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Because it implies an opinion of weakness to the party offering said "help". Many people do not need or want help and forcing it on them only serves to enforce

by tomc1985 9y ago

Because it implies an opinion of weakness to the party offering said "help". Many people do not need or want help and forcing it on them only serves to enforce hidden power dynamics on behalf of the requestor. What I really don't understand is how we men can act so innocent about all this. "Oh, I was just asking a question," "I didn't force her to do anything," "she was free to decline," "what, how could you not want help? Think of all the [rationalizations]!" and so on.... Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Intentions are as clear as the sky on a sunny day... People who see others as equals treat people differently than those who think they see a potential partner, or victim, or lackey... EDIT: Also, "mansplaining"

michaelmrose 9y ago
You are super angry at something. Maybe that something is perfectly valid but it does not seem a reasonable reaction to the situation at hand. You sound like the kind of person I would avoid interacting with at all costs because anything could result in non productive conflict. Have you considered people might be reacting to your hostility not your gender?
- tomc1985 9y ago
  I am. Technology was in such a good place; the internet was a buffet of information free and available perused mostly by nerds, the clueless, and the occasional asshat. Now that all this crap's gone mainstream, the best info was bought up, and positivity-sucking muggles have ruined all that's left.
- OJFord 9y ago
  > You sound like the kind of person I would avoid interacting with at all costs And yet...
  - michaelmrose 9y ago
    There is limited risk in talking to strangers on the Internet unless you say horrendously racist things then become Internet famous for it.
unidentified103 9y ago
So am I supposed to feel equally condescended to by the man in upper management who calls me "sweetie" and the woman who has organized some person to show me around the office and introduce me to people? Okay.
- tomc1985 9y ago
  As if condescension was a binary thing... ...and as with much of this stuff, much of it depends on context -- body language, situation, phrasing, intonation, and so on. A perfectly routine request or offer can quickly become patronizing depending on the manner in which it is asked, or by who. The vibe that I got from the original article was HOPPERS was one of those things -- help, ostensibly, but unnecessary and patronizing. Not in the same category as Mr. Sweetie Manager but still offensive.
- arkh 9y ago
  Do they do it for everyone? Benevolent sexism is still sexism.
- weberc2 9y ago
  Why interpret one charitably and not the other? I survived being called "honey" by a woman in management; I didn't take offense because it would never occur to me to spin a well-intentioned comment for victim points. I fully realize that cute nicknames can be used in condescending tones, but then the issue is being condescending, not the nickname. I also realize that the genders are reversed, and that's supposed to make the nickname more offensive or invalidate my opinion or something; just to head this one off early--it doesn't.
joe4353444 9y ago
Thinking humanity from first principles we need to help each other in order to help ourselves.

michaelmrose 9y ago

You are super angry at something. Maybe that something is perfectly valid but it does not seem a reasonable reaction to the situation at hand. You sound like the kind of person I would avoid interacting with at all costs because anything could result in non productive conflict. Have you considered people might be reacting to your hostility not your gender?

tomc1985 9y ago
I am. Technology was in such a good place; the internet was a buffet of information free and available perused mostly by nerds, the clueless, and the occasional asshat. Now that all this crap's gone mainstream, the best info was bought up, and positivity-sucking muggles have ruined all that's left.
OJFord 9y ago
> You sound like the kind of person I would avoid interacting with at all costs And yet...
- michaelmrose 9y ago
  There is limited risk in talking to strangers on the Internet unless you say horrendously racist things then become Internet famous for it.

unidentified103 9y ago

So am I supposed to feel equally condescended to by the man in upper management who calls me "sweetie" and the woman who has organized some person to show me around the office and introduce me to people? Okay.

tomc1985 9y ago
As if condescension was a binary thing... ...and as with much of this stuff, much of it depends on context -- body language, situation, phrasing, intonation, and so on. A perfectly routine request or offer can quickly become patronizing depending on the manner in which it is asked, or by who. The vibe that I got from the original article was HOPPERS was one of those things -- help, ostensibly, but unnecessary and patronizing. Not in the same category as Mr. Sweetie Manager but still offensive.
arkh 9y ago
Do they do it for everyone? Benevolent sexism is still sexism.
weberc2 9y ago
Why interpret one charitably and not the other? I survived being called "honey" by a woman in management; I didn't take offense because it would never occur to me to spin a well-intentioned comment for victim points. I fully realize that cute nicknames can be used in condescending tones, but then the issue is being condescending, not the nickname. I also realize that the genders are reversed, and that's supposed to make the nickname more offensive or invalidate my opinion or something; just to head this one off early--it doesn't.

joe4353444 9y ago

Thinking humanity from first principles we need to help each other in order to help ourselves.