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My dad was in the Army Special Forces during Vietnam. He says "they" didn't like the term Green Berets and I don't remember why, it might have something to do w

My dad was in the Army Special Forces during Vietnam. He says "they" didn't like the term Green Berets and I don't remember why, it might have something to do with the song (which he also claims was not well liked) or the movie. I think he has a conflicted view of his time, he did not stay in the service afterwards and to this day I think he both regrets his participation in the war and is proud of it at the same time. I think war, and by extension the military allows people (mostly young men historically) to push themselves and put themselves in danger, forming some of the most memorable moments of their lives. The problem is this often goes with creating some of the most traumatic moments of their lives, and they are forever stuck with the juxtaposition of those memories. I've personally felt a longing for the former but not the latter and I wish there were more opportunities to gain those kinds of experiences and the camaraderie without having to do things you are morally opposed to. I've found myself looking into disaster relief work and things like that at times as an alternative but that might not be a realistic option at this point in my life.

mturmon 9y ago
"...he both regrets his participation in the war and is proud of it at the same time..." I used to hang out frequently with a Viet Nam vet (close-support artillery, not Special Forces, so a different kind of thing of course), and he'd drink heavily and sometimes his war experiences would come out - just anecdotes, nothing horrible. It was just as you describe. I don't think he even really wanted to talk about that stuff, but it left such a strong impression that he was compelled to.
- okreallywtf 9y ago
  He says a lot of the guys at the VA that he talks to say similar stuff, like no matter what bad things came out of it it was the most exciting time of their lives and in a lot of cases they wouldn't change it, even if they have regrets.
nradov 9y ago
Some people get the positive side of that experience in the Peace Corps. Much of their work in construction and education is like Army Special Forces without guns.
- snerbles 9y ago
  Peace Corps has a higher academic barrier of entry, requiring a four-year degree or certain specific skills. Much easier to enlist in the armed services, if you're reasonably fit.
- okreallywtf 9y ago
  I've considered that as well, I feel like my choice of education/career (cs/developer) could end up shoehorning me into some kind of infrastructure/IT/tech related roles but at the same time, do what you are good at? I should take another look at them though, thanks for the suggestion.
jonah 9y ago
> I wish there were more opportunities to gain those kinds of experiences and the camaraderie without having to do things you are morally opposed to. I recently joined my local Search and Rescue team. The opportunity popped up at just the right time for me and combines many things that I'm interested in while being of service to my community. The application process was fairly rigorous (under 10% acceptance rate) we then went through intensive training in a wide range of skills before being able to respond to calls. The team has a lot of cool toys, trains to high levels to maintain their certifications, has types of access to areas of the county that the public doesn't, is on call 24/7, and directly deals with the life and safety of individuals and the community at large. Depending on where you live, your local team might be something for you to look in to.
- Bulkington 9y ago
  Many, many communities still rely, at least in part, on volunteer firefighters. I know a number of former military guys that love it--provides that the risk/rush and camaraderie you're looking for. And it ain't a cakewalk. https://www.volunteerfd.org/become-a-volunteer-firefighter/ https://www.volunteerfd.org/become-a-volunteer-firefighter/
  - okreallywtf 9y ago
    Thats a good point, I was thinking about that and first responder. Where I grew up most people are actually served by volunteer fire departments (extremely rural, only the towns have full fire departments and they are low population). Any time there was any kind of fire or medical emergency volunteer firefighters and first responders were always there super fast even if regular emergency services were ~30 minutes away. My dad was actually a EMS/Paramedic for 20+ years and I think he feels similar about that to his military service. The long periods of boredom (low population rural area) followed by intense life and death situations mimics deployment/combat experience and if you have psychological issues related to wartime experience it can exacerbate it. At the same time, saving lives and helping people are extremely fond memories but when I was growing up I think the job was harder on him than he remembers these days.
- 9y ago
drawnwren 9y ago
Hemingway summarized it best, "There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter." It's hard not to bond over what might be the most difficult task you accomplish with a group of like minded individuals, but it's also impossible to not grapple with the morality of your situation.
cgh 9y ago
Get into climbing, specifically traditional climbing and alpinism. You get everything: danger, fear, awe, overwhelming sensory experiences, deep camaderie and a feeling that you've participated in something both meaningful and meaningless. Trust me, you won't regret it.
repeek 9y ago
While obviously not a substitute for actual military training or experience, I strongly recommend looking into a company called GORUCK [0] and their corresponding events. GORUCK events range in duration and distance (4-5 hours / 7-10 miles for Light, 10-12 hours / 15-20 miles for Tough, 24+ hours / 40+ miles for Heavy). > Based on Special Forces training, your class is led from start to finish by a Special Forces Cadre. His job is to test your limits, push you beyond them, and build your class into a team. There are no cash prizes at the finish. All you earn is a 2x3 inch patch and the respect of everyone to your left and right. I've done 2 GORUCK events (1 Light, 1 Tough). They rank among the most challenging physical and mental experiences in my life. I enjoy testing my limits as well as the comradery of collective suffering amongst the rest of the team as you work together towards a common objective or goal. It has been a great way to meet new friends; I'm planning my 2018 event calendar now. [0] https://www.goruck.com/the-challenge/ https://www.goruck.com/the-challenge/
jriley 9y ago
I'll share for others. My dad served in similar role. They consider themselves silent professionals, and he didn't say much about it. He sent me a link today that one of that crew just got Medal of Honor, I think my dad was proud to see that. I asked him 10 years ago to record his history on video. It took him two years, we never discussed, I just got some DVDs in the mail one day. He said explaining history was hard for him to do, and discussed atheism in the foxhole. He discussed everyone's routines before you drop in - rechecking ammo, puking, praying, napping, nerves. In the end of second DVD he said the most important thing is to keep your sense of humor and be happy which surprised me, I expected grit. He is still really upset about losing one friend overseas. He went to the Wall 15 years ago and broke down and people surrounded him and helped him (apparently happens a lot). I think he graphite-copied his buddy's name. He is normal with stable finances and married 50ish years, now works with abused kids in retirement. Of that military group, most went on to normal lives and you wouldn't be able to pick out of a lineup. One owns a tire shop, one worked in tech, one refuses all contact with military folks and a notoriously shady one became an attorney. They all love the outdoors and meet at a convention once a year.

