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As my psychotherapist put it yesterday: people that seek self-esteem in an unhealthy way are vampires. "You have to become your own bloodsource" she said. When
by octygen 9y ago
As my psychotherapist put it yesterday: people that seek self-esteem in an unhealthy way are vampires. "You have to become your own bloodsource" she said.
When you seek self-esteem in an unhealthy way, you do things to get approval/validation from others. You'll suck some blood from girls who like you, suck some blood from jobs you apply for that want you, tell friends about all the high-end interviews you have and the cool things you're doing. But after you've gotten what you need from the girls, the jobs, the friends, you realize you never really wanted any of them. And that you wasted your time in the process when you should seek what YOUR OWN PATH is. Self-compassion/kindness is when you become your own sustainable bloodsource of self-esteem and it is critical for your survival and success.
- Lambdanaut 9y agoI've seen that theme in music before > The Mountain Goats - Damn These Vampires > Bright Eyes - Devil Town
- TheHegemon 9y agoAlso see: > Atreyu - The Crimson
- hithereagain 9y agoThe song Devil Town was written by Daniel Johnston, whose work you might enjoy. Bright Eyes certainly did a solid version of it!
- justinator 9y agoDevil Town is indeed a fine piece of American Music par-excellence. But, I wouldn't read metaphor into it. I believe Johnston was talking about actual vampires living in Devil Town. Johnston suffers from some mental imbalances, and is also very religious. Devil Town would literally be where the Devil would be living. If there's a metaphor, he is talking about living in a world of sin, brought on be people who have been enchanted by the Devil. But anyways, amazing song, AMAZING artist - one of my favorites. And yes, love yourself.
- theoh 9y agoIn many ways this "theory"/theme corresponds to the behaviour observed in clinical narcissism. It's generally not healthy, though, IMO, to think with the vampire metaphor.
- hinkley 9y agoI don't know what's going on here, but I think you should start bringing garlic to your sessions, just in case.
- throwway390 9y agoGP's post reminds me that I fail to understand how people can come out and say they want their kids to be in tech like them. Just go through a few article titles: death, loneliness, diseases, therapy, antidepressants, OCD... Do you really want to put your kid in an environment like this, deny him the chance of enjoying life like a normal person?
- taway_1212 9y agoIs this stuff less prevalent in other fields? In tech, you never realistically need to worry about money or losing your job (as it is so easy to find another) - most people don't have this comfort. IMO tech is an excellent career. Just don't become a big spender so that you have to work till your sixties.
- nostrebored 9y agoIt is more prevalent. People in tech also work long hours, have "side projects" aka somewhat expected unpaid work, are unhealthy, seem to not exercise, play video games too much, watch too much tv... the list goes on
- pinneycolton 9y agoIs it more prevalent because we have hard data showing it is, or do we think it is more prevalent because we typically speak with more people in tech because we're in tech and have more experience with them? I am now a few years post-divorce and in a relationship with a wonderful future wife v2.0, and I will be the first to tell you that my perspective on others', careers, and behavior patterns has changed significantly because I'm exposed to a very different slice of American culture than I was with wife v1.0. You'll find similarities where you didn't expect to find them. The same is true of differences.
- agumonkey 9y agoOr maybe just rephrase the self esteem thing. The innate desire to fit some imaginary view, feeling not good enough until X happens, or Y likes you. <= What is the source of that emotion, that silent fear that make you run after ghosts. I'm still a bit like that, very often I did things for wrong reasons, validation. My brain was very efficient and very pleasuring when seeking mental complexity, appearing smart; but socially inept to interact emotionnaly with people in sane honest ways. A fun problem.
- contingencies 9y agoNo disrespect intended, but this is so American someone should use it as an academic linguistics example of culture-specific communication! (eg. psychotherapy, negative third party social group stereotyping, pop culture references, second person framing of self-help advice as casual banter, capitalia, shameless and fundamentally American reformation of compassion in an ego-linked context...)
- TJ-14 9y agoCan you explain what your comment means?
- contingencies 9y agoNo disrespect intended Please don't take this the wrong way. this is so American I felt that the commenter was expressing themselves in a way that was particularly unique to Americans. someone should use it as an academic linguistics example of culture-specific communication! I believe the example is of such a high quality that it would be useful in an academic context (ie. college/university courses) as an example of communications made within one culture that are unique to that culture versus other cultures speaking the very same language, ie. people born in Scotland or New Zealand would generally never communicate in this way. The examples list arguably American cultural traits present in the paragraph. (Edit to explain points: 'psychotherapy' = more prevalent in US culture, 'negative third party social group stereotyping' = ~all those people are <negative-something>, 'pop culture references' = vampires, 'second person framing of self-help advice as casual banter' = grammatical form where "you gotta X", or "you should Y", or "when you X you Y!", 'capitalia' = THIS BIT IS GRATING, 'reformation of compassion in an ego-linked context' = compassion for self, which is fundamentally juxtaposed to traditional not-self usage as linked to eastern meditative traditions (vipassana, etc.) and where increased egocentrism is widely considered a quintessentially American cultural trait).
- SkyMarshal 9y agoYou explained all the obvious parts. Now explain what everything in that list means.
- erwnerve 9y ago> Self-compassion/kindness is when you become your own sustainable bloodsource of self-esteem and it is critical for your survival and success. I think this is the opposite of what the article was saying. The article says that instead of looking for "self-esteem" from your successes (and avoiding failures), you should stop chasing self-esteem altogether, and instead choose self-compassion. > it is critical for your survival and success I think the article is trying to say "It's okay not to succeed, go easy on yourself."