5 ms·

On the opposite end of the spectrum: We're expecting our first child in six weeks. My wife's sister lives two hours away... and every other member of our fami

On the opposite end of the spectrum: We're expecting our first child in six weeks. My wife's sister lives two hours away... and every other member of our families lives thousands of miles away, in France and the UK. I have to admit it's a little daunting.

jasonlotito 16y ago
It's not as hard as it seems. Patience is key, but it all comes naturally. Really. I was nervous, but honestly, it's rather easy. Yes, having the relatives close by helped. The best way to look at the situation is to remember that people have been having babies for thousands of years under much more difficult situations. Just love the child. Everything else comes naturally. Edit: Oh, and, of course, Congratulations! =)
- pbhjpbhj 16y ago
  >Just love the child. Everything else comes naturally. I disagree. I agree with your encouraging sentiment but I don't agree that simply loving your child is enough - parenting doesn't come naturally to those who haven't grown up around it. Most people nowadays appear to only have their parents model of parenting to rely on and this appears to lead them to polarise away from how their parents treated them. Watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with my lad J the other day wherein the girl Veruca Salt is spoiled by her parents who simply love her and so give her everything she asks for. I'm not going to say that you need a degree in Ed-Psych or anything either ... When you say "it's rather easy" that sends up a few flags for me. Perhaps you can answer this one for me: my (now nearly 5yo) boy has enjoyed learning chess with me and on the whole can move the pieces around and make some trade-off decisions under close instruction, he messed up the board at our last game (after a long chess haitus) because he was losing and then starting flinging stuff around; in short he was upset not to win and said he wouldn't play again. Should I encourage him to play or forget the game (that I know he enjoys and has been nice to play together). If I get him to play should I let him win? My youngest is now 15mo and is getting fussy about his breakfast food, should I give in and give him what he'll eat at the risk of limiting his palette and enjoyment of a variety of foods or should I force feed him (and starve him if he won't eat it)? OT now, long post, sorry. TL;DR I don't think it's easy nor that it all comes naturally.
  - kenjackson 16y ago
    Regarding your 15mo there's a good book called The Hungry Monkey. It's about a food critic who is trying to get his child to eat well. The upshot of the story, and from talking to various chefs in the story is that kids eat what kids eat. It seems that the palettes of people continuously evolves, so even if he devours ice cream and doritos now, he may end up being the food writer for the Times when he grows up. The key seems to be to present good foods to him. Let him see you eat it. But have something he'll eat too that you can bring out if he doesn't eat. It's more important for his development to eat any food, and humans are ridiculously resiliant to diets lacking in diversity (just use a multivitamin for deficiencies in key vitamins and minerals). Probably the only thing to watch out for is a LOT of sodium. But I'd be less concerned about things like fat and sugars than I would be for an adult.
    - jasonlotito 16y ago
      My wife's grandmother has a garden out back. I swear, the kid eats better then I do. He get's fresh pasta sauce all the time. >_<
    - pbhjpbhj 16y ago
      Thanks for the advice, I've heard this before about palettes and agree to a large extent particularly as I've seen my eldest move away from some unhealthy foods as he grows up and also to eat several foods that I really can't stomach (eggs, mushrooms). I confess it was a slightly made up problem intended to elucidate the point. He tends to have rice snaps for brecky with some fruit but his diet the rest of the time is quite varied. He is less accepting of new foods than his brother was.
