4 ms·

This is really something that annoys me in the 21st century; that despite a formal invite (FB Event, email, even olde-worldy paper invite) people feel it's stil

by Jaruzel 10y ago

This is really something that annoys me in the 21st century; that despite a formal invite (FB Event, email, even olde-worldy paper invite) people feel it's still OK to either hedge their bets right up to the last minute, or simply not show up even if they had previously rsvp'd to the contrary. Most people these days simply have no manners.

monksy 10y ago
Cut them out of your life.
- Jtsummers 10y ago
  I just stopped inviting people to things when they failed to respond or failed to abide by their response without reasonable notice. They still get invited to certain events, but since I tend to be the person charged with organizing all social events for my group I was inviting people to things on a weekly basis. The non-responders and the yes-but-don't-show folks only get invited to monthly and other less frequent events (usually big ones, like someone's 40th birthday). At best, I count their responses as 1/2 responses. Every one that has the habit of not showing after saying yes has a 50/50 shot of getting a seat if they all manage to show up.
  - monksy 10y ago
    Why even bother to invite them at all?
    - Jtsummers 10y ago
      They're still friends, if not of mine, of other people who would like to see them there. Sometimes, for bigger events like at someone's home, their inability to RSVP properly is irrelevant (there will already be so many people, a handful of no-shows won't matter, and if they show there'll already be plenty of food or activities). I generally avoid inviting them to the smaller events where the no-shows become really annoying (I hate going to a restaurant, getting a table for 10, and having to give up 5 of the seats an hour later, it's completely unfair to the waitstaff and the business for the lost income potential).
    - khedoros1 10y ago
      Presumably, because you would've considered inviting them in the first place because you'd like to see them. In my case, it doesn't bother me the same way that it seems to bother you. "Cut them out of your life" seems like an overreaction.
switch007 10y ago
An alternative stance to take could be to not expect people to behave how you want them to and just be happy if people turn up. (You're free to do what you like of course !) Someone may be on Facebook just to keep a contact list, not to use it. Someone may not have turned up because their mother was in hospital. Maybe they were about to RSVP but then their kid fell over, then it was dinner time etc. Maybe some people just to prefer not to pre-plan everything in advance.
- joezydeco 10y ago
  Try planning a wedding, conference, bus trip, or dinner party where an exact head count helps, if it's not completely mandatory. You could be an ass and say "sorry, no RSVP, no entry", but most people will try to show a modicum of etiquette more than the guests and accommodate the fools somehow.
- speby 10y ago
  Or an alternative stance to that stance is to spell out whether an invitation RSVP is needed. If not knowing who the hell is coming or not in advance is immaterial to the event, then just make it an open invitation ("Hey we are hosting blah blah at blah on blah. Hope you can be there. Just show up!"). But if you're being asked for a reply by a certain date and you miss it, you should reasonably expect not to be allowed to the event. And, if you do show up anyways, you might get in and you might end up being accommodated by the hosts/organizers regardless. But that wouldn't make you any less of an ass.
- Jtsummers 10y ago
  > Someone may not have turned up because their mother was in hospital. Maybe they were about to RSVP but then their kid fell over, then it was dinner time etc. These are exceptional conditions, not norms. Many people have taken to simply not RSVPing or RSVPing in the positive and not showing up as their norm. It's not an exceptional thing. Someone with a particularly hectic life is consistently unreliable, fine. Someone who's usually reliable but is unreliable a few times, give them the benefit of the doubt. People who aren't leading hectic lives (or are actively hiding that fact, it's usually hard to do so) that are consistently unreliable, they're just rude.

by Jaruzel 10y ago

monksy 10y ago

Cut them out of your life.

Jtsummers 10y ago
I just stopped inviting people to things when they failed to respond or failed to abide by their response without reasonable notice. They still get invited to certain events, but since I tend to be the person charged with organizing all social events for my group I was inviting people to things on a weekly basis. The non-responders and the yes-but-don't-show folks only get invited to monthly and other less frequent events (usually big ones, like someone's 40th birthday). At best, I count their responses as 1/2 responses. Every one that has the habit of not showing after saying yes has a 50/50 shot of getting a seat if they all manage to show up.
- monksy 10y ago
  Why even bother to invite them at all?
  - Jtsummers 10y ago
    They're still friends, if not of mine, of other people who would like to see them there. Sometimes, for bigger events like at someone's home, their inability to RSVP properly is irrelevant (there will already be so many people, a handful of no-shows won't matter, and if they show there'll already be plenty of food or activities). I generally avoid inviting them to the smaller events where the no-shows become really annoying (I hate going to a restaurant, getting a table for 10, and having to give up 5 of the seats an hour later, it's completely unfair to the waitstaff and the business for the lost income potential).
  - khedoros1 10y ago
    Presumably, because you would've considered inviting them in the first place because you'd like to see them. In my case, it doesn't bother me the same way that it seems to bother you. "Cut them out of your life" seems like an overreaction.

switch007 10y ago

An alternative stance to take could be to not expect people to behave how you want them to and just be happy if people turn up. (You're free to do what you like of course !) Someone may be on Facebook just to keep a contact list, not to use it. Someone may not have turned up because their mother was in hospital. Maybe they were about to RSVP but then their kid fell over, then it was dinner time etc. Maybe some people just to prefer not to pre-plan everything in advance.

joezydeco 10y ago
Try planning a wedding, conference, bus trip, or dinner party where an exact head count helps, if it's not completely mandatory. You could be an ass and say "sorry, no RSVP, no entry", but most people will try to show a modicum of etiquette more than the guests and accommodate the fools somehow.
speby 10y ago
Or an alternative stance to that stance is to spell out whether an invitation RSVP is needed. If not knowing who the hell is coming or not in advance is immaterial to the event, then just make it an open invitation ("Hey we are hosting blah blah at blah on blah. Hope you can be there. Just show up!"). But if you're being asked for a reply by a certain date and you miss it, you should reasonably expect not to be allowed to the event. And, if you do show up anyways, you might get in and you might end up being accommodated by the hosts/organizers regardless. But that wouldn't make you any less of an ass.
Jtsummers 10y ago
> Someone may not have turned up because their mother was in hospital. Maybe they were about to RSVP but then their kid fell over, then it was dinner time etc. These are exceptional conditions, not norms. Many people have taken to simply not RSVPing or RSVPing in the positive and not showing up as their norm. It's not an exceptional thing. Someone with a particularly hectic life is consistently unreliable, fine. Someone who's usually reliable but is unreliable a few times, give them the benefit of the doubt. People who aren't leading hectic lives (or are actively hiding that fact, it's usually hard to do so) that are consistently unreliable, they're just rude.