3 ms·

An observation about hermits... If one skips sexual companionship, you get the 27-year total isolation like Christopher Knight. However, if one allows that on

by jasode 9y ago

An observation about hermits... If one skips sexual companionship, you get the 27-year total isolation like Christopher Knight. However, if one allows that one activity of procreation, he can suddenly become a hermit hiding in plain sight that nobody calls a "hermit". An example of that would be my friend's dad. Because my home life wasn't always the most joyful, I spent a lot of time at my friend's house. His dad was a doctor so they had a big enough house where we could play and make noises without bothering the parents. Anyway, I noticed that his dad never went out with his buddies for golf or have colleagues over for drinks. He shared a private practice with 3 other doctors but they never came over. His only outings were walking to a nearby creek to fish with one of his kids. As another example, his dad would spend $100 for a pay-per-view boxing match but the only people watching was the 3 of us: his dad, my friend, and me. Many other guys that spend $$$ on a pay-per-view would use it as an event to invite all their friends to get maximum mileage out of it. Growing up around him, the repeated description was "he's extremely reserved" -- as in "yeah, my dad is extremely reserved and private". Now that I'm a lot older and share many of the same traits of extreme introversion, I can look back and sum up his disposition as "hermit in plain sight". Having a family fooled a lot of people. Instead of "hermit", you get more society-approved labels such as "dedicated family man".

pbhjpbhj 9y ago
I think when you say hermit you mean a recluse (and probably in the OP too), someone who separates themselves from society, if they do it for religious/philosophical reasons then I'd call them a hermit. Did your friends dad ever get invited to your own parents' house, did he go? Perhaps he just had no friends rather than choosing to be a recluse? I match the description you give of your friends dad quite well, except without the money. I've one friend who'll send a birthday card, none that will ring me and suggest we hang out; I try to do things for my children to encourage them not to fall in to my pattern (perhaps that's what the pay-per-view was, a treat for his son and you?). I like people, enjoy shared work to a common goal, get involved when I can with things like helping out at school clubs and Scout events (was previously a leader with Cub Scouts) but somehow things just don't really work; I have social anxieties that inhibit me contacting others but I think I can be reasonably good company. "Dedicated family men" seem entirely orthogonal to the matter at hand. To me it's an epithet - mostly used for dead people - to say they spent time with their kids and put them before other things like their career.
- dasil003 9y ago
  > To me it's an epithet - mostly used for dead people - to say they spent time with their kids and put them before other things like their career. It's an epithet to put your family before your career? Wow, I pity anyone who views life that way. Edit: Ah, didn't realize epithet could be non-negative, in that case it makes sense
  - dasmoth 9y ago
    "an adjective or phrase expressing a quality or attribute regarded as characteristic of the person or thing mentioned." Some epithets are negative. But certainly not all.
    - wavefunction 9y ago
      At least in the Homeric epics epithets were used as mnemonic devices for oral story-tellers and their audience to keep track of who was who, like 'swift-footed Achilles': https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epithets_in_Homer https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epithets_in_Homer Apparently the Greeks got this from earlier Indo-European traditions.
  - deleted 9y ago
    [deleted]
- munificent 9y ago
  > I have social anxieties that inhibit me contacting others but I think I can be reasonably good company. It's very difficult to take the first step, but a good therapist can really help. Cognitive behavioral therapy seems to be a promising style these days. If you have the desire to be around people more but something is holding you back, it is absolutely worth working to overcome that.

by jasode 9y ago

pbhjpbhj 9y ago

I think when you say hermit you mean a recluse (and probably in the OP too), someone who separates themselves from society, if they do it for religious/philosophical reasons then I'd call them a hermit. Did your friends dad ever get invited to your own parents' house, did he go? Perhaps he just had no friends rather than choosing to be a recluse? I match the description you give of your friends dad quite well, except without the money. I've one friend who'll send a birthday card, none that will ring me and suggest we hang out; I try to do things for my children to encourage them not to fall in to my pattern (perhaps that's what the pay-per-view was, a treat for his son and you?). I like people, enjoy shared work to a common goal, get involved when I can with things like helping out at school clubs and Scout events (was previously a leader with Cub Scouts) but somehow things just don't really work; I have social anxieties that inhibit me contacting others but I think I can be reasonably good company. "Dedicated family men" seem entirely orthogonal to the matter at hand. To me it's an epithet - mostly used for dead people - to say they spent time with their kids and put them before other things like their career.

dasil003 9y ago
> To me it's an epithet - mostly used for dead people - to say they spent time with their kids and put them before other things like their career. It's an epithet to put your family before your career? Wow, I pity anyone who views life that way. Edit: Ah, didn't realize epithet could be non-negative, in that case it makes sense
- dasmoth 9y ago
  "an adjective or phrase expressing a quality or attribute regarded as characteristic of the person or thing mentioned." Some epithets are negative. But certainly not all.
  - wavefunction 9y ago
    At least in the Homeric epics epithets were used as mnemonic devices for oral story-tellers and their audience to keep track of who was who, like 'swift-footed Achilles': https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epithets_in_Homer https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epithets_in_Homer Apparently the Greeks got this from earlier Indo-European traditions.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
munificent 9y ago
> I have social anxieties that inhibit me contacting others but I think I can be reasonably good company. It's very difficult to take the first step, but a good therapist can really help. Cognitive behavioral therapy seems to be a promising style these days. If you have the desire to be around people more but something is holding you back, it is absolutely worth working to overcome that.