  - axod 16y ago
    >> "Veruca Salt is spoiled by her parents who simply love her and so give her everything she asks for." That's not love. That's the point Roald Dahl is making (IMHO). The only family in the story that really knows and understands what love is, is Charlies' family. He is the richest boy in the world, because he has a family that truly loves him. Even though they are financially poor. Love isn't about giving people what they ask for, it's about giving them what is best for them in the long run. I don't buy my kids toys every time they ask for them. Not because I don't love them, but because I don't want them to take money for granted, and I want them to have a good life balance - because I do love them. I agree it's not all easy, but I think a lot of it does come naturally if you're in the right mindset to let it come naturally. The most important things IMHO are to be relaxed, confident, and make sure you give the baby as much time as you can etc. babies and kids pick up so much on parents that are uptight. Relaxed parents = relaxed kids. >> "Should I encourage him to play or forget the game (that I know he enjoys and has been nice to play together). If I get him to play should I let him win?" I'd encourage him to play again and let him win a couple. If he's a bad winner (Gloating, taunting, saying you're rubbish etc), beat him brutally the next game. I remember my oldest had a year or so when he absolutely hated losing and didn't like playing games with me unless he won. He grew out of it though.
jtheory 16y ago
My first is 13 months now; we live in central France, and my closest family is a brother (busy with his own family) in the Netherlands. The rest of our families are in the US or Malaysia. Luckily my wife & I both work from home (so we're both always around to help each other), AND we have some very supportive neighbors & friends here, but it's been quite difficult at times. Here's a huge tip: get a large freezer (the type you put in the basement) and fill it with food like curries (to eat w/ rice) or pasta sauces, soups, etc. -- things that can be easily thawed and made into lunch/dinner with minimal effort & shopping required. Another tip: prepare yourself to be a parent. Do not assume that it will come naturally, because while some parts do, most really don't, and in the modern world there is a huge array of choices you have to make that require research and thoughtful consideration -- and once the baby arrives you'll find that difficult. What will actually work with your baby varies on the baby, but you should know a lot about breast-feeding (startling difficult to get started, even with help & preparation), formula (if breast-feeding is impossible -- and it might be for medical reasons -- you should know how formula works), co-sleeping and/or ways to help teach your newborn to sleep alone (not letting them "cry it out", for one), swaddling (amazing but not suited to every baby), ways to carry them & help with gas pains, how to change/clean this tiny fragile thing, etc.. Never mind all of the things you should know about the delivery -- how to avoid getting a default c-section if the labor is slow, etc.. It's worth studying your ass off, really. Human beings have evolved to have remarkably helpless babies that need educated care because we are capable of teaching each other how to handle that care -- normally, you'd have your entire extended family around you to teach you how to do everything. If you don't -- we didn't -- make damned sure you learn how from other sources (and have help available for when you need it!). I love having our daughter here. The whole experience blows my mind sometimes, and she's unreasonably cute -- check this out http://robwhelan.com/photos/galleries/12-month_12/img_1153.jpg http://robwhelan.com/photos/galleries/12-month_12/img_1153.j... -- but it IS difficult and there's a lot of know-how required particularly if you might not want to just go to the baby store and buy all of the stuff the salesperson says you'll need (hint: your baby will be happier without most of it).

