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If you haven't already read How to Win Friends and Influence People, you definitely should.

ja27 16y ago
One of my bosses made a difficult coworker take a Dale Carnegie class. Afterward he said that it "changed his life." I thought it made him even creepier with the constant fake smile, eye contact and repetition of people's first name in conversation.
- rix0r 16y ago
  I agree. To me it sounds rather aggressive if people keep repeating my name while they already have my attention.
  - pbhjpbhj 16y ago
    I meet up to about 20 children a day (sometimes a lot more, often a lot of adults too, but more often more children) that I don't know and need to communicate with. The kids are generally 4-10 years old but, as I said, it can be all ages. I find that the children respond far better if I use their names when talking with them - but this is short snippets of talk (maybe 30s) with longer (20+min) gaps between. I always introduce my self by given-name and am surprised by how many of them remember me months later. Partly I use their names as an attempt to remember them, partly to ease any discomfort or reluctance they have communicating with me and partly because I find it awkward starting a conversation or getting someone's attention without using their name.
  - marilyn 16y ago
    When they remember your name 3 weeks later, how do you feel?
- billybob 16y ago
  I haven't taken a course, but have read (most of) "How to Win Friends and Influence People." While what you describe sounds creepy, there are good principles in there, and you don't have to take it so far. For example, he points out that most people never accept blame for anything. From CEOs to convicts, we generally blame our failures on circumstances or other people. So with this in mind, he gives ways of steering people away from errors without raising their self-defense mechanisms or forcing them to admit that they're wrong. After all, do you want to defeat and humiliate them, or do you want to help them? Indeed, the reason I liked the book was that generally, it DIDN'T seem fake. It encourages you to genuinely care about people. And says that, as it happens, this actually works better, too.
  - Goosey 16y ago
    I think that there is a (strange, in my opinion) backlash against any 'hacking' of our personalities when it is presented directly as such. If the book had been named 'The Study of Social Intercourse' or something less "sleazy" I doubt it would be a controversial book. My view is hacking your personality is no different then improving your coding skills. It is just another skill set and there are advantages that can be derived from improving it. And, as you point out, personality isn't something that can be directly changed.. Thats called 'faking it'. No, personality means changing deeper things, like learning to care for people (or learning to care for yourself). Plus... Compared to coding it is a skill set that is far more useful and influential (unless you get really lucky...)
- tomjen3 16y ago
  Yeah, that doesn't sound so smart - you just end up giving a dangerous man tools to be even more dangerous.
- username3 16y ago
  He's doing it on purpose or calibrating.

ja27 16y ago

One of my bosses made a difficult coworker take a Dale Carnegie class. Afterward he said that it "changed his life." I thought it made him even creepier with the constant fake smile, eye contact and repetition of people's first name in conversation.

rix0r 16y ago
I agree. To me it sounds rather aggressive if people keep repeating my name while they already have my attention.
- pbhjpbhj 16y ago
  I meet up to about 20 children a day (sometimes a lot more, often a lot of adults too, but more often more children) that I don't know and need to communicate with. The kids are generally 4-10 years old but, as I said, it can be all ages. I find that the children respond far better if I use their names when talking with them - but this is short snippets of talk (maybe 30s) with longer (20+min) gaps between. I always introduce my self by given-name and am surprised by how many of them remember me months later. Partly I use their names as an attempt to remember them, partly to ease any discomfort or reluctance they have communicating with me and partly because I find it awkward starting a conversation or getting someone's attention without using their name.
- marilyn 16y ago
  When they remember your name 3 weeks later, how do you feel?
billybob 16y ago
I haven't taken a course, but have read (most of) "How to Win Friends and Influence People." While what you describe sounds creepy, there are good principles in there, and you don't have to take it so far. For example, he points out that most people never accept blame for anything. From CEOs to convicts, we generally blame our failures on circumstances or other people. So with this in mind, he gives ways of steering people away from errors without raising their self-defense mechanisms or forcing them to admit that they're wrong. After all, do you want to defeat and humiliate them, or do you want to help them? Indeed, the reason I liked the book was that generally, it DIDN'T seem fake. It encourages you to genuinely care about people. And says that, as it happens, this actually works better, too.
- Goosey 16y ago
  I think that there is a (strange, in my opinion) backlash against any 'hacking' of our personalities when it is presented directly as such. If the book had been named 'The Study of Social Intercourse' or something less "sleazy" I doubt it would be a controversial book. My view is hacking your personality is no different then improving your coding skills. It is just another skill set and there are advantages that can be derived from improving it. And, as you point out, personality isn't something that can be directly changed.. Thats called 'faking it'. No, personality means changing deeper things, like learning to care for people (or learning to care for yourself). Plus... Compared to coding it is a skill set that is far more useful and influential (unless you get really lucky...)
tomjen3 16y ago
Yeah, that doesn't sound so smart - you just end up giving a dangerous man tools to be even more dangerous.
username3 16y ago
He's doing it on purpose or calibrating.