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> Given the choice of having a father at home or have one dead in cave but famous for exploring cool places I don't think it's hard to guess what most children

> Given the choice of having a father at home or have one dead in cave but famous for exploring cool places I don't think it's hard to guess what most children would pick. In all seriousness, I do have a hard time guessing which one most children would pick. I can see reasonable arguments made on either side. Personally, I think it would be far more inspiring to have a father who died pursuing his passion, then one who gave it up to stay at home.

laumars 9y ago
Depends on the kid, their age and their relationship with their father. I don't think there is any right generalized answer. With my kids I know they would rather have me around, but they are young so I'm already "superman" to them. Who knows how our relationship will change as they grow older.
- Leslie54 9y ago
  After my wife walked out leaving me with two kids, I had no good job to be able to take care of me and the two kids. But this paid surveys at home has been a great assistance to me since then [Check Details Here⇒>►►►https://sites.google.com/site/sandralopz78/ https://sites.google.com/site/sandralopz78/ I have been able to overcome all the financial challenges that single mum usually have
- irrational 9y ago
  As they go through their teenage years you will get stupider and lamer in their eyes. Then sometime after they move out they will realize that you are actually quite intelligent and will, at some point, apologize for being an ass and tell you that they are proud of you. At least that was my experience with my parents and has been my experience with my kids so far.
  - test1235 9y ago
    Again, that is a generalization. Being a father doesn't automatically make a person intelligent or good.
  - andyjohnson0 9y ago
    “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” - Mark Twain
jonahx 9y ago
If you just asked them, in all their ignorance, you're undoubtedly right. If you asked the children who chose the adventurous dad after he had died pursuing his passion, nearly 100% would trade the world to reverse that choice.
- chii 9y ago
  That's an inherently biased question, because they've already suffered the loss, and so would've chosen not to suffer it given the chance. The same thing (but reverse) with asking children whose fathers didn't go on an adventure and see if they would've preferred a more adventurous father!
  - henrikm85 9y ago
    While, as a father, I instinctively hate your answer, it is a very good point that helped me see beyond my previous horizon, thanks for that!
  - jonahx 9y ago
    I'm sorry, but this is a kind of clever sophistry that is absurd in the face of lived experience... > The same thing (but reverse) with asking children whose fathers didn't go on an adventure and see if they would've preferred a more adventurous father! Yes, each child only knows one half of the story, as it were. But the knowledge imbalance is not symmetrical. The child whose father has died understands boredom and dissatisfaction in other ways... perhaps his mother is boring, or sometimes nags him, and even his adventurous (now dead) father surely disappointed him sometimes, and so on. The child who has not experienced death really has no idea what that suffering is like. It's just utterly callow to think his opinion has equal weight.
- Someone 9y ago
  The 'choice' isn't between "dull and alive" and "adventurous and dead", but between "dull, 99.9% chance of living to an old age" and "adventurous, 95% chance of living to an old age" (actual percentages for illustration only) I think many kids, especially those with an adventurous mom/dad, would think "my mom/dad is strong and knows what he is doing, so (s)he won't be in that 5%"
throwawaycanada 9y ago
Personally I would feel very selfish if I asked my dad to give up his passion in life just so I know there would be a slightly greater chance of him being safe. Especially if two years later he died of cancer or something. We all die.
DanBC 9y ago
Whenever we ask children what they want from their families they always say they want to spend more time with their parents.
- qb45 9y ago
  > always Except for those who hate their guts. Or those who distrust them. Or those who are bored by their lifestyle, possibly relevant to this topic.
dkersten 9y ago
My father died when I was 8 and I know a number of others who lost a parent as a child and, while I know this is anecdotal, every single one would rather have their parent. Every single one would rather have a dead-beat (but not abusive, I imagine that would change the equation) dad over no dad. Also, from the article: "My children don't like it much but they don't tell me not to do it"
- phil21 9y ago
  > Every single one would rather have a dead-beat (but not abusive, I imagine that would change the equation) dad over no dad. This is demonstrably untrue in my social network. Just in my own friend group I know a handful of folks who would much rather their father simply didn't exist, rather than having this effectively random person they now owe some supposed family obligation to. Basically they got all the responsibilities of having a father, and none of the benefit.
  - dkersten 9y ago
    > This is demonstrably untrue in my social network. I don't know what problems your network face, so I'm not judging, but in my own experience, people who haven't lost a parent sometimes think that maybe they'd be better off. I'm sure there are plenty of cases where this is actually true and I can see why having someone who you're meant to care about but who is essentially a stranger isn't a particularly nice thing, but at the same time, having grown up without a father, I and those I know who lost a parent, would rather have someone than not have someone. Maybe its a "you don't know what you've got until it's gone" kind of thing (or maybe those people in your network really do have shitty family).

laumars 9y ago

Depends on the kid, their age and their relationship with their father. I don't think there is any right generalized answer. With my kids I know they would rather have me around, but they are young so I'm already "superman" to them. Who knows how our relationship will change as they grow older.