jasonlotito 16y ago

It's not as hard as it seems. Patience is key, but it all comes naturally. Really. I was nervous, but honestly, it's rather easy. Yes, having the relatives close by helped. The best way to look at the situation is to remember that people have been having babies for thousands of years under much more difficult situations. Just love the child. Everything else comes naturally. Edit: Oh, and, of course, Congratulations! =)

pbhjpbhj 16y ago
>Just love the child. Everything else comes naturally. I disagree. I agree with your encouraging sentiment but I don't agree that simply loving your child is enough - parenting doesn't come naturally to those who haven't grown up around it. Most people nowadays appear to only have their parents model of parenting to rely on and this appears to lead them to polarise away from how their parents treated them. Watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with my lad J the other day wherein the girl Veruca Salt is spoiled by her parents who simply love her and so give her everything she asks for. I'm not going to say that you need a degree in Ed-Psych or anything either ... When you say "it's rather easy" that sends up a few flags for me. Perhaps you can answer this one for me: my (now nearly 5yo) boy has enjoyed learning chess with me and on the whole can move the pieces around and make some trade-off decisions under close instruction, he messed up the board at our last game (after a long chess haitus) because he was losing and then starting flinging stuff around; in short he was upset not to win and said he wouldn't play again. Should I encourage him to play or forget the game (that I know he enjoys and has been nice to play together). If I get him to play should I let him win? My youngest is now 15mo and is getting fussy about his breakfast food, should I give in and give him what he'll eat at the risk of limiting his palette and enjoyment of a variety of foods or should I force feed him (and starve him if he won't eat it)? OT now, long post, sorry. TL;DR I don't think it's easy nor that it all comes naturally.
- kenjackson 16y ago
  Regarding your 15mo there's a good book called The Hungry Monkey. It's about a food critic who is trying to get his child to eat well. The upshot of the story, and from talking to various chefs in the story is that kids eat what kids eat. It seems that the palettes of people continuously evolves, so even if he devours ice cream and doritos now, he may end up being the food writer for the Times when he grows up. The key seems to be to present good foods to him. Let him see you eat it. But have something he'll eat too that you can bring out if he doesn't eat. It's more important for his development to eat any food, and humans are ridiculously resiliant to diets lacking in diversity (just use a multivitamin for deficiencies in key vitamins and minerals). Probably the only thing to watch out for is a LOT of sodium. But I'd be less concerned about things like fat and sugars than I would be for an adult.
  - jasonlotito 16y ago
    My wife's grandmother has a garden out back. I swear, the kid eats better then I do. He get's fresh pasta sauce all the time. >_<
  - pbhjpbhj 16y ago
    Thanks for the advice, I've heard this before about palettes and agree to a large extent particularly as I've seen my eldest move away from some unhealthy foods as he grows up and also to eat several foods that I really can't stomach (eggs, mushrooms). I confess it was a slightly made up problem intended to elucidate the point. He tends to have rice snaps for brecky with some fruit but his diet the rest of the time is quite varied. He is less accepting of new foods than his brother was.
- axod 16y ago
  >> "Veruca Salt is spoiled by her parents who simply love her and so give her everything she asks for." That's not love. That's the point Roald Dahl is making (IMHO). The only family in the story that really knows and understands what love is, is Charlies' family. He is the richest boy in the world, because he has a family that truly loves him. Even though they are financially poor. Love isn't about giving people what they ask for, it's about giving them what is best for them in the long run. I don't buy my kids toys every time they ask for them. Not because I don't love them, but because I don't want them to take money for granted, and I want them to have a good life balance - because I do love them. I agree it's not all easy, but I think a lot of it does come naturally if you're in the right mindset to let it come naturally. The most important things IMHO are to be relaxed, confident, and make sure you give the baby as much time as you can etc. babies and kids pick up so much on parents that are uptight. Relaxed parents = relaxed kids. >> "Should I encourage him to play or forget the game (that I know he enjoys and has been nice to play together). If I get him to play should I let him win?" I'd encourage him to play again and let him win a couple. If he's a bad winner (Gloating, taunting, saying you're rubbish etc), beat him brutally the next game. I remember my oldest had a year or so when he absolutely hated losing and didn't like playing games with me unless he won. He grew out of it though.

jtheory 16y ago

My first is 13 months now; we live in central France, and my closest family is a brother (busy with his own family) in the Netherlands. The rest of our families are in the US or Malaysia. Luckily my wife & I both work from home (so we're both always around to help each other), AND we have some very supportive neighbors & friends here, but it's been quite difficult at times. Here's a huge tip: get a large freezer (the type you put in the basement) and fill it with food like curries (to eat w/ rice) or pasta sauces, soups, etc. -- things that can be easily thawed and made into lunch/dinner with minimal effort & shopping required. Another tip: prepare yourself to be a parent. Do not assume that it will come naturally, because while some parts do, most really don't, and in the modern world there is a huge array of choices you have to make that require research and thoughtful consideration -- and once the baby arrives you'll find that difficult. What will actually work with your baby varies on the baby, but you should know a lot about breast-feeding (startling difficult to get started, even with help & preparation), formula (if breast-feeding is impossible -- and it might be for medical reasons -- you should know how formula works), co-sleeping and/or ways to help teach your newborn to sleep alone (not letting them "cry it out", for one), swaddling (amazing but not suited to every baby), ways to carry them & help with gas pains, how to change/clean this tiny fragile thing, etc.. Never mind all of the things you should know about the delivery -- how to avoid getting a default c-section if the labor is slow, etc.. It's worth studying your ass off, really. Human beings have evolved to have remarkably helpless babies that need educated care because we are capable of teaching each other how to handle that care -- normally, you'd have your entire extended family around you to teach you how to do everything. If you don't -- we didn't -- make damned sure you learn how from other sources (and have help available for when you need it!). I love having our daughter here. The whole experience blows my mind sometimes, and she's unreasonably cute -- check this out http://robwhelan.com/photos/galleries/12-month_12/img_1153.jpg http://robwhelan.com/photos/galleries/12-month_12/img_1153.j... -- but it IS difficult and there's a lot of know-how required particularly if you might not want to just go to the baby store and buy all of the stuff the salesperson says you'll need (hint: your baby will be happier without most of it).