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Please know that if you are feeling hopeless, like you are a failure, and that there is no recovering, there are people who will help you. You are not your job

Please know that if you are feeling hopeless, like you are a failure, and that there is no recovering, there are people who will help you. You are not your job or your accomplishments, you are worth it and there are people who love you and will help you. In the Bay Area, call (415) 781-0500 to talk with someone who can help. http://www.sfsuicide.org/ http://www.sfsuicide.org/

stephengillie 9y ago
If you want to end things, walk away from your life and career. Stand up from your desk, put one foot in front of the other, and proceed in this way until you tire.
- code_duck 9y ago
  It seems people are confused by this comment. My interpretation is that you mean what I've heard phrased as 'kill the person you are'. Meaning, if it's your life situations and identity that are causing you such distress, why not just walk away? This could mean switching careers, getting divorced, cutting ties with friends, moving far away, or a combination thereof. After all, suicide would end all of those things too, in a worse way. So if you were willing to do that most final and extreme action, why not just say screw it and start driving? After all you'd have nothing to lose compared to suicide. In some cases just the realization that one can make changes is significant.
  - stephengillie 9y ago
    The downvotes speak for themselves. This advice is too unclear to be helpful, and too general to be useful. Instead of giving general advice and feeling better, we should try to dig deeper, and resolve the actual problem. As far as the other person wants help, at least.
  - deleted 9y ago
    [deleted]
  - cowpewter 9y ago
    Suicide means an end to all pain and consequences for your actions though (or at least consequences you will have to deal with yourself, as you will no longer exist), and dropping everything and just walking away means you will still have to deal with the consequences of walking away, and the pain of picking up the pieces afterward.
- pyromine 9y ago
  Uhhh, that was solid advice until the last sentence.
  - stephengillie 9y ago
    You're right, we should seek to avoid the death of self at any cost.
    - pyromine 9y ago
      So thinking about your advice a bit more, it's actually pretty good. I've been in a pretty weird situation where I'm realizing [traditionally well paying and considered successful career] is not the route I currently want to go in my life and want to spend a few years chasing a dream of competing in the top levels of a sport I love. I'm kind of suicide those original career goals at the moment, but want to make sure I gave life somewhat of the biggest attempt I could.
    - pyromine 9y ago
      So thinking about your advice a bit more, it's actually pretty good. I've been in a pretty weird situation where I'm realizing [traditionally well paying and considered successful career] is not the route I currently want to go in my life and want to spend a few years chasing a dream of competing in the top levels of a sport I love. I'm kind of suicide those original career goals at the moment, but want to make sure I gave life somewhat of the biggest attempt I could.
- davesque 9y ago
  Not sure what you're getting at there.
  - stephengillie 9y ago
    That people can abandon their life instead of committing suicide. But it does not matter, the message was downvoted for lack of clarity, and is too general to be useful.
    - DanBC 9y ago
      I downvoted the message because it's wrong, not because it's unclear. Your comment shows a lack of understanding of suicidal thinking across a population.
