is an alienating statement ("I can tell that there is something wrong with you") and an invitation to self-consciousness and guilt. I guess what I am saying is: most people who are depressed have probably already considered the possibility that diet, exercise, and therapy might help. Before you recommend those things, you should consider whether the circumstances really make you the right person to offer that advice.

sp3000 9y ago
I never said it was my job, but I know people whose job it is to help (though as someone who is planning to match to a psychiatry residency this coming year, my job will be to help people with depression, among other things). You are right in that when offering advice one needs to be mindful in how they frame it, something that I find much easier to do in person than in an anonymous online forum, hence me not able to consider your personal circumstances when giving general advice. You, an individual commenting on Hacker News, might have already considered that diet, exercise, mindfulness and therapy might actually help, but believe me, many people out there don't consider these factors and don't know the overwhelming scientific evidence out there showing their benefit. In fact, the author of the blog post that we are commenting on himself said it took him a while to get around to therapy. Sometimes it takes uncomfortable prodding to get people to do things. Like I said, it doesn't work for everyone, but it has for enough people that I will always make sure to recommend it and make sure eating healthy and having an active lifestyle is something that is prioritized because the myriad of benefits it provides.
- throwaway5650 9y ago
  Do you see value to asking if a person wants help before offering advice? Is that something you usually do?
  - sp3000 9y ago
    Of course I see the value to asking a person if they want help before offering advice. I don't go around telling random people around me to go exercise and meditate more. I don't even tell that to friends who I suspect might benefit from it. When I am on an internet forum talking about mental health, I do bring it up because the context seemed perfectly fine. I also bring up those topics when I am having conversations about health, which I have regularly, but in a very general manner... like recently with a friend I had a conversation about how mindfulness seems to be a very effective way to manage emotions and was asking for feedback on ways to make it more appealing to people. Do you see the value in advocating people prioritize their diet, sleep habits, exercise, and mindfulness more (while also trying to provide tangible ways they can do that)? Do you see the value in making it seem OK for people to go seek out therapy, and "normalizing" conversations about it? Because I notice there is still this ridiculous stigma many people have when it comes to seeking help for mental health, which prevents people from doing so, or even having conversations about it. And having a conversation about it is all I am trying to do here. I hope you have noticed that throughout this discussion I never gave my advice to you or anyone else on how they should deal with their depression.

sp3000 9y ago

I never said it was my job, but I know people whose job it is to help (though as someone who is planning to match to a psychiatry residency this coming year, my job will be to help people with depression, among other things). You are right in that when offering advice one needs to be mindful in how they frame it, something that I find much easier to do in person than in an anonymous online forum, hence me not able to consider your personal circumstances when giving general advice. You, an individual commenting on Hacker News, might have already considered that diet, exercise, mindfulness and therapy might actually help, but believe me, many people out there don't consider these factors and don't know the overwhelming scientific evidence out there showing their benefit. In fact, the author of the blog post that we are commenting on himself said it took him a while to get around to therapy. Sometimes it takes uncomfortable prodding to get people to do things. Like I said, it doesn't work for everyone, but it has for enough people that I will always make sure to recommend it and make sure eating healthy and having an active lifestyle is something that is prioritized because the myriad of benefits it provides.

throwaway5650 9y ago
Do you see value to asking if a person wants help before offering advice? Is that something you usually do?
- sp3000 9y ago
  Of course I see the value to asking a person if they want help before offering advice. I don't go around telling random people around me to go exercise and meditate more. I don't even tell that to friends who I suspect might benefit from it. When I am on an internet forum talking about mental health, I do bring it up because the context seemed perfectly fine. I also bring up those topics when I am having conversations about health, which I have regularly, but in a very general manner... like recently with a friend I had a conversation about how mindfulness seems to be a very effective way to manage emotions and was asking for feedback on ways to make it more appealing to people. Do you see the value in advocating people prioritize their diet, sleep habits, exercise, and mindfulness more (while also trying to provide tangible ways they can do that)? Do you see the value in making it seem OK for people to go seek out therapy, and "normalizing" conversations about it? Because I notice there is still this ridiculous stigma many people have when it comes to seeking help for mental health, which prevents people from doing so, or even having conversations about it. And having a conversation about it is all I am trying to do here. I hope you have noticed that throughout this discussion I never gave my advice to you or anyone else on how they should deal with their depression.