Leslie54 9y ago
After my wife walked out leaving me with two kids, I had no good job to be able to take care of me and the two kids. But this paid surveys at home has been a great assistance to me since then [Check Details Here⇒>►►►https://sites.google.com/site/sandralopz78/ https://sites.google.com/site/sandralopz78/ I have been able to overcome all the financial challenges that single mum usually have
irrational 9y ago
As they go through their teenage years you will get stupider and lamer in their eyes. Then sometime after they move out they will realize that you are actually quite intelligent and will, at some point, apologize for being an ass and tell you that they are proud of you. At least that was my experience with my parents and has been my experience with my kids so far.
- test1235 9y ago
  Again, that is a generalization. Being a father doesn't automatically make a person intelligent or good.
- andyjohnson0 9y ago
  “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” - Mark Twain

jonahx 9y ago

If you just asked them, in all their ignorance, you're undoubtedly right. If you asked the children who chose the adventurous dad after he had died pursuing his passion, nearly 100% would trade the world to reverse that choice.

chii 9y ago
That's an inherently biased question, because they've already suffered the loss, and so would've chosen not to suffer it given the chance. The same thing (but reverse) with asking children whose fathers didn't go on an adventure and see if they would've preferred a more adventurous father!
- henrikm85 9y ago
  While, as a father, I instinctively hate your answer, it is a very good point that helped me see beyond my previous horizon, thanks for that!
- jonahx 9y ago
  I'm sorry, but this is a kind of clever sophistry that is absurd in the face of lived experience... > The same thing (but reverse) with asking children whose fathers didn't go on an adventure and see if they would've preferred a more adventurous father! Yes, each child only knows one half of the story, as it were. But the knowledge imbalance is not symmetrical. The child whose father has died understands boredom and dissatisfaction in other ways... perhaps his mother is boring, or sometimes nags him, and even his adventurous (now dead) father surely disappointed him sometimes, and so on. The child who has not experienced death really has no idea what that suffering is like. It's just utterly callow to think his opinion has equal weight.
Someone 9y ago
The 'choice' isn't between "dull and alive" and "adventurous and dead", but between "dull, 99.9% chance of living to an old age" and "adventurous, 95% chance of living to an old age" (actual percentages for illustration only) I think many kids, especially those with an adventurous mom/dad, would think "my mom/dad is strong and knows what he is doing, so (s)he won't be in that 5%"

throwawaycanada 9y ago

Personally I would feel very selfish if I asked my dad to give up his passion in life just so I know there would be a slightly greater chance of him being safe. Especially if two years later he died of cancer or something. We all die.

DanBC 9y ago

Whenever we ask children what they want from their families they always say they want to spend more time with their parents.

qb45 9y ago
> always Except for those who hate their guts. Or those who distrust them. Or those who are bored by their lifestyle, possibly relevant to this topic.

dkersten 9y ago

My father died when I was 8 and I know a number of others who lost a parent as a child and, while I know this is anecdotal, every single one would rather have their parent. Every single one would rather have a dead-beat (but not abusive, I imagine that would change the equation) dad over no dad. Also, from the article: "My children don't like it much but they don't tell me not to do it"

phil21 9y ago
> Every single one would rather have a dead-beat (but not abusive, I imagine that would change the equation) dad over no dad. This is demonstrably untrue in my social network. Just in my own friend group I know a handful of folks who would much rather their father simply didn't exist, rather than having this effectively random person they now owe some supposed family obligation to. Basically they got all the responsibilities of having a father, and none of the benefit.
- dkersten 9y ago
  > This is demonstrably untrue in my social network. I don't know what problems your network face, so I'm not judging, but in my own experience, people who haven't lost a parent sometimes think that maybe they'd be better off. I'm sure there are plenty of cases where this is actually true and I can see why having someone who you're meant to care about but who is essentially a stranger isn't a particularly nice thing, but at the same time, having grown up without a father, I and those I know who lost a parent, would rather have someone than not have someone. Maybe its a "you don't know what you've got until it's gone" kind of thing (or maybe those people in your network really do have shitty family).