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Like everything in life, the thought of doing it, trumps the actual doing it. Finishing the basement, writing a novel, building the next great web app, raising

Like everything in life, the thought of doing it, trumps the actual doing it. Finishing the basement, writing a novel, building the next great web app, raising kids all seem like great projects to embark on. But it's the dark night of the soul, when you're up for the 10 night in a row (or you have writer's block or you realize you shouldn't have cut that pipe, etc, etc). Life isn't all rainbows and unicorns. Speaking as a member of GenX, our lives are so damn easy most of the time, when we run into problems, we don't know how to handle it. However, we adjust. I just can't imagine how grandma raised 9 kids with no ER or acute care and little money. Wars, the great depression, death of a child, she went through it all. And they did hard physical labor every day. The thing is we adjust, it's hard at first, but we persevere. When you watch your kid doing something you taught him, that's just not a feeling you get from purchasing a new iPad. When you sit in structure you built or use a product you built you'll know the feeling. It's hard to explain but in the end, it's worth it.

jasonlotito 16y ago
Very true. My wife and I are lucky, in a way. She's Italian. Like, born Italian, speaks Italian, lives Italian. Okay, she lives in Montreal, but damnit, call her a Frenchy and she'll punch me hard enough in that spot on the arm that she knows will get a reaction. Anyways, we live next door to her great-grandmother (nona), and below her Mother and Father. I swear, her sisters are over often enough that it's normal. Her older sister lived at home till she was 25/26 and got married. Only then did she move out. My wife did the same thing. For them, their entire culture, this is normal. Lawyers living at home with their parents, not batting an eye. This is normal. Now, I'm American. 18, and I'm out the house, fending for myself. Seeing my cousins was something I did every few years (being a military brat didn't help, neither did parents getting a divorce). My wife sees her cousins all the time. Weekly. Not all the cousins, but often enough that again, it's normal. It's not some super special event. What's all this getting to? There is a point, I promise. Anyways, we had our first son in 2008, and our second is due the end of the month, beginning of August (yay!). Raising our son has been a joy. Ignoring the fact that he is a very laid back and very happy child, having parents/grand parent next door and upstairs, and a very close knit family always present meant raising him wasn't difficult. Couple this with the fact that Quebec hands you a years paid maternity (if you are working, of course), and it's pretty smooth sailing. We could still go out occasionally, assured that the grandparents would take good care of our child. If we assistance, we literally knocked on the wall, and they'd come over. Oh, we did our part. We didn't rely on them. And they took advantage, too. When they needed to go to the market, my wife was able to take them instead of having to take the bus or walk. All very practical. So, you ask a good question: > I just can't imagine how grandma raised 9 kids with no ER or acute care and little money. And I give you an answer: Family. It's odd. My family loved me, they cared for me, but family to me before I met my wife was immediate. I didn't see grandparents but maybe one a year on Christmas or Thanksgiving. I grew up away from cousins, and at 18, expected to have to go out on my own. My family wasn't bad. But in my wife's family, I fully realize how other cultures see family. I look at my brother, living in the US, married, with a second child on the way. I won't go into to many details, but they are struggling, but they get very little support from family. They live almost 2 hours from my father, but rarely see him (compared to how often I see my wives family members), and they get little help from his wives family. This probably comes from the American cultural of independence. You make it or break it on your own skill, and asking or getting help is seen as a weakness. Children are thrown to the wolves at 18 and expected to thrive. Some do. Many don't. My son is happy. He makes his parents happy. He's constantly surrounded by people that love him. Parenting is a joy, and we are in a good place. Our biggest worries are silly when we think about them (seriously, we worry about the stupidest things, and laugh about them when we realize what we are worrying about). I'm not religious, but that doesn't mean I can't feel blessed.
- abstractbill 16y ago
  On the opposite end of the spectrum: We're expecting our first child in six weeks. My wife's sister lives two hours away... and every other member of our families lives thousands of miles away, in France and the UK. I have to admit it's a little daunting.
  - jasonlotito 16y ago
    It's not as hard as it seems. Patience is key, but it all comes naturally. Really. I was nervous, but honestly, it's rather easy. Yes, having the relatives close by helped. The best way to look at the situation is to remember that people have been having babies for thousands of years under much more difficult situations. Just love the child. Everything else comes naturally. Edit: Oh, and, of course, Congratulations! =)
    - pbhjpbhj 16y ago
      >Just love the child. Everything else comes naturally. I disagree. I agree with your encouraging sentiment but I don't agree that simply loving your child is enough - parenting doesn't come naturally to those who haven't grown up around it. Most people nowadays appear to only have their parents model of parenting to rely on and this appears to lead them to polarise away from how their parents treated them. Watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with my lad J the other day wherein the girl Veruca Salt is spoiled by her parents who simply love her and so give her everything she asks for. I'm not going to say that you need a degree in Ed-Psych or anything either ... When you say "it's rather easy" that sends up a few flags for me. Perhaps you can answer this one for me: my (now nearly 5yo) boy has enjoyed learning chess with me and on the whole can move the pieces around and make some trade-off decisions under close instruction, he messed up the board at our last game (after a long chess haitus) because he was losing and then starting flinging stuff around; in short he was upset not to win and said he wouldn't play again. Should I encourage him to play or forget the game (that I know he enjoys and has been nice to play together). If I get him to play should I let him win? My youngest is now 15mo and is getting fussy about his breakfast food, should I give in and give him what he'll eat at the risk of limiting his palette and enjoyment of a variety of foods or should I force feed him (and starve him if he won't eat it)? OT now, long post, sorry. TL;DR I don't think it's easy nor that it all comes naturally.
axod 16y ago
>> " the thought of doing it, trumps the actual doing it." I thought having kids would be cool. Turned out to be awesomely cool beyond compare. They are, and always will be the things I am most proud of. Pretty much every day my kids do stuff that brings me happiness. Yeah I guess sometimes it's hard work, but so is everything :/ If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain... I'd be totally and utterly lost without my kids (literally sometimes).