mturmon 9y ago

"...he both regrets his participation in the war and is proud of it at the same time..." I used to hang out frequently with a Viet Nam vet (close-support artillery, not Special Forces, so a different kind of thing of course), and he'd drink heavily and sometimes his war experiences would come out - just anecdotes, nothing horrible. It was just as you describe. I don't think he even really wanted to talk about that stuff, but it left such a strong impression that he was compelled to.

okreallywtf 9y ago
He says a lot of the guys at the VA that he talks to say similar stuff, like no matter what bad things came out of it it was the most exciting time of their lives and in a lot of cases they wouldn't change it, even if they have regrets.

nradov 9y ago

Some people get the positive side of that experience in the Peace Corps. Much of their work in construction and education is like Army Special Forces without guns.

snerbles 9y ago
Peace Corps has a higher academic barrier of entry, requiring a four-year degree or certain specific skills. Much easier to enlist in the armed services, if you're reasonably fit.
okreallywtf 9y ago
I've considered that as well, I feel like my choice of education/career (cs/developer) could end up shoehorning me into some kind of infrastructure/IT/tech related roles but at the same time, do what you are good at? I should take another look at them though, thanks for the suggestion.

jonah 9y ago

> I wish there were more opportunities to gain those kinds of experiences and the camaraderie without having to do things you are morally opposed to. I recently joined my local Search and Rescue team. The opportunity popped up at just the right time for me and combines many things that I'm interested in while being of service to my community. The application process was fairly rigorous (under 10% acceptance rate) we then went through intensive training in a wide range of skills before being able to respond to calls. The team has a lot of cool toys, trains to high levels to maintain their certifications, has types of access to areas of the county that the public doesn't, is on call 24/7, and directly deals with the life and safety of individuals and the community at large. Depending on where you live, your local team might be something for you to look in to.

