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Ask HN: How are you treating your child's internet addiction?
My son is 5yrs old.
His mom and I made a terrible mistake when he was around 2 to allow him to watch YT & YTkids videos (which have a vicious algo of horrible content [1]). My wife and I are in tech, but we try our best to not use devices around him and promote 'quality family time'.
But nothing helps.. His addiction grows, even though we forbid all phone use and their games ( which i was hesitant to do..as they were at least challenging him).
These days, all he asks for is to watch his netflix shows. Over and over.. like a crack addict..he simply can't control his desires for the eye-cocaine.
We've tried setting strict time limits and rules for when he can watch them.. but it's not helping.
The only thing left to do is purely ban it. But the cat is out of the bag and he took a huge dump.
Recently I discovered tech solutions like DNSlearning [2] which I feel is just starting to constructively attempt at finding a balance - I wish there was more being done.
Honestly I'm starting to get REALLY worried for him and society in general.
Everywhere I look, social quality, focus, reflection, empathy, and critical thinking - is exponentially dropping.
How do we as digital leaders/parents/inventors take on this challenge?!?
I've asked this on other parent forums[3]--no luck.
Are children are expecting responsible loving guidance.
Daddies, Mommas, what has worked for you??
[1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14910125
[2] https://dnslearning.org
[3] https://parenting.stackexchange.com/questions/30073/5yr-old-addicted-to-mobile-devices-need-advice
- savethefuture 9y agoHes 5....take it away from him, and teach him other things, remove tv all together (even for yourself).
- artur_makly 9y agoIt's looking like the only option at this point to salvage his budding neurons. But for how long should this 'hardcore' ban last? +5yrs? 10?
- warrenm 9y agoThe "'hardcore' ban" should last as long as it needs to. YOU are the adult - HE is the child. Suck it up. Be a parent.
- savethefuture 9y agoAs the other guy said, be the parent. Take your kid to the zoo, go to a museum, show him how to play catch, both of you should learn to build a bird house, do ANYTHING else besides letting your kid veg out in front of a tv, wtf are you doing... Be there for your child.
- jnbiche 9y ago> Over and over.. like a crack addict..he simply can't control his desires for the eye-cocaine. Dude, he's 5. He's not some addict. Relatively few 5-year-olds can control their desires in a consistent way. I mean "kid with his hand in the cookie jar" is a saying for a reason. Be a parent, limit his use (or remove it altogether), and do other stuff with him. Take him to the zoo, maybe karate lessons or something, to the park, etc. I'm sure he'll be fine, as long as you don't continue to do stuff like denigrating him in public as some kind of "internet addict" in the throes of his addiction to "vicious" content (a kid's show, I presume) when he's only 5. Maybe talk to him about how doctors say kids should limit their TV/YouTube usage to keep healthy. When my kids weren't getting enough veggies and fruits at that age, it deeply impressed them when I took them to the doctor and he talked about how important that was, and they then competed to see which sibling could reach 5 fruits and veggies a day first. The APA (American Pediatric Association) has released guidelines on this stuff (media consumption), if I'm not mistaken.
- wslh 9y agoIs your son doing physical activities? Does he like drawing, music, art? Are you playing with him enough?
- artur_makly 9y agoyes - my son has a healthy amount of activities outside of his half-day at Montesorri. Could i spend more time with him? i sure wish i could have half-days too but reality is i get home and have just ~1hr to make dinner, bath and play with him. next week i will experiment with a 50% reduction of screen time (currently @30min/day) and substitute it with a plethora of strategy games and legos. hopefully this will do the trick. ive twlked to a ton of friends with kids and they all deeply wrestle with this. i honestly feel this will be our generation's greatest challenge. thanks guys for your support.
- mcgrath_sh 9y agoWait. Your son is currently only in front of a screen for 30 minutes a day? Tha is pretty good, IMO. Heck, when I was 5 I was watching more TV than that.
- mingabunga 9y ago30 mins a day, that's nothing. Most little kids watch more tv than that daily - parent babysitter. Doesn't sound like you've got much to worry about. Have 4 kids, all watched hours of tv like there was nothing else in the world, and all turned out well so far. Just make sure there's some balance.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- feistypharit 9y agoYa, 30 minutes is not a lot. I have two kids, ages 3 and 5, and they get about an hour a day. They each get to pick a show that we all watch as a family. Don't forget there's a social aspect to it too. If you cut then of completely, when their v friends start talking about paw patrol or strawberry shortcake, they'll be left out. Same thing with the latest app or whatnot. Sure, they'll never know them all, but knowing none will make it harder for them to relate too.
- tarr11 9y agoNot to be (too) flippant, but this is your first child I assume? I have no particularly good advice for you other than it'll work itself out, and it's probably just a phase. When kids go to school, a lot of things change. Also, it is often a point of pride for parents to talk about restricting screen time, how much their child reads, plays piano, is a star athlete, etc. Parents often exaggerate to score points. :). This says more about parents and less about children. Personally, I don't think devices are either good or bad. Perhaps your child actually loves some show and it gives them comfort. One thing to do is sit there and watch with them, and try to engage in their world. Ask them about what they like in the shows, etc. Childhood is so fleeting and you will miss it before it's gone!
- pravula 9y agoWait, 30 min a day is addiction?
- gt565k 9y ago> We've tried setting strict time limits and rules for when he can watch them.. but it's not helping. The only thing left to do is purely ban it. But the cat is out of the bag and he took a huge dump. How are you setting limits? Verbally? Just enforce the time constraints through the router. Tell the kid you can only watch youtbe/netflix for 40 minutes or whatever at a specific time. Set the mac address filtering and rules on the router, and ta-da!
- pravula 9y agoYT Kids has a built in timer that you can password protect. I am not sure about netflix