jasonlotito 16y ago

Very true. My wife and I are lucky, in a way. She's Italian. Like, born Italian, speaks Italian, lives Italian. Okay, she lives in Montreal, but damnit, call her a Frenchy and she'll punch me hard enough in that spot on the arm that she knows will get a reaction. Anyways, we live next door to her great-grandmother (nona), and below her Mother and Father. I swear, her sisters are over often enough that it's normal. Her older sister lived at home till she was 25/26 and got married. Only then did she move out. My wife did the same thing. For them, their entire culture, this is normal. Lawyers living at home with their parents, not batting an eye. This is normal. Now, I'm American. 18, and I'm out the house, fending for myself. Seeing my cousins was something I did every few years (being a military brat didn't help, neither did parents getting a divorce). My wife sees her cousins all the time. Weekly. Not all the cousins, but often enough that again, it's normal. It's not some super special event. What's all this getting to? There is a point, I promise. Anyways, we had our first son in 2008, and our second is due the end of the month, beginning of August (yay!). Raising our son has been a joy. Ignoring the fact that he is a very laid back and very happy child, having parents/grand parent next door and upstairs, and a very close knit family always present meant raising him wasn't difficult. Couple this with the fact that Quebec hands you a years paid maternity (if you are working, of course), and it's pretty smooth sailing. We could still go out occasionally, assured that the grandparents would take good care of our child. If we assistance, we literally knocked on the wall, and they'd come over. Oh, we did our part. We didn't rely on them. And they took advantage, too. When they needed to go to the market, my wife was able to take them instead of having to take the bus or walk. All very practical. So, you ask a good question: > I just can't imagine how grandma raised 9 kids with no ER or acute care and little money. And I give you an answer: Family. It's odd. My family loved me, they cared for me, but family to me before I met my wife was immediate. I didn't see grandparents but maybe one a year on Christmas or Thanksgiving. I grew up away from cousins, and at 18, expected to have to go out on my own. My family wasn't bad. But in my wife's family, I fully realize how other cultures see family. I look at my brother, living in the US, married, with a second child on the way. I won't go into to many details, but they are struggling, but they get very little support from family. They live almost 2 hours from my father, but rarely see him (compared to how often I see my wives family members), and they get little help from his wives family. This probably comes from the American cultural of independence. You make it or break it on your own skill, and asking or getting help is seen as a weakness. Children are thrown to the wolves at 18 and expected to thrive. Some do. Many don't. My son is happy. He makes his parents happy. He's constantly surrounded by people that love him. Parenting is a joy, and we are in a good place. Our biggest worries are silly when we think about them (seriously, we worry about the stupidest things, and laugh about them when we realize what we are worrying about). I'm not religious, but that doesn't mean I can't feel blessed.

abstractbill 16y ago
On the opposite end of the spectrum: We're expecting our first child in six weeks. My wife's sister lives two hours away... and every other member of our families lives thousands of miles away, in France and the UK. I have to admit it's a little daunting.
- jasonlotito 16y ago
  It's not as hard as it seems. Patience is key, but it all comes naturally. Really. I was nervous, but honestly, it's rather easy. Yes, having the relatives close by helped. The best way to look at the situation is to remember that people have been having babies for thousands of years under much more difficult situations. Just love the child. Everything else comes naturally. Edit: Oh, and, of course, Congratulations! =)
  - pbhjpbhj 16y ago
    >Just love the child. Everything else comes naturally. I disagree. I agree with your encouraging sentiment but I don't agree that simply loving your child is enough - parenting doesn't come naturally to those who haven't grown up around it. Most people nowadays appear to only have their parents model of parenting to rely on and this appears to lead them to polarise away from how their parents treated them. Watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with my lad J the other day wherein the girl Veruca Salt is spoiled by her parents who simply love her and so give her everything she asks for. I'm not going to say that you need a degree in Ed-Psych or anything either ... When you say "it's rather easy" that sends up a few flags for me. Perhaps you can answer this one for me: my (now nearly 5yo) boy has enjoyed learning chess with me and on the whole can move the pieces around and make some trade-off decisions under close instruction, he messed up the board at our last game (after a long chess haitus) because he was losing and then starting flinging stuff around; in short he was upset not to win and said he wouldn't play again. Should I encourage him to play or forget the game (that I know he enjoys and has been nice to play together). If I get him to play should I let him win? My youngest is now 15mo and is getting fussy about his breakfast food, should I give in and give him what he'll eat at the risk of limiting his palette and enjoyment of a variety of foods or should I force feed him (and starve him if he won't eat it)? OT now, long post, sorry. TL;DR I don't think it's easy nor that it all comes naturally.

axod 16y ago

>> " the thought of doing it, trumps the actual doing it." I thought having kids would be cool. Turned out to be awesomely cool beyond compare. They are, and always will be the things I am most proud of. Pretty much every day my kids do stuff that brings me happiness. Yeah I guess sometimes it's hard work, but so is everything :/ If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain... I'd be totally and utterly lost without my kids (literally sometimes).