Bulkington 9y ago
Many, many communities still rely, at least in part, on volunteer firefighters. I know a number of former military guys that love it--provides that the risk/rush and camaraderie you're looking for. And it ain't a cakewalk. https://www.volunteerfd.org/become-a-volunteer-firefighter/ https://www.volunteerfd.org/become-a-volunteer-firefighter/
- okreallywtf 9y ago
  Thats a good point, I was thinking about that and first responder. Where I grew up most people are actually served by volunteer fire departments (extremely rural, only the towns have full fire departments and they are low population). Any time there was any kind of fire or medical emergency volunteer firefighters and first responders were always there super fast even if regular emergency services were ~30 minutes away. My dad was actually a EMS/Paramedic for 20+ years and I think he feels similar about that to his military service. The long periods of boredom (low population rural area) followed by intense life and death situations mimics deployment/combat experience and if you have psychological issues related to wartime experience it can exacerbate it. At the same time, saving lives and helping people are extremely fond memories but when I was growing up I think the job was harder on him than he remembers these days.
9y ago

drawnwren 9y ago

Hemingway summarized it best, "There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter." It's hard not to bond over what might be the most difficult task you accomplish with a group of like minded individuals, but it's also impossible to not grapple with the morality of your situation.

cgh 9y ago

Get into climbing, specifically traditional climbing and alpinism. You get everything: danger, fear, awe, overwhelming sensory experiences, deep camaderie and a feeling that you've participated in something both meaningful and meaningless. Trust me, you won't regret it.

repeek 9y ago

While obviously not a substitute for actual military training or experience, I strongly recommend looking into a company called GORUCK [0] and their corresponding events. GORUCK events range in duration and distance (4-5 hours / 7-10 miles for Light, 10-12 hours / 15-20 miles for Tough, 24+ hours / 40+ miles for Heavy). > Based on Special Forces training, your class is led from start to finish by a Special Forces Cadre. His job is to test your limits, push you beyond them, and build your class into a team. There are no cash prizes at the finish. All you earn is a 2x3 inch patch and the respect of everyone to your left and right. I've done 2 GORUCK events (1 Light, 1 Tough). They rank among the most challenging physical and mental experiences in my life. I enjoy testing my limits as well as the comradery of collective suffering amongst the rest of the team as you work together towards a common objective or goal. It has been a great way to meet new friends; I'm planning my 2018 event calendar now. [0] https://www.goruck.com/the-challenge/ https://www.goruck.com/the-challenge/

jriley 9y ago

I'll share for others. My dad served in similar role. They consider themselves silent professionals, and he didn't say much about it. He sent me a link today that one of that crew just got Medal of Honor, I think my dad was proud to see that. I asked him 10 years ago to record his history on video. It took him two years, we never discussed, I just got some DVDs in the mail one day. He said explaining history was hard for him to do, and discussed atheism in the foxhole. He discussed everyone's routines before you drop in - rechecking ammo, puking, praying, napping, nerves. In the end of second DVD he said the most important thing is to keep your sense of humor and be happy which surprised me, I expected grit. He is still really upset about losing one friend overseas. He went to the Wall 15 years ago and broke down and people surrounded him and helped him (apparently happens a lot). I think he graphite-copied his buddy's name. He is normal with stable finances and married 50ish years, now works with abused kids in retirement. Of that military group, most went on to normal lives and you wouldn't be able to pick out of a lineup. One owns a tire shop, one worked in tech, one refuses all contact with military folks and a notoriously shady one became an attorney. They all love the outdoors and meet at a convention once a year.