3 ms·

I haven't been on Facebook for years. The result? A weakening of my friendships and of my social life. I often hear the argument that "if they were your real fr

by Bakary 9y ago

I haven't been on Facebook for years. The result? A weakening of my friendships and of my social life. I often hear the argument that "if they were your real friends you wouldn't need that" or some variation but the truth is that unplanned interactions are a major part of how friendships thrive. If you are no longer part of a place where a lot of these interactions happen, it will definitely affect your social life, even if your friends are well meaning. For reference, I was born in the early nineties, and people my age and in my region are definitely very much still on Facebook for a large portion of their day, even extroverted and outdoorsy individuals. I tried the author's method of using phone and text but did not have the encouraging results he did. I'm also really sick of having my absence of a Facebook be commented on by all sorts of people. All in all, I'm starting to regret my choice and despite the warnings of the author (all of which I was already assuming to be going on behind the scenes as I always judged Facebook to be untrustworthy).

chii 9y ago
you are unlikely to make more than a handful of "true" friends. as long as those are kept, what remains of the tens or hundreds of "friends" in Facebook is no more than a passing aquaintance, and they do not add much, if any, your life by reading their feeds or comments (any more than comments on HN).
- seanwilson 9y ago
  It's not possible to predict who is going to change from being a passing acquaintance to a meaningful long-term friend.
- Bakary 9y ago
  I can confidently say based on what I observed that I in all likelihood missed out on forming a number of strong friendships due to not having facebook, as I was able to compare the before and after in very similar environments. I would say it becomes much less crucial after university, but during that period it affects a whole lot. Light acquaintances are actually a boon when travelling or trying new things. Facebook makes it quite straightforward to tap this resource, and surprisingly people are quite receptive to being called up by semi-distant people.
- jandrese 9y ago
  One thing you miss if you only interact with "true" friends is a diversity of opinion. People online often complain about that crazy uncle who posts birther nonsense, but it is important to keep in mind that those people exist and if you want to know them you have to understand where they are coming from. If you don't, they will blindside you when you meet them or people like them in real life. It's too easy these days to construct echo chambers to live in and discover only too late that you have drifted out into the fringes without ever realizing it. This is one of the most surprising things about the Internet IMHO. I had thought for a long time that all of the conversation online would bring people together in shared understanding. Now I realize that it has more effectively allowed people to segregate themselves into like minded groups. In the old days there was only one or two big news stations and maybe a couple of local papers where people got their news and opinions. Sometimes the newsmen would say things that conflicted with your worldview and maybe on a rare occasion make you reconsider. Now you can customize the message to only ever hear what you want. Social media can fight this a bit, if only because you don't get to choose your family and people notice if you selectively ignore them.
  - chii 9y ago
    i thought social media is the exact echo chambers you speak - where people post one liners, fake news, and no diversity of opinion. After all, if you don't like someone's feed because their views are so different or so contrary to your own, you'd just stop their posts from appearing!

by Bakary 9y ago

chii 9y ago

you are unlikely to make more than a handful of "true" friends. as long as those are kept, what remains of the tens or hundreds of "friends" in Facebook is no more than a passing aquaintance, and they do not add much, if any, your life by reading their feeds or comments (any more than comments on HN).

seanwilson 9y ago
It's not possible to predict who is going to change from being a passing acquaintance to a meaningful long-term friend.
Bakary 9y ago
I can confidently say based on what I observed that I in all likelihood missed out on forming a number of strong friendships due to not having facebook, as I was able to compare the before and after in very similar environments. I would say it becomes much less crucial after university, but during that period it affects a whole lot. Light acquaintances are actually a boon when travelling or trying new things. Facebook makes it quite straightforward to tap this resource, and surprisingly people are quite receptive to being called up by semi-distant people.
jandrese 9y ago
One thing you miss if you only interact with "true" friends is a diversity of opinion. People online often complain about that crazy uncle who posts birther nonsense, but it is important to keep in mind that those people exist and if you want to know them you have to understand where they are coming from. If you don't, they will blindside you when you meet them or people like them in real life. It's too easy these days to construct echo chambers to live in and discover only too late that you have drifted out into the fringes without ever realizing it. This is one of the most surprising things about the Internet IMHO. I had thought for a long time that all of the conversation online would bring people together in shared understanding. Now I realize that it has more effectively allowed people to segregate themselves into like minded groups. In the old days there was only one or two big news stations and maybe a couple of local papers where people got their news and opinions. Sometimes the newsmen would say things that conflicted with your worldview and maybe on a rare occasion make you reconsider. Now you can customize the message to only ever hear what you want. Social media can fight this a bit, if only because you don't get to choose your family and people notice if you selectively ignore them.
- chii 9y ago
  i thought social media is the exact echo chambers you speak - where people post one liners, fake news, and no diversity of opinion. After all, if you don't like someone's feed because their views are so different or so contrary to your own, you'd just stop their posts from appearing!