      - deleted 9y ago
        [deleted]
    - throwanem 9y ago
      And those are valid criticisms in this case. There's value in what you said at the top of this reply tree. It deserves to be expressed with more care and clarity next time than were invested this time.
    - davesque 9y ago
      I think it was probably the choice of words in the last sentence (before edit) in particular that bothered people.
- defined 9y ago
  The are always simple answers to complex issues, and they are usually wrong. This answer desperately needs more insight.
- cryptarch 9y ago
  I've heard this advice many times, mostly in shitty memes and as part of /feels/ threads. I think the problem with it that if you are at that point, you're already feeling utterly hopeless. Suggesting that someone who's suicidal: * willingly loses everything in their life * starts from nothing * fights their way through the chaos that is building a new life for yourself * in a strange and unknown place * with no support at all is naive and unhelpful. To me it also feels pretty dismissive, up there with "you should smile more".
jupiter90000 9y ago
If someone is in the state of mind of wanting to take their own life, will they desire to call to talk to a stranger on a hotline? "In spite of their popularity and attractiveness, so far there is no conclusive evidence on the effectiveness of suicide prevention hot lines and crise centres" (2004) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1414695/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1414695/
- zkms 9y ago
  It goes beyond just hotlines (which IME are useless at best and actively harmful at worst (having law-enforcement called on you is no fun)) -- the suicide rate for the past 80ish years in US has remained remarkably flat, despite many advances in psychiatry: https://twitter.com/sarahdoingthing/status/682382195839877120 https://twitter.com/sarahdoingthing/status/68238219583987712...
  - toomuchtodo 9y ago
    "Suicides In Rural America Increased More Than 40% In 16 Years" http://acsh.org/news/2017/03/16/suicides-rural-america-increased-more-40-16-years-11010 http://acsh.org/news/2017/03/16/suicides-rural-america-incre...
- toomuchtodo 9y ago
  Maybe, maybe not. Regardless, we should still strive to give that person alternatives. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle". -- Plato Edit: @aaron695: that is what I was trying to communicate
  - droopyEyelids 9y ago
    I think the point is we should be careful about "doing something" and then indulging in the satisfaction of "something has been done", especially if there is no evidence that the 'something' we pick is beneficial to anyone.
    - 9y ago
madeofpalk 9y ago
> You are not your job This. 100% this. While I've been fortunate enough to not be in a position of job stress like this, the moment I realised that who I am is not defined by my job was the moment life (both inside AND outside of work) became so much easier. Edit, to elaborate: take that higher-paying job but less 'prestigious' company because who the fuck cares. Clock out of work on time and refuse consistent unpaid over overtime. Work not doing what you want it to, leave and find something better. Quit defining yourself by your employer and instead work on you.
- davidjnelson 9y ago
  This sounds like the definition of someone with high self worth, who values themselves.
Neliquat 9y ago
Or better yet, talk to someone you know.
Markoff 9y ago
real depression is disease, nobody on any hotline is going talk you out if it
- drewbug01 9y ago
  That's a gross mischaracterization of what hotlines are for, and what they do. Their purpose is to talk you down, and direct you to the resources that can further help you (like seeing a medical practitioner).

stephengillie 9y ago

If you want to end things, walk away from your life and career. Stand up from your desk, put one foot in front of the other, and proceed in this way until you tire.

code_duck 9y ago
It seems people are confused by this comment. My interpretation is that you mean what I've heard phrased as 'kill the person you are'. Meaning, if it's your life situations and identity that are causing you such distress, why not just walk away? This could mean switching careers, getting divorced, cutting ties with friends, moving far away, or a combination thereof. After all, suicide would end all of those things too, in a worse way. So if you were willing to do that most final and extreme action, why not just say screw it and start driving? After all you'd have nothing to lose compared to suicide. In some cases just the realization that one can make changes is significant.
- stephengillie 9y ago
  The downvotes speak for themselves. This advice is too unclear to be helpful, and too general to be useful. Instead of giving general advice and feeling better, we should try to dig deeper, and resolve the actual problem. As far as the other person wants help, at least.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
- cowpewter 9y ago
  Suicide means an end to all pain and consequences for your actions though (or at least consequences you will have to deal with yourself, as you will no longer exist), and dropping everything and just walking away means you will still have to deal with the consequences of walking away, and the pain of picking up the pieces afterward.
pyromine 9y ago
Uhhh, that was solid advice until the last sentence.
- stephengillie 9y ago
  You're right, we should seek to avoid the death of self at any cost.
  - pyromine 9y ago
    So thinking about your advice a bit more, it's actually pretty good. I've been in a pretty weird situation where I'm realizing [traditionally well paying and considered successful career] is not the route I currently want to go in my life and want to spend a few years chasing a dream of competing in the top levels of a sport I love. I'm kind of suicide those original career goals at the moment, but want to make sure I gave life somewhat of the biggest attempt I could.
  - pyromine 9y ago
    So thinking about your advice a bit more, it's actually pretty good. I've been in a pretty weird situation where I'm realizing [traditionally well paying and considered successful career] is not the route I currently want to go in my life and want to spend a few years chasing a dream of competing in the top levels of a sport I love. I'm kind of suicide those original career goals at the moment, but want to make sure I gave life somewhat of the biggest attempt I could.
davesque 9y ago
Not sure what you're getting at there.
- stephengillie 9y ago
  That people can abandon their life instead of committing suicide. But it does not matter, the message was downvoted for lack of clarity, and is too general to be useful.
  - DanBC 9y ago
    I downvoted the message because it's wrong, not because it's unclear. Your comment shows a lack of understanding of suicidal thinking across a population.
    - deleted 9y ago
      [deleted]
  - throwanem 9y ago
    And those are valid criticisms in this case. There's value in what you said at the top of this reply tree. It deserves to be expressed with more care and clarity next time than were invested this time.
  - davesque 9y ago
    I think it was probably the choice of words in the last sentence (before edit) in particular that bothered people.
defined 9y ago
The are always simple answers to complex issues, and they are usually wrong. This answer desperately needs more insight.
cryptarch 9y ago
I've heard this advice many times, mostly in shitty memes and as part of /feels/ threads. I think the problem with it that if you are at that point, you're already feeling utterly hopeless. Suggesting that someone who's suicidal: * willingly loses everything in their life * starts from nothing * fights their way through the chaos that is building a new life for yourself * in a strange and unknown place * with no support at all is naive and unhelpful. To me it also feels pretty dismissive, up there with "you should smile more".

jupiter90000 9y ago

If someone is in the state of mind of wanting to take their own life, will they desire to call to talk to a stranger on a hotline? "In spite of their popularity and attractiveness, so far there is no conclusive evidence on the effectiveness of suicide prevention hot lines and crise centres" (2004) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1414695/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1414695/

zkms 9y ago
It goes beyond just hotlines (which IME are useless at best and actively harmful at worst (having law-enforcement called on you is no fun)) -- the suicide rate for the past 80ish years in US has remained remarkably flat, despite many advances in psychiatry: https://twitter.com/sarahdoingthing/status/682382195839877120 https://twitter.com/sarahdoingthing/status/68238219583987712...
- toomuchtodo 9y ago
  "Suicides In Rural America Increased More Than 40% In 16 Years" http://acsh.org/news/2017/03/16/suicides-rural-america-increased-more-40-16-years-11010 http://acsh.org/news/2017/03/16/suicides-rural-america-incre...
toomuchtodo 9y ago
Maybe, maybe not. Regardless, we should still strive to give that person alternatives. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle". -- Plato Edit: @aaron695: that is what I was trying to communicate
- droopyEyelids 9y ago
  I think the point is we should be careful about "doing something" and then indulging in the satisfaction of "something has been done", especially if there is no evidence that the 'something' we pick is beneficial to anyone.
  - 9y ago

madeofpalk 9y ago

> You are not your job This. 100% this. While I've been fortunate enough to not be in a position of job stress like this, the moment I realised that who I am is not defined by my job was the moment life (both inside AND outside of work) became so much easier. Edit, to elaborate: take that higher-paying job but less 'prestigious' company because who the fuck cares. Clock out of work on time and refuse consistent unpaid over overtime. Work not doing what you want it to, leave and find something better. Quit defining yourself by your employer and instead work on you.

davidjnelson 9y ago
This sounds like the definition of someone with high self worth, who values themselves.

Neliquat 9y ago

Or better yet, talk to someone you know.

Markoff 9y ago

real depression is disease, nobody on any hotline is going talk you out if it

drewbug01 9y ago
That's a gross mischaracterization of what hotlines are for, and what they do. Their purpose is to talk you down, and direct you to the resources that can further help you (like seeing a medical